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Men, what's worse...35 and divorced or 35 and never married?

neveragain34

By neveragain34
in General Relationship Discussion

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
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But, as someone who could have easily made it to 35 without having even a GF, aren't you sympathetic towards that?

 

:lmao: I love you

  • Like 1
Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted
But, as someone who could have easily made it to 35 without having even a GF, aren't you sympathetic towards that?

 

:lmao: I love you

Yep! :lmao: Thanks JJS :laugh:

StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

Posted
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I am hoping to meet someone as interesting as me who just also never met the right person before... Maybe someone who focused on their career or didn't date much. I don't think I would date a girl with a kid and probably not someone divorced but you never know.

 

Reality is I am meeting younger girls out and about....Would love to find a place to meet girl in their early 30s. I tried online dating before and it never really worked out. Felt like too much effort for little reward. I may give it a shot again.

 

That's par for the course... I rarely encounter any single women over 30. I actually tried OLD to look for women closer to my age but there aren't that many in my area plus none would respond LOL. Well I'm happy now, hopefully I'll never have to "date" again.

JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

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It wasn't meant to be a bash. I like Somedude.

 

I'd say I'm curious to know why he thinks like that, but I guess it's the norm to be unforgiving even when you have flaws yourself. Pretty much everybody does it. Call guys short when you're an obese woman yourself and vice versa.

 

I would actually prefer a woman who was 35 and had never been married or been divorced to say a woman who was 29 and successful at dating.

 

Why? Humility. At least in theory.

 

What's worse? A woman who is 35 and never married or a woman with three kids and a former heroin addiction?

Edited by JuneJulySeptember
  • Like 1
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted
It wasn't meant to be a bash. I like Somedude.

 

I'd say I'm curious to know why he thinks like that, but I guess it's the norm to be unforgiving even when you have flaws yourself. Pretty much everybody does it. Call guys short when you're an obese woman yourself and vice versa.

 

I would actually prefer a woman who was 35 and had never been married or been divorced to say a woman who was 29 and successful at dating.

 

Why? Humility. At least in theory.

 

Plus, you would have more in common with woman who has little experience as yourself.

 

I am a strong believer that like attracts like.

 

Divorced men over 35 will prefer divorced women.

 

People with kids generally relate better to each other than to the people without kids.

 

Never marrieds prefer never marrieds.

GoodOnPaper Established Member

GoodOnPaper

Posted
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A lot of a situational considerations come into play:

 

Am I never-married or divorced? If I've never been married, I'd likely prefer my first marriage to be her's as well but that's not necessarily set in stone. If I'm divorced, it would be very hypocritical of me to dismiss a woman JUST because she's divorced.

 

That said, there are up- and down sides to both circumstances.

 

35+ never married: Obviously, not having any divorce-related emotional scarring could be a plus. On the down side, an issue to watch for -- whether it's a man or woman who's never been married -- is the ability to be flexible and compromising when it's appropriate. We all get set in our ways after awhile and I can see how it could hinder relationships. My wife and I have two never-married female friends -- one is in her early 40s and the other in her mid 30s -- that we love dearly and always visit when we are in their city. However, when we try to make plans, they are so rigid about where they will go, what they will do and eat, etc. that the planning is a major undertaking. The ability to co-habitate successfully (meaning that everyone doesn't end up strangling each other) depends a lot on one's willingness to be flexible and to compromise occasionally. That's definitely something I would be sensitive to.

 

35+ divorced: The up side is that one learns a LOT about relationships when married. For me, any down side would highly depend on how involved the ex is in her life and what he is like, especially if there are kids involved. Since my problems with women have been due to "nice guy" issues, the last thing I want is for her ex to be the proverbial "bad boy" who's trying to create some kind of alpha/beta competition. In general, I'd be wary of being taken advantage of. Specifically, I'd be skeptical about her level of attraction toward me.

  • Like 1
ChessPieceFace Established Member

ChessPieceFace

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The problem here is that 35yo women looking to have kids are highly desperate due to their biological clock running out, so you know they will snow you and lie to you if it suits them.

 

Ignoring that, if I had to compare the two, it would depend on why the divorced woman was divorced. If I somehow knew for a fact that her ex was a piece of trash, then I would put her as slightly less of a concern than a never-married 35yo. But in general you don't know the real reasons (and can never trust what a woman tells you) so most of the time I'd rather pick the never-married 35yo. Especially if the divorced woman has kids - then she's just looking for a new man to leech off of. Becoming a step-dad (except in the case of widowing) has got to be the biggest chump move there is. You'll never be their real parent and you'll never be appreciated like the real parent. You're just a (resented) fill-in.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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Something to consider:

 

I have used OLD extensively and I am yet to come across a man that checked 'divorced' ONLY in his ideal partner box and left out "single"..

 

I have seen plenty that ONLY checked "single" though. Same goes for kids. No kids is never a problem. Has kids seems to be a problem for a lot of men.

  • Like 1
fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

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I had a conversation with my girlfriends tonight discussing whether or not a man would choose a divorced 35 year old woman or a never married 35 year old if they had to. Before letting you know the consensus of beliefs and why this was even discussed, I'm curious to see what others would choose and why. I look forward to your thoughts!

 

I'm 25, I'd date either woman. If I had to choose, I guess I'd prefer the woman who never married, since her experience would more or less line up with mine.

  • Like 1
iris219 Established Member

iris219

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I saw a lot of single women from 35+ (there are obviously younger and older as well) who were single and many of them gorgeous, and not married?

GTFO. something is wrong there. I stay far away.

 

So..., what exactly is wrong with these never married women?

 

It's a huge red flag if a woman hits 35 without ever being married.

 

The vast majority of women would have had several opportunities to get married by then. If she hasn't, then why not?

 

What if there is no particular reason, other than it never happened for her?

 

 

35+ never married: Obviously, not having any divorce-related emotional scarring could be a plus. On the down side, an issue to watch for -- whether it's a man or woman who's never been married -- is the ability to be flexible and compromising when it's appropriate. We all get set in our ways after awhile and I can see how it could hinder relationships. My wife and I have two never-married female friends -- one is in her early 40s and the other in her mid 30s -- that we love dearly and always visit when we are in their city. However, when we try to make plans, they are so rigid about where they will go, what they will do and eat, etc. that the planning is a major undertaking. The ability to co-habitate successfully (meaning that everyone doesn't end up strangling each other) depends a lot on one's willingness to be flexible and to compromise occasionally. That's definitely something I would be sensitive to.

 

I'm 34 and never married, and I've found that I've become less stubborn, more compromising and accommodating to other's needs, and more patient over the years.

 

One of the most annoying things about me now is how easy to get along with I am!

  • Like 5
fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

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One thing I forgot to mention in my response: If a woman is 35 and never married and also never had a relationship, but did have plenty of ONS, hookups, FWBs and the like, yeah that would be a huge red flag for me.

 

But if it was a woman who dated, had some relationships that never worked out, that's fine.

 

Same thing would/should go for men. Just in case anyone thinks I'm a sexist pig...

JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

Posted
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One thing I forgot to mention in my response: If a woman is 35 and never married and also never had a relationship, but did have plenty of ONS, hookups, FWBs and the like, yeah that would be a huge red flag for me.

 

But if it was a woman who dated, had some relationships that never worked out, that's fine.

 

Same thing would/should go for men. Just in case anyone thinks I'm a sexist pig...

 

You're a sexist pig.

 

Women you pass on the street can smell it from 50 feet away like a cigarette smoker and it's the reason you are unsuccessful with women. :bunny:

  • Like 1
BradJacobs Established Member

BradJacobs

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Has kids seems to be a problem for a lot of men.

Baby daddies are rarely out of the picture. If they are then that typically means abandonment or in arrears on child support. Either way, it can become a mess very quickly.

 

35-year old preferences:

Divorced, no kids.

Single, never married with no kids.

Divorced with child or children (provided a product of the marriage)

Single, never married with a child provided the baby daddy isn't a cancer.

Divorced with children from multiple fathers. Not interested.

Single, never married with children from multiple fathers. Not interested.

Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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Mid 40's man here, divorced myself, no kids.

 

My last gf was 42 when we met, never married, a few broken engagements. I did not bother me at all either way. I was kind of attracted to the fact that she had never been married at first; but it was not a deal breaker wither way. She had 2-3 live in relationships, so she was kind of married anyway I guess.

  • Like 1
Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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It's a huge red flag if a woman hits 35 without ever being married.

 

Funny how you said the same isn't true for a man well into his 40's. :rolleyes:

StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

Posted
Posted
One thing I forgot to mention in my response: If a woman is 35 and never married and also never had a relationship, but did have plenty of ONS, hookups, FWBs and the like, yeah that would be a huge red flag for me.

 

But if it was a woman who dated, had some relationships that never worked out, that's fine.

 

Same thing would/should go for men. Just in case anyone thinks I'm a sexist pig...

 

Something else to watch for when you cross the big three-oh:

 

30 something women who never could get the "love of their life" to commit yet never could let him go either.

  • Like 1
Babolat Established Member

Babolat

Posted
Posted
There's a reason that she's never settled down and most likely never will but it takes some investment of time to figure that one out. In her eyes it's always the men; she's a victim and always will be.QUOTE]

 

I agree. My last gf had 4 engagements all of which were live ins; they all ended for the same reasons; having spent a year with her I now kind of understand why. When we first met she described all 4 men the same way. Everything was great the first 1-2 years, then.....

 

So either she is picking the wrong men or something about these men changes after they have been with her for a while. I think its the latter as I felt it too.

fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

Posted
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Something else to watch for when you cross the big three-oh:

 

30 something women who never could get the "love of their life" to commit yet never could let him go either.

 

I guess I could live with that, being second fiddle and all that. Provided they weren't looking to divorce me at the first chance they got or something like that.

Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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Exactly! and you should see some of the hotties on those websites. smoking hot and not scooped up? somethings wrong here.

 

But the big problem is also many men today just dont want to commit.

a lot of single people today.

 

 

I dated one of those 40+ hotties, never married. Great woman, wonderful qualities I loved...read my posts about us, and you will understand why she is still single (at least my best guess).

pcplod Established Member

pcplod

Posted
Posted
I had a conversation with my girlfriends tonight discussing whether or not a man would choose a divorced 35 year old woman or a never married 35 year old if they had to. Before letting you know the consensus of beliefs and why this was even discussed, I'm curious to see what others would choose and why. I look forward to your thoughts!

 

I prefer to let the individual bring their individual qualities (or lack of them) and circumstances, past and present, to the table.

 

I've never understood why it appears, at face value anyway, that stereotypes appeal to so many people, so often.

 

Frankly, they have never done me any favours in the past. In any given situation a woman may have divorced because their ex was a psychopath, or never married because they ended up looking after a terminally-ill parent. Either way, it is understandable and equally understandable that they now want to get on with their life.

 

I wil say that a divorced woman with children to look after is likely to face practical problems if they are attracting men who have decided they don't want to raise children of their own and certainly don't want to raise someone else's. But I would assume that for every divorced single mother there is out there, there is a divorced dad. Divorcees do meet and get remarried and bring up their own joint football team.

 

A lot of women divorcees seem to put their love loves on hold until their children are old enough to be independent so that when they do start dating, they have a pretty clear field to do so, and fewer practical obstacles. That could see them into their late forties, early fifties in some cases, which has got to be a pretty hard deal in many respects.

  • Like 1
StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

Posted
Posted
I dated one of those 40+ hotties, never married. Great woman, wonderful qualities I loved...read my posts about us, and you will understand why she is still single (at least my best guess).

 

Are you referring to the old lady that was partying like a teenager? If so that is not a good example to use, it is obvious she had issues.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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I've never understood why it appears, at face value anyway, that stereotypes appeal to so many people, so often.

lazy thinking

pcplod Established Member

pcplod

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OH At least I look younger than people think I am so hopefully 7yrs from now I look 25 & not 35 ;)

 

Nah, you're not. That is only what you think, what you are keen to believe and people being kind and being diplomatic from a self-preservation prospect, tell you. :p

 

And it's okay, really. As long as you don't



  1. Dress mutton as lamb.
  2. Throw in the towel and try to dress, make-up and behave like your mum.



A middle ground, as it always seems to be the case, is the way to go. And there will be men, that you will like, who will fall over you, if that is really what you want.

 

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
I had a conversation with my girlfriends tonight discussing whether or not a man would choose a divorced 35 year old woman or a never married 35 year old if they had to. Before letting you know the consensus of beliefs and why this was even discussed, I'm curious to see what others would choose and why. I look forward to your thoughts!

Around here (my demographic) a woman would have to be lesbian or in a convent to not be married at least once by 35, so essentially the point is moot. As an example, my exW had been married and divorced twice by that age. This wasn't uncommon amongst the women I dated, many of them single parents.

 

I see the issue as 'different', rather than 'what's worse?', as each path has its positives and negatives. There's a balance which works for each individual relationship. In retrospect, it would have been a good balance to have dated or LTR'd/M'd a never married lady, as that was my circumstance, not because it would be 'better' but rather to gain that experience. As it was, such was never possible so I'll never know.

kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
Posted
I had a conversation with my girlfriends tonight discussing whether or not a man would choose a divorced 35 year old woman or a never married 35 year old if they had to. Before letting you know the consensus of beliefs and why this was even discussed, I'm curious to see what others would choose and why. I look forward to your thoughts!

For me its the divorced chick. Shes been through the ringers and likely has kids. At least with someone never married they have a highly likelihood of being less jaded and not having kids just yet.

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