Spira Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 Hi everyone. I know someone just posted about this, but I think my situation is just a tad bit different, and I was wondering what you guys think. It's about porn. I don't have a problem with my boyfriend watching regular porn - I watch it too. However, I do have a problem with my boyfriend's obsession with beautiful women. He keeps a folder on his computer full of pictures of women that he finds attractive - lots of them pornographic, some of them not. About half of the folder is pictures of girls we see every week when we go to the club, and a few of his ex's. The pornographic pictures bug me, but not quite as much as the pictures of real girls that we know & talk to, or the girls he talks to online. It's like he's collecting these women, almost... It's one thing to jerk off to Angelina Jolie or Adrianna Sage. But real girls that you see & talk to? I think that's crossing the respect-for-your-girlfriend line. It also seems like collecting these women is his only hobby or interest - everything from his comic book collection to his internet habits is centered around beautiful women. The worst thing about it is he is constantly flipping through these pictures while I sit right there. I have expressed my dislike for it, but he tells me I'm being jealous & immature & basically (in not so many words) that I should just get used to it, because that's "part of who he is". HAHA. Last night I finally got the balls to ask him (very politely) to just delete it (that particular folder), and attempted to give him the reasons why it bugged me. I tried to tell him that it was a small sacrafice (because I'm not even asking him to throw away his porn vids or anything like that). However he refused to listen or talk to me until I sobered up and told me, "You're being just like Melissa used to be" - Melissa being his ex-girlfriend. Which bring up an entirely different issue of him always comparing me to his ex's... He fails to realize that being constantly bombarded with pictures of women that he thinks are the most beautiful (and even being compared to his ex's) hurts me and makes me feel insecure. I don't understand why it's such a huge sacrafice to him or why he's so bothered by it... Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 If he is not willing to get rid of these pics for your relationship, then you need to ask yourself if you need this type of person in your life. He obviously still has some letting go issues of the girls in the pics, or he still wouldn't have them. Also the fact he says you're jealous etc, he actually likes that. He is getting attention from you that way. Even though it is negative. He has some insecurity issues. You told him how you feel he refuses to get rid of them, so ask yourself what you really want. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
twalkoe Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 I agree with the last poster. Porn and fantasy and crap like that are all VERY dangerous areas. You seem to not mind the porn where he doesn't know the girls...but isn't that fantasy too? Maybe he doesn't have a distinction between the two. If you're ok with him fantasizing about women he doesn't know, then why should you care about the women he does know? His defense is that he isn't going to do anything "physically" with the women he does know or the women he doesn't. You have to figure out if you want this in your life or not. If you don't want it and he still does it, it will eat you from the inside out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spira Posted October 17, 2004 Author Share Posted October 17, 2004 Thanks. I didn't realize that this topic had already been discussed so throughly - I've gone through and read the other threads to see what everyone thinks about this issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 I think there is a huge difference between porn and pictures of people you know (like there is a huge difference between a stripper and your female friends taking their clothes of). Porn ....well, I think we women have the right not to like it, and not to be confortable with it, but it is just fantasies and basically just a tool. Pictures of friends/acquaintances are totally inappropriate, I'm sure that even most porn supporters will agree with this. Also, I think it is rude to throw porn (let alone those pics) in your face. He should not keep those pics in his computer. It would take a *very* self confident woman not to feel insecure in your situation (altough I guess even a very self confident woman would NOT put up with that crap) Link to post Share on other sites
Fritz Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 Well, yeah I think its going too far to keep those pictures openly around especially explicit stuff of ex's/ real girls he knows from a club. At least, if he's truly constantly looking at them around you. Thats crass and puts up red flags. Dude needs to stop living in the past and constantly in a fantasy world. That or get a bunch of naked pics of guys you like to fantasize about and do the same to him. If it bugs you that much and I can see how it would, dump his arse. This kind of thing falls into that whole realm of "general respect" folks should give each other in a relationship in my opinion. A gal who did that to me would not be dating me for very long. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spira Posted October 18, 2004 Author Share Posted October 18, 2004 I'm glad that you guys don't think I'm being totally irrational about this. That's what he seems to think and that's really how I was starting to feel about it... He agreed to delete the pictures that were bugging me, and he seemed OK with it - but still irritated at the fact that I was being so jealous. Like the loss of the pictures wasn't the big deal - my attitude towards them was. I really don't know what I'm supposed to think about the whole issue anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Glad he got rid of them but I would still keep my eyes open. Hopefully he wont do that again. Good luck. __________________________ "The greater the love, the greater the tragedy when its over; those two elements always go together." Link to post Share on other sites
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