Land of Confusion

[the_ed]

WARNING: This is a very long post. There isn't a TLDR version

 

I've been friends with a girl (for convenience, let's call her Jess) for around 6-7 years now. Though in two of those years, contact was limited. I always made an effort to at least see her once a year, regardless of where I lived (I tend to move once in a while).

 

Last year, in January. I told her I was invited on a Eurotrip by a girl I know. She didn't know that I was crushing on her. One afternoon, they met, and Jess instantly disapproved of my decision to travel. Though, she didn't provide any reasons why.

 

Months later, I decided to ask why. She told me she didn't care who I traveled with, or who am I friends with. Anyways, I traveled (I slept over at Jess' place before the trip). Interestingly enough, the girl I travelled with, nagged me about Jess and what she is to me. When I got back from the trip, she was the only person who didn't ask me for details. Just a simple "How'd it go?"

 

December 2012, she tells me that she wants to travel with me to all these faraway places. I asked what about her boyfriend. She dodged the question. She also told me if I was Batman, she'd be my Robin.

 

January 2013, the first time I've ever discussed a girl with her before (during the relationship_. Long story short, I was led on. I had worked on an elaborate date just before it all went awry. Jess told me she wanted to go on that specific date someday.

 

February 2013, she calls me. Something she's never done before. We speak for about 25 min, during which she asks me to visit her for a weekend (she lives in another country at the moment, but I can easily drive there). I decline that invitation.

 

March 2013, she's here for the Easter break. She's in a dress and a purse (I'd never seen her in one before, and as far as I know, she doesn't like purses). We her graduation dress; we're holding hands (something I now realize she never does when her best friend is around). She meets some of the family friends; has lunch with us at home; takes one of my favorite shirts; asks my mom if she can make some copies of my baby pictures (one of which she enlarged); asked me to take her to a lake where my dad grew up. In other words, she suddenly expressed a certain interest in my life that I've never seen before.

 

A couple of days of later, we hung out again for the whole day. Went to pick up her nephew and hung out with him. At this point my mom asks what is she to me.

 

When she leaves, she leaves me a message stating: "I miss you, beloved" in Japanese. Which I taught her. I didn't really think anything of it.

 

The BFF I wanted to surprise her for her 21st in April. I said nah, especially as the boyfriend was also going. By the way, I've never met said character. Even though they were together for four years. I'll get back to this in a bit.

 

A week later, I went for her graduation. She calls me during the night (I was on the bus) to confirm if I'm coming. I don't know why. I don't particularly cancel things at the last minute unless there is an emergency.

 

Whilst there, I stayed at a friend's, but I made one of her favorite dishes for her, so I had to give it to her before it rotted. We met ampus, hugged. A nearby lady walks up to us and says: "Ooooo, the way you two hugged, are you two lovers or friends?"

 

I deferred to her for the reply. It wasn't happening, she just gawked at me. I eventually yielded and said friends. We walked hand-in-hand to her place. Her mom was there. Here she told her mom that next year we're hiking the Kilimanjaro next year (we had planned this, but never set a date).

 

The next day, graduation ceremony. Her mom invites me out to lunch with them. I was supposed to meet some friends after, she takes my phone during the whole meal, and gives me hers. Tells me to reply to all the messages on hers.

 

I duly proceeded, until I happened upon a message from her boyfriend who had an informal marriage proposal. I told her I didn't know how to reply. She said she would later.

 

Soon after, I bid everyone goodbye as I really had to meet my friends. She got a bit annoyed and asked me why did I travel all that why. I replied, it was because of her graduation. Everyone bid me a proper goodbye, except her.

 

I felt bad about leaving on a sour note, so the next day I went to clear the air a bit. I also asked about how come I never met her boyfriend. She wiggled her way out that question and asked for gift giving advice (for said boyfriend)

 

I decided to ignore her for a long while, during which I solely communicated with her BFF. I told the BFF about my growing feelings, to which she vehemently disagreed with. She couldn't explain a few things, which led me to suspect that sometimes BFF don't share everything.

 

Around two weeks ago, the BFF and I surprised Jess. The former stayed for the long weekend. I stayed at her place for about 9 days.

 

During the week (things of note, as this is long enough already):

 

• Falling asleep on the couch, with her head on my lap became a common occurrence. That, and usually spending the most of the day in bed just talking, cuddling, etc. (Note: no kissing)
   
  
• We cooked and had a romantic, candle-lit dinner.
   
  
• Made a couple of life plans.
   
  
• She shaved my beard, stating she'd never done it before.
   
  
• Once, she woke me up in the middle of night and told me she loved me. Now, she says this regularly in Japanese, which I taught her, so I didn't think anything of it. Except, the odd hour.
   
  
• Went out on a dinner date.
   
  
• Went to meet an old friend of hers, who insisted I should pay dowry. During the course of the night, he kept joking around that he's lowering it.
  

 

Eventually, I worked up the courage to tell Jess that I had feelings for her. I also told her, that no matter the answer we'll still be friends (She knows I'm friends, or at the very least, on good terms with all my exes). To this day, she hasn't said a word about it. Incidentally, another friend of hers was sleeping over that day. I later found out that she is the ex-boyfriend's sister (Jess didn't tell her they recently broke up, which I also found out the same week).

 

Now, I'm aware she was in a long relationship, and for a great part of it, it was long-distance. I am definitely not pressuring her to do anything. I just want the LoveShack community's advice.

[bafflio]

She woke you up to tell you she loved you. You told her you 'had' feelings for her? 'had' and 'have' are quite different. It seems you do like her too. Then just open up and embrace her love and start giving some back too.

[the_ed]

I meant have. I meant have.

 

I did open up. She's not brought up the topic ever since.