sweetpea01 Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 Hi, I'm in a confusing situation. Lately I've been hanging out with a guy I used to date. I don't have a bf right now, so I don't mind hanging out with him at all, and from time to time we end up spending the nite together. Which is totally fine with both of us. A few months ago, he met someone, and now she's his gf. And I don't mind that at all b/c he and I still hang out as friends, and don't sleep together anymore. Well, he's really flirty with me. He'll put his arms around me and kiss me on the cheek and sit with me real close and so forth. Last nite we went out to dinner and a couple drinks, and he grabbed my butt. The other nite we went out, and he spent the nite in my bed. Nothing happened at all, no kissing or anything, but is it normal to be THAT flirtatious with someone you're dated when you have a gf? He'll make jokes about us having sex and stuff, and I'm always changing the topic to more mundane issues, or I'll point out cute guys just to make it clear that I'm single and not with him, etc. Maybe this is more directed at guys, but are you always that flirty with your ex? If I didn't know better, sometimes I would swear he was single! I always have to bring up his gf, adn I ask how she is, etc. But I know if my BF was that flirty with his ex gf, I would be pissed off! Is he just SO comfortable with me and so in love with her that he can flirt with me and still trust himself to draw the appropriate boundaries? What do u think? Sweetpea Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 I think if it's making you uncomfortable you should stop hanging out with him as much. Or maybe only go out with him when his gf is there, too. It seems like you're setting yourself up for a bad situation, one in which his gf is going to be really p*ssed at you and at him. I agree that if my bf was acting that way around his ex gf, or any other girl besides me, I would be very upset. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetpea01 Posted October 16, 2004 Author Share Posted October 16, 2004 I haven't ever met his gf, and probably won't ever meet her. She doesn't live around where he and I live. And, I'm not sure if he tells her that he's hanging out with a girl he used to date. I think he might just say that he's going out with a friend, and probably leaves it at that. Last night I asked him if she knows he's slept over (we didn't go anything) and he said yes, and that she trusts him enough. But it seems like he won't answer my calls or text messages when he is with her. Usually I'll just call to ask him if he wants to grab a bite to eat or something, never anything sexual. It makes me wonder why he can't answer, b/c apparently she's okay with him hanging out with me all the time. I just don't want to believe that he is sorta sketchy, and is maybe trying to have us both? Or maybe he doesnt think its wrong unless we actually kiss? Or maybe hanging out with me just makes him feel like he's still got it? I feel odd for being the one to pull away, afterall, I'm the single one and can do as I please. He's the one who has got someone to answer to. Sweetpea Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 Do you have an female friends, or single guy friends you could call to hang out with instead of him? I feel odd for being the one to pull away, afterall, I'm the single one and can do as I please. Yeah, but do you want to be in a situation where you may "accidentally" sleep with this guy, then have to live with the feeling of guilt afterwards? Link to post Share on other sites
babybear Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 If he never gave you reason to think he cheated when you dated him, then maybe he A) still has some residual feelings for you, or B) is just really comfy with you and knows you wouldn't push it either, or C) he is a lying cheating dirt-bag. I think he's acting waaay flirty for a guy with a gf, just b/c I wouldnt approve of my bf and his ex snuggling up together. But...on the other hand, maybe you and him are still learning how to interact in a non-sexual way. If you're uncomfortable, you could not see him one on one, or just adress the issue altogether. If you must see him, then just keep maintaining some distance, or don't go get drinks together...go have lunch or coffee somewhere where you can't get too close. Hanging out with an ex is messy territory. Hopefully one of you doesnt fall for the other all over again. Bb Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 Just put yourself in his girlfriend's shoes. Don't do anything with him that you wouldn't want your boyfriend doing with his ex. I don't know about you- but for me this would include cuddling, sleeping in the same bed, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
corrina23 Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Yeah you better watch yourself b/c if he really likes you just as a m8 and he loves this girl eventually if not already and she find's out he has been cosy cosy with you she might say right it's her or me and if he picks her then you've lost out on your best friend...is that what you want.... Do you secretly want him back??? Link to post Share on other sites
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