Betterthanthis13 Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 Summary Been in love with a guy for a few years. At first it was not serious, on again off again. He is the typical player type. I am the typical LTR type. I have never cheated on anyone in my entire life . I ultimately want a relationship where I am in love with my best friend and vice versa. I had that once a long long time ago and he died. But I know it is possible. Anyway current guy loves me now I don't doubt that. But he has lied to me, cheated on me multiple times in the past. I broke up with him and moved out for a few months. We recently got back together after a lot of heartache and promises on his part. Signed a year lease together. A week ago he texted a girl he slept with while we were broken up. It wasn't anything sexual. I flipped out and I'm not talking to him and I'm considering ending it for good because I don't think he is capable of the type of relationship I want. Am I overreacting? We are in our 30's. He also lied to me about sleeping with her on our breakup until I badgered him for awhile and said the girl was just a friend. There are a lot more details but I don't want to go on forever. His argument is that he was an awful player when we met and that he has honestly and truly changed his behavior and lives me from the bottom of his heart, that he wants to marry me and will never cheat in me, that he made a mistake and texted that girl and regrets it. He is insecure and she has always been very complimentary of him (she had a crush on him for a long time before they slept together) and he missed the attention. He says it won't happen again. Blah Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 He could be being honest. I understand what he means by attention and being flattered. THat has happened to me also and i have had a secret phone call to hear the flattering words but i kinda felt dirty afterwards and ended the calls. I realized that it wasnt worth it adn just gave myself the attention i needed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betterthanthis13 Posted June 26, 2013 Author Share Posted June 26, 2013 I tend to agree with dragoness and feel I have already gone above and beyond in the giving chances department I don't feel like giving him any attention now. Good bad or indifferent. He has created a self fulfilling prophecy for himself. Yessy, if you were feeling insecure or needing attention why disnt you just ask your boyfriend? Why seek attention from strange men? I'm not being a jerk I just don't get it. It creeps me out when guys hit on me (I'm typing in my phone my grammar and speaking are not normally this atrocious) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted June 27, 2013 Share Posted June 27, 2013 You said he cheated multiple times before. He re-earned your trust and now you've caught him yet again. The message you're sending is that he can cheat on you and you'll always take him back. Forgiving and giving him a second chance once is understandable. No offense but if you stay with him now, you're not a victim but a volunteer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betterthanthis13 Posted June 27, 2013 Author Share Posted June 27, 2013 Thanks betrayed. I absolutely refuse to volunteer for the position of chump ever again, which is why I am 99 % sure I am dissolving our newly re-formed union after only a few months based on one single inappropriate text message on his part. The actual cheating was well over a year ago and I broke up with him over it. I moved out and moved on with my life and completely ignored him for months. I should have known better than to start talking to him again. I know he cares about me and he loves me and all that. I don't think he's the type of guy who gets off on being deceitful or finds affairs exciting. I think he is non monogomous by nature and is trying to fight it. I think he would do well in a relationship with a woman who identifies herself as polyamorous or a swinger. I'm pretty sure I can't be that girl. All I know is that I am sick and tired of being lied to and I am sad that he is lying to himself and wasting my time. Right now I'm just not talking to him at all since he refuses to be honest. I've heard quite enough of the "It was a stupid mistake I'm sorry I will never do it again" speech. I told him no, "It is a MUCH bigger issue than that, let me know when you are ready to talk about what's really going on with you". Until then I am being polite answering his questions with one word and just avoiding the heck out of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betterthanthis13 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 I am updating this thread with links to the other threads on LS that help tell my story, so if anyone has the misfortune of wanting to know more about me- the following threads will give you a synopsis. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/407560-mystery-pyramids-i-mean-my-stupid-problems http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/415728-when-enough-enough Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 You don't trust him and rightfully so. He may not be doing anything shady, but he's generally a shady character and will always be. You'll always be wondering if he's messing around and it's going to drive you crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
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