being a doormat vs. a good girlfriend

[all_cats_rgray]

My boyfriend got away with relationship murder in my relationship. He could spend days not talking to me. Spend time with girlfriends that he told me had huge crushes on him. HE could do anything/ anytime he wanted. I spent 7 years with him, NOT once asking if we will get married. Being understanding of the pressure. Being scared of pushing him away. I never even asked if we should move in together. DON'T want to scare the deer. He may run away. cough ... cough yeah. Being a doormat does not mean they will stay, it means they will walk all over you.

 

 

I was flexible, laid back, understanding. Or in other words, a push over, doormat, spineless.

 

I could never tell the difference. And I hope the next relationship I have, im a stuck up bitch.

 

 

I just want to point out to everyone here. Being flexible, understanding, (doormat) will not keep them around. Has anyone eles learned this. I still struggle with this. I don't know where to draw the line. Doormat or Good Girlfriend?

[Giha]

From what I understand from this post you were a bit too understanding and neglected you own needs and wants in the relationship, but mostly he we was a jerk.

[Els]

I hope you learn one day that there is a pretty big spectrum between being a stuck-up bitch and a doormat. You can be flexible and understanding while still not being a pushover doormat.

[D-Lish]

I think you need to learn how to be a good girlfriend to yourself. Once you master that role, you won't put up with crap anymore.

[pureinheart]

My boyfriend got away with relationship murder in my relationship. He could spend days not talking to me. Spend time with girlfriends that he told me had huge crushes on him. HE could do anything/ anytime he wanted. I spent 7 years with him, NOT once asking if we will get married. Being understanding of the pressure. Being scared of pushing him away. I never even asked if we should move in together. DON'T want to scare the deer. He may run away. cough ... cough yeah. Being a doormat does not mean they will stay, it means they will walk all over you.

 

 

I was flexible, laid back, understanding. Or in other words, a push over, doormat, spineless.

 

I could never tell the difference. And I hope the next relationship I have, im a stuck up bitch.

 

 

I just want to point out to everyone here. Being flexible, understanding, (doormat) will not keep them around. Has anyone eles learned this. I still struggle with this. I don't know where to draw the line. Doormat or Good Girlfriend?

 

You were good people and taken advantage of...that's his bad IMO. What you might need is boundaries.

 

Please don't let this individual change you, you're a nice person so please stay that way...the RIGHT guy will appreciate it! The RIGHT person will reciprocate.

 

Ya, I was a doormat a few times, and then after realizing it became their worst nightmare- I'm a handful. Bottom line, I allowed it to happen, but didn't expect it.

 

Ok, now you know what the wrong qualities are, so the next will be better because you will see to it!

[A O]

Please, don't give a rats arse about being a good girlfriend because that's looking outward, as in trying to please others when you should be looking inwards and working out what pleases you!!!

 

What do you want, work that out and then seek someone that closely resembles what you're looking for and be prepared to move on if they fall short, especially in whatever you've decreed to be important, non-negotiable must-haves. For example, I need a caring, sweet, thoughtful soul, I will not put up with a hard-arse. But I'm flexible on whether they're into some of the interest a enjoy like sport or music. If they're not into sport, that's OK as long as they have the non-negotiable sweet nature that I desire.

[Emilia]

There is a male poster here whose signature is something along the lines of 'women get as much respect as they demand' or something similar. Lots of older male posters will tell you that sticking up for yourself and not putting up with BS is absoutely essential not just for your happiness but also for gaining respect. As you found out yourself OP, being a doormat will not lead anywhere ultimately.

 

However, as Elswyth pointed out, there is whole spectrum between 'doormat' and 'bitch'. Never ever expect anything you won't provide yourself but what YOU provide (ie love, dignity, respect, integrity) you must absolutely expect from the other person. This will not make you a bitch.