Boyfriends WORK buddy!

[April]

I need some advise! To trust or not to trust, that is the question! This man I've been seeing has just started a new job. At this new job is a female named Stacey! The job is mainly male (its a mans job) Out of all the people at this new job my boyfriend and her hit it off. My roomate happens to know who Stacey is, which is a real coincendence. She tells me (my roomate) that Stacey is working with my boyfriend. Not to mention my roomate tells me that Stacey is gorgeous. My boyfriend (let's call him Dave) starts to pick Stacey up to take her to work, he asks for her number so he can call her to tell her to wait outside when he's just about to her house, they go to lunch together. I didn't think this was a problem. I've talked to him and told him that I was more disappointed in the fact that he didn't tell me this, and I found it out thru my roomate. It gets worse.

 

Dave doesn't tell Stacey that he has a girlfriend. Me! As the story unfolds, Dave and I got into an argument. I asked him to leave my home in the heat of this argument, and we didn't talk to one another for about a month. Dave tells me he loves me, but I tell him that until the "problem" that we have isn't resolved we should wait until it is before we get more seriously involved in our relationship (another long story) Well, when we did finally get to talk about it he told me that he and Stacey went to breakfast together, he and she went to the gym together because she wanted to know a few things on how to work out. How he likes her, but he's not attracted to her. However, we have problems of our own to work out, and he's focusing all his energy on another female. He's never taken me to the gym, he's never taken me to breakfast. I have an issue with this. Stacey has a boyfriend. I think that Dave is going out of his way to be Stacey, he says that we were broken up, so it's ok that he did these things with her. Even though I discussed with him, before we had this seperation (that's not why we stopped seeing each other) It's a moral issue. You don't make female friends when you are involved with another female. It's not right. To spend time with another female causes tension in the relationship you're already in. He says there is nothing going on between the himself and Stacey. I just don't like the fact that he doesn't respect the fact that there is a problem with this. I love him, and he says he loves me. But why does he have to be so chummy with the only girl at work. To the point were he's going out of his way to be chummy with her. OR so I think anyway. Can you please advise me on what I should do or how I should feel about the situation. I think that she's going to think that he likes her, and he's putting himself in a situation he shouldn't be in. Oh, and he didn't tell Stacey that I was the love of his life, but he did tell her that I dumped her. Make sense????????

 

Should I trust or be suspicious?

[Tony T]

Nobody can tell you how you should feel. But I think this situation stinks. It's obvious that your guy has more than just buddyship in mind here. He probably hasn't acted on this yet but this situation is a powder keg ready to be set off.

 

Even if he never, ever makes a move on this chick, he is way too chummy with her and when he does more with her than he does with you it is simply disrespectful to the relationship.

 

Since you can't tell you boyfriend what to do or control him in any way, just let him know that if he continues to be so chummy with his female co-worker, you plan to be history...that's all, you need tell him no more. Just be ready to act on it.

 

The fact that the two of you are having other problems may indicate he is looking elsewhere for a female where those problems may not exist. You are correct that he can't focus on fixing his relationship with you if he is taking this girl to work, to the gymn and Lord knows where else.

 

I would never stay in a relationship with a female who was rubbing up so close with a male co-worker...and I had to learn about it through other people...no way.

 

His behavior is simply inappropriate. I wouldn't put up with it if I were you. Even if he isn't outright cheating, it is borderline behavior and disrespectful to you.