Is it possible for women to stay happy in long term marriages?

[anne1707]

Has your wife given you any reason at all to feel scared?

[Woggle]

Has your wife given you any reason at all to feel scared?

 

Not at all. I just get scared after the conversations with friends and what I read on the internet.

[anne1707]

Who matters more? "Friends" and the internet or your wife?

[xxoo]

When I am scared and frightened I lash out.

 

That is a very specific personal issue that you can work on. It has nothing to do with your wife. It is your anxiety and lack of coping skills causing YOU to act in ways that could destroy your marriage.

 

Go back to counseling. Tell the counselor that you lash out when you are scared, and need better ways to cope with your anxiety so you don't destroy your marriage.

[Woggle]

Who matters more? "Friends" and the internet or your wife?

 

My friends and my wife matter equally. Before you get mad they are like my family. They were there during my first divorce and when I was down and out. It's mostly one guy who says this. He even gives me MRA forums to read and recently he has really turned against women. He calls it his awakening.

[anne1707]

To be honest, these "friends" of yours sound just like the women in your office you have complained about. IMO you should ignore them. They are not true friends if they after undermining your marriage.

[miss_jaclynrae]

My friends and my wife matter equally. Before you get mad they are like my family. They were there during my first divorce and when I was down and out. It's mostly one guy who says this. He even gives me MRA forums to read and recently he has really turned against women. He calls it his awakening.

 

 

 

This would never be ok with me.

 

 

As someone who has been married before, I still going forward would put my spouse above everyone else.

If your "friends" are causing this was distraught and angst, then maybe you should find new friends. Allowing your "friends" to turn you against your wife is in no way her problem, and you are blaming HER?

 

 

 

Sad. Sad.

[Nyla]

No but I read so many things on the internet from places like here, Daily Mail and others and if there is one thing women really seem to hate it's being married to their husbands.

 

My experiences have made me very cynical and distrustful of men. It is a wonder that I got married because I swore I would not.

 

What helps me is to focus on my own marriage, rather than worrying about scary trends. I also stay away from reading negative articles which would only feed my insecurities.

[xxoo]

Caring about your friends doesn't mean you have to listen to them.

 

Just like you had to learn to disregard your mother's BS, you need to disregard your friend's BS. He should respect your marriage. If he can not respect your marriage, he is not your friend.

 

His "awakening" is not your reality. Do you want to be like him? If so, by all means, follow in his footsteps.

 

Do you want to be happily married? If so, disregard his advice. Stand up to him. Tell him that, as much as you love him, you won't listen to crap about women. And then walk away if he won't respect your boundaries. You don't have to turn your back on him, but you do have to protect your marriage. It is your responsibility to protect your marriage. If you won't, you simply don't deserve it. Yes, she eventually leave...and you'll deserve it for refusing to protect her and your relationship.

[cozycottagelg]

I'm going to quote my own post for a month or so ago, when a similar question was asked:

 

For the sake of arguing, being it a Friday and a slow day at work...

 

Men are so much fun. You meet them and they are so funny and handsome and you do all sorts of really great activities and you have shared interests and everything is so awesome.

 

Then you have kids.

 

Your world has changed. It's wonderful and hard, but rewarding. You have beautiful babies that drive you crazy, but are so cute and at the end of the day, you wouldn't trade it for anything..

 

Your husbands life hasn't changed much, but all of a sudden, his funny habits and hobbies aren't really funny. They are annoying.

 

You are cleaning up after kids and him.

 

You are a single mom with some small kids, and one large kid.

 

He hasn't changed, he is still the man you fell in love with, the problem is, you've changed. You've aged, you've grown up, and you do so much for those kids that you realize you don't even need your husband. Oh ****. Now what?

 

A husband wants to feel like he is needed. But he isn't doing anything that you can't just do yourself.

 

Children make women realize how much you can put up with, how much you can't, and how strong you and how much you can get done in a single day, only to go to sleep and do it all over again in the morning.

 

Why do we need these husbands again? We ask this. Why is he hanging out with his friends when he could be spending quality time with his kids? I mean, we made some bada$$ kids, they are hilarious and smart and he isn't even hanging out with them. What the hell husbands??

 

We give up. We find best friends with kids and we hang out with them instead. A women can only accomodate a man for so long before it's like "eh....screw it"

 

I haven't cheated...but I've checked out. I am only one person, I can only do so much, hold so much together, and love so much before I'm just friggen exhausted.

 

Why do women get married?? I swear it's because those white dresses are so freeken pretty!

[sweetjasmine]

My friends and my wife matter equally. Before you get mad they are like my family. They were there during my first divorce and when I was down and out. It's mostly one guy who says this. He even gives me MRA forums to read and recently he has really turned against women. He calls it his awakening.

 

You're letting your friend help you destroy your marriage. You're betraying your wife.

 

And what's most pathetic about it is that if you manage to succeed in ruining your marriage, you and your buddy will just blame your wife for all of it, when all she's done is love and trust you.

 

And this is what she gets in return.

[Nyla]

This would never be ok with me.

 

 

As someone who has been married before, I still going forward would put my spouse above everyone else.

If your "friends" are causing this was distraught and angst, then maybe you should find new friends. Allowing your "friends" to turn you against your wife is in no way her problem, and you are blaming HER?

 

 

 

Sad. Sad.

 

I agree. My husband comes before everyone else.

 

Any "friend" who threatens my marriage is no longer allowed to be a part of my life.

[Woggle]

I'm going to quote my own post for a month or so ago, when a similar question was asked:

 

This is exactly what I am scared of happening to me. Are there any long term married women this doesn't happen to?

[KungFuJoe]

Woggle,

 

I strongly suggest you do one of two things:

 

Seek therapy and get some serious help.

 

or

 

Divorce your wife so she can go out and find a REAL man.

[sweetjasmine]

This is exactly what I am scared of happening to me. Are there any long term married women this doesn't happen to?

 

What should worry you about that post is this:

I am only one person, I can only do so much, hold so much together, and love so much before I'm just friggen exhausted.

 

Your wife can only love you so much before your paranoia and negativity exhaust her.

 

Does she know about your buddy? What he says to you? About how it's only a matter of time before she strikes?

 

If she doesn't even know what your friend is saying about your marriage, then you really are truly betraying her. What you're doing is just as damaging as having an emotional affair with another women. You are straight up betraying her and taking advantage of her trust while lying to her face every single day.

 

And she's the one with the problem? And you're worried about her damaging your marriage?

[Woggle]

If I am supposed to put my wife first then why was I called a controlling male chauvinist pig when I told my ex to stop listening to her manhating friends. Why was my father called a patriarchal oppressor when he told my mother that her newfound friends were trying to destroy their marriage. They can have their hateful friends who try to destroy their marriage but I can't? Why the double standard?

 

Even if I do drop him it hurts that I have to let another friend go. He will be the third friend I had to drop because he is trying to destroy marriage. Pretty soon I will have no male friends left at this rate.

[miss_jaclynrae]

This is exactly what I am scared of happening to me. Are there any long term married women this doesn't happen to?

 

For the sake of arguing, being it a Friday and a slow day at work...

 

Men are so much fun. You meet them and they are so funny and handsome and you do all sorts of really great activities and you have shared interests and everything is so awesome.

 

Then you have kids.

 

Your world has changed. It's wonderful and hard, but rewarding. You have beautiful babies that drive you crazy, but are so cute and at the end of the day, you wouldn't trade it for anything..

 

Your husbands life hasn't changed much, but all of a sudden, his funny habits and hobbies aren't really funny. They are annoying.

 

You are cleaning up after kids and him.

 

You are a single mom with some small kids, and one large kid.

 

He hasn't changed, he is still the man you fell in love with, the problem is, you've changed. You've aged, you've grown up, and you do so much for those kids that you realize you don't even need your husband. Oh ****. Now what?

 

A husband wants to feel like he is needed. But he isn't doing anything that you can't just do yourself.

 

Children make women realize how much you can put up with, how much you can't, and how strong you and how much you can get done in a single day, only to go to sleep and do it all over again in the morning.

 

Why do we need these husbands again? We ask this. Why is he hanging out with his friends when he could be spending quality time with his kids? I mean, we made some bada$$ kids, they are hilarious and smart and he isn't even hanging out with them. What the hell husbands??

 

We give up. We find best friends with kids and we hang out with them instead. A women can only accomodate a man for so long before it's like "eh....screw it"

 

I haven't cheated...but I've checked out. I am only one person, I can only do so much, hold so much together, and love so much before I'm just friggen exhausted.

 

Why do women get married?? I swear it's because those white dresses are so freeken pretty!

 

 

I think this is a terrible outlook. Sounds like a disconnected husband AND wife.

Just because this happens [which is sad] doesn't mean it ALWAYS happens.

[Woggle]

What should worry you about that post is this:

 

 

Your wife can only love you so much before your paranoia and negativity exhaust her.

 

Does she know about your buddy? What he says to you? About how it's only a matter of time before she strikes?

 

If she doesn't even know what your friend is saying about your marriage, then you really are truly betraying her. What you're doing is just as damaging as having an emotional affair with another women. You are straight up betraying her and taking advantage of her trust while lying to her face every single day.

 

And she's the one with the problem? And you're worried about her damaging your marriage?

 

 

That post is an example of what I hear from so many long term married women. I am just asking if there are any of them who don't feel that way but still very much love and are in love with their husbands.

[sweetjasmine]

If I am supposed to put my wife first then why was I called a controlling male chauvinist pig when I told my ex to stop listening to her manhating friends. Why was my father called a patriarchal oppressor when he told my mother that her newfound friends were trying to destroy their marriage.

 

Who said all those things? Your psychotic mother?

 

They can have their hateful friends who try to destroy their marriage but I can't? Why the double standard?

 

What double standard?! How did all of that work out for them? How happy and well adjusted were they? Are they people you want to emulate? For the love of god, Wogs, PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR REAR END.

[Woggle]

Who said all those things? Your psychotic mother?

 

 

 

What double standard?! How did all of that work out for them? How happy and well adjusted were they? Are they people you want to emulate? For the love of god, Wogs, PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR REAR END.

 

My mother and my wife. What my friend is telling me is almost word for word what one of my mother's friends told her. She told her to throw the shackles off of the patriarchy and drop my father. I don't think my mother is happy but she is certainly a strong and independent woman. She will tear a man's head off just for breathing the wrong way around her while my father is a doormat.

[Nyla]

If I am supposed to put my wife first then why was I called a controlling male chauvinist pig when I told my ex to stop listening to her manhating friends. Why was my father called a patriarchal oppressor when he told my mother that her newfound friends were trying to destroy their marriage. They can have their hateful friends who try to destroy their marriage but I can't? Why the double standard?

 

Even if I do drop him it hurts that I have to let another friend go. He will be the third friend I had to drop because he is trying to destroy marriage. Pretty soon I will have no male friends left at this rate.

 

Sometimes people think that it is only okay for women to set boundaries and guidelines. I don't know who called you a pig for asking your wife to drop manhating friends, but they are obviously misguided.

 

Your friends are most comfortable with you being negative and cynical towards women, much like fat friends are not going to want you to lose weight. They were your friends when you were cynical and bitter. Now that your marriage is proving them wrong, it makes your friends uncomfortable. They may also think that they are protecting you.

[sweetjasmine]

My mother and my wife. What my friend is telling me is almost word for word what one of my mother's friends told her. She told her to throw the shackles off of the patriarchy and drop my father. I don't think my mother is happy but she is certainly a strong and independent woman. She will tear a man's head off just for breathing the wrong way around her while my father is a doormat.

 

Okay, so, your mother, the actual, literal, honest-to-god psycho who abused you. And your wife, the other shining example of wisdom and rationality, who shot at you.

 

You want to be the male version of your own mother? The horrible monster of a woman who caused you so much pain? Go ahead. Enjoy. Have a nice life. I'm done with this. Just make sure you don't destroy your wife the way your role models destroy everyone they touch.

[Woggle]

I do notice that after Sandy this particular set of friends didn't even call to see if I was okay even after I am always willing to drop everything to help them.

[Woggle]

Okay, so, your mother, the actual, literal, honest-to-god psycho who abused you. And your wife, the other shining example of wisdom and rationality, who shot at you.

 

You want to be the male version of your own mother? The horrible monster of a woman who caused you so much pain? Go ahead. Enjoy. Have a nice life. I'm done with this. Just make sure you don't destroy your wife the way your role models destroy everyone they touch.

 

I don't want to be like her but I want to be strong instead of week. My mother says she is one of the most strongest and independent women that ever lived. Maybe that is BS and she is really weak underneath it all.

[xxoo]

This is exactly what I am scared of happening to me. Are there any long term married women this doesn't happen to?

 

Why would we open our hearts AGAIN and share those personal feelings AGAIN about how much we love our husbands, after all these years, when you only ignore us and focus on the rantings of your messed up friends and family members?

 

Listen: you are betraying your wife.

 

You are so afraid of being betrayed by her, but you are betraying her. You are choosing your friend at her expense. You are allowing your mind to be poisoned, at your marriage's expense. YOU are not holding up your end of your marriage responsibilities. YOU. Not her. YOU.