acceptance

[katielee]

how do you get there? after all the mind-games, lies, having to see the OW? It's like we have to weigh things out - how much do you accept before it's too much?

We have great times together with other couples, go to movies, have 4 grown children who are great. I have to accept one experience in order to have the other.

At times I feel alright, at other times, rage and anger that this is my life.

[JustAReformedGirl]

how do you get there? after all the mind-games, lies, having to see the OW? It's like we have to weigh things out - how much do you accept before it's too much?

We have great times together with other couples, go to movies, have 4 grown children who are great. I have to accept one experience in order to have the other.

At times I feel alright, at other times, rage and anger that this is my life.

 

How long ago was the betrayal? If you have committed to reconciling with your partner, you need to do just that. This does not mean not allowing yourself to feel these feelings; let them out. Talk to your WS, whenever these feelings arise. Reconciling will only work if both of you engage in open, honest communication. Don't be afraid to express your hurt and anger; your WS, by participating in recon, has made a commitment to help you through the mess they've made.

 

The road won't be easy, but it can be achieved. Have you been going to MC?

[katielee]

It been just over a year. But there were two affairs that I caught him T eithin three months.

Yes we go to MC. He said it may be time to put this in the past and move forward. This isn't how I see it. I just see it as something I have to live with.

[JustAReformedGirl]

It been just over a year. But there were two affairs that I caught him T eithin three months.

Yes we go to MC. He said it may be time to put this in the past and move forward. This isn't how I see it. I just see it as something I have to live with.

 

He shouldn't be pushing you to get over it. Given the fact that he was the WS, he should be matching his stride with yours.

 

Do you think you can truly reconcile? Or do you feel that you've done the best you can, and there's nothing left in the relationship?

[2sunny]

Is he doing EVERYTHING to repair the damage HE caused? Is he doing his best to restore your peace of mind? Is he offering up info whenever you ask?

 

Is he open and honest at all times with his feelings?

[underwater2010]

One simple word.....TIME.

[katielee]

the MC said that, not hubby. He understands maybe this will all fade in time but he's been going through this for over three years. He's a BS too.

 

Transparency is difficult for him but he's doing it. There are 14 places around town where he took these women and when he goes there with clients, I just seethe with anger. MC suggested we "take these places back" but I can't stand to step foot in them with him.

 

I do not want to live here with these women, but I also do not want to move. I'm trying. But every day he goes to work I put on my smiley face and tell him to have a good day, knowing that he works a block away from one.

[dichotomy]

how do you get there? after all the mind-games, lies, having to see the OW? It's like we have to weigh things out - how much do you accept before it's too much?

We have great times together with other couples, go to movies, have 4 grown children who are great. I have to accept one experience in order to have the other.

At times I feel alright, at other times, rage and anger that this is my life.

 

 

Affraid to say that after many years, and remaining issues - it is often still about "the balance scales". Sometimes you do have to accept the bad with the good - as long as the good outweighs the bad. But then even without an betrayl - thats marriage, a job, and life in general.