BIG problem

[Rachel]

i have a huge problem, i was hoping that maybe i could get some help over here.

 

this is what happened: i am 19 years old and i just moved to LA a year ago right when i turned 18 from my trashy trailor home that i shared with my mother.

 

anyways i found this great job as a nanny in this huge beverly hills mansion. there were two kids to babysit a 12 year old girl and a 16 1/2 year old boy. the boy was really cute but i just thought of him as this little kid.

 

then, before i knew it this "kid" was hitting on me. at first i turned him down, but then i realized that a guy with his money could help me with my music career so i gave him a chance. well, in short i ended up falling in love with him. but then, one night we had sex and then his parents found out about it and fired me. we snuck around a bit, but then his mom threatned me and said that if i continued seeing him she would call the police and then she gave me a check for $50,000 and told me to get out of town. i was going to do it; not for the money but because i really thought that i wasn't good enough for this guy. but i just found out that i'm pregnant. i don't know what to do, should i tell him? or should i skip town and raise the baby on my own? i'm so confused, i love this guy so much and i don't want to ruin his life but i also want my baby to know his/her father. please help me.

[Gretchen]

wow, that's quite a mess you'v got yourself in, but i say tell him the truth, it's his responsibility just as much as it is your's and he needs to accept his responsibility. Good Luck sweetie.

[Tony T]

You probably ought to inform the family but before you do, take $200 of your money and get some legal advice.

 

A minor IS NOT responsible financially for this child. YOU WERE THE ADULT in this situation. You were the person who willingly allowed a minor to have sex with you, which incidentally is against the law. It's called statutory rape and is punishable in some states with jail time up to 25 years. Years ago when times were different, it was life in prison in every state.

 

The family probably won't prosecute you but I wouldn't count on it if you show up at their doorstep pregnant. So before you tell the family, find out from a competent attorney what penalties you can face for having sex with a 16 year old boy. If it sounds too harsh, ask him/her what the statute of limitations is. That's the time after which charges cannot be brought against you. Then just come back with the child after that time. Remember, when this family found out and gave you big money to leave, they were in shock. They have probably sought legal advice in the matter, and other people have probably advised them of their potential rememdies here.

 

Also, ask the attorney what civil liabilities you have here and when those statutes of limitation run out as well. Yes, if I am paying you to watch my children and you rape one of them, I can sue you for a lot more than $50,000 in damages and Beverly Hills juries are very generous. The only thing you've got going for you is that, minus your recent windfall, you are basically broke and judgement proof. But they could sue just to attach anything you might make for the next 20 years.

 

When people hire you to do a job, especially one of caring for minor children, there is a certain amount of trust they place in you. They do not hire you or pay you to engage in sex with your charges.

 

I think they are the greatest people in the world to have given you $50,000 in severance. They could have had you thrown in jail at that time.

 

You didn't ask...but some friendly advice here from someone who knows. You probably have never had $50,000 in your pocket all at once. That money is taxable so set aside about $15,000 for that purpose lest you sustain penalties and interest from the Internal Revenue Service. You can count on being scrutinized because the family you worked for has your social security number and will report this as ordinary income to the IRS and deduct this amount from their income tax.

 

Secondly, $35,000 sounds like a lot of money but you can blow it in less than a day (in less than five minutes for that matter) in Los Angeles. Hold onto it with dear life, spend it frugally and wisely. Without a good work reference, it may be a while before you have a job like the one you had, especially being pregnant. Most people who are not used to having large sums of money end up blowing it very quickly on junk and being extremely sorry afterwards.

 

Good luck with the baby.

[Paulie]

Follow Tony's advice to a "T"

 

Also...where is your family? Are they in a position to be supportive?

[Rogue]

Don't tell him. Firstly, he's not legally bound to support you because he was a minor. And secondly, he couldn't support you even if he wanted to..he's only 16 for goodness sake. Thirdly, you can expect a fair bit of dirty bussiness from the parents, possibly legal action. You're pretty much on your own.

 

And the others are right about the $50 000.It seems like a lot when you have it all at once, but it's VERY easy to spend it all and be broke. You have to use self-control here.You have to save as much as possible. You have to find a way to support yourself and the child. I really suggest putting some of that money aside to go to back to school. You don't want to raise a child earning minimum wage .An education is the one thing that can turn things around for you right now. SAVE THE MONEY, SAVE IT ALL !

 

Also, I STRONGLY recommend you see a social worker. Look them up in the local phone book and make an appointment to see a counsellor. Maybe the Children's Aid Society? (I don't know the ones in the U.S.If not them, they can put you in touch with whoever can help.) Tell them what you've told us, don't worry they've heard far worse stories. They can make you aware of government programs that can help someone in this situation. All they really want is your willingness to make your life better.They can guide you with the rest.

 

Please don't panic, Rachel. Don't lose hope. I know you're probably really scared and confused right now, but if you calm down a bit, you'll see the situation is not as bad as you think it is. Take things one day at a time. Things will get better, much better, but you just have to use your self-control and work hard.

[Rachel]

well, here is what happened: let's call this guy that i love roy and his best friend charles.

 

i went to roy's house to tell him i was pregnant, but his parents were throwing some pool party for him. i saw charles outside (charles and i are pretty close, charles kind of has this crush on me) and i just started crying and he was asking me what's wrong so i finally told him that i was pregnant and that i have to tell roy. but he said that i couldn't do that and that i have to get an abortion. so we got in his car and he drove me to this free clinic that his uncle works at. well, after i was examined they said that they could the abortion today. i was shocked, i thought it would take longer. i told charles to leave because i wanted to be alone when they did it, finally i got him to leave, but then i couldn't go through with it. at this point a couple of hours had passed and when i got to the hallway of the clinic i saw roy and charles and i found out that charles had told roy and they had come to stop me. roy said that he wanted to help raise the baby and then he held me and kissed me and said that somehow he would get his parents to be ok with all of this and that i shoudn't worry. and i'm actually not worried, i trust him.

[Nic]

still be careful though. you may trust roy, but can you trust his parents? you really, really need to think this through, long and hard. he is still a minor, he is under his parent's care, and they are going to have a lot more of an influence than roy will. it was one thing for them to find out you had sex with their son, it will be a completely different thing when they find out you are carrying their son's child.

 

i would also suggest you go to a family planning clinic (is that what you call them in the US?). you really need to explore your options before jumping the gun and telling everybody the news. TAKE YOUR TIME AND THINK THIS THROUGH LONGER. and it wouldn't help to get some legal advice either. you don't know how they're going to react to this, so you might as well have some sort of safety net in case their reaction knocks you off guard. that $50,000 has come in handy, so spend it wisely and hold onto it tight.

 

well, here is what happened: let's call this guy that i love roy and his best friend charles.

 

i went to roy's house to tell him i was pregnant, but his parents were throwing some pool party for him. i saw charles outside (charles and i are pretty close, charles kind of has this crush on me) and i just started crying and he was asking me what's wrong so i finally told him that i was pregnant and that i have to tell roy. but he said that i couldn't do that and that i have to get an abortion. so we got in his car and he drove me to this free clinic that his uncle works at. well, after i was examined they said that they could the abortion today. i was shocked, i thought it would take longer. i told charles to leave because i wanted to be alone when they did it, finally i got him to leave, but then i couldn't go through with it. at this point a couple of hours had passed and when i got to the hallway of the clinic i saw roy and charles and i found out that charles had told roy and they had come to stop me. roy said that he wanted to help raise the baby and then he held me and kissed me and said that somehow he would get his parents to be ok with all of this and that i shoudn't worry. and i'm actually not worried, i trust him.

[Rachel]

thanks for responding, but this family is really tight and i doubt that they are going to put the mother of their grandchild in jail. i really believe in roy and i doubt that his family will do anything to me since i am carrying his child.

[Rachel]

thanks for all your kind words. if you have read my response "I Told Him" then i guess you know that i told him. i think he can support us because i have a strong feeling that his family will want to help and since they are extremely rich it is possible. his parents are divorced so first we are going to tell his mom and then his dad, and then we'll see how things go. it's like since i'v told him the truth i just feel so much more at ease. i know that as long as the two of us are together everything will be alright.

 

thanks for your advice, i really appreciate it.

[NetScribe]

You can trust no one... it appears you could serve some serious jail time if the parents aren't as forgiving as you believe they can be... I say flee the country and have the kid as he/she will remain a memory of the time you had with your 16 year old lover. Inform loverboy which country your going to and if he really loves ya he'll follow you when he is a little older.

 

- NetScribe