hoping2heal Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 A wife is a mind reader who opens her arms to catch you just before you trip. Who always has a full can of Lysol or air freshner under the sink next to the toilet paper and sets it on the counter whenever you have beans for dinner. One who laughs at your jokes even when they are not funny because she knows you love to see and hear her laugh. One who keeps her mouth shut to your friends and family. One who cries alone on the shower because she jnows it hurts you to see her cry and knows thst guys just don't understand that sometimes women judt cry. I could go on but you get my drift. This just sounds like a good doormat, but I think this response was sarcastic anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
annaballerina Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 A wife in my opinion is a lifelong partner... It doesn't depend on whether life is fun or not. I married the man of my dreams I love him to the core! That said I'm desperately unhappy. We have zero intimacy towards one another and I have no clue how to fix it ... Does this mean I go find a man in real life to sleep around with? No! I'll never do that to him. He's my friend and I'd never betray him. I took vows and I'll stick by them no matter what. Until the day he says he doesn't want to be with me I will be by his side. I'll continue to comfort him and listen to him. When he's sick help nurse him back to health. He's the man I married and I took vows I will never break. I'll continue to try to work through our problems the best that we know how. It may never be exactly how I envisioned but when I said " yes I'll marry you" it was for keeps not when it just suited me. I'll be his biggest cheerleader when things go his way and his biggest shoulder when they don't. A wife is someone who is there through the good and bad and doesn't bail when things get rough. She's there until the end and final goodbye when her hubby departs this world. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 A wife is a mind reader who opens her arms to catch you just before you trip. This would never happen.. I was in a car accident when we were engaged. It was lunch time, we were at work. we worked at the same company. Anyway, I called her to tell her I was involved in an accident. I was run off the road by an 18 wheeler, hit a culvert and I thought I was going nose over. I stayed on all four tires but jammed my knee and my truck was pretty twisted. Her response to me when I called her was, "What, do you want me to pick you up". I sat there a minute thinking and told her no. That was a sign that she didn't give a rats long tailed hairy azz that she really didn't care.. I had several situations that told me to get out before we got married, but I put everything off as my own insecurities, but it wasn't.. I was right all along. She's a non giving, non caring soulless, heartless be-otch! You calling me a liar does not make me one. I'm sorry for your problems but this thread was asking opinions on what is a good wife. I described some of myself. I am a very good wife. My husband tells me often. Just as I tell him what a wonderful husband he is. Link to post Share on other sites
annaballerina Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 A wife is a mind reader who opens her arms to catch you just before you trip. Who always has a full can of Lysol or air freshner under the sink next to the toilet paper and sets it on the counter whenever you have beans for dinner. One who laughs at your jokes even when they are not funny because she knows you love to see and hear her laugh. One who keeps her mouth shut to your friends and family. One who cries alone on the shower because she jnows it hurts you to see her cry and knows thst guys just don't understand that sometimes women judt cry. I could go on but you get my drift. This is so cute lol! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 This just sounds like a good doormat, but I think this response was sarcastic anyway. Actually no I am not a doormat and it wasn't sarcasm. My husband of 27 years is as supportive of me as I am of him and we love and respect each other more each day. We also laugh together and struggle together and read each others minds. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hayewils Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 A wife in my opinion is a lifelong partner... It doesn't depend on whether life is fun or not. I married the man of my dreams I love him to the core! That said I'm desperately unhappy. We have zero intimacy towards one another and I have no clue how to fix it ... Does this mean I go find a man in real life to sleep around with? No! I'll never do that to him. He's my friend and I'd never betray him. I took vows and I'll stick by them no matter what. Until the day he says he doesn't want to be with me I will be by his side. I'll continue to comfort him and listen to him. When he's sick help nurse him back to health. He's the man I married and I took vows I will never break. I'll continue to try to work through our problems the best that we know how. It may never be exactly how I envisioned but when I said " yes I'll marry you" it was for keeps not when it just suited me. I'll be his biggest cheerleader when things go his way and his biggest shoulder when they don't. A wife is someone who is there through the good and bad and doesn't bail when things get rough. She's there until the end and final goodbye when her hubby departs this world. This is very good! as for you saying your desperately unhappy, what should you do?? Talk to him, talk some more. Make plans FOR EACH OTHER! I feel that was the one of the biggest failures of my current situation. we didn't make time for each other. But again, she never talked to me. I was on a need to know basis. I cant fix that, that's her. I asked if she had something she wanted to talk about, if she was ok. The response was always, no, im fine.. bull poop! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
annaballerina Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 This is very good! as for you saying your desperately unhappy, what should you do?? Talk to him, talk some more. Make plans FOR EACH OTHER! I feel that was the one of the biggest failures of my current situation. we didn't make time for each other. But again, she never talked to me. I was on a need to know basis. I cant fix that, that's her. I asked if she had something she wanted to talk about, if she was ok. The response was always, no, im fine.. bull poop! The first step is seeking professional help which we are setting up. The next is spending quality time together which we are working on as well. When I married this man he wasn't what I thought he'd be as a husband. We are a bit of a mismatch on many levels but I really do take being his wife seriously. I said yes to him and I don't take that lightly. Life is what you make it. I'd like it to be full of passion and closeness and my hopes are with a lot of work one day we will find what "our" passion is and it'll be all the more special because we worked for it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hayewils Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 The first step is seeking professional help which we are setting up. The next is spending quality time together which we are working on as well. When I married this man he wasn't what I thought he'd be as a husband. We are a bit of a mismatch on many levels but I really do take being his wife seriously. I said yes to him and I don't take that lightly. Life is what you make it. I'd like it to be full of passion and closeness and my hopes are with a lot of work one day we will find what "our" passion is and it'll be all the more special because we worked for it your right and your on the right track. I take my vows very seriously, My wife is a quitter, Im not perfect by any means. I do love to find people and hear the stories of troubles and how they reflect on those and realize where they are today. I always love hearing, we made it through. People do not take the wedding vows seriously, they only hear words but in the end, mean nothing. Then you wind up with quitters. I am very disappointed with my STBXW.. Its just to easy to walk away. You guys work on it. If there is no abuse of any kind, then you should never give up. Ive seen a lot of crazy crap a long time ago in a relationship and those two people will never leave each others side today, till death will they part. That's where I get my admiration from in a marriage.. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 This is so cute lol! Thanks. All true. Hubby is recovering from several strokes and I'm always watching him walk because he's still wobbly. Also metaphorically in that I look after his health and try to anticipate all of his needs. The air freshener is out of self defense! We've been together long enough that we can say a word or two and the other knows the reference even from ten years ago. We can watch tv or a movie and we will see something and one of us will say something and the other will say "I was thinking the exact same thing" So what I wrote is true because I described myself. We have fun in our marriage. We don't take each other for granted any more. It took some time and work to get here but we are good spouses for each other. I like the wife I've become. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hayewils Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 Thanks. All true. Hubby is recovering from several strokes and I'm always watching him walk because he's still wobbly. Also metaphorically in that I look after his health and try to anticipate all of his needs. The air freshener is out of self defense! We've been together long enough that we can say a word or two and the other knows the reference even from ten years ago. We can watch tv or a movie and we will see something and one of us will say something and the other will say "I was thinking the exact same thing" So what I wrote is true because I described myself. We have fun in our marriage. We don't take each other for granted any more. It took some time and work to get here but we are good spouses for each other. I like the wife I've become. you guys are a team! Keep up the good work! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 The first step is seeking professional help which we are setting up. The next is spending quality time together which we are working on as well. When I married this man he wasn't what I thought he'd be as a husband. We are a bit of a mismatch on many levels but I really do take being his wife seriously. I said yes to him and I don't take that lightly. Life is what you make it. I'd like it to be full of passion and closeness and my hopes are with a lot of work one day we will find what "our" passion is and it'll be all the more special because we worked for it Good for you:) You remind me of my marriage and some of the couples we've met. It IS more special and meaningful when you work for it. I say this on the other side of a whole lotta years. We didn't start out as the people we are or the spouses we originally thought we were. Link to post Share on other sites
imtooconfused Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 I wouldn't know, I've been married once but never had a wife. Just some woman who sponged off me, went to Target and the mall 3 times a week, and took care of our son. Every now and then she actually paid attention to me too. Yes, I understand this. It happens a lot. ...Providing you remember that all these qualities should be equally reciprocated. Certainly, but a huge number of the stories on this thread and on other threads certainly sound one sided, one-way-or-the-other. Perhaps the givers naturally gravitate to the takers. Can two givers even get along that well? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 14, 2013 Share Posted July 14, 2013 Certainly, but a huge number of the stories on this thread and on other threads certainly sound one sided, one-way-or-the-other. Perhaps the givers naturally gravitate to the takers. Can two givers even get along that well? There are some relationships in which someone is predominantly the Giver, and the other, predominantly the Taker. The important is that they both see this clearly, and that neither functions with an ego-based agenda. The love should always be reciprocal and appreciative. It's no good if the giver is a self-sacrificing martyr, and the taker selfish with a sense of entitlement. Their roles should be clear to the other person, and their personal commitment appropriate to the other person's input... A marriage/relationship CAN function if both are Givers. Two Takers, however, will soon clash and be unable to function as a couple, for long... In my opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RonaldS Posted July 14, 2013 Share Posted July 14, 2013 Most likely in her mind that is just your role as a husband: to be a supplier of emotional support for her while being "strong" enough to have zero needs of your own. Good luck. I've been there. Yep. That was exactly how my marriage was. And then when you tell her you're unhappy, she's shocked because she 'thought everything was really good'. Of course she did. She got everything she needed but didn't have to give anything. That is a sweet deal. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 14, 2013 Share Posted July 14, 2013 A financial liability. As are some husbands. So move with the times, bud..... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 14, 2013 Share Posted July 14, 2013 Most likely in her mind that is just your role as a husband: to be a supplier of emotional support for her while being "strong" enough to have zero needs of your own. Good luck. I've been there. Yep. That was exactly how my marriage was. And then when you tell her you're unhappy, she's shocked because she 'thought everything was really good'. Of course she did. She got everything she needed but didn't have to give anything. That is a sweet deal. Well, I can see why you'd be bitter, but as these appear to be ex-wives, let's not carry the bitterness over and assume that simply because two women showed poor colours, that the next ones will be the same, similar or worse. The same, incidentally, may be said for many men who never treated their wives as well, kindly or as lovingly as they deserved... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hayewils Posted July 14, 2013 Author Share Posted July 14, 2013 Your so right Taramaiden, My marriage was exactly what you described. I was a giver, she was a taker. My parents saw this. I gave and gave and gave, worked like crazy just to feel some acceptance, some appreciation, some love in return. It didn't work that way. she is a selfish, self centered bitch, and that's all she will ever be. I am having a difficult day today over her leaving, the choice she made. This young man that lived here with us told me after she left that he saw me trying all the time and her never doing anything but sit on the couch and watch TV. My parents told me after she left that they saw her never giving to the relationship. I was a doormat is all I was. Its so disturbing to live like that, to have someone you loved and thought they loved you. She married me, What was her agenda? At the time, we had a family lakehouse to go to all the time. When that place was sold, that's where I saw her start to change. She was a taker. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts