face to face with BS and

[LilGirlandOW]

So today I came face to face with my MM's BS, there are so many things i wanted to ask her, oddly i was so curious, she knows that we were in heavy contact, just he must have smooth talked his way out of both our mini ddays.

 

This is gonna sound HORRIBLE, but its the honest truth so I'm throwing it out there, any OW ever get grossed right out not out of jealousy but imagining your MM having sex with BS if she's absolutely unattractive, like all i could do is imagine it, and I have no idea how he goes there, lol, honestly. Not trying to sound heartless, i wanna believe him that he doesnt do the deed with her.

 

Thoughts?

[Praying4Peace]

My exMM's W was attractive, but I still wasn't fan of imagining it!

[LilGirlandOW]

I have mixed emotions about it, I've seen her from a distance before but today was the first face to face encounter, and I dont know,,,, part of me is happy she's not gorgeous, another part is grossed out to imagine the deed,

[ladydesigner]

another part is grossed out to imagine the deed,

 

Why is this? You knew that by dating the MM that he would be sharing the deed with 2 women.

 

Why OW think that MM aren't having sex with their wives is beyond me

 

Plus it's not always what's on the outside that is attractive to people.

[LilGirlandOW]

oh i'm sure they do their once in a blue moon deed, he says shes not into sex, he's not attracted to her so they dont have sex at all. I can believe that after today. Looks are absolutely not everything, but if i thought my MM were a troll, I wouldn't have been attracted enough to get into it,

 

Sorry for the brutal honesty.. i'm just saying exactly whats on my mind, throwing it out there, if you get offended sorry. not my intention to start shyte just wondering if other OW have been in my place

[ladydesigner]

he says

 

It's always what HE says right? Mine said the same thing about our sex life. Our sex life was and still is off the charts. Pretty kinky at that also, it would take a real 'freak' to compete with me.

 

Anyways not always do people get blessed in the looks department. The MOW in our sitch wasn't attractive (cute, but I'm more of the Victoria's Secret Model). My WH still found something attractive about her though. It works both ways I guess.

[JustAReformedGirl]

I know my AP has felt jealous about it. For my short stint as an OW (when he was dating someone) I felt a bit jealous, too. But, I never vocalized it, because I knew he had every right to pursue something else. At the time, I didn't think we'd take our relationship any further.

 

As for my AP's feelings of jealousy, he spends just as much time chastising himself for feeling that way, than anything.

 

I'm guessing it might just be an insecurity thing, for most OMs/OWs.

[Eggplant]

Do you get grossed out by all ugly people or just the wife in particular?

[Goodbye]

oh i'm sure they do their once in a blue moon deed, he says shes not into sex, he's not attracted to her so they dont have sex at all. I can believe that after today. Looks are absolutely not everything, but if i thought my MM were a troll, I wouldn't have been attracted enough to get into it,

 

Sorry for the brutal honesty.. i'm just saying exactly whats on my mind, throwing it out there, if you get offended sorry. not my intention to start shyte just wondering if other OW have been in my place

 

 

I never met her in person. I did see pictures, and she was fairly attractive. He always did the "we haven't been intimate in 9 months" thing...but when I figured out that he was a massive liar, I did start to get grossed out by her image. Not that she was gross...the situation was.

[JustAReformedGirl]

I'll add that any jealousy or sickness felt by either my AP or myself had little to do with the appearance of our partners, but to do with our feelings for one another.

 

You're entitled to your opinion, LilGirlandOW, but that does seem kind of shallow. And mean.

[MissBee]

Curious: do you think he always thought she was unattractive or do you think he must have been attracted to her at some point?

 

My exAP's SO was attractive. However, I never saw what she looked like until after the A. When my last ex got a new gf, I was grossed out imagining them having sex because of both jealousy and also because I didn't think she was attractive.

 

I think if you're romantically involved with someone there will be some jealousy and criticism of who you feel is taking your place/sharing them...regardless of if they're attractive or not.

[Praying4Peace]

It's always what HE says right? Mine said the same thing about our sex life. Our sex life was and still is off the charts. Pretty kinky at that also, it would take a real 'freak' to compete with me.

 

Anyways not always do people get blessed in the looks department. The MOW in our sitch wasn't attractive (cute, but I'm more of the Victoria's Secret Model). My WH still found something attractive about her though. It works both ways I guess.

 

I think a lot of people who are in affairs stop having sex with their spouses. It seems to be either that or they get hypersexual and are at it at home. People say its one of the signs of cheating (the extremes).

 

I know for a fact that my xMM wasn't having sex with his W. He said it felt like cheating and he couldn't be close to two women. She told me this too (his W) via email and I also saw her say this to him via text. So yeah, its possible and yes she was very pretty but I'd say we are equally attractive (though we have slightly different body types).

 

I'm sorry, but when some men emotionally attach- they find it hard to want their spouse. Im guessing for the BS's who had the opposite experience that their H's were the "I just need to get some from anyone" types. If I were a BS I would prefer my H stopped having sex with me, then at least after the Affair was over I'd know that the physical part was 'real' and 'with emotion' (I'd be scared to know my H would be able to act so normal and happy at home and do that...sickos in my opinion...)

[2sure]

Many OW and BS are surprised to find out how they look like different versions of the same woman. Some OW look like younger versions of BS.

 

Happens sometimes.

But either way, you can read all over the dating threads that for the most part...people date within their league. So, all three of you are probably about the same level of attractive .

[Goodbye]

I think a lot of people who are in affairs stop having sex with their spouses. It seems to be either that or they get hypersexual and are at it at home. People say its one of the signs of cheating (the extremes).

 

I know for a fact that my xMM wasn't having sex with his W. He said it felt like cheating and he couldn't be close to two women. She told me this too (his W) via email and I also saw her say this to him via text. So yeah, its possible and yes she was very pretty but I'd say we are equally attractive (though we have slightly different body types).

 

I'm sorry, but when some men emotionally attach- they find it hard to want their spouse. Im guessing for the BS's who had the opposite experience that their H's were the "I just need to get some from anyone" types. If I were a BS I would prefer my H stopped having sex with me, then at least after the Affair was over I'd know that the physical part was 'real' and 'with emotion' (I'd be scared to know my H would be able to act so normal and happy at home and do that...sickos in my opinion...)

 

 

My exMM used to say going home to his wife "felt like cheating" and told me he wasn't physical with her. In hindsight...I don't believe it at all.

[MissBee]

For me, I've always felt a bit better thinking my guys' exes were also pretty and smart and that they consistently chose "good" women versus everyone was a train wreck until me. I dunno lol...when his past record shows he has always exhibited good taste, it just makes me feel better like I got a good man who can get any good woman...not some weird loser who could only date women HE thought were unattractive and now loves me because he managed to bag me. That's not attractive to me personally. It's one thing for other people to think your partner is not attractive, but if the MM is also saying he doesn't think his wife is attractive...then just wow...you voluntarily married someone you thought ugly/plain/unattractive....it makes you seem like a loser.

Edited June 26, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Goodbye]

Many OW and BS are surprised to find out how they look like different versions of the same woman. Some OW look like younger versions of BS.

 

Happens sometimes.

But either way, you can read all over the dating threads that for the most part...people date within their league. So, all three of you are probably about the same level of attractive .

 

 

 

Funny you should say that...my ex Husband is dating someone who looks like me minus 20 years...UGH.

 

But, yes...I get what you are saying. I don't really look like the BS, but we are the same "type" of woman...fairly conservatively attired, athletic, educated and decent looking...not Victoria's secret models, lol. I guess he has a "type.":sick:

[Spark1111]

I have mixed emotions about it, I've seen her from a distance before but today was the first face to face encounter, and I dont know,,,, part of me is happy she's not gorgeous, another part is grossed out to imagine the deed,

 

well I would wonder......if he was attracted to that woman, enough to marry her and have children with her, why did he pick me?

 

did he pick me simply because I was younger, prettier, thinner?

 

And THAT WOULD make me insecure. as if he were trying on a different pair of socks to see the fit but wasn't all that interested in purchasing them.

 

To me, if she resembled an older version of me, I would have felt secure that I was at least his "type" and men do run true to type.

 

But when you ask the question, what does she have that I don't have, the answer may surprise you.....and make you insecure in that he liked those other traits of hers to actually marry her.

 

I have a chubby, HAPPY friend who has wit and grace and charm. The men flock to her everywhere we go and she is always in one great relationship after another. She has "IT" what ever that is....

 

Don't judge a book by its cover unless you are using your looks to shore yourself up. And if a man loves your looks, isn't it better to have a man who loves you, warts and all?

 

I think so.

[2sure]

Certainly we, or I at least can't be completely objective about ourselves. When I was OW, I thought all MMs wives were beautiful. As BS I thought most of his OW were ...not so much.

[HopingAgain]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Once she finds out, she might wonder the exact same thing about you...how her husband was able to sleep with you?

 

It just sounds like you are being competitive and jealous of the wife now. It really is something else that you are sleeping with HER husband, and wondering how HER husband is able to sleep with her. LOL. That's a lot of nerve.

 

Are you somehow enjoying these interactions with the BS, like in a smug sort of "I got your man" kind of way?

[spice4life]

This topic made me chuckle. Not due to being grossed out about his wife, but more like I'm grossed out about thinking about someone else's marriage period. I'm not married so why did I put myself in the position of having wonder about someone else's relationship like that in the first place?! I wish I never went down that road. I remember a post from a few years ago where someone said, "I'd rather stick a hot poker in my eye than have another affair!" My sentiments exactly.

[sweet_pea]

Does it make you feel better to know/think that his wife is less attractive (TO YOU)?

 

Just remember, she may not be as pretty... in your eyes... but she probably has a whole lot of other attributes to enhance her beauty even more.

 

Plus, did he not get married to her and have children with her?

 

I have to also ask, if he were to divorce her and get into a relationship with you... will you be able to look 20+ years younger, forever? People grow older, beauty fades (sometimes it doesn't though lol) and then what will you have left? Being shallow? Will you be able to keep him from wandering with your looks 20 years from now?

[wanting more]

This isn't a really pretty (no pun intended) subject. This could go on and on and on. There was also a thread on the infidelity forum about how WSs always affair down.

 

I knew xMM BW before A started. We were different and alike looks/ personality. She was very uppity, looked down on a lot of people we worked with and everything that came along with the business (wine & dine, sucking up basically to get them to buy what we sell)

 

I look down on no one because of money (or lack of), I enjoy the wining and dining, im friendly and well liked. I'm the person people like at a party.

 

We're both blonde. She's about 5'5". Im 6". She dressed very conservative, although I don't go to work in mini skirts (I know my age) I like skirts and heels. I think Im an attractive person. I think she's an attractive person.

 

I never did get that whole thing about I'm prettier than her or she's prettier than me. Obviously he was attracted to her, they've been married over 30 years. But obviously he was attracted to me also. I always thought although xMM and BSO are completely different in looks, (BSO has a great body, very well built and xMM was a lot slimmer, not a lot of muscle) I was completely attracted to both.

[findingnemo]

So today I came face to face with my MM's BS, there are so many things i wanted to ask her, oddly i was so curious, she knows that we were in heavy contact, just he must have smooth talked his way out of both our mini ddays.

 

This is gonna sound HORRIBLE, but its the honest truth so I'm throwing it out there, any OW ever get grossed right out not out of jealousy but imagining your MM having sex with BS if she's absolutely unattractive, like all i could do is imagine it, and I have no idea how he goes there, lol, honestly. Not trying to sound heartless, i wanna believe him that he doesnt do the deed with her.

 

Thoughts?

 

It happens... I mean one can wonder about why someone they are/were with would be someone less attractive.

 

Can I tell you something I have discovered? Women are their own worst enemies when comes to such things. What we call beautiful is definitely not what men would call the same. Our standards are way too high!! My male friends have explained to me that they can see a woman as beautiful based on just her smile. Or her ankle and the way her legs are shaped. Crazy, isn't it?

 

Just like women, once a man falls in love the issue of attractiveness becomes less important in terms of looks. It's a package. Is she fun? Playful? Naughty? A sex fiend? Does she love him above all men, care for him, support him? None of those qualities have anything to do with outward attractiveness.

 

And that is where the whole Affair scenario is doomed from the start. If a MM is looking for a smashing hot chick, then the criteria will be things like stunning beauty, or a slim body with a flat tummy, etc. He may not have that at home but then what he does have he can't afford to lose.

[Got it]

I am very surprised by so many claiming they have the vapors due to your observation! I think we see MANY threads from BS about their perception on the unattractiveness of the OP.

 

Meh. I can definitely see how that thought would cross your mind. Superficial thoughts cross our minds and since sex/attraction is a major part of romantic relationships the assessment of how one finds another attractive crosses our minds.

 

I met his ex wife once. She has a pretty face, heavier than I would like to be but, generally very pretty.

 

After dday, she gave no indication of wanting to meet or hear from me nor did I. So did not have the same situation.

[LilGirlandOW]

Many OW and BS are surprised to find out how they look like different versions of the same woman. Some OW look like younger versions of BS.

 

Happens sometimes.

But either way, you can read all over the dating threads that for the most part...people date within their league. So, all three of you are probably about the same level of attractive .

 

Not even close

 

I knew with this post i might land a pitch fork in the eye, lol.