One and a Half Weeks of NC LDR Missing Her Like Crazy

[Tk123]

Hey all. Many of you know my story, I fell victim to a "catfish" person whom I met online. We were dating for 7 months, she wasn't completely fake however she did lie to me about quite a few things.

 

Ever since our break-up one and a half weeks ago, I have been going through so many mixed emotions. I can't tell you how much I've cried over a situation like this. I'm still very young, 20 years old and feel like I've been defeated.

 

I try to do stuff to get her off my mind, however she is haunting me every minute of every day. I cannot clear her from my mind. We haven't even spoke since the break-up but she is the only thing I can think about.

 

I don't know why I can't lift myself up. I know I have it, I'm just a very shy guy. The other day old friends of my parents were over, the woman who has daughters my age, told me how she wished I would date one of her single daughters and told me how handsome I am. That put a smile on my face for the first time since I split from my LDR partner.

 

The thing that haunts me most about this girl is the way we split up. Her last words to me were "If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were." This quote just really bothers me for some reason and I can't get past it. I always wonder about if she is still thinking about me as much as I'm thinking of her.

 

Her birthday is in a couple of weeks and I'm on the fence about breaking contact to wish her a happy birthday. I know I'd be a fool if I did, but maybe that is all I am; a fool.

 

I miss her to pieces and moving on has been extremely difficult. Just thought I'd vent my feelings because I woke up feeling pretty down today.

[Emilia]

Am I correct believing you've never met this person?

[TMichaels]

The thing that haunts me most about this girl is the way we split up. Her last words to me were "If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

 

It's not her quote -- nor is the version above entirely accurate. The original was written by the author Richard Bach. Since his words have had such a profound affect on you here's my advice in Richard Bach's words...

 

This quote just really bothers me for some reason and I can't get past it.

"Every problem has a gift for you in its hands."

 

The other day old friends of my parents were over, the woman who has daughters my age, told me how she wished I would date one of her single daughters and told me how handsome I am. That put a smile on my face for the first time since I split from my LDR partner.

 

"It is by not always thinking about yourself, if you can manage it, that you might somehow be happy. Until you make room in your life for someone as important to you as yourself, you will always be searching and lost."

 

I always wonder about if she is still thinking about me as much as I'm thinking of her.

 

"If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem."

 

Her birthday is in a couple of weeks and I'm on the fence about breaking contact to wish her a happy birthday. I know I'd be a fool if I did, but maybe that is all I am; a fool.

"The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go."

 

Stay strong, Tk123. Wounds heal quicker and with less scars when you don't pick at them. Hands off, ya hear?

 

HTH,

TMichaels

[TMichaels]

Am I correct believing you've never met this person?

 

Read his other thread.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[Emilia]

While it is easy to get tangled up with a person online OP - speaking from experience - it is still not real life. You were not in a relationship. She was a fictional character after all, something that was a creation of your own fantasy and desire. You need to see it for what it is OP, you are struggling to detach because you built this picture in your head of someone that ultimately doesn't exist. She is the creation of your loneliness.

[umirano]

I'm still very young, 20 years old and feel like I've been defeated.

You're not defeated. You just got a bad deal. Try again. Luck will come back.

 

I try to do stuff to get her off my mind, however she is haunting me every minute of every day. I cannot clear her from my mind. We haven't even spoke since the break-up but she is the only thing I can think about.

That's normal. Hang in there, it will get better.

 

I don't know why I can't lift myself up. I know I have it, I'm just a very shy guy. The other day old friends of my parents were over, the woman who has daughters my age, told me how she wished I would date one of her single daughters and told me how handsome I am. That put a smile on my face for the first time since I split from my LDR partner.

Didn't I just say luck will come back?

 

The thing that haunts me most about this girl is the way we split up. Her last words to me were "If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were." This quote just really bothers me for some reason and I can't get past it. I always wonder about if she is still thinking about me as much as I'm thinking of her.

While that saying holds some water, depending on the case, she probably just wanted to sound smart after being busted for a very stupid thing (lying in an LDR to someone she reputedly loved). Or it was her poor way of trying to comfort you after basically having been taking sh.its in your heart for months.

 

Her birthday is in a couple of weeks and I'm on the fence about breaking contact to wish her a happy birthday.

If you really can't help it, go for it. Breaking NC isn't the end of the world. Probably some pain will resurface, depending on how she reacts. I'd advise you not to contact her, but I know it's hard.

 

I know I'd be a fool if I did, but maybe that is all I am; a fool.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You're learning. Everyone looks dumb while learning. That's the price for wisdom.

 

I miss her to pieces and moving on has been extremely difficult. Just thought I'd vent my feelings because I woke up feeling pretty down today.

Divert yourself instantly. Even if it's playing a stupid video game. Sports are better though (releases endorphin). Meet friends or family.

[justwhoiam]

she wasn't completely fake

Do you know what was fake and what not? She could even be a guy, at this point.

 

she is haunting me every minute of every day. I cannot clear her from my mind. We haven't even spoke since the break-up but she is the only thing I can think about.

An obsessive thought on your mind. It's a one-way thing though. Hence the pain you're feeling.

 

I don't know why I can't lift myself up.

It seems like you've been feeling like that forever... but it hasn't been forever. It's just a short time in your life. See things in perspective. Look ahead. You wanted to make plans for the 4th of July. Well, she's out of the plans now, but you can still arrange something. Don't let it drag you down even more. Be sure you're going to so something fun.

 

Her last words to me were "If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were." This quote just really bothers me for some reason and I can't get past it. I always wonder about if she is still thinking about me as much as I'm thinking of her.

You can read it both ways... You don't go back > you never loved her. She won't be back > she never loved you. Let this last thought sink in: she never loved you. And you need to stop thinking of her because it's not healthy. A girl who's into you can be shy, and watch out, and take things slow... but won't lie to you over and over, repeatedly.

 

Her birthday is in a couple of weeks and I'm on the fence about breaking contact to wish her a happy birthday. I know I'd be a fool if I did, but maybe that is all I am; a fool.

I know you see it coming. I see it coming too. You've said that other times... You're like a kid knowing that if you open the door, you'll find a cake there waiting for you, ready to be eaten. Little you know that the cake is just a hologram to tease you, and there's nothing to eat. Keep that door closed.

 

Stay strong.

[umirano]

I miss her to pieces and moving on has been extremely difficult.

 

What emila said. You miss an imagination of her. The person you miss doesn't really exist. She's different. When you talked to her you only learned about parts of her, and you filled the gaps with hopes of yours. Believe me, I met a girl online and only met her in person more than a year later. The online persona is not who you'd have met IRL.

[Tk123]

Am I correct believing you've never met this person?

 

Correct.

 

It's not her quote -- nor is the version above entirely accurate. The original was written by the author Richard Bach. Since his words have had such a profound affect on you here's my advice in Richard Bach's words...

 

"Every problem has a gift for you in its hands."

 

 

 

"It is by not always thinking about yourself, if you can manage it, that you might somehow be happy. Until you make room in your life for someone as important to you as yourself, you will always be searching and lost."

 

 

 

"If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem."

 

 

"The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go."

 

Stay strong, Tk123. Wounds heal quicker and with less scars when you don't pick at them. Hands off, ya hear?

 

HTH,

TMichaels

 

Thank you TMichaels, your advice always cheers me up and I'm so appreciative and grateful. I'm going to keep my hands off, and let these wounds heal once and for all.

 

While it is easy to get tangled up with a person online OP - speaking from experience - it is still not real life. You were not in a relationship. She was a fictional character after all, something that was a creation of your own fantasy and desire. You need to see it for what it is OP, you are struggling to detach because you built this picture in your head of someone that ultimately doesn't exist. She is the creation of your loneliness.

 

Thank you Emilia, as much as that hurts it is the truth. This girl was an imagination to me for all these months and nothing more, a fictional character whom I believed was real for too long.

 

You're not defeated. You just got a bad deal. Try again. Luck will come back.

 

That's normal. Hang in there, it will get better.

 

Didn't I just say luck will come back?

 

While that saying holds some water, depending on the case, she probably just wanted to sound smart after being busted for a very stupid thing (lying in an LDR to someone she reputedly loved). Or it was her poor way of trying to comfort you after basically having been taking sh.its in your heart for months.

 

If you really can't help it, go for it. Breaking NC isn't the end of the world. Probably some pain will resurface, depending on how she reacts. I'd advise you not to contact her, but I know it's hard.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. You're learning. Everyone looks dumb while learning. That's the price for wisdom.

 

 

Divert yourself instantly. Even if it's playing a stupid video game. Sports are better though (releases endorphin). Meet friends or family.

 

Thank you umirano, I made sure to work-out extra hard today and ran an extra mile as well. I do feel a little better after that. I still can't help but to think about her when I am doing nothing. Luckily I have work tomorrow which will hopefully clear my mind from her for a little bit.

 

Do you know what was fake and what not? She could even be a guy, at this point.

 

An obsessive thought on your mind. It's a one-way thing though. Hence the pain you're feeling.

 

It seems like you've been feeling like that forever... but it hasn't been forever. It's just a short time in your life. See things in perspective. Look ahead. You wanted to make plans for the 4th of July. Well, she's out of the plans now, but you can still arrange something. Don't let it drag you down even more. Be sure you're going to so something fun.

 

You can read it both ways... You don't go back > you never loved her. She won't be back > she never loved you. Let this last thought sink in: she never loved you. And you need to stop thinking of her because it's not healthy. A girl who's into you can be shy, and watch out, and take things slow... but won't lie to you over and over, repeatedly.

 

I know you see it coming. I see it coming too. You've said that other times... You're like a kid knowing that if you open the door, you'll find a cake there waiting for you, ready to be eaten. Little you know that the cake is just a hologram to tease you, and there's nothing to eat. Keep that door closed.

 

Stay strong.

 

I think you hit the nail on the head justwhoiam, and that's exactly what I needed to hear: she never loved me. I know almost for sure that she won't be back, so why should I go back? I'm not going to be so easy anymore, I know she thinks deep down that I'll be back but I'm going to prove her wrong. I'm NOT going to send any birthday wishes, and I'm going to get past this.

 

What emila said. You miss an imagination of her. The person you miss doesn't really exist. She's different. When you talked to her you only learned about parts of her, and you filled the gaps with hopes of yours. Believe me, I met a girl online and only met her in person more than a year later. The online persona is not who you'd have met IRL.

 

 

I agree. It's so easy to believe that the online persona is going to be exactly the same IRL however, that is almost never the case.

 

 

I can't thank you all enough for the support you've all given me. I don't want you guys to think I'm going to give up. I still got 3 years of college to go, a whole career ahead of me and I am working part time in the meantime. I think I am putting too much stress on myself, that I need another "lady friend" to talk to. Hopefully things fall in place, I know I still am going to mourn the loss of this so called imagination for the days to come, but maybe one day they will all disappear and fade away.

[justwhoiam]

that's exactly what I needed to hear: she never loved me. I'm NOT going to send any birthday wishes, and I'm going to get past this.

I don't even know you and I'm so proud of you I'm even happy for you. I know you can't be really happy right now... but you're on the right track. And you don't need another lady friend, rather several lady friends. That's my suggestion, before getting attached to a girl again. And pick a girl who's worth it!

 

I'd cheer you up more if I could.

[TMichaels]

Thank you TMichaels, your advice always cheers me up and I'm so appreciative and grateful. I'm going to keep my hands off, and let these wounds heal once and for all.

 

You're welcome. Now, make good on that promise!

 

 

I can't thank you all enough for the support you've all given me. I don't want you guys to think I'm going to give up. I still got 3 years of college to go, a whole career ahead of me and I am working part time in the meantime. I think I am putting too much stress on myself, that I need another "lady friend" to talk to. Hopefully things fall in place, I know I still am going to mourn the loss of this so called imagination for the days to come, but maybe one day they will all disappear and fade away.

 

As soon as you forgive *yourself* Tk123, they will.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[lovemates]

Ever since our break-up one and a half weeks ago, I have been going through so many mixed emotions. I can't tell you how much I've cried over a situation like this. I'm still very young, 20 years old and feel like I've been defeated.

 

I try to do stuff to get her off my mind, however she is haunting me every minute of every day. I cannot clear her from my mind. We haven't even spoke since the break-up but she is the only thing I can think about.

 

Just hang in there buddy, you know you are doing the right thing by staying away from her. Things will get even worse before you will start feeling better again but don't lose focus yet.

 

I know i'm not the right guy to advise you on this stuff because i'm going through the same thing right now. But i do know one thing - she doesn't deserve your love or your time, she isn't even real.

 

You are just 20 years old and its not the end of the world for you. you will have your luck and meet a girl who will appreciate your love.

 

My suggestion to you is stay away from the game site where you met her, remove Skype or any other other applications you guys used to speak with each other from your computer or smart phone for a while. Trust me, this really helps.

 

DO NOT try to contact her, ever. Just don't forget this and in time you will feel better.

[kiwildr]

Tk123 - hey thank you for your post on mine too, as you know I am about to embark on the no contact stance too.

 

I think it is human nature sometimes when you can't have something you want it even more. Like everyone says it takes time to get over someone when you think you have had a connection with them, I think you are taking the right steps to by keeping busy and active and doing other things as when your not it is amazing how your mind can wonder back to what you are trying to get over and you start to dwell on things. I'm with you all the way as I will be doing the same too.

 

I am signing up for the gym today and I have a busy schedule at work so I hopefully will have little time to think too much about things. Sending you a big hug as seriously I am going through the same thing, you definitely are not alone on this, time does heal even though we might not think it at the time.

[Tk123]

I don't even know you and I'm so proud of you I'm even happy for you. I know you can't be really happy right now... but you're on the right track. And you don't need another lady friend, rather several lady friends. That's my suggestion, before getting attached to a girl again. And pick a girl who's worth it!

 

I'd cheer you up more if I could.

 

You've been a big help ever since I've joined these forums and started talking about my LDR issues. It's hard for me to be really happy right now but I'm trying!

 

I definitely am going to take it slow until I find the right girl, I don't want to go through what happened to me ever again.

 

You're welcome. Now, make good on that promise!

 

As soon as you forgive *yourself* Tk123, they will.

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

I'm going to make good on that promise TMichaels! I'm trying to forgive myself however, I keep beating myself up over the fact that I never caught this sooner. That I was being led on to no where.

 

Just hang in there buddy, you know you are doing the right thing by staying away from her. Things will get even worse before you will start feeling better again but don't lose focus yet.

 

I know i'm not the right guy to advise you on this stuff because i'm going through the same thing right now. But i do know one thing - she doesn't deserve your love or your time, she isn't even real.

 

You are just 20 years old and its not the end of the world for you. you will have your luck and meet a girl who will appreciate your love.

 

My suggestion to you is stay away from the game site where you met her, remove Skype or any other other applications you guys used to speak with each other from your computer or smart phone for a while. Trust me, this really helps.

 

DO NOT try to contact her, ever. Just don't forget this and in time you will feel better.

 

 

Thanks lovemates, hope everything is going alright with you and your situation. I'm not going to contact her, I will fight off the urges. Tomorrow is going to be 2 weeks since we last spoke.

 

I know I'm still young and got my whole life ahead of me, I just have a feeling it's going to take some time for me to get out of this slump.

 

Tk123 - hey thank you for your post on mine too, as you know I am about to embark on the no contact stance too.

 

I think it is human nature sometimes when you can't have something you want it even more. Like everyone says it takes time to get over someone when you think you have had a connection with them, I think you are taking the right steps to by keeping busy and active and doing other things as when your not it is amazing how your mind can wonder back to what you are trying to get over and you start to dwell on things. I'm with you all the way as I will be doing the same too.

 

I am signing up for the gym today and I have a busy schedule at work so I hopefully will have little time to think too much about things. Sending you a big hug as seriously I am going through the same thing, you definitely are not alone on this, time does heal even though we might not think it at the time.

 

 

Thanks kiwi! I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out the way you had hoped for. Staying active is probably the best thing we can do to get our minds off of them.

 

Working out at the gym will be great for you, it really helped me forget about her completely for the couple of hours that I'm there. Work is also great for you, and I'm happy to see you are finding ways to keep busy. It's only a matter of time until these things pass for both of us. You know you can always message me if you need someone to talk to!

[Tk123]

Over 2 weeks and counting. I'm beginning to feel a little better. Earlier this evening I took my car out, rolled the windows down, blasted some music and went joy riding rather then staying inside on the computer...

 

I do feel lonely right now. My phone doesn't vibrate and ring all day like it used to when I was with her. I'm lucky if I get 2 messages on my phone in one day now. The loneliness sucks!

 

In other news I went out with the girl TMichaels likes to refer to as the "Gatsby Girl". This was the girl I would hang out with just as friends when I was in my LDR. Nothing really happened due to my hesitation I think. We joked around with each other a lot, playfully shoved each other around in the car and when we were out, and the night ended as usual with me walking her to the door giving each other a goodbye hug. I want to try and take it a step further but don't want a very committed relationship since I am still recovering from my emotional attachment in my previous relationship. (The catfish)

 

I waited a day to text her after we hung out to tell her I had fun and that we should do it again sometime. I gave it a day so I didn't come off as clingy to her. However, she never responded back and I can tell she read the message because we both use iPhones. It sorta bothers me but I'm just hoping she was busy or something when she read it and forgot to text me back.

 

That's what I've been up to these past couple of days!

[justwhoiam]

Maybe she's playing your same game of waiting X days, maybe as you said she 'forgot', or maybe she's not interested in you as more than a friend so she's keeping it distant enough so that you don't get that idea...

[kiwildr]

I know what you mean about no longer getting the messages i use to love chatting about my day or joking around about things going on, we would message morning and night. Now its kind of strange the silence and yes i know what you mean about being lonely at times.I now get brief two sentence replies i sometimes think it would be better if he just didn't send anything as it too cryptic to work out the whole situation, today is the first day he has not emailed me anything.

 

I am glad as time goes by it is getting a little easier for you , yep i am no rush to go down the same track again either. I wouldn"t stress too much about the other girl not rushing into anything and maybe just chilling as friends is a good way to go for now.

[Tk123]

Maybe she's playing your same game of waiting X days, maybe as you said she 'forgot', or maybe she's not interested in you as more than a friend so she's keeping it distant enough so that you don't get that idea...

 

Maybe she is. She texted me the other day but not about the previous night we had together. 4th of July is this week, and I'm thinking of taking her to the fireworks near us. Does this seem like a bad move for me? (this is the "Gatsby Girl" I'm talking about)

 

I know what you mean about no longer getting the messages i use to love chatting about my day or joking around about things going on, we would message morning and night. Now its kind of strange the silence and yes i know what you mean about being lonely at times.I now get brief two sentence replies i sometimes think it would be better if he just didn't send anything as it too cryptic to work out the whole situation, today is the first day he has not emailed me anything.

 

I am glad as time goes by it is getting a little easier for you , yep i am no rush to go down the same track again either. I wouldn"t stress too much about the other girl not rushing into anything and maybe just chilling as friends is a good way to go for now.

 

I agree kiwi. The worst part out of this whole thing is probably the loneliness for me. I hope things are turning around for you and getting better with your situation.

 

Sorry for not responding these past couple of days I've been really busy! Anyways, time is moving on for me. Each day passes and I still get upset and think about her in my alone time. It drives me crazy sometimes.

 

It seems like ever since we broke up she is still around in some weird way that I can't explain. Almost every time I'm in the car, her song comes up coincidentally on the radio. I quickly change the station but it's just really strange how it happens. The other day, I saw an add in the newspaper for a pizzeria named exactly after the one we were supposed to meet at if I flew down there.

 

Little things like that keep happening to me every day and we're approaching the 3 week mark of NC. I keep telling myself I'm not going to text her for her upcoming birthday. I promised you guys I wouldn't, I'm just afraid my instincts are going to tell me otherwise and that I'm going to send her that message. I know if I do we're going to start talking again and the wounds would never be restored. It's just really hard sometimes not to think about it.

[kiwildr]

You are doing awesome as each day goes by and I guess the less contact to no contact you detach yourself a little more each time, so it's got to be taking the right path. All I know is it is a slow process, but one we all have to go through at some time in our life even though it seems painful at the time. Thank you for your awesome support it really has helped me with your encouragement and others...sending you a big hug (()) stay strong TK123

[justwhoiam]

4th of July is this week, and I'm thinking of taking her to the fireworks near us. Does this seem like a bad move for me? (this is the "Gatsby Girl" I'm talking about)

Sure. Did you ask her? Maybe she got other plans... only a 3-day notice...

[Tk123]

You are doing awesome as each day goes by and I guess the less contact to no contact you detach yourself a little more each time, so it's got to be taking the right path. All I know is it is a slow process, but one we all have to go through at some time in our life even though it seems painful at the time. Thank you for your awesome support it really has helped me with your encouragement and others...sending you a big hug (()) stay strong TK123

 

Thanks for the support kiwi I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for becoming so attached to her, it's impossible to not think about her at least once a day.

 

Sure. Did you ask her? Maybe she got other plans... only a 3-day notice...

 

 

She did have plans and is going away for a long weekend. I don't know what I'm going to do with my 4th of July now. :/

[AJinlove]

The weather is nice out and it is summer, it is great timing for going out and meeting new people. Go out to a park or the beach; enjoy being out, take the sun, it always have good impact in your mood and health. There must be some fireworks somewhere close, go there.

And it is normal to be thinking of her, you might think of her for months; so what? that doesn't change any of the facts. Slowly you will think of her less and less; sometimes it just takes longer.

[Tk123]

The weather is nice out and it is summer, it is great timing for going out and meeting new people. Go out to a park or the beach; enjoy being out, take the sun, it always have good impact in your mood and health. There must be some fireworks somewhere close, go there.

And it is normal to be thinking of her, you might think of her for months; so what? that doesn't change any of the facts. Slowly you will think of her less and less; sometimes it just takes longer.

 

Thanks for the advice AJ. I know the weather is beautiful and I love going outside, the problem is I don't know how to go out and about meeting new people.

 

It would be weird for me to go to fireworks or go to a club or do anything by myself where there are groups of people together all with friends. I don't have many people I can go to hang with and a lot of the times I would feel awkward in settings like that by myself.

 

I want to get out, I want to do something with myself when I'm not working all week, but I don't know where to go, what to do, or how to go about doing it.

[TMichaels]

Thanks for the advice AJ. I know the weather is beautiful and I love going outside, the problem is I don't know how to go out and about meeting new people.

 

It would be weird for me to go to fireworks or go to a club or do anything by myself where there are groups of people together all with friends. I don't have many people I can go to hang with and a lot of the times I would feel awkward in settings like that by myself.

 

I want to get out, I want to do something with myself when I'm not working all week, but I don't know where to go, what to do, or how to go about doing it.

 

Tk123, have you thought about asking/going/tagging along with...

 

-- Co-workers

-- Neighbors

-- Family

-- People from your church (if you attend)

-- Acquaintances you may have made at a local gym (if you go)

-- Volunteering to work at a food tent, helping with parking cars, etc. at any local festivities in your area?

 

Usually, whomever organizes such latter events are always looking for people to lend a hand. That kind of thing would get you out and about and give you a task to do/accomplish so you wouldn't need to be worried about "meeting new people" per se, as you'd be meeting people regardless!

 

Just a thought... Hope it helps.

 

By the way, be sure to read the new thread Omei posted and take note of the lesson she learned...

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

Usually,

[Tk123]

Sorry for not responding for a couple of days, I've been fairly busy.

 

4th of July wasn't a complete fail I'd say. Although I didn't hang out with anyone new or do anything special, I spent my 4th with the family. I know a lot of people my age were probably out getting wasted and having the time of their lives, but that's besides the point. I had a good time with my family and I guess that's all that matters.

 

In terms of hanging out with people, things are about the same still. I only have the "gatsby girl" to hang out with which isn't a problem, but I feel like such a loser sometimes being around home a lot when it's summer time. I really wanted to make the most of this summer.

 

In other news, there has still been no contact with the catfish girl. I guess I could say I'm feeling better about her. Her birthday is now 2 days away which will almost mark 4 weeks of no contact. I don't think I have the decency to break contact to wish her a happy birthday. I know we would end up resolving everything and I would find myself in the same predicament with her a couple of weeks later.

 

I haven't really gotten depressed over her anymore, sure I miss her like crazy still but I think I could finally let her go after taking it all in. Most my feeling down problems are with my social life status. I don't have many people to talk with ever since she has been gone, I get only a couple of texts throughout the day and other than that it's all silent. I don't like living like this, I want to change it.

 

I'd try to hang out with coworkers if it seemed right but it doesn't. I do heavy road construction, and most the guys I work with are in their 30s-40s married with kids, and the other guys speak very broken English and not guys I can see myself hanging out with. I'm 20 years old, I want to hang out with people around my age. I want to go out and party, I want to have a good time. I'm tired of my parents thinking I stay home too much. I know I do, and I want to get out more.

 

I also apologize if there are some typos; I've been writing this from my phone with autocorrect.