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Working out of town during the week. Wife won't join me.

AirplaneCoffee

By AirplaneCoffee,
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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Els

Els

Posted
Posted

You said that you had accepted it without thinking of having her move with you, and that came up later on, did you not?

 

But that isn't the POINT. The point is that she deserves a chance to know what is really bothering you and a chance to work TOGETHER on resolving the issue, rather than you just harboring resentment.

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AirplaneCoffee

AirplaneCoffee

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You said that you had accepted it without thinking of having her move with you, and that came up later on, did you not?

I never said that
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Els

Els

Posted
Posted

....

 

You're really just looking for a 'valid' excuse to 'separate your interests' and 'make your separation official', aren't you? You're not actually looking for a way to resolve the issue with her.

 

Please, by all means go ahead. Not interested in trying to help someone who clearly doesn't want it.

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AirplaneCoffee

AirplaneCoffee

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....

 

You're really just looking for a 'valid' excuse to 'separate your interests' and 'make your separation official', aren't you? You're not actually looking for a way to resolve the issue with her.

 

Please, by all means go ahead. Not interested in trying to help someone who clearly doesn't want it.

Ugh .. ok, thanks everyone for the suggestions. I guess I'll find a way to deal with this.
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Scrivdog

Scrivdog

Posted
Posted
With all fairness what people don't realise on this thread is that Switzerland is one of the most booooooooooring countries on earth. A move there from Paris?....
You've never been there, toots.
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xxoo

xxoo

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That is simply not true. I don't know what I said that would lead anyone to think that. I asked her MULTIPLE times until it almost became a joke.

 

Reading here, I didn't get that you asked her multiple times. It sounded like your discussions were her listing her reasons, and you conceding that was the best plan.

 

You are assuming based on one comment that her main reason for staying is her preference. If it were my marriage on the line, I would at the very least have a discussion clarifying the point.

 

Would you consider yourself conflict avoidant? Do you tend to agree with things you don't really want to do to avoid an argument?

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Emilia

Emilia

Posted
Posted
You've never been there, toots.

I have toots. Speaking from experience toots. Yaaawwwnn toots

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HokeyReligions

HokeyReligions

Posted
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Sounds like you've been together a while. It often happens that partners take each other for granted because they are so comfortable in their relationshp. I did that to my husband and it took him nearly leaving me for me to see it and it took work on both our parts to not fall into that habit again.

 

Talk with her and set some boundries and responsibilities. Tell her what you really want and what you will and will not accept. Then give her time to process that and be prepared to listen toher. You need to realign your priorities.

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TiredFamilyGuy

TiredFamilyGuy

Posted
Posted (edited)

OP - I feel your woundedness here. You are right to think the crucial issue is how you are regarded by your wife. It is also however how you regard her and are loyal to her.

 

There are reasons for your wife to stay in Paris and not all of them are selfish: you did agree it, you would arguably be disrupting the last two years of your son's education. Many people work apart during the week and you at least see your family at the weekends, when there is time. It is not all bad.

 

The question is, what will happen in two years? Will you have grown apart to the point where separate arrangements are a formality? Do you phone each other during the week and reunite at the weekend? Or is it a steadily increasing wall of hurt and indifference? It is hard to extract yourself from such a negative feedback loop.

 

Myself, I live in London and laugh at the idea of it as a fantasy location, love it though I do. I would prefer perhaps to be in Paris. But Geneva? Now, that would be like Frankfurt and no amount of "It's not so bad" will serve to make it seem better, sorry. You are there though, alone, and that as they say, sucks mightily.

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2sunny

2sunny

Posted
Posted

An honest question came to mind...

 

Are you in such need of constant companionship that you might seek another woman's company while you're away during your work week?

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CC12

CC12

Posted
Posted (edited)
since you'd initially accepted the offer without telling her you'd like her to come with you.

 

That is simply not true. I don't know what I said that would lead anyone to think that. I asked her MULTIPLE times until it almost became a joke.

 

This is what you said that led people to think that:

 

Granted, I didn't assume nor bring up the idea of her coming over as well at the time. I figured the commute would be ok enough - but then again, I didn't know better.

 

You're not very consistent with details, or the actual reasons you're mad. It really does seem like you're just looking for reasons to be angry at your wife. Do you think that's true?

 

 

 

Ugh .. ok, thanks everyone for the suggestions. I guess I'll find a way to deal with this.

 

How are you going to deal with it?

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BeholdtheMan

BeholdtheMan

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Posted
The most likely explanation is that the wife is involved in an affair in Paris and therefore doesn't want to leave her affair partner. Also with the husband in Geneva most of the time she has more freedom to conduct her affair.

 

There IS no "other" reason for her behavior. London is just a strawman since it's entirely hypothetical. She wouldn't move to London either, she just said that so she could make it seem like she didn't want to move to Geneva specifically. But since her affair partner is in Paris she wouldn't actually move to London either if it was an actual choice she had to make.

 

Well-stated. While not a certainty, this is definitely a possibility

 

OP you have to take into consideration that your wife's stated reasons may not be her true reasons. You have to heighten your perceptiveness, perhaps even do some investigation to get to the bottom of this matter

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Eve

Eve

Posted
Posted

I'm with the wife on this one - I would want to stay in Paris. Please Paris is great! Practically speaking the youngest child being in the last years of schooling would trump everything anyway. My H wouldn't press me about moving, we would work something out.

 

OP, the only way forward is to talk things through. The relationship sounds strained to me. I wouldn't even contemplate letting my H go too far away from home in the first place. Gosh, when the children were small I didn't even let him do overtime. Him being at home was more important than money... but we shared that burden by my working and setting up successful businesses.

 

You both need to sort out the finances. Doing it all on your own isn't good. The eldest child may have to get a job whilst at Uni too.

 

Gosh, live a little. Too much work will kill you.

 

Take care,

Eve x

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2sunny

2sunny

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Posted

Nothing he typed indicates she's cheating.

 

But he did say she may be relieved she doesn't have to deal with his BS all week long.

 

 

So what does "your BS" look like? What is it that you do/don't do - that you were referring to?

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