Just discovered my gf was cheating on me with friend...

[USMCHokie]

I can def say I wouldnt be half as strong in these convos if it werent for all of you, so thanks so much. you all really saved me and showed me some perspective!!!

 

There shouldn't be any "convos." If you really want to mess with her, stop talking and texting her. If you keep this up, you'll inevitably crash and go crawling back to her like a little bitch.

 

Stop corresponding with her.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

nah there was no talking....all through text. im removed. im excited about my date in a week. im excited about california. all i needed was to know she knew she blew it. and i do. and i wish her no harm or any ill will. she made her bed and its gonna suck for her to lay in it. i am done with her. no worries there.

[aliveagain]

The best revenge is to live a good, happy, successful life. They just hate it when you do it without them. Your through the worst of it, keep moving forward, going back to her would be viewed as a form of failure. You already know what she is capable of doing to you when a relationship hits a road bump. Do you know how many road bumps there can be in a lifetime relationship? She was just a life experience on your path to meet the one you're destined to be with. Stop contact, you now know she realizes she f**ked up loosing you, stay lost.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

Yeah, if she is gonna tell me she prefers sex with the other guy while also telling me she misses and loves me and wanted to start a family with me, then she can go to hell.

 

My male ego is a little bruised by what she said, but im removed enough now to know that we were not having anything towards the end (when she was sneaking around). Im sure the thrill of cheating made it exciting. Still, I'd prefer something built on a more solid foundation.

 

haha, that said, I really want to go out and sleep around now. Not in a jerk way, but I want to be available if the moment comes.

 

Switching back to NC. If she contacts me, I'll be very short and unemotional.

[aliveagain]

New sex is always more exciting until it's not new sex anymore. If she contacts you why do you need to respond? She will eventually get the message that you are done with her, don't play her game, your her fallback position until new exciting sex comes along. Your turn to dump her, you have a date next week, quit focusing on the past or you may just miss out on your future.

[USMCHokie]

If she contacts me, I'll be very short and unemotional.

 

Or you could just not respond. Could you have a conversation with her while she is riding that guy. No? Then don't text her back.

 

Leave this one alone.

[Betterthanthis13]

No contact is the only path to choose at this point. Any contact you give her- positive, negative, or indifferent- sends the message to her that a door is open for her to further manipulate you.

 

The only thing you should ever have contact with ever again is about deposit refunds for the property. And most of that if not all can be done without any direct communication if you try. Work it out with the landlord and utility companies so everything is fair and right, and go on your merry way.

 

It's tempting to get some satisfaction out of hearing her suffer from her bad decisions but that's not a good idea for 2 reasons- first you might get sucked back in to her black hole, and second it's not good for you as a person.

 

"Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die"

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

it's becoming a broken record. doesnt seem like shes gonna stop seeing this guy or more like if she did I wouldnt take her back so it's of no consequence and the damage is done so I am gonna just stop answering her texts. It's obvious theres nothing to gain from this.

Edited July 6, 2013 by SMALLTOWNBLUES

[Chi townD]

Are ya done with the he said she said bullsh*t yet?

 

You don't even see it, do you? You're trying to make her jealous and she's doing the same thing.

 

You're telling her about your POSSIBLE travels to Seattle, California and Arizona (but, I have a feeling it isn't written in stone yet). And she goes on to say directly and indirectly that your friend is MUCH better in the sack than you ever were AND she had sex with a woman! Now, if a girl really wanted to hurt a guy, they hit them where it would hurt the worst; and that's usually the bedroom. So, I think it's time to stop playing games.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

Yeah, I'm back to NC again.

 

The funny part is, I actually am going to do that trip. Already put in a request for work time off and have mapped out plane tickets.

 

Whether or not what she said to hurt me was true, well yeah she hurt me. I should have stayed away.

 

I'm still realizing that I got to leave it alone. Nothing good is gonna come from it.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

I should've listened! NO CONTACT. I've learned the hard way....

 

but I AM going on that trip. That wasn't just made up. So yeah, it's over. Can't live with a ghost anymore. Esp. if that ghost is f***kin half the town.

[Chi townD]

So...I'm guessing breaking NC knocked you back a few steps?

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

I didn't need to know about all the sexing she's been up to. My morbid curiosity was hoping she would say it wasn't what I'd been dreading in my head. I have come to terms that sex with someone she has no baggage with is going to be good, it could be my ex friend or anyone. she seemed more excited about hooking up with the woman. all I can say is, she may be filling an emotional void for intimacy with sex, maybe not. Not for me to worry about.

 

Either way, the breaking of NC got me caught up in an "us" that doesnt exist anymore. I should show no sympathy to her or be excited to hear about her new life without me. She started to ask my opinion on non relationship stuff, like we used to....that's when I was like, this is no good. this is bad.

 

If anything I want to be getting laid now. This is no fair haha.

 

So yeah, I'm ok and glad we got to say some of the things we did but we've said them. I got to close that chapter.

 

I shoulda listened to everybody but I had to say a few things and I did. So I'm hurt but I can see a day where this is not on my mind.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

i heard her side of the story and why she did what she did or whatever and I just saw how much of a pile of delusional bs it was. she was saying i hurt her feelings 2 years ago and shes secretly never been able to forgive me. So, I just had to be like, so you think all this cheating and leaving me and screwing my friend is a good revenge? and she was like, we will never be even for what you did (road trip w/ former one night stand turned friend). I admit, what I did was crappy but I had only been dating her for a month and a half when I took that trip and I had been planning it for months. I didnt do anything with the girl, so its just insane to hear my ex say that she is in the right for what she did. she misses me, but no remorse. so she can f**k right off.

 

I dont want to be with someone this screwed up.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

at 4:35 in the morning. it just said, I miss you. Goin NC on this. Gonna be tough but I deserve better. I miss her like hell though, but I got to stay strong.

[Chi townD]

She misses you... okay....right.

 

Why would she send that to you? I mean, you went on a road trip 2 YEARS ago with a girl that was nothing more than a friend to you and nothing happened on this trip. However, that was the most evil thing you could possibly do ! In her mind, you should be a straight up bastard and a douche rocket. So, why would she miss someone she has THAT much contempt for?

 

Her excuses are weak and untruthful. Not worth responding to.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

Yeah, if she's gonna beat me up, destroy my things and screw my friend (and others) all on not being able to cope that she got jealous that I took a trip with a female 2 years ago, there's obviously no trust and she obviously can't forgive and she's obviously crazy (she says I drove her crazy).

 

I miss her too and if she had not gone off the deep end and screwed/dated my buddy behind my back then I may play into this.

 

Thankfully she violently pushed me to move on.

 

Thanks for your motivation Chi Town (and everyone else). I'm gonna take this Cali trip now just so you can't call me out! hahaha....

 

I just got to stay strong. She's a black hole, destroying everything in her confused, warped path. If it gets weirder or rough, I will keep this thread going to cope, but I think NC and a healthy dose of anger (not sadness) will see me through it.

[Chi townD]

When are you going on this trip? How long will you be gone? And how did she take the news of you leaving?

 

By the way, when you leave for this trip, just leave. No emails or texts...just be gone.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

It's gonna be 2 weeks....Start in Seattle and end up in Arizona, going all down the west coast. I've never been to the west coast, much less any big city other than NYC.

 

She said, how come you are doing all this awesome stuff after I left you? She was jealous but also trying to spin it like if I had done these kinds of things she woud've stayed.

 

I said, I've lost weight because I'm depressed and if I had wanted to go on a road trip to California you wouldnt have let me cos you wouldve been jealous. We couldnt really have afforded to go together anyways, this circumstance works cos my friends who are on tour are going to let me travel in their van and pay me to sell t shirts. So in a way I have her to thank, cos I'd never get to go if this wasn't happening.

 

She basically has no where to live, has lost some friends and is sleeping around cos she's lost. I think she regrets it, but it's really not much difference either way. I could never take her back after she did what she did. The damage is done.

 

I've been NC two days since the relapse. Got to stay that way.

Edited July 8, 2013 by SMALLTOWNBLUES

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

that the OM is better in bed than me.....I almost feel like she left me for him just for the sex. Or that the only reason she is with him is for the sex.

 

Not trying to be a lil b**tch but this is messing with my head.

 

Anyone got any insight, techniques or advice on how to not let this destroy my self esteem??

 

I know we don't belong together and I know that I'm gonna be way better off but I don't want this messing with my head when I'm out on the field.

[Darren Steez]

How do you know he's better? She told you? You heard them?

In some ways yes you are being a little silly, so what if you knew he was smaller than you and he sucked in bed would it make a difference?

 

You still haven't figured out that the basis of all this is...

 

It has absolutely nothing to do with you. Zip, Zilch, nadda

 

It's all about her and what she wants. Even your friend threw you under the bus.

 

So she still contacted you, to tell you sweet nothings of how she misses you, just enough to get a rise out of you and stroke her ego..again nothing to do with you, only about what she wanted to hear and feel.

 

Yes it sucks being alone at night and you're wondering what they are doing at that exact moment, but you don't know and it doesn't matter. Worry about yourself and moving on with your life. What are you a glutton for punishment?

You need a subtle 2x4 because this feeling sorry for yourself jazz will only hurt and hinder you, there must become a time when you have to be a man and move forwards in your life.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

Believe me, it's only been two weeks and I'm tired of hearing myself talk.

 

It's more that she says she's missing me and she's still shacking up at his house. Yes, she inferred that she is with him for the sex. It messed me up, but believe me, thanks to you guys and my own friends, I know it's NC and i'm gonna be better for it.

 

This thread will die soon, cos I not trying to be a broken record, its more that I just want to get back out there and she already is, and I don't know how. I want to be a man about it, it's just that she hurt my manhood.

 

Nothing more than that. Please don't think I don't know this is somehow for the best.

 

One other thing I have to say....this thread and everyone whose commented has grounded me, given me clarity and helped me immensely. If we were all in the same room, I'd buy you all a shot...or a hug. Either way, I'm feeling like I can walk away from this...and it's thanks to you guys and gals. I have said things on here I couldnt say to people too closely involved.

 

So thanks, from the bottom of my heart.

Edited July 10, 2013 by SMALLTOWNBLUES