I don't get it

[Huh_What_Why]

I don't normally do this kind of thing, so please try to be patient with me. I'm lonely. Hopelessly, desperately, intensely, and nearly insanely lonely. I suppose I wouldn't be on here otherwise. I can't really afford professional help, so you're the closest I'm going to get. At least for now. I really don't even know where to begin.

 

I know in my heart I'm a good person, I do my best to help those who really need it, I do the right thing every time an opportunity presents itself, not because it'll make me feel better or anything like that, but because it's simply the right thing to do. I know I'm a good looking guy, I work my ass off at the job I love doing... I know I have my flaws. I drink and I smoke, my teeth are a little crooked, and I've got a few scars on my face, but it doesn't control my life. Never has, and never will. But it seems to me that at first glance, alot of people already have their mind made up about me, and according to their occasional stares and reactions to me, it doesn't look like they're thinking anything good.

 

I've had friends tell me I'm a weird guy. They tell me it's how I carry myself, but they never really went into detail. Now I don't have any friends. Except maybe my boss, but it's a 2 man operation, so it stands to reason. I work in a very specialized profession, so I don't want to mention what I do because people would know who was writing this. Just know it's nothing illegal, and it involves musical instruments. Nothing against anyone here, I just know what goes on the internet stays on the internet.

 

Ever since I moved out here, I haven't made any friends. I've gone on 1 date, but she just wanted free food, and nothing else. Not even a new friend. That hurt like hell, and it still does when I think about it. I want companionship so bad, but I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. ****, I'm crying right now. I never cry...

 

On top of it all, I see people in what I assume are probably happy marriages, and I want that. I never wanted that before. I've always been content in my solitude. Emotional and otherwise, but I guess that's over. Maybe it was numbness instead of contentment. I don't know anymore. I haven't been in a romantic relationship with a woman for 4 1/2 years, and I just didn't mind until now. Now I miss it. Alot. Maybe this is god's way of saying "**** you" to me or something. It wouldn't surprise me abit if that were the case. In fact, with his current track record, it'd make sense. But really, there's 3,500,000,000+ women in the world. Why is it so hard for me to believe there might be someone out there for me? I'm trying real hard to hold on to that hope, but it's getting harder as time goes by.

 

Before all this I just didn't even really care what people thought of me. I didn't care that I didn't have any friends, a girlfriend, if people looked down on me for their own bull**** reasons and didn't want anything to do with me. Before, I'd just say **** em', and that would be that. I guess it's not working anymore. I've got a whole lotta hurt all coming up at the same time, and I don't know how to deal with it.

 

I'm just one big train wreck right now. I've been let down so many times out here. I wish I could afford to pack up and move somewhere else filled with other people as screwed up as me. I feel like I'm living in one of those old country songs I listen to. I really don't like it at all. I'm trying really hard to keep everything coherent so you can actually understand what I'm saying instead of reading some nonsensical rambling with depressing overtones. I'd appreciate some help. The booze isn't working. I'm losing faith in people. Help me restore it.

 

I don't even know if I should post this. Maybe this is too much. If the coin got tails, you'll know.

[Col1]

I don't even know if I should post this. Maybe this is too much. If the coin got tails, you'll know.

Please call a suicide hotline immediately.

[Imsohurt]

Life is weird. We look at people and want the happiness we see. But, it's not like it seems from the outside. I have a lot of associates, and very few friends and I lived in my little town 4q10 years now. It was hard, but time made it easier. It might take sometime for u to find ur place and u will. I sound like a nice guy, one people get 2 know u for u things will excel. Wish u were someone I could make a friend. Just give things more time. And yes, crying helps.

[Huh_What_Why]

Howdy folks. I was just having a real rough night. I didn't mean to give off the impression that I was suicidal or anything. I suppose we all need to vent sometimes. I've gone this long without doing anything too stupid, so I know I can keep going. I've got the day off today, so I think I'm gonna try to get out and try to make some friends. The library seems like a good place to start. Thanks for listening. I really appreciate it.

[GorillaTheater]

This may sound trite, but the fact is that in most areas, there are alot of volunteer opportunities which go hand-in-hand with people-meeting opportunities, along with evening classes and Meet-Up groups. Seek out the opportunities and grab them with both hands.

 

Hope your day goes well, man.

[Col1]

I agree with Gorilla. Volunteering is a great way to lift your spirits. The library sounds good as long as you find it fulfilling. It doesn't even need to be official volunteer positions -- create your own opportunities: mow a senior citizen's lawn, use your work skills to help out a charity of your choice, etc. In the original post, you say you want your faith re-stored in people. "Be the change" you hope to see in the world. Best wishes.

[FitChick]

Get involved with animal rescue groups and charities. They seem to be populated mostly by women. That's why I don't bother, even though I like animals.

[patrol]

If you want to meet women or just make friends you have to be proactive, if your current city of residence makes it impossible to meet people locally you have to consider taking (what I consider) drastic action. Online dating, fan-clubs and chat rooms are a good start. Even if you never meet the person and even if it's not romantic it's always nice to have a texting buddy. I have a female friend that I've known since I was 16, we met on a forum for a band we both liked and found out via pictures we were at the same show a few feet apart. She travelled here to see them once but unfortunately lives 3,000 miles away. We've never met face-to-face yet she's one of my best friends on the planet.

 

Proactive! That's a great word! Take responsibility for your own happiness. Waiting and sulking usually won't get you anywhere. See this as an opportunity to grow in adversity.

 

Do something. Doing something to try to change the situation will almost certainly make you feel less hopeless.

 

If you get rejected by people, turn the negative into a positive. "Remember the Alamo" is what I think about. The Texans turned a defeat into a rallying cry. Now it's a tourist attraction. With an attitude like that, you can't ever lose!

 

Still the might be important to add that life is HARD. If you can accept that fact, you can transcend it. I found that once I accepted that I couldn't say "that's too hard" anymore.

Edited June 27, 2013 by patrol