She wants me back!

[PDunny]

We had a dinner together and a nice long talk. She admitted that she thinks about me a lot and that she has thought about being with me several times.

 

YAY! She is scared to leave her new boyfriend for me right now but she wants me to prove to her that I am different. She wants a romantic gesture and to be swept off of her feet.

 

 

If anyone has any ideas for a romantic gesture let me know. Currently I am thinking of the following (Partially her idea honestly so would like to do something different):

 

 

She works in a mall and rides a train back and forth to work. I think in the train would be a better place to do this but at the mall it can be organized better.

 

 

Flash Mob, no dancing just to make it extremely crowded on the light rail. I get on at the end with a band. The entire mob then gets off at the next stop and there is me and the band, I am singing one of her favorite songs at the top of my lungs (I sing horribly bad, so this would be extremely embarrassing, but she would love it). At the next stop, a table is set up with a candle lit dinner for two of her favorite food. We eat.

 

 

I am not the most creative person in the world, if anyone has any suggestions than PLEASE help!

[Million.to.1]

ahhhhhh, no.

 

show her instead that you have self respect and are not going to go to extraordinary lengths to satisfy her princess complex and need to be "swept off her feet" while she is in another relationship!

 

if she wants to be with you, SHE should be the one organising flash mobs. ESPECIALLY if she was the dumper.

 

Do yourself a favour and find a nice girl who won't make you compete with some other poor guy for her "affections". This is really immature.

[PDunny]

ahhhhhh, no.

 

show her instead that you have self respect and are not going to go to extraordinary lengths to satisfy her princess complex and need to be "swept off her feet" while she is in another relationship!

 

if she wants to be with you, SHE should be the one organising flash mobs. ESPECIALLY if she was the dumper.

 

Do yourself a favour and find a nice girl who won't make you compete with some other poor guy for her "affections". This is really immature.

 

I made the mistakes though Million. I truly did. I ignored her, neglected her and didn't have the respect for her that I should had. I was too worried about work and my promotion. She wants me to show that I am not the same man, that I am more concerned with her feelings than ignoring for 6 months while I try to climb a ladder.

 

I am not saying she was perfect, I know that and she knows that. I am not putting her on the pedestal and honestly, it was 100% my idea. I said 'What do I need to do? Hold a boombox over my head at the mall and make a fool of myself?' and she pretty much said yes.

[StrongLass]

So the dumper WAS you?

[veggirl]

One romantic gesture proves nothing. Asking to be swept off her feet sounds immature.

 

Real change takes time.

 

If she really wanted YOU she would not be with a new guy. She could be single. You want a girl who is going behind her mans back like this?

 

She sounds like she's playing games. Flaky and indecisive.

[na49]

You're kidding.

 

...right?

[veggirl]

I made the mistakes though Million. I truly did. I ignored her, neglected her and didn't have the respect for her that I should had. I was too worried about work and my promotion. She wants me to show that I am not the same man, that I am more concerned with her feelings than ignoring for 6 months while I try to climb a ladder.

 

I am not saying she was perfect, I know that and she knows that. I am not putting her on the pedestal and honestly, it was 100% my idea. I said 'What do I need to do? Hold a boombox over my head at the mall and make a fool of myself?' and she pretty much said yes.

 

 

If you both screwed up, what is HER romantic gesture to you? Or is it just you who has to jump through these hoops?

[SimonSerenade]

Congratulations man, people will tell you to have self respect and all that jazz but truly we don't know the full story between you 2, I agree with a lot of what their saying but who cares right?, it's just a chance you have to take and if it's done out of love and doesn't work out, at least you can say you took the plunge and have no regrets because of that, I hope it works out for you man, I really do

[SimonSerenade]

Your idea is good by the way sounds sweet, only you know what your lady will like but honestly man, don't go too far out of your way, you don't want to over do it, I wish I still had my acoustic guitar, I would of serenaded my ex all the time, I always wanted to wake her up singing "every thug needs a lady", for some reason that song always got me whaling around in tears thinking about her, happy tears at the time of course.

 

Just one of the many things she never knew that I wish she did, good luck with your second chance, I really hope you get it, do all the things you wished you could of done differently when it ended and do it now, never take another day for granted, you'll be fine if you can do all that.

[PDunny]

I honestly don't know how to respond.

 

As for her proof, she has done everything I have asked of her. She has matured, held a job and is in her own place. I am the sensible one that wants things to flow properly, she is the romantic one that wants the grand gestures of love and affection. We clash because of this but we also work well together because of it.

 

 

As for a romantic gesture proving nothing, this is very true to some degree. But we were together for 7 years and I can count on my hand how many times I was truly romantic and spontaneous with her. She wants it.

 

 

As for the other guy, he knew we were meeting up. He knew we were talking. He knows the risks of being with her. She doesn't want to break his heart and then realize I am the same man I was before. They have not been together for long but she likes him. I can't exactly blame her for not wanting to destroy one thing that is going well for something that wasn't going well for a very long time.

 

 

At the end of the day, I am a different man. And I did not change for her, I changed for me. I have been out on dates, researched how to be romantic and how to have more fun. This was not with the ultimate intentions of being back with her, but to improve myself for future relationships. After going out on 4 dates in the past week, with people I like, none of them are compatible at all with me. I am an odd character, so is she.

 

 

 

Thanks a lot Simon, I agree 100% with what you said.

 

It's not like I am not trying to move on btw everyone. I am. I have tried. I do not sit around crying or moping. I still go to work and out perform everyone I work with. I am a firm believer in there is someone specific for every person. A yin to your yang. The person who balances out your life, gives you what need to be a better person. I am extremely confident that she is my yin.

Edited June 24, 2013 by PDunny

[Million.to.1]

I just read through your post history, and if I'm not mistaken, she has cheated on you and got quickly into other relationships while "broken up" with you many times before. She needs therapy, not a relationship.

 

When i first read your post, I assumed you and your GF were teenagers.

 

No mature woman would dangle the carrot of possible reconciliation while riding some other donkey.

[Simon Phoenix]

This is a car crash waiting to happen.

[Million.to.1]

 

 

 

Thanks a lot Simon, I agree 100% with what you said.

 

 

Just listen only to the advice that validates your opinion then.

[BustedUpInside]

I am not against making a grand romantic gesture and sweeping her off her feet, but shouldn't she make a gesture of commitment too?

 

I would say that if she is willing to dump her current boyfriend then make all the gestures you both need, but if she isn't ready to leave her relationship, I don't think it speaks very well of her attitude toward you.

 

If it were me, and my ex said that he wouldn't leave his girlfriend until I could prove something, I wouldn't feel like he wanted me but rather just didn't want to be alone and would be willing to be with anyone that was willing to 1-up the current relationship.

[PDunny]

Million, no I am reading what you are saying too and honestly it is sinking in. But bottom line is I do love this woman, we have a lot of history together and I am not ready, nor do I want, to move on. I am okay without her, I still function like a normal adult. I am better with her.

 

Regardless of our past, what has happened the above statement is true. We had an open relationship and I am not upset about her cheating on me. It is the lies that have upset me. Sex is sex to me. It's a physical action. I have slept with multiple women while we were in a relationship. I just always told her about them.

 

 

And yes, we both need therapy:laugh:

[aisuru]

Flash mob? Worst idea EVER.

 

If she really wanted to be with you, she would have broken up with her security blanket.

 

Best wishes to you and your heart. You're going to need them I'm afraid.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, the fact that she won't break up with the other guy yet is a ridiculously huge red flag. It just looks like she's playing you for a sucker. If she really wanted you back, the other guy would be gone. And she sure as s--t wouldn't ask for a grand gesture.

[hoping2heal]

We had a dinner together and a nice long talk. She admitted that she thinks about me a lot and that she has thought about being with me several times.

 

YAY! She is scared to leave her new boyfriend for me right now but she wants me to prove to her that I am different. She wants a romantic gesture and to be swept off of her feet.

 

Unfortunately, the second paragraph literally undoes all of the positivity of the first one. I know nobody is perfect but she's doing an awfully crappy thing to her boyfriend. Using him, while she attempts to mold you into what she wants? Aye aye aye. This is just so NOT okay. What romantic gesture is she deserving of exactly?? Get her a book that tells her to stop playing with peoples hearts because it's a jerk of a thing to do. Who is this new boyfriend anyway? The guy she was setting up to catch her fall when she broke up with you?!

[marqueemoon4]

She's playing games man. She loves the attention.. don't give it to her.

[hoping2heal]

I made the mistakes though Million. I truly did. I ignored her, neglected her and didn't have the respect for her that I should had. I was too worried about work and my promotion. She wants me to show that I am not the same man, that I am more concerned with her feelings than ignoring for 6 months while I try to climb a ladder.

 

I am not saying she was perfect, I know that and she knows that. I am not putting her on the pedestal and honestly, it was 100% my idea. I said 'What do I need to do? Hold a boombox over my head at the mall and make a fool of myself?' and she pretty much said yes.

 

 

Nobody is perfect is right, everyone has flaws. No bones about it. However, considering what this woman is doing to someone else is a very, very big, and I'm talking Super Moon in India big flag that she is 1. not mature enough for a serious relationship 2. well, pretty damn self-centered 3. a bad horse to invest in.

 

Maybe you didn't give her the respect or time she was deserving of but her holding threats over your head while she continues to string along an innocent person is just ridiculous.

[hoping2heal]

Million, no I am reading what you are saying too and honestly it is sinking in. But bottom line is I do love this woman, we have a lot of history together and I am not ready, nor do I want, to move on. I am okay without her, I still function like a normal adult. I am better with her.

 

Regardless of our past, what has happened the above statement is true. We had an open relationship and I am not upset about her cheating on me. It is the lies that have upset me. Sex is sex to me. It's a physical action. I have slept with multiple women while we were in a relationship. I just always told her about them.

 

 

And yes, we both need therapy:laugh:

 

Okay, let me put it to you in a way you just might understand. Unless you're a masochist this is a bad idea. Just because you get back together doesn't mean you will stay that way and it doesn't look like that will ever actually happen. She has no qualms about using one man for comfort while setting up another to grant her wish fulfillment. That's a clear sign she objectifies people. You'll be next and when you, the shiny new toy in the new wrapping paper aren't as fun anymore, she'll be using you as she sets up the new thing. The fact that people are objects to her tells me her ability to handle deep and "Real" things of life with one person are little to non-existent. You'll perform your big grand gesture to get her attention, you'll be a cooler toy than she has now and when she grows bored of you, you'll be back to square one. Obviously, you're a big boy and no one can make the decision for you if you don't want to listen but the only thing you're actually doing is setting off a motion of events that leave you with more heartache.

 

P.S. This is probably the reason she's telling you what she is now, new toy is gathering dust for her. She wants something else shiny and new.

Edited June 24, 2013 by hoping2heal

[Minneloa]

Nooooooooooooooooooo.

 

That's all I got. Please listen to the other, more articulate, posters for a list of compelling reasons not to pursue this disastrous course of action.

[BeholdtheMan]

And yes, we both need therapy:laugh:

No...you need a pair of balls.

 

She's with someone else and she wants you to sweep her off her feet? What about the poor sod she's with right now?

 

She's supremely selfish and playing the both of you. You don't have to prove sh*t to her. She's just proven that she's immature, manipulative and self-centred

Edited June 24, 2013 by BeholdtheMan

[SimonSerenade]

I agree with a lot of what people are saying on here but ultimately its something he feels he has to do and if he does it and it doesn't work out then at least he can say he tried, if I was in his boat I would do the same thing and I know a lot of people reading this would to, you have to take risks and take chances and if there's a chance this man can reconcile and start fresh then good on him.

 

I by no means condone cheating or any of what she did afterwards but just because she did that, it doesn't make her a bad person, it could just mean that she's made some bad choices, it looks like he's already figured out how to separate the 2, people make mistakes, that's just life, you forgive and move on, good luck man, let us all know how it turns out for you.

[hoping2heal]

I agree with a lot of what people are saying on here but ultimately its something he feels he has to do and if he does it and it doesn't work out then at least he can say he tried, if I was in his boat I would do the same thing and I know a lot of people reading this would to, you have to take risks and take chances and if there's a chance this man can reconcile and start fresh then good on him.

 

Sure, risks can pay off in positive ways. Sure, everybody takes risks from time to time. There is a big difference between taking a risk and walking into a burning building when you've just doused yourself in gasoline.

 

I by no means condone cheating or any of what she did afterwards but just because she did that, it doesn't make her a bad person, it could just mean that she's made some bad choices, it looks like he's already figured out how to separate the 2, people make mistakes, that's just life, you forgive and move on, good luck man, let us all know how it turns out for you.

 

I agree that bad choices don't always mean bad person. But suffice it to say whether she's a bad person, or just a habitual bad decision maker; who she is right now, as in right today, is a person who uses people as objects, and behaves in a manner that is self-centered. If he actually goes through with this then CONGRATS she's now got him in a chokehold for life.

 

There's risk taking and there's playing the fool