And so it begins: My new 'sort of' LDR.

[Els]

I am really confused now that all of you guys see this as a red flag.. Now I worry again Uhrg..

 

I don't necessarily see that sentence as a dealbreaker per se, but given that it seems from your posts that both of you ARE consistently unsure about this, especially him - yes, I find it quite worrisome. Sorry, hun.

 

I get the feeling that the fear, for both of you, is the uncertainty. Neither of you is confident that you can make it work. Your own experience with your ex 'proves' that, without commitment, it is easy to stray. Does your bf know about your previous attempt at an LDR? If he does, then no wonder he is scared and talking about 'what ifs'.

 

I can't state strongly enough how important commitment is if you want this to work.

 

LT expressed this way, way, better than I could've.

 

Thinking back to the LD portion of our R, I recall the bf telling me as I was bawling at seeing him off for the very first time, "It's just a little pause in the grand scheme of things." He genuinely believed that if two people loved each other and wanted to make things work, distance was just a blip on the radar.

 

Now, I don't actually agree 100% with his assessment of blips , but I must say that that attitude carried us through the 2.5 years of distance that we did. We also saw each other once in 6 months, as you are planning, OP, except in our case it was never guaranteed - even once in 6 months entailed a lot of jumping through hoops on both our sides to make it happen.

 

Long story short, I think it's his uncertainty (and, to a lesser degree, yours) that will be the biggest hurdle in this, OP. If you both can't overcome that, I'm not sure it's worth going for the long haul in this, even though technically speaking I think 6 months is more than perfectly doable.

Edited June 26, 2013 by Elswyth

[lamaga]

I don't necessarily see that sentence as a dealbreaker per se, but given that it seems from your posts that both of you ARE consistently unsure about this, especially him - yes, I find it quite worrisome. Sorry, hun.

 

 

 

LT expressed this way, way, better than I could've.

 

Thinking back to the LD portion of our R, I recall the bf telling me as I was bawling at seeing him off for the very first time, "It's just a little pause in the grand scheme of things." He genuinely believed that if two people loved each other and wanted to make things work, distance was just a blip on the radar.

 

Now, I don't actually agree 100% with his assessment of blips , but I must say that that attitude carried us through the 2.5 years of distance that we did. We also saw each other once in 6 months, as you are planning, OP, except in our case it was never guaranteed - even once in 6 months entailed a lot of jumping through hoops on both our sides to make it happen.

 

Long story short, I think it's his uncertainty (and, to a lesser degree, yours) that will be the biggest hurdle in this, OP. If you both can't overcome that, I'm not sure it's worth going for the long haul in this, even though technically speaking I think 6 months is more than perfectly doable.

 

 

Yes, I am positive again. He's been reassuring me all day and making steps toward me.

For example, he is sweet IRL and also sweet when we skype, but he is really bad at communicating via text or chat. It is because he lives his life really like a old man, without being able to get the whole texting/chat thing. So he chatted with me today and said Hi and told me that he was sorry, because he 'abundantly realized that he has always been a jerk on skype chat', and he suddenly has been more responsive, for example, I wrote "i've been thinking of you" and he wrote "i've been thinking of you too" and later "i miss you". I was very happy about that, but I feel like he's gonna take even more steps toward me in the near future, because in his heart he knows he wants this too.

We will figure it out..