Losing Attraction To Fiancee

[chicagolove]

I've been with my fiancee for about 4 years now and I feel like we're reaching a turning point in our relationship. For the first time ever I look at him and things about him turn me off. I barely want to have sex with him anymore.

 

When we first got together (we were 24/25) we were happy-go-lucky and weren't too serious about anything in our lives. We kind of just lived each day as it came and made the best of it with no real definite goals or anything. I was so attracted to him and wanted to do everything for him. I'd clean for him, cook for him, help him with financial issues, give him advice, do whatever freaky thing he wanted...I wanted to be his everything. I didn't ask for or expect much in return. I just wanted our love. I wanted to take care of him, it felt good to be there for him.

 

Now I'm approaching 30 and I'm starting to want things. I want marriage, more children, a career, better health, a better life. He wants the same, but the only problem is....he's not doing anything to work towards it.

 

I realized I wasn't as attracted to him when he went away for school for 6 weeks and it was just me and my daughter in the house. Things just seemed so much easier when he was gone. Not as much to clean, I had a regular schedule, I started working out and eating right (lost 15lbs and toned up), stopped drinking, spent more time with my daughter...I just felt so much better and like I could accomplish so much more without him. When he came back, things got harder. It was harder to keep away from drinking, more difficult to stick to my exercise schedule, he's always buying junk food so it made it difficult to stick to healthy eating, my daughter started acting up again because she wasn't gettting as much attention. He's a slob so I'm constantly cleaning. It's so much harder with him and I think I'm resenting him for it.

 

I don't want to leave him though, I know he wants the same things I do, he's just so lazy and maybe even spoiled.

 

Do you think there's anyway I can help motivate him? He's mad about the fact that we don't really have sex anymore and I keep telling him it's probably because I have so much I have to take care of alone that I really feel too preoccupied to have sex. If tell him I need help, he'll help around the house for like a day and then it's back to how things were before.

 

TL;DR Basically, after 4 years in a relationship it hasn't bothered me until now that my fiancee is like a big baby...a lazy slob that can't seem to do anything for himself other than go to work and come home. I haven't wanted to have sex with him partly because of that and he knows it's a problem for me but he's not doing much to change. Can our relationship be salvaged or should I just move on? How can I motivate him?

 

Thanks in advance.