Feeling better now that I am not concerning myself with getting dates or a GF

[Necris]

Some time ago when I used to be more active on these forums I've always complained and sought out help for my complete inability to get a girlfriend.

 

I've only experienced nothing but pure rejection, a complete virgin, never had a relationship, etc. and I let that bother me.

 

Now while my situation hasn't changed at all, I feel so much better now that I've stopped worrying about it. I'm not going to kid myself and say I'll meet that special beautiful girl one day, but I do realize now it doesn't really matter. Don't get me wrong I still possess the desire for that to happen, but in reality I realize it isn't all that important.

 

Being a single virgin is alright for me, though I do feel sort of foolish for creating all those threads asking how to attract women, and all the complaining:D.

 

All that time wasted trying hard to just get a date and talking to women but getting rejected all the time for something that isn't even really important.

 

For the other struggling men and women here I urge you to really think about your situation and perhaps you may also come to the conclusion it really isn't all that important and not all that bad.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Now while my situation hasn't changed at all, I feel so much better now that I've stopped worrying about it. I'm not going to kid myself and say I'll meet that special beautiful girl one day, but I do realize now it doesn't really matter. Don't get me wrong I still possess the desire for that to happen, but in reality I realize it isn't all that important.

 

Being a single virgin is alright for me, though I do feel sort of foolish for creating all those threads asking how to attract women, and all the complaining:D.

 

All that time wasted trying hard to just get a date and talking to women but getting rejected all the time for something that isn't even really important.

 

For the other struggling men and women here I urge you to really think about your situation and perhaps you may also come to the conclusion it really isn't all that important and not all that bad.

 

Comes in waves for me.

 

You're still in college, right?

 

All throughout my young and mid 20s I didn't care about women that much. I mean, I still approached and hit on them and asked them out, and faced massive rejection, but it didn't eat me up that much.

 

What might happen is that you'll get to know a woman you come across in daily life (work, school, etc), fall for her, and then she'll reject you, and you'll be back off the wagon again, bitter and disappointed, focused again on love and 'making it happen'.

 

So long as you avoid that, then ostensibly, you could be alone and happy for the rest of your life. Others have certainly done it.

[Ripnet]

Stop with OLD, you will feel better. If you want to meet women do it in IRL. There's many ways to meet women. Rejection can be good though. It's not a bad thing if you give up then it's failure. Don't focus on getting dates but having a good time. When you get the confidence women will be attracted to you.

 

Hey I rather be a virgin, I"m being serious. The women I had sex with wasn't that great.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I'd rather be a virgin than a married guy these days.

 

But if it's something that you really want, you CAN make it happen. Just think outside the box.

 

There's more than one way to skin a cat.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Hey I rather be a virgin, I"m being serious. The women I had sex with wasn't that great.

 

No. No, you wouldn't. Being an older virgin carries with it a stigma and social outcast status that is huge.

 

Now that I think back on it, I wasn't so much angry back then as I was ashamed to be so unsuccessful with women and still be so old (virgin/no GF). Especially when you're in your 20s, every conversation from other guys is about women and getting laid.

[Revolver]

No. No, you wouldn't. Being an older virgin carries with it a stigma and social outcast status that is huge.

 

Now that I think back on it, I wasn't so much angry back then as I was ashamed to be so unsuccessful with women and still be so old (virgin/no GF). Especially when you're in your 20s, every conversation from other guys is about women and getting laid.

 

This is true. Think of the poker scene in the 40 year old Virgin.

 

 

No inexperienced guy would ever want to be in this position but its unavoidable because of how much guys talk about Sex

[JuneJulySeptember]

This is true. Think of the poker scene in the 40 year old Virgin.

 

 

No inexperienced guy would ever want to be in this position but its unavoidable because of how much guys talk about Sex

 

Right. Usually when a woman is an older virgin, it's because she doesn't feel comfortable taking it past that point with whatever guy, so it's more socially acceptable.

 

For a man it simply means you can't get a woman attracted to you. If you hit around 25 or so with that monkey on your back, huge stigma and social marginalization. I'd say most guys after 22 or so just lie about it.

 

As for OP, that is what issue he faces if he decides to be alone and not aggressively pursue women. They sure won't come to him if they haven't by this point. I do think I remember him saying he won't have pre-marital sex though, so he could always use that to be more socially accepted.

[Ripnet]

I was a virgin by choice. Not because I couldn't get laid. Besides I didn't enjoy the sex and didn't get the chance to actually practice. When a woman only lasts anywhere from 1 to 3 minutes you don't get to practice let alone enjoy the moment yourself.

[Necris]

Stop with OLD, you will feel better. If you want to meet women do it in IRL. There's many ways to meet women. Rejection can be good though. It's not a bad thing if you give up then it's failure. Don't focus on getting dates but having a good time. When you get the confidence women will be attracted to you.

 

Hey I rather be a virgin, I"m being serious. The women I had sex with wasn't that great.

 

Oh I've tried meeting women in RL it just doesn't work I'm always rejected and I just waste time and money. How confident I am has always been irrelevant when I'm confident I'm rejected when I lack any confidence I'm rejected.

 

Anyway you misunderstand I'm not complaining here, I am actually genuinely content with my situation staying single and staying a virgin is something I'm actually okay with as I realize chasing women is just silly and unimportant.

 

I just hope maybe some of the struggling people here will realize this as well and stop setting themselves up for failure, wasting time, money and energy on something that really when you sit down and think about isn't all that important and you probably really aren't missing out on much honestly.

[Necris]

This is true. Think of the poker scene in the 40 year old Virgin.

 

 

No inexperienced guy would ever want to be in this position but its unavoidable because of how much guys talk about Sex

 

I've been in situations with friends and such where I'm asked if I'm a virgin, I'm not going to lie and make up outlandish stories its best just be real and truthful about it, I just flat out state I've never had a girlfriend and I'm a virgin, people may think that's odd or in rare cases think that means i maybe secretly gay or something but oh well.

[Ripnet]

Oh I've tried meeting women in RL it just doesn't work I'm always rejected and I just waste time and money. How confident I am has always been irrelevant when I'm confident I'm rejected when I lack any confidence I'm rejected.

 

Anyway you misunderstand I'm not complaining here, I am actually genuinely content with my situation staying single and staying a virgin is something I'm actually okay with as I realize chasing women is just silly and unimportant.

 

I just hope maybe some of the struggling people here will realize this as well and stop setting themselves up for failure, wasting time, money and energy on something that really when you sit down and think about isn't all that important and you probably really aren't missing out on much honestly.

 

I know what's you're saying. Like you I am not actively looking to date or even to want to date. However I still attract women. You think it's a waste money or time. But that's not the case. Even with confidence you need to know how to do it. I didn't take it so seriously. I learned to relax, feel at ease and relax. I remember this one blonde woman. I used to tease her all the time when she was going to take me out. I even laughed about it and she tried not to laugh or smile but she couldn't stop smiling and tell me I wish. She really thought I was serious but I wasn't.

 

It took me several years it didn't happen within a few months or a year.

[fortyninethousand322]

I'm disinterested in dating and relationships right now too. But, I've felt this way before and the feeling is always fleeting. After a few weeks it goes away...

[JuneJulySeptember]

Oh I've tried meeting women in RL it just doesn't work I'm always rejected and I just waste time and money. How confident I am has always been irrelevant when I'm confident I'm rejected when I lack any confidence I'm rejected.

 

Anyway you misunderstand I'm not complaining here, I am actually genuinely content with my situation staying single and staying a virgin is something I'm actually okay with as I realize chasing women is just silly and unimportant.

 

I just hope maybe some of the struggling people here will realize this as well and stop setting themselves up for failure, wasting time, money and energy on something that really when you sit down and think about isn't all that important and you probably really aren't missing out on much honestly.

 

I'm disinterested in dating and relationships right now too. But, I've felt this way before and the feeling is always fleeting. After a few weeks it goes away...

 

Aren't both you fellas in your early to mid 20s?

 

I really recommend that you DO NOT give up now and waste your 20s. It gets a lot harder in your 30s.

 

It really does.

[Ripnet]

Aren't both you fellas in your early to mid 20s?

 

I really recommend that you DO NOT give up now and waste your 20s. It gets a lot harder in your 30s.

 

It really does.

 

It got easier in my 30's at least for me. A lot easier.

[JuneJulySeptember]

It got easier in my 30's at least for me. A lot easier.

 

I've had more 'success' in my 30s, but that has to do with a lot of different factors. There's less single women now and I get less opportunities to socialize.

 

Why do you feel it was easier in your 30s?

[Ripnet]

It just was. I got women trying to date me. I had many options. I didn't have to try to get their attention. Funny thing was before I did want to date because it was harder but once I got too much attention I just didn't want it.

 

Most guys need to go up to a woman to talk I didn't have to. The reason I didn't date was because some of the women I found weren't single or had boyfriends so I started having doubt who was single and who really wasn't.

[ThaWholigan]

As long as you really are happy with your decision dude.

 

I'm taking a self-imposed sabbatical till I get my life in order. In a sense I'm like you, I'm not concerning myself with it. Things have quietened down for me since I last "dated". Learned a lot since then so I'm quite content.

[Necris]

As long as you really are happy with your decision dude.

 

I'm taking a self-imposed sabbatical till I get my life in order. In a sense I'm like you, I'm not concerning myself with it. Things have quietened down for me since I last "dated". Learned a lot since then so I'm quite content.

 

Yeah I just realized there are more important things in life than women/dating and I do feel better knowing it doesn't really matter if I'm alone or not.

[Necris]

Aren't both you fellas in your early to mid 20s?

 

I really recommend that you DO NOT give up now and waste your 20s. It gets a lot harder in your 30s.

 

It really does.

 

But how would I be wasting my life? I feel that I was wasting it when I kept trying to chase women. By not wasting my time I could focus efforts elsewhere.

[Ripnet]

But how would I be wasting my life? I feel that I was wasting it when I kept trying to chase women. By not wasting my time I could focus efforts elsewhere.

 

It's according to society's expectations of people. If you not in a relationship as an adult you're a failure or a loser. That what one of my uncles told me. Dating has changed even from the last 10 years and from what I have seen it will change in the future also.

Sometimes it good to walk away from it and see it with a calm mind from the outside.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I personally don't think I could ever come to this conclusion or decide not to date no matter his overwhelmed or depressed or stressed I was but kudos to you for it because I wish I could lol it is just way to hurtful and stressful to be single for me.

[Ripnet]

I personally don't think I could ever come to this conclusion or decide not to date no matter his overwhelmed or depressed or stressed .

 

I wasn't depressed, stressed or overwhelmed when I was dating or even looking to date. I just feel I don't want to any longer and the expectations are too high for me to even bother for most women.

[JuneJulySeptember]

But how would I be wasting my life? I feel that I was wasting it when I kept trying to chase women. By not wasting my time I could focus efforts elsewhere.

 

Are you talking about dropping out of the social game? Because if you stay in the social game, going after women is a major part of that game.

 

The only guy, correct that person, that I've ever known who has never expressed interest in mating has nearly no social life as well. He seems content somehow. I'm not entirely sure what he does with his life outside of work.

 

Let's face it. Society is a competition man. Some people are just on the losing end. That's pretty much the skinny of it. Can you drop out of the competition? You can. But it's hard when everybody else is in the game.

[Necris]

Are you talking about dropping out of the social game? Because if you stay in the social game, going after women is a major part of that game.

 

The only guy, correct that person, that I've ever known who has never expressed interest in mating has nearly no social life as well. He seems content somehow. I'm not entirely sure what he does with his life outside of work.

 

Let's face it. Society is a competition man. Some people are just on the losing end. That's pretty much the skinny of it. Can you drop out of the competition? You can. But it's hard when everybody else is in the game.

 

I don't get how not getting a girlfriend/wife and never having sex would mean I'm dropping out of "the social game". You can still be a sociable person despite never have had sex before or a relationship.

[Mrlonelyone]

I know just what the OP means. At times in life when I am totally unconcerned with dating and just going about my business I feel so tranquil and at peace with things. It's not a state one can will them self into it just happens after a while.

 

What's the worst for me is when I have this feeling like I would like to have a relationship but I can't even name someone I would want one with. It's even more distressing than rejection by far. It is like wanting water and being in the middle of a desert.

 

Often I have wished that there was a part of my brain that could be removed which would make me not want to be loved so that the times when I feel unloved, and unloveable would hurt less, or not at all.