Louanne Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 I just wanted to update my story. I am currently 7 days nc. Im so tired. Emotionally wreckedand feel like i see no way out. My mm contacted me twice asking to see me and both times i ignored him. I feel dreadful in doing so but know i have to do it. Small steps i suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Hi Louanne, Small steps indeed. There needs to be an entire NC Support forum. NC is not easy. It's truly like withdrawal. It's no fun and I remember how painful it was going through it; however, it doesn't last forever. It's like working out. If you're out of shape, when you just start working out, you feel like you can only go for 5 minutes and you feel like you're dyyyyyyiiiiiiing! You want to give up and just don't see how you'll ever achieve your goals. But little by little, if you stick with it, you get up to 10, 20, 30 minutes...you start becoming stronger, it becomes easier, your body starts changing, you start to feel good, and you get healthier and stronger and then eventually you look back on day one when you couldn't do the elliptical for more than 5 minutes, and it seems like the distant past. I think of NC just like that. It starts off hard and seems impossible...it's painful, it makes you sore, it makes you want to stop...but when you stick with it, it's healthier for you, you get stronger, you become proud of yourself and it is worth it in the end. *hugs* 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Awwww I agree it is hard, especially when the f**kers are trying to mess up your groove by contacting you ...its hard when they are still tugging at your heartstrings But keep at it...7 days is an achievement & you should congratulate yourself for the little milestones you make every day, trust me! Link to post Share on other sites
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 You're doing beautifully. Don't give in; if you do, you'll only feel worse about yourself, hon. Try to keep busy with other things: work, hobbies, socializing with friends and family, etc. You will get through this, I promise you. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 I just wanted to update my story. I am currently 7 days nc. Im so tired. Emotionally wreckedand feel like i see no way out. My mm contacted me twice asking to see me and both times i ignored him. I feel dreadful in doing so but know i have to do it. Small steps i suppose. Check out the site mindful construct. It'll help you grieve and understand what you need to do to let go. Also, go to the coping section of this site and read this thread, it'll help you stay in NC mode. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/337989-no-contact-nc-guide-long-walk-consolidated-discussion Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 It certainly is very difficult. I'm one month and one week and I'm ready to stop caring about him. My birthday is next week and I'm pissed at myself because part of me hopes he emails or sends a card, but the rational side of me knows that would be a waste. Link to post Share on other sites
MMY Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 I just wanted to update my story. I am currently 7 days nc. Im so tired. Emotionally wreckedand feel like i see no way out. My mm contacted me twice asking to see me and both times i ignored him. I feel dreadful in doing so but know i have to do it. Small steps i suppose. My AP after 18 months just up and NC now for 2 months. She is going through a D and has 2 kids. My only thing is I would have understood better if we would have talked about it instead of one day NC. It gets better but maybe if you wrote him a letter or txt and told him maybe he would understand and quit calling you. Best of Luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 My AP after 18 months just up and NC now for 2 months. She is going through a D and has 2 kids. My only thing is I would have understood better if we would have talked about it instead of one day NC. It gets better but maybe if you wrote him a letter or txt and told him maybe he would understand and quit calling you. Best of Luck!! Stay strong I'm sure it is very difficult, you have alot of support here if you need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louanne Posted June 24, 2013 Author Share Posted June 24, 2013 I miss him Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 I miss him Hi Louanne, I was missing my xMM this time last year, so I understand how you are feeling. Consider why it's best that you are getting out of this A. Let this consideration be your strength to contnue on with NC. I know you've heard that it will get easier with time, and in my experience this has been true. Just try to find ways to occupy your thoughts with positive things. Hugs and best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Clemenza Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 xMW and I have had trouble going NC, even though I haven't even been in the office in over 2 weeks. She text messaged me last week on Tuesday and Wednesday, but we didn't have extended conversations. On Wednesday, she asked me when I'll be back in the office. I told her I'd be back today. I decided not to go in today. I sent her a text telling her I wasn't going in and that I hope she's doing well. This sucks. I miss her an awful lot. I have actually been improving over the past few weeks, though, so I'm grasping on to that. IC is helping me, and I have another appointment tomorrow. I've been realizing that I'm not ready for NC, and I that has made me feel weak and like a bit of a failure even though I've been making the aforementioned positive strides. Basically, I'm right there with you Louanne. I wasn't prepared for the shock to the system that is having to go from being so close to someone, to having to pretend like that person barely exists. I've never been through anything like this. I hope you understand that this is probably very normal, and NC probably takes a few tries and agony to really stick. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
not-so-sure Posted June 27, 2013 Share Posted June 27, 2013 (edited) EDIT: Never saw the video before so focus on the words! Edited June 27, 2013 by not-so-sure Link to post Share on other sites
sybo24 Posted June 27, 2013 Share Posted June 27, 2013 I know exactly how you are feeling. It does get better, take each day at a time and try and find something else to focus on. I chose to sort things out in my home and next going to focus on getting fitter. Each night I feel better that I have got through another day without him. Not easy but it is possible. I miss my best friend every day but now spend more time with friends who are always there for me not when they can fit me in to a fleeting moment. I also realised yesterday that in 7 wks he hasn't made one attempt to contact me. I hope he is working on his family and marriage, I am now trying to look forward to finding someone who loves me for who I am and I can have a proper relationship with. Good luck, baby steps and it will get better Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louanne Posted June 27, 2013 Author Share Posted June 27, 2013 MM has sent me a letter telling me to keep strong and tp believe that he loves me and wants to be with me and that even though I don't believe in us anymore and want to give up he will stay believing for both of us because he knows we should be together. This is so hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Clemenza Posted June 27, 2013 Share Posted June 27, 2013 MM has sent me a letter telling me to keep strong and tp believe that he loves me and wants to be with me and that even though I don't believe in us anymore and want to give up he will stay believing for both of us because he knows we should be together. This is so hard. Do you want to be with him at some point? What is he doing to leave the marriage and be with you? If MW said this stuff to me, without action, I would be mad. He probably thinks he's doing you a favor by letting you know this stuff, but it really just seems mean. "Please put your life on hold while I get my s**t together" isn't the message you send to someone you love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louanne Posted June 27, 2013 Author Share Posted June 27, 2013 Thanks for the support guys. My life is in turmoil and yes I know it is my doing. I take responsibility I'm not in denial of how this has happened. I made a choice and it has screwed up my life. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted June 27, 2013 Share Posted June 27, 2013 Yep - NC - one of the hardest things you will ever do. It sounds like YOU made the decision and that is to be applauded. That is one my regrets that I wasn't the one that made the decision to go NC. I was so weak and so hurt. He was the one that in the end made it stick and that was a hard pill to swallow. Hang in there, girl - it WILL get better but you will have some bad days along with good. Try to focus on doing things for yourself - work out, get some sleep, see a doctor if you need AD's for awhile to help you get through, make sure you eat well and be careful of the alcohol - that was one piece of advice my sister gave me and it was good advice. It was easy to self medicate in order to feel no pain and honestly, you have to feel the pain to get through it. You must walk through it - there is no other way. You have many here that have been in your shoes - we are pulling for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
leavethepieces Posted June 27, 2013 Share Posted June 27, 2013 Yes, I am only on day 2 of NC. And I see him every day at work and have to hear his voice from across the building. It is killing me! I so desperately want to say something but know it is pointless and may make things worse. The last thing I sent to him was telling him that I wanted him to quit like he had originally promised to do and he never responded. So....yeah, I'm right there with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted June 27, 2013 Share Posted June 27, 2013 Just hang in there... Are you tempted to reply to the letter? Are you at the point where that wouldn't set you back to Day One? I believe that its best to just focus on yourself. Not anyone else but you. Have an affair with yourself, give yourself attention and love so that you are strong and can face anything that comes your way. You don't have to 'know' anything, whatever is meant to be will be. I wouldn't get nasty with MM or feel hatred. He is entitled to his feelings and you are entitled to yours. His letter was not written from a bad place, though maybe from a confused place. People are too quick to attack IMHO its very immature. You have to do what is best for YOU. Not MM, not H. I'm sorry this is so hard. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clemenza Posted June 27, 2013 Share Posted June 27, 2013 Just hang in there... Are you tempted to reply to the letter? Are you at the point where that wouldn't set you back to Day One? I believe that its best to just focus on yourself. Not anyone else but you. Have an affair with yourself, give yourself attention and love so that you are strong and can face anything that comes your way. You don't have to 'know' anything, whatever is meant to be will be. I wouldn't get nasty with MM or feel hatred. He is entitled to his feelings and you are entitled to yours. His letter was not written from a bad place, though maybe from a confused place. People are too quick to attack IMHO its very immature. You have to do what is best for YOU. Not MM, not H. I'm sorry this is so hard. The point in bold is a good one, and I was probably too quick to evoke anger in my response. I think his intent was probably good, but misguided. It doesn't seem like he had malicious intent, though it's still a little unfair without action to back it up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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