Help me... having a hard time getting over ex

[LoveinNEB]

Not sure how to say this so i'll just tell you guys the situation.

 

Was in a relationship with this girl for almost 4 years. We broke up the first time last summer, that lasted 7 months...then she came back in my life only to leave again 4 months later. She says she is no longer in love with me and it tears me up inside. We ended in early July this past summer and for a month i tried and tried to get her back. (i did the same thing last year) I was pretty much relentless in my pursuit last time... so in order not to see things i didn't want to see, i ended my pursuit in early august this summer. I notice i do well when i stay away but i recently had a setback.

 

Please understand she is my first love. Added to the fact, i know i'm the one who screwed up in the relationship. Unfortunately, trust was lost in the relationship and i became a jealous fool. I know that is how i lost her love. I blame myself and think about her every god damn day. It finally got to me yesterday so i went to see her and pretty much nothing had changed. I told her that i wanted to be friends so badly (just to have her in my life) and she always says that she wants to as well, but she never makes the effort. She said the same thing yesterday and it had been two months since we had spoke. 2 whole months and not a damn thing had changed in her. I hate love now. I hate the fact that I cannot get over this person who obviously has animosity towards me and doesn't want a thing from me. I know all this.

 

I also know you can only say sorry so many times. And that you never know what you have until it's gone. As i sit her alone in my apartment and continue to hope that perhaps she'll once again love me i always know in the back of my mind that it will never be.... is this what love is about? At one point we were soulmates and now we live 5 mins away from each other and complete strangers. She makes me hate myself for things that i did in the relationship and i just know that i'll never find a girl as perfect as she was. So that pretty much dooms me in all future relationships....

 

I'm sorry to lay this all out on you, it just hurts so damn bad EVERY DAY and i don't know who else to talk to. Why does love have to turn so sour? Why didn't work if i feel she is so great? And why oh why can't i get over this person~!!!

 

I guess i just need some words from people who have been there... tell me there is hope... or something. Because i honestly don't feel like there is any. Sometimes i don't even want to live because i feel i have lost the one person i am meant to be with.

 

It hurts so damn much to love someone so much and to know in the back of your mind they don't give a damn about you.

 

-Ryan

[Weird]

it gets better and things will be OK.

 

first, she most likely does give a dman about you. She probably is just afraid to be close to you (friendship or whatever way) because she's been hurt more than once when it comes to things with you. It is understandable.

 

The only advice I can give you is to just leave her alone and maybe in due time she will get rid of the animosity and anger she may have towards you/the situation and will want to have you back in her life as a friend or whatever else.

 

As for thinking she is "the one"...she may in fact be but you can't do anything to force her to see that. All you can do is accept what has happened, continue to live your life how you used to live it before she came along and then if things are meant to happen, they will happen. Try to spend time doing stuff you enjoy doing and hang out with your friends/family. You will never get past the stage you are in if you are constantly thinking/dwelling on her and what happened. Note that doesn't mean you have to try and erase her from your memory...it just means you need to focus on other apsects of your life.

 

Time heals

[Nick14]

Yep, wierd knows, sounds like my situation. Instead after the breakup, I tried for a month to convince her that she's nuts. So then, today I get a message from her best friend who I am friends with also, and she tells me to leave her alone and stop harrassing her and blah blah blah. I think to myself "wow, I am not that kind of person, I was just being a nice, friendly person who still cares". So bascially, I wrote back and said I am cutting ties with my ex and you and No Contact is in full blast mode and as much as I hate to do it cause I care for both very much and would do anything, it pains me to actually do this and severe ties for right now". So, doOd I know it sucks, I been there, but I don't really my ex coming back, because she is in her own world and thinks everything I do for her in a nice way and try to do contact, she thinks its scaring her. Might I add, I try to email and call and get no response back at all period since the breakup.

[werty]

first, she most likely does give a dman about you. She probably is just afraid to be close to you (friendship or whatever way) because she's been hurt more than once when it comes to things with you. It is understandable.

<=== i guess this is the reason why shes keeping me out.... so sad..

 

@Nick14 & LoveNEB : im in the same situation as you are guys. i know how it feel to be treated as a total stranger by the person we once loved. yes trully it was our fault, but not entirely.you shouldnt keep on blaming for what had happened. just be contented that for once in your lifetime you have loved this girl & she loves you the same. be contented that u did everything to fix things. be contented that even if it would hurt, u still try to keep her even as friends... just be contented with everything and leave her be. maybe & maybe when the right time comes she will realise that you are letting her go, she will think of you & the sweet moments of you guys together and if its enough,she will be back. just dont hope for it much, just face each and everyday without thinking of her.be yourself now...

 

good luck on all of us...

[Weird]

remember...it takes two to break up a relationship. The only asterisk I put to that really is if one eprson cheats on the other. To me cheating is grounds for the other person breaking up no matter what. BUt everything else, both parties are to blame. Maybe not equally but they both need to take some of the blame because they obviosuly had a communication problem.

 

When my ex and I broke up last year I did that blame thing where I tried to put it all on me. Later on I started to realize it wasn't just me and in fact I treated her pretty damn well and she was taking it for granted and she was treating me like crap when I was trying to resolve things because I didn't want to jsut bam, have it end without at least trying to work stuff out. Sure enough she realized this down the road and apologized to em for acting like a bitch and treating me poorly during that time.

[Camron]

..Dude this sounds like me. I was in a relationship with a woman for 7 years...we were going to get married..then I lost my sister, and after seeing me battle depression..she left me for a former friend of mine....It hurts, it sucks you hate life and anyone in it, so what is the point???

 

...The point is that NOTHING is forever. My dad gave me a piece of advice that is golden: "When you meet a girl, you guys are going to either die with each other, or break up." Simple. We make life complicated, by convincing ourselves that there is a "one." The one person, our best friend our confidant, our everything. Thats B.S. You can make it 'work' with all sorts of people. Remove the so called 'mystery' out of the situation, and you will see women EVERYWHERE. You just have to take the blinders off.....

 

...Like I had mentioned, I was involved in a similar situation. Know what? After three months of begging and pleading and pushing, I just said "Screw this!" I went to New York partied, dated around and met people. I force myself to look within myself and see that I loved myself. In five months she began calling! See people just don't "fall in love" Or fall out. They make decisions based upon things that they find attractive about people, and love those things. Don't you have those things within you??? (I think everyone has)

 

...Up until recently, I've had a big problem with honesty. But I'm past that now, and have begun to play the field a lot. Its FUN. Dude there are hundreds of women, and like my ex, when she sees you having the time of you life...its like a 78% chance that you'll get a phone call, or run into her and she'll want to talk. Dumpees have 'control' in the beginning, but again, most of the time they have just as many questions as you do, maybe more. (I've done the dumping, I know this). We're all human, even though to you right now, it does'nt seem like you have control, seize it!

 

..Man it may seem hard right now, but you can do it. Trust me things go on..Deal with your own issues, and when that next one comes along..you'll be ready.

[backspn]

Nick.....I told you before....dont beat yourself up bro. Let her go for now. If you would have asked me 7 months ago if I would be this content with myself.....I would have said you are *****ing nutz! But you know what? She is seeing some other guy and yes it drives me crazy, but it will end and she will come back to me....whether I want her back is not known right now. Like Weird says.....if you treated them right....they will remember it and come back to you, but you know they wont come back to you till you have MOVED ON. When you dont want them anymore...thats when they come back to you....it never fails!!! Its almost funny. Why is it when you find another girl to be with and youre finally happy again.......youre ex strolls back into your life....it never fails. Its almost like they have this gift of knowing when you have moved on and they dont like it....they want you on the back burner. So I guess what Im saying is that when they feel like their "safety net" is gone...then they return. But you know if we were not the gentlemen we are....we would tell them to take a flying leap. Women are only weakness in life....its a blessing and its a scourge at the same time. O well.

[Nick14]

Well, if you read her friends post on my site under "comments" trust me, you would say its lame, hell even MJ backed me up and posted on there,haha. I don't care, there both cut, i am done with being nice toward them. Her friend crossed the line and now there going to see what kind of dyck I am now. They call me up, I'll be like ok and if they piss me off again, then I'll be like "Oh, I want you to listen to something, click 'hang up dialtone sound appears' ". I don't really see her coming back again, you can read more into it, I did post a link to my site backspn.

[backspn]

If its for the best then thats what will happen. The funny thing is that there is this girl in my class and we have exchanged glances and smiles here and there before but last week we just sparked up a conversation and now we talk everyday in class. I gave her my AIM and we chat online now. She is very cute and very sweet...just like my ex but Im not with my ex anymore......so Im free to see other people now. What Im trying to say is that you will find someone who sparks interest in you. It will happen when you least expect it so dont go looking for it. Be strong and know that its her loss and you are a great person. Trust me....she will feel the loss. It might not be soon but in a while she will. Like I said...her loss.

[Nick14]

Ya, I just don't get why they would say i am harressing her, bagging on her and scaring here, when all i am doing is being nice and being friendly. Ok yes, I made a mistake by bugging her the first 2 weeks after the breakup and that i should of just went to NC right away. But the emails I send time to time to see how she is doing and the posts I put up on my site, which is my site and my rules and how i can write whatever i want and they take it the wrong way, its lame. So, i am not going ot post about her anymore and post about what i am doing and what makes me happy, so whatever. I mean, sorry if I care about that person still and still want her in my life alittle bit for right now. pssh, she should consider herself lucky.

[DESI]

Nick,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. You are just trying to be nice, and be her friend and she is taking it all the wrong way. There is something I heard the other day, and it really makes sense. It is in people's nature to run when they are being chased. It's only when you stop chasing them, that they turn around and wonder where you are and what happened. That helped me, I tried contacting my ex after the break up, which is a very bad move. It just pushed him futher away. You can't contact her at all, and when she contacts you do not respond right away. It is really hard, and I still miss my ex everyday.

But it will make you feel better day after day. My ex hasn't really called me at all after the break up, he just calls about once a month to tell me something stupid or ask me something stupid. Such as telling me that a car was on sale that I wanted, or what the name of a movie was, or if he could have his stuff back, or where an item was at in his house, these all hurt me because they are so impersonal.

It hurts to be so in love with someone and think everything was so great, to have them turn around and say I don't want to be with you anymore.

We are all going through the samething, and we all can get through this, we all deserve so much better. We are the ones that are capable of giving so much love, our exes just run and flip the switch with their feelings.