cubic zirconia engagement ring, should it bother me?

[abc123]

I have been engaged now for over a year, my wedding is in December 2004. When we had talked about getting married my fiancee had mentioned that he thought when a guy gives a girl an e-ring that it was okay that it was CZ instead of a diamond. I politely said that I didn't really agree, or at least I tried. When he proposed it was very romantic. He had the ring tied to his short's string and took it out while we were at the beach in florida. I didn't see him do this, so I said "where did you get that?" This will cause issues later on. For some stupid reason I asked if it was real, and he said yes, this probaby hurt his feeligs. Shortly after I had the ring on my finger I was thinking about wether it was real or not. I figured that since I had tried to explain how I didn't agree with rings being CZ instead of diamond that it was real. And frankly I wouldn't have cared if it was CZ if thats what we had agreed on getting in the first place. Well about a month into the engagement I was looking for something he had asked me to look for in a pile of his mail. In it I found something jewelry store had sent him documenting the details of my ring. Of course I read it, and I felt goulty about it. I founf out that it was a one carat CZ stone surrounded by 10 smaller channel set diamonds. The ring did cost more than 1000 dollars, so its not like it was cheap, however it bothered me alot that he lied to me. A few weeks later I had to tell him that I found out about it not being real. We of course had a huge fight. I felt like a greedy golddigging bitch, but at the same time I felt that if he had told me that this is what he truely wanted me to have, then I would have been fine with it. He accused me of beibng shallow, and materialistic. I came to a realization that it doesn't matter what the ring is, its the symbol that counts, but every now and then when I look at it I am reminded that it isn't real. I know that it shouldn't bother me anynore, but for some reason it still does. I don't want to bring it up with him again, because it will just cause another fight. But I don't want it to bother me anymore either.

[Stone]

Maby in a couple years when you guys can afford it you can have the CZ changed out for a dimond.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by abc123

I have been engaged now for over a year, my wedding is in December 2004. When we had talked about getting married my fiancee had mentioned that he thought when a guy gives a girl an e-ring that it was okay that it was CZ instead of a diamond. I politely said that I didn't really agree, or at least I tried. When he proposed it was very romantic. He had the ring tied to his short's string and took it out while we were at the beach in florida. I didn't see him do this, so I said "where did you get that?" This will cause issues later on. For some stupid reason I asked if it was real, and he said yes, this probaby hurt his feeligs. Shortly after I had the ring on my finger I was thinking about wether it was real or not. I figured that since I had tried to explain how I didn't agree with rings being CZ instead of diamond that it was real. And frankly I wouldn't have cared if it was CZ if thats what we had agreed on getting in the first place. Well about a month into the engagement I was looking for something he had asked me to look for in a pile of his mail. In it I found something jewelry store had sent him documenting the details of my ring. Of course I read it, and I felt goulty about it. I founf out that it was a one carat CZ stone surrounded by 10 smaller channel set diamonds. The ring did cost more than 1000 dollars, so its not like it was cheap, however it bothered me alot that he lied to me. A few weeks later I had to tell him that I found out about it not being real. We of course had a huge fight. I felt like a greedy golddigging bitch, but at the same time I felt that if he had told me that this is what he truely wanted me to have, then I would have been fine with it. He accused me of beibng shallow, and materialistic. I came to a realization that it doesn't matter what the ring is, its the symbol that counts, but every now and then when I look at it I am reminded that it isn't real. I know that it shouldn't bother me anynore, but for some reason it still does. I don't want to bring it up with him again, because it will just cause another fight. But I don't want it to bother me anymore either.

 

Although it may sound shallow I understand your conflicted feelings. I was a bit of a control freak so when my husband asked me to marry him we agreed that I would go with him to look at rings, I ended up getting a 1/2 carat diamond since we were poor college students and 2 months salary for him was only about $1400.

 

But I think the problem isn't that it's a CZ - it's that you told him what you wanted and he went ahead and did what he wanted instead. Although I've heard people say that it's ok to take the ring back if you break up....I was always taught that when you give a gift you can't ask for it back

 

Anyways, that's my 2 cents - maybe you're more upset because it seems like he didn't listen to you and your preference?

[quankanne]

do you like your ring otherwise? Are you willing to make a compromise, say maybe save up money for the next several years, then for your 5th or 10th wedding anniversary, swap the CZ for a true diamond?

 

I think what probably bothers him most is that he feels you are looking at his token of love as worthless because he didn't get it right, he didn't get you the dream diamond engagement ring you wanted. Maybe it's time to convince your guy that you love him no matter what ... then propose marking a special occasion by switching the stone. He might actually be okay with that, because he'd know that you like the ring itself and just want to tweak it, so to speak ...

 

I've got the opposite problem. I don't wear much jewelry (watch and wedding ring, sometimes earrings if I think about it), but my husband is fascinated by it. HE gets upset because I hate diamonds! My compromise is that he's allowed to purchase a small TASTEFUL piece with a diamond for major anniversaries, that way I'm not stuck with jewelry I wouldn't bother wearing to begin with ...

[Adunaphel]

If it's only the lie that bothers you, you have all my sympathy.

I would have got upset too.

(but I'd be equally upset if someone gave me a real diamond and said it was a zirconium - it's a pride thing. )

 

If it is not only the lie, I have a question for you:

would have been happy with a 1000 $ diamond ring? (of course the diamond would have been smaller).

 

If so, consider that:

- cubic zirconium actually looks even better than the real thing. They look perfect and they are quite hard - 7.5 to 8.5 in the Mohs scale. that is, about as hard as emerald.

 

- other people won't know you are wearing a cubic zirconium (unless they are good gemmologists, and there are not so many out there), and you don't have to tell them in case they were so rude to ask.

You wouldn't have told it from a diamond yourself, hadn't you found the jewelry shop papers.

 

- as stoneheather said, you can get a diamond later. Anyway, I strongly suggest that if you do so you just have it framed in a new ring, instead of changing the zircon for the diamond. If I gave someone a ring and he/she had the stone replaced I'd get offended, because it would not be the same ring.

 

- your fiance probably wanted you to have a ring that he found beautiful.

You got a romantic proposal many women would dream of, and a quite expensive ring....focus on that!

 

Remember, no ring is worth fighting over. Better no ring at all than fighting over one.

[Dakini]

On a tangent note - talking about diamonds - do any of you feel guilty about having and wearing diamonds? I always think how much blood was spilled and subjugation imposed to get that diamond... is it really worth it? I have some that were given to me as gifts, but I don't know if I could buy one myself.... any thoughts?

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by Dakini

On a tangent note - talking about diamonds - do any of you feel guilty about having and wearing diamonds? I always think how much blood was spilled and subjugation imposed to get that diamond... is it really worth it? I have some that were given to me as gifts, but I don't know if I could buy one myself.... any thoughts?

 

I know that de Beers has inflated the price of diamonds by about 1000% (one of my friends is a jeweler and she made me four wedding bands. I lost 2 and my husband lost 1) - no joke, 1000%. They have literally thousands of diamonds stored and only release a few hundred a year.

 

Nevertheless, de Beers is so massively wealthy that a boycott would do little to affect their current financial situaiton, IMHO. The political climate in South Africa has always been bloody, and that has more to do with apartheid than diamonds.

[Dakini]

yes - I agree to an extent, but South African diamonds are actually regarded as "clean" diamonds (even though I might argue differently esp. considering past precedent)-- the ones from N. Africa and Eurasia (soviet states etc.) -- are almost entirely garnered through civil wars, guerillas, gangs - people are mutilated, women raped, people tortured - for these diamonds.

[Sukotto]

I always believed that an engagement ring should be at least 1 months salary. Regardless of what stones are in it.

[honey2005]

The ring did cost more than 1000 dollars

 

Gosh . I'd be happy with that. The lie would bother me, but it does seem like he was only trying to make it more special. It would kind of ruin the moment to say "No, it's kind of fake" .

[Artifact]

So his judgment was a little off. He thought it was more important to give you what he wished he could afford than hurt your feelings. Yes, he lied. I'd be mad too. But like Honey said, he was probably just trying to spare the moment, and didn't know how to get out of it later.

 

Before you get married though, you just have to let it go. He loves you, you work well together, trust each other, respect each other, right?

 

If all the other positives are there, and he hasn't done any major lying since, forgive; then, flash your hand around to all your friends- you don't have to tell anyone it's CZ ('Oh yes, it is beautiful, isn't it??? cooooo') Let it remind you how much you love him and want to be with him, despite what he gave you. It didn't seem that his original intention was to be deceptive.

 

Of course this is coming from someone who is engaged and ringless. And my man is still mine, ring or not!

[Adunaphel]

Originally posted by honey2005

Gosh . I'd be happy with that. The lie would bother me, but it does seem like he was only trying to make it more special. It would kind of ruin the moment to say "No, it's kind of fake" .

 

Honey is right..... well, when you asked if it was real you probably almost ruined the moment already.

 

Ideally he should have told you later, but he was probably afraid to do so or waiting for the 'right'moment.

 

 

On a tangent note - talking about diamonds - do any of you feel guilty about having and wearing diamonds?

 

I don't have one yet, nor I'm planning to buy one-I'm not much into them, I find other stones more interesting and I could think of better ways to spend my money. Yet, if someone gave me a diamond ring, I admit that guilt would be the very last feeling on my mind.

[shortbus74]

2 sides to this story..........

 

My ex-husband bought me a beautiful engagement/wedding band...The appraised value of the ring is $5,200....Well, needless to say, we are not married anymore and it is pretty much worthless... (tried to sell it and could only get $300.00 for it)

 

My fiance now bought me a modest engagement/wedding band set....(our friend works at a jelwery store) and I love it!

 

 

Stoneheather could be right.....he may replace it in the future with a real diamond...

 

 

P.S. if anyone wants to buy my old ring half price... please feel free to contact me!!

[Naive]

All that should matter is that your love for each other is genuine not some stone!

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Dakini

On a tangent note - talking about diamonds - do any of you feel guilty about having and wearing diamonds?

I could never buy a diamond.

 

A diamond, or whatever piece of rock you put inside a setting, should remind you of love, commitment, and appreciation--not salary, slavery, and brutal warfare.

[tiki]

Originally posted by dyermaker

I could never buy a diamond.

 

I hope you find a woman that would feel the same way.

 

I like my diamond. And I think it was worth every penny that he spent. I don't think something that beautiful was overpriced. It is a diamond for God's sake.

 

To the original poster, I agree, wait and see what he can offer you in the future. But one grand is a lot to spend on a CZ+.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by tikibrandy

I hope you find a woman that would feel the same way.

Well, me too, of course.

I don't think something that beautiful was overpriced. It is a diamond for God's sake.

It's a diamond for commerce's sake. The beauty of diamonds is a recent cultural construction, they were just another allotrope of carbon a couple hundred years ago. Diamonds have practical laboratory uses, but I find its use in jewelry unethical.

 

Advertisements say that marijuana supports terrorism. Whatever. Diamonds *definitely* support terrorism, not the kind that we're used to, but the kind that still manifests itself in the form of murder, child slavery, and economic stranglehold.

 

Price is a function of supply and demand. The supply of diamonds is overwhelming, and if it weren't for the greatest and most bloodthirsty monopoly on the planet, they would be cheaper than industrial glass.

[tiki]

Originally posted by dyermaker

It's a diamond for commerce's sake. The beauty of diamonds is a recent cultural construction, they were just another allotrope of carbon a couple hundred years ago. Diamonds have practical laboratory uses, but I find its use in jewelry unethical.

 

Advertisements say that marijuana supports terrorism. Whatever. Diamonds *definitely* support terrorism, not the kind that we're used to, but the kind that still manifests itself in the form of murder, child slavery, and economic stranglehold.

 

Price is a function of supply and demand. The supply of diamonds is overwhelming, and if it weren't for the greatest and most bloodthirsty monopoly on the planet, they would be cheaper than industrial glass.

 

Hey! That's not what Jared Jewelers said!

 

And this whole price gouging, slavery thing...it's pretty well hidden in the media, don'tcha think? I've only heard of this by means of LoveShack....never the news, media, etc. Not saying it's not true, but I certainly think they'd like to portray it as otherwise.

[dyermaker]

And this whole price gouging, slavery thing...it's pretty well hidden in the media, don'tcha think? I've only heard of this by means of LoveShack....never the news, media, etc. Not saying it's not true, but I certainly think they'd like to portray it as otherwise.

 

[color=green]$[/color]

[Papillon]

I'm not going to say a word about disgusting materialism, pathetic existentialism or greedy narrowmindedness.

[dyermaker]

[Dakini]

Originally posted by tikibrandy

And this whole price gouging, slavery thing...it's pretty well hidden in the media, don'tcha think? I've only heard of this by means of LoveShack....never the news, media, etc. Not saying it's not true, but I certainly think they'd like to portray it as otherwise.

 

Hope these shed some light on the matter.

 

for some news and media sources:

 

 

http://www.un.org/peace/africa/Diamond.html

 

http://web.amnesty.org/pages/ec_kimberley_process

 

http://magma.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/data/2002/03/01/html/ft_20020301.1.html

[katie79]

You shouldn't feel like a gold-digger or a b*tch. You're mad because he lied, not because of the CZ stone. To be honest, my e-ring is a high quality cz too. It's very unique and pretty and I get many compliments on it. This is me & my fiance's secret only. We discussed this and I told him it was okay to get me a cz stone IF he didn't have the money for it. I'd rather a flawless, high quality, cz stone than a 1/4 of a karat diamond with many inclusions and visable carbon that sucks. Don't feel bad about that. I agree with the others: put a diamond stone in it for an anniversary and don't tell people it's not real; they will look down on both of you.

But you should really put your foot down about him lying to you like that. It's an innocent mistake and he prob only meant well to avoid making you angry and ruining the proposal.

But you should express your anger and that you wont accept lying about anything in the relationship or you want out. This is an innocent lie, but you must set him straight. When you give men an inch, they eventually take a mile. If he knows never to lie to you again, he'll respect you more. Afterall, this was a lie. Don't feel nosy about finding this out through paperwork. You did what your insticts told you to do and you must listen to those instincts. Besides, you could always go to a jewler and see if the stone is real. Perhaps you should try that to ensure it's real.

[msdank7]

I found my christmas gift. It was a ring but it is not diamonds -- it's CZ.

 

I love this man and I am not sure if he plans to propose, or he just bought a ring. The cuts say "marry me." Should I be upset if he asked me to marry with a cheap ring ... I think it's a pride issue.

 

We live together. It's been almost 2 yrs. Right now, we share financial responsibility. He just purchased a new truck and maybe he couldn't afford an expensive ring.

 

I don't know ... I am confused ... I feel like diamonds for engagement.

[moimeme]

You do realize that diamonds don't only come from South Africa, do you not?

 

For instance, you can find several dealers in Canadian diamonds if you just Google.

 

Yes, friends, Canadian diamonds. Diamonds were discovered here in 1991. No child labour. No wars. No blood - unless someone slices him or herself while working. Then the free medicare will help.