I dont think women realize the difference

[carhill]

I remember a good friend, devastated by coming home one evening from work and finding his house empty and his children gone, sitting out in the pasture with his horse and a bottle of whiskey and his .45, slowly loading and unloading the gun, taking it apart and putting it back together, deciding. Ultimately, he decided to live, and I happened upon him, purely by accident, later that evening in that empty house, with the bottle and the gun on the counter. That's what it's like to be a man. Knowing you're alone. Fortunately, he went on to, a number of years later, marry a lovely lady who is the epitome of care and empathy and they've been married for over 20 years.

 

I had my own dark days and came, not in the bottom of a bottle nor with a .45, to opine that 'there's me and then there's God', which was exactly the bottom of the barrel in a M where one couldn't have even the slightest expectation of some care and concern. It taught a valuable lesson, about caring. Be selective. Accept being alone and see any care and/or concern received as a valuable gift. If seldom seen, that's OK. Life is valuable and it's brief. Don't squander it. Take that for what it's worth from an old fart. Good luck.

[Woggle]

I remember sitting in my living room with a bottle of Bacardi, some weed and a loaded gun after my first wife and I separated after I caught her cheating. I felt like after we bought a house and were looking forward to building a new life everything was snatched from me and I had to start over again. I was trying to get up the nerve to do myself in but I just couldn't and I am glad I didn't.

 

These are the moments men rarely share with others.

[MrTurk]

I have free time during the week. Doesn't mean I don't have a life my friend.

 

 

I have free time too...and I dont have a life I dont mind admitting that

Edited June 28, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fixed quote

[L1ght]

I'm a relatively new member and I work the third shift so yeah...I have free time during the week. Doesn't mean I don't have a life my friend. Also, that 'who doesn't fight' excuse is the chant of every masochist and sucker. Some things just aren't worth fighting for or against. I mean, what exactly are you fighting for? Yourself? To completely overhaul your partner's personality? That'll never happen. Not every relationship can or should be saved and you're not a loser or a coward for recognizing and accepting that fact. Anyone who sticks around in what has repeatedly proven to be a bad situation deserves whatever comes their way.

 

I don't really have anything else to add. Somehow you'll inexplicably continue to end up with nutcases. Maybe one day you'll find a nutcase you can tolerate. Maybe not.

 

I'm sorry but again I completely disagree with your perception that couples don't fight. What planet are you living on that real couples in real long term relationships don't fight? Everybody I know gets into it with their partners from time to time and in actual fact you should have heard my neighbours screaming at each other last weekend loud enough for the whole street to hear them but guess what? They are responsible adults in a relationship who managed to get past it and are back to be civil with each other while raising their children. You ask what I would fight for with my lovers? If you really need to ask me what people in real relationships fight for then I'm afraid it seems to me that you've never been in a serious relationship and I'll leave it to you to get into one so you can learn for yourself what it all means, what people fight for and what it feels like to be able to get past the difficult times and move forward in the relationship.

As for me finding a suitable Nutcase lover? I'm sure I will cos at the end of the day I love women no matter how bananas they are.

[L1ght]

I have. However that has nothing to do with it. I'm fully aware of what people in "real relationships" may be fighting for but I'm also aware that healthy people real relationships understand what is and what isn't worth fighting for. When you find yourself fighting to be with someone who is unstable...that's a problem. When you find yourself fighting to go back to the beginning when things were good after you've had years of bad...that's a problem. When you find yourself fighting for what seems like eternity with no tangible results...that's a problem.

 

You implied you've had a good number of serious lovers in your life; those lovers were also unstable. Given that you believe in fighting to save a relationship with those women, I have to ask, has it ever worked? Where has it gotten you? Had you been successful the first few times I imagine you'd have been settled down with one for a while now and we probably wouldn't be having this discussion. That's my point. Know when to walk away is all I'm saying and wasting additional months or even years in misery isn't fighting, it's surrendering.

 

Well believe it or not I've never really been in a long term toxic relationship and I guess I could have made that point clearer earlier but it seems like a pretty obvious statement to make that those kinds of relationships should be avoided. I know what you're saying.....Why stay in a relationship where its 99% toxic, negative, hateful, bitter and tears away at your soul on a day to day basis? Uhm no. I have never felt the need to stay with someone where the negative aspects totally outweighed the good. I stayed in certain relationships through the tough times cos I obviously felt there was something that was worth fighting for and my last relationship in particular the positive aspects were far greater than the negative though in all honesty when we did fight(which was relatively rarely) the arguments could be quite explosive and unfortunately the last one brought us to the point of no return. Does that mean I wish we had just called the whole thing off the first time we ever got into some kind of conflict? No of course not because overall I had a great time with my last partner.

In this life some things are worth fighting for but even with those things it can never be predicted when/if the breaking point will come.

[Sun Devil]

I think that a lack of support groups is the reason why men have a higher suicide rate and have a higher rate of violence than women. I see alot of support groups for women but none for men. However, with the creation of weapons of mass destruction, I believe that the next major terrorist attack will be caused by a man who is was not able to get help with his problems. I think our society will pay a large price by ignoring men. Women have not caused a major terrorist attack. If this trend continues, I believe that not taking care of men will result in a terrorist attack ona scale that we could not imagine. Men need help and support groups, not just for themselves, but to prevent another major terrorist attack.

[L1ght]

I think that a lack of support groups is the reason why men have a higher suicide rate and have a higher rate of violence than women. I see alot of support groups for women but none for men. However, with the creation of weapons of mass destruction, I believe that the next major terrorist attack will be caused by a man who is was not able to get help with his problems. I think our society will pay a large price by ignoring men. Women have not caused a major terrorist attack. If this trend continues, I believe that not taking care of men will result in a terrorist attack ona scale that we could not imagine. Men need help and support groups, not just for themselves, but to prevent another major terrorist attack.

Support groups? idk I think there's help for guys who need to seek professional advice and stuff. Can't say I've ever felt the need to go and seek it myself though.....I never reach the point where I feel like I can't seriously work my own issues out in my own head and actually find that the best therapy I can give to myself is regular exercise, reading/studying and generally being active in positive and productive ways cos honestly when I'm living the right way I don't need other people to tell me how to be happy. I think the fact we have the internet now helps too I guess cos its way easier for a guy to vent and express his opinions to other people than its ever been before.

Edited June 28, 2013 by L1ght

[L1ght]

There a thousands of support groups for men for all types of issues including depression, sexual dysfunction, childhood trauma, being the victims of domestic or verbal abuse by female partner's etc. Literally thousands both on and offline. Not to mention plain old talk therapy. However many men either don't seek the them or feel as if they will viewed as less masculine by doing so. Society is partially at fault here however as many of these avenues can be sought out privately and remain confidentially that's really no excuse.

 

As far as men and terrorism, men are inherently the more violent sex. Look at the number of male versus female murderers. However typical man who is otherwise well-balanced is not going to blow up a building because his wife didn't understand him. Men who commit acts of terror have far more numerous and severe issues than that.

 

Psychologically imbalanced men have committed terroist atacks before and unfortunately they will again but that has less to do with society's views on support groups and more to do with understanding the warning signs of a deeply disturbed mind. Of any gender.

Agreed. Tons of support groups for men if they really need it and who cares about the way its supposedly perceived in society anyway? I don't think there's as much stigma attached to it as some people seem to believe.

[ferpuerto17]

Hey Mr. Turk, the truth is that the smile and attitude also works for guys. You have to know how to use them though. the smile represents friendliness and openness. It also means that you are an easy going guy. The smile alone however is not the only thing you have to do (there is such thing as a creepy smile). You have to carry yourself in a confident manner. make her want to know more about you. Listen to her while she talks about herself, and ask quiestions about her. You gotta look the part not by the physical attributes necessarily (I am average looking at best, so I know), but also by showing you take care of yourself. You should always be clean and leave the sports team jersey to ten year olds. Act and talk like a grown up and you will start getting more dates... Tell him girls

[nickkelly9]

I can tell you being someone with an awful smile that I am almost certain that no woman will ever be with me until I get it corrected.

 

You can be a complete horrible douchebag, dumb as a rock, no personality, violent, really no style to speak of and definitely no potential and you will still find yourself beating women off with a stick if you have a nice smile.

 

You can be smart, funny, kind, a good listener, motivated, hard working, and have a talent that could potentially yield millions but have a bad smile and you're going to spend your life alone. Period.

 

I cannot stress this enough- IMAGE IS EVERYTHING.

[Franko Bleenyo]

They don't realize the difference because, the men that they know (who are by far in the majority) don't experience the same problems that struggling men do.

 

Believe it or not, if you are a man who struggles to get dates you are in the severe minority. Most men have no issues getting dates, and usually pretty decent women.

 

We're all victims to our experiences. And for most women they see men going out and having a blast out in the dating world. They worry about trying to attract these men, etc. And they're totally dumbfounded when they hear about or meet a guy who struggles.

 

You couldnt be more wrong.

 

There are MANY men who struggle with women, there are many men who go through life with only one or two sexual partners, and then get married. The women they date/marry are just as average as them.

 

Its a known fact that women date/have sex with more partners then men (they are just good at hiding it).

 

Most men dont do well with women as women seem to think. The only men who do well are the top 20-30% of men. For the rest of us its a depressive struggle.

[TheGuard13]

It's true. Women don't really care about the emotional burden the average man has to go through. For women they have support groups, social media, and friends. A man has none of that to vent through. He's just told to suck it up.

 

The release is at the bottom of a stack of papers, the bottom of a bottle, or the bottom of a bridge.

Sorry but that's the way it is.

 

I really hope this is sarcasm, because if not, that's a really sad way to view the world.

 

There are all KINDS of support groups for men.

 

And men also have the opportunity to utilize social media, self help literature, therapy and yup, friends.

[Nikki Sahagin]

The thing is though its a common stereotype that men dont like to discuss deep feelings, even there own. I.e if a woman wants to discuss a problem in the relationship the man shutsdown and goes to his cave.

 

Men can discuss there problems at any time. They just dont want to.

Women are happier to discuss there problems. Its nothing for a woman to call a friend and say 'he left me. Im so depressed' and her friend will say 'im coming over.'

 

Afte my first break up my friend sat with me for three days silently watching movies and in parks whilst i cried to myself. She was a gem.

[PlumPrincess]

It also depends on the kinds of men since, if you find yourself constantly being approached by wholly undesirable (for whatever reason) men it can actually be quite a blow to ones self-esteem.

Totally!! I thought I was cute and not unattractive until I signed on some online dating sites. Men my age don't want me, because they want someone younger and I get approached by so many stupid older men. I was never fully aware how creepy and stupid men can be until I did online dating. All the unwanted attention from unattractive guys seriously made me question myself. At the moment, I consider online dating just another option to meet men and I have significantly lowered my expectations regarding the quality of men there.

[PlumPrincess]

I think that a lack of support groups is the reason why men have a higher suicide rate and have a higher rate of violence than women. I see alot of support groups for women but none for men. However, with the creation of weapons of mass destruction, I believe that the next major terrorist attack will be caused by a man who is was not able to get help with his problems. I think our society will pay a large price by ignoring men. Women have not caused a major terrorist attack. If this trend continues, I believe that not taking care of men will result in a terrorist attack ona scale that we could not imagine. Men need help and support groups, not just for themselves, but to prevent another major terrorist attack.

Are women now also responsible for your social life? My male flatmates were always really sociable, way more than I. Just because you suck at connecting with other people, especially men, you can't blame it on women.

[fortyninethousand322]

You couldnt be more wrong.

 

There are MANY men who struggle with women, there are many men who go through life with only one or two sexual partners, and then get married. The women they date/marry are just as average as them.

 

Its a known fact that women date/have sex with more partners then men (they are just good at hiding it).

 

Most men dont do well with women as women seem to think. The only men who do well are the top 20-30% of men. For the rest of us its a depressive struggle.

 

Selectivity bias. If you go into an empty doctor's office, you're likely to think no one goes to the doctor.

 

Just because you know some men who struggle, or you've read some postings on forums or blogs about men who struggle, does not mean those men are in the majority. Most men (like most women) do not struggle with dating. Fact.

[Dread Pirate Roberts]

Meh, I don't think you really care about our problems either. I mean you are already assuming that we just have men all over us and don't need to do anything to date or find a relationship which often times is far from truth for the average woman.

 

I think you guys are battering a hurt person with your own pride. How about you try and find a solution?

[MrTurk]

Most men (like most women) do not struggle with dating. Fact.

 

I believe thats true up to a certain age range. But once people have been through a divorce or two...and they reach their 40's, The dating world is turned upside down unless you are still above average in looks, and status.

 

People become jaded, cautious, and standoffish after a few rides on the merry go round.