FWB, I think?

[startinganew777]

I have been “seeing” a man now for almost 6 months. In the beginning we both said we didn’t want a relationship, just fun since we both have been through a terrible divorce. Well that night we hooked up and have been talking everyday since and seeing each other once, maybe twice a week.

 

He has a daughter and works 6 days a week so it is hard. Anyways, he is the most kind, caring guy I have ever dated! He initiates contact probably 90% of the time, in fact, he is on vacation right now with his daughter and family and has texted me everyday, sending me pics and asking how I am doing. So reliable he is!

 

A the 3 month mark, he actually took me out for a real date. Nice dinner, picked me up, opened the door for me, all that jazz. That night I told him I have feelings for him and asked if he did for me. He said yes and said he was sorry it took him 3 months to take me out. A week later I asked how he felt about me and where things were going. He told me he still deals with the pain from his divorce and told me from the beginning he wasn’t looking for a relationship but wasn’t out sleeping around or even dating or talking to anyone. Said he enjoyed his time with me, didn’t know what the future held for us but that he knew he enjoyed my company. He also said he knew that the thought of a relationship scares the crap out of him. We haven’t talked about since.

 

Things have been great, we get along great, we are having fun and getting closer. But now I think I am falling in love and scared to tell him. What if he doesn’t feel the same? He is the most affectionate guy I have ever been with, cuddles me all night long, his friends love me and call me his girlfriend and even said we should get married. He invites me out with all of them all the time and pays for me. So I am on the fence about saying something to him only to risk him not felling the same and me maybe going on my way, or trying to be patient as things are great right now, why cause drama? I have never been treated with such care before. He seems to actually care about my feelings. Some say be patient, wait it out. Some say it has been 6 months, if it hasn’t happened yet, it never will. Help!

[Roadkill007]

Answers in bold.

 

A the 3 month mark, he actually took me out for a real date.

People don't "date" FWB.... Unless they're trying to mislead their "FWB" into thinking they have a bf/gf.

 

 

 

...scared to tell him. What if he doesn’t feel the same?

 

This is the real issue. It's something everyone goes through. "Does he like me as much as I like him?" Well... if you're getting a feeling he also is quite fond of you, from how affectionate he's being, why NOT ask? Time to take things to another level, or find out if he's just "releasing" stress

 

[startinganew777]

I know but that was really the only date he took me out on. Since then, I go to his place, sometimes he comes to mine or we go out with all his friends for the night. Shortly after that is when I brought up the relationship thing and he said he wasn't looking for one but wasn't even talking to anyone else.

 

He is very reliable, I know I will hear from him every day and he will ask me to hang out at least once a week but it seems like there is no progression. We do things outside his bedroom all the time though. He took me out on his jetski, invites me out on his brother's boat with his friends, things like that but is very guarded with his feelings. I also am pretty sure his parents don't even know about me. He said he doesn't like people to know his business and he doesn't want the questions from them.

 

I guess I will have to bring up the "talk" again when he gets back into town. I am just scared of his reply and the thing is, I have dated some real sleeze balls and he is just so kind and caring, really good guy, I don't want to scare him off. But I guess if I do, it wasn't meant to be.

[Arabella]

Honestly, to me this guy doesn't sound like he's trying to perpetuate a sexual arrangement and mislead you.

 

It sounds like he's just exceedingly careful, probably due to his divorce.

 

My fiance and I started out as FWB of sorts. Like you, we talked every day, went out constantly, and even went on vacation together. Eventually, I told him I needed more and he agreed. And just like that, we became gf and bf.

 

Give him time. From what you tell us, I think he will come around. However, don't lose sight of your needs and if the situation becomes unbearable to you, it's your responsibility to communicate with him and let him know your expectations.

 

-A

[startinganew777]

Thanks, that makes me feel a little better. I know he was hurt and he was hurt bad. His ex wife cheated on him, took his daughter away and moved out of state to where we live now. He moved back up here to be near his daughter and he said he gets his nose rubbed in crap constantly when he picks his daughter up. I can tell how caring he is and how bad that hurt him.

 

I am trying to be patient because like I said, he treats me better than anyone else I have dated and never disappears and is always there so I feel like I will really regret it if I cut things off just because he isn't ready to be serious. He told me he was scared that he was the rebound since I just got out of a relationship before we started talking. When I brought this up 3 months ago, he said we are still "young" enough in this, that we should just be getting to know each other better. He has said things like just keep doing what you are doing, you are on the right track for me. That he is picky when it comes to girls and that should make me feel good. Told his friends at a bar one night he was taken and make sure I heard. He sounds genuine.

 

Maybe I will just ask how he feels about me. I don't necessarily want a label but I would like to know at least if his feelings are progressing.

Edited June 28, 2013 by startinganew777

[startinganew777]

Arabella,

 

How long did it take you until you told him you needed more? I see him tomorrow night. I am so scared of pushing him away.

[lavenderlove]

He sounds so amazing. I think be patient. He will come around. Don't push him. I think deep down he is probably very grateful for the way you accepted his mental and emotional situation so far.

[Arabella]

Arabella,

 

How long did it take you until you told him you needed more? I see him tomorrow night. I am so scared of pushing him away.

 

Here was our timeline:

 

Dec 2011 to March 2012: Friends. We used to hang out with others in a group setting.

March to June 2012: I broke up with my ex, and he became pretty much my closest friend.

July 2012: I suggested to him we become FWB. My only stipulation was that we had to be sexually exclusive. He agreed.

October 2012: I told him I couldn't continue as we were, and we needed to progress into a relationship or stop.

 

From March 2012 when I broke up with my ex, nothing really changed that much. We weren't seeing anyone else (not even platonically) and I think we both slowly developed feelings but were kind of in denial about it. The entire time we were going out on dates, taking trips together, etc. In July we added sex, and in October we added the title.

 

Hope that helps.

 

-A

[startinganew777]

He is amazing. I can tell he has a good heart. Thanks Arabella for your response.

 

I think tonight I will just tell him that I am falling for him and hope he is feeling the same way and go from there. I won't bring up labels or anything but would like to know how he feels about me, about us. We have a past. We dated 13 years ago and I ended things with him, we were both immature and partying and that was more important back then. He moved away, then moved back up here and we haven't talked since until about 6 months ago and it started up again. That has to mean something, right? 13 years and now we are back. I hope!

[Arabella]

He is amazing. I can tell he has a good heart. Thanks Arabella for your response.

 

I think tonight I will just tell him that I am falling for him and hope he is feeling the same way and go from there. I won't bring up labels or anything but would like to know how he feels about me, about us. We have a past. We dated 13 years ago and I ended things with him, we were both immature and partying and that was more important back then. He moved away, then moved back up here and we haven't talked since until about 6 months ago and it started up again. That has to mean something, right? 13 years and now we are back. I hope!

 

Ohhh well this puts things into perspective. No wonder he's being so cautious! He's a little scared, given your past history.

 

I think your idea sounds right. Tell him how you feel, and reassure him you're not going anywhere this time around. Then, give him time.

 

-A

[startinganew777]

Well I saw him last night. He was very kind and affectionate and even mentioned something like , "when you go to my parents place ......" He even brought me back some little souvenirs from his trip. . I mentioned last night that I really like him but that I know him and that he doesn't like to share his feelings so I am not sure how he feels about me. He just said he is slowing letting his guard down with me and not to worry. So that is all I am going to say anymore and continue being patient and go with the flow. He is opening up more and I can tell by his actions he cares for me. And I guess actions speak louder than words.