dorothys Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 My ex-boyfriend of 4yrs and I broke up 3mths ago. Since then I have tried no contact twice. Each time I was sucessful for a period of 3 weeks. Then my ex-boyfriend would call and ask if he could pick up some of his stuff. I had thought about asking him to pick up all his stuff, but that just isn't practical. Right now he lives with his mom, and there just isn't space for him store all his stuff. So, what are my other options??? No contact for the short time I have used it has had such a calming effect for me. But, then he comes over, and makes lots of promises he doesn't keep. For days afterwards I am left confused and hurt. Should I not pick up the phone at all? Even if the message is "business" related? What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovehertodeath Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 First of all who broke up with who? Why wouldnt it be practical to let him get ALL of his stuff? ITS HIS STUFF. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dorothys Posted October 16, 2004 Author Share Posted October 16, 2004 He broke up with me, but still seems conflicted. As to why it wouldn't be practical for him to get all his stuff. Well, I can ask him to do that. But, I know he will say he doesn't have room right now at his mom's. Then it will start a fight. I really don't want a lot of conflict in my life right now. Even if he does agree to come and get his stuff, he will end up not showing up. He has made promises to get together to talk or to take my daughter ( he raised her) out to spend time with him. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 It is clear you can't eliminate all contact as long as you keep his stuff around. I don't think you can really justify just not picking up the phone, because it's his stuff. I don't know why you can't draw the line and force him to get it all out of your place. He can put it in a storage unit. It's his responsibility not yours. Not to mention the fact that there will probably be some stuff he'll never pick up that you'll have to deal with. The stuff he cares about least. That is if you let him pick things up as he decides he needs it. You'll be giving him storage space for months or years. Also this will get you two into contact for dumb reasons for who knows how much longer. Kind of like an excuse to get together. You'll probably wonder each time if he's really just trying to keep in touch because he cares. It's better not to get your hopes up each time. He needs to get it out of your place. And it sounds like you're having conversations when he comes over. Maybe you can limit that to just what it takes to get him to get his stuff and go. That would be better than having long talks about "us". Link to post Share on other sites
Author dorothys Posted October 16, 2004 Author Share Posted October 16, 2004 What you say johan makes a lot of sense. I don't to wait forever for him to come and get his stuff. About the conversations, well that is all him. He starts to flip-flop when he sees me. Can't blame him though. We have a very long past together, and I am a very attractive woman . Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 yeah, I say you just tell him to get his stuff. That way you will know if he has more intentions afterward if he keeps calling you. I think if he gets all his stuff you will have better piece of mind since you can not keep thinking about when/if he is going to call to pick up some of his items. Love the flip-floppers...so many flip-floppers out there. It's crazy:) How does he flip fliop when he is over there and talking? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dorothys Posted October 16, 2004 Author Share Posted October 16, 2004 How does he flip-flop? Well, when he comes over makes all kinds of promises, and declarations of love. Then he never keeps any of the promises. Just in case you were wondering, everything that is said is initiated by him not me. In other words he says he love me first, and offers to visit, and take my daughter out. The minutue he is out the door he forgets everything, and becomes distant again. Link to post Share on other sites
UnicornGirl Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 If you want to keep the door open for a renewed relationship, try to turn the times you see him into positive experiences -- even if it's him coming to collect his stuff. I'd say let him come get his things himself, don't push him to come get them. When he's being distant, allow yourself to be upset for a few minutes, and then shut off thinking about him for a while and do something else. Link to post Share on other sites
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