Men, what's worse...35 and divorced or 35 and never married?

[Mrlonelyone]

Marriage teaches you a lot. Divorced is way better. I wouldnt date anyone 35+ that wasnt married. I learned a lot from my divorce and made those changes for my next relationship.

 

I saw a lot of single women from 35+ (there are obviously younger and older as well) who were single and many of them gorgeous, and not married?

GTFO. something is wrong there. I stay far away.

 

and that bull**** "invested in career" crap doesnt hold water. its an excuse.

 

 

Are you kidding me? People who are in school focused like a laser on getting a MD or PHD or JD or some combination of those very often don't get married. They may be in a long time relationship just not married.

 

IMHO in general someone who knew that they weren't ready to get married and has no children at 35 is better than someone who rushed and has children and is divorced at 35. That person may have been in long term relationships just not married. That person may have had to deal with some other life issues which prevented marriage.

 

 

My father was never married when he met my mother who was just divorced. My mother was divorced with three children. That was back in about 1972 or 73. They have now been together for 40 years total. It wasn't all fun an all smiles but they made it work.

 

The guts to stick with it and not just give up when things get rough is why they stayed together. By the rules posted on this website they should have been together for a couple years at most.

 

"But things are different now". No they aren't. The only thing that may be different is that now people are in search of a perfect relationship that never ever really exist and any thing less than perfect and free of effort leads to a break up.

[EasyHeart]

It depends.

 

Generally, single is better than divorced because there is less baggage. But I don't count things like starter marriages (no kids, no financial issues) as any different than being single.

 

It also depends on *why* the 35 year old is single. Some people are single because of reasons I consider no problem (I was committed to school/career, I was sick, I had family obligations, etc.) and some people are single for reasons that I don't want to get involved with (I'm a drama queen, I hate men, I'm a bat**** crazy, etc.)

[Babolat]

Are you referring to the old lady that was partying like a teenager? If so that is not a good example to use, it is obvious she had issues.

 

She is not an "old" lady...

 

And I think it's a perfect example. She has a lot of party girl left in her and she wants a stable, settled, mature and responsible man like me. Instead, she ends up with the controlling abusive type who want to try to mold, shape control and change her because of her actions and behaviors.

 

So there IS a reason, at 40+, she has had failed engagements and is still single.

[MidwestUSA]

 

Generally, single is better than divorced because there is less baggage. But I don't count things like starter marriages (no kids, no financial issues) as any different than being single.

Just as two people who were together twelve years while raising children, just without the benefit of that marriage license (and not due to a lack of commitment) could be considered "married". Marriage isn't for everyone.

[hppr]

Assuming all things being equal...

 

People looking for relationships will want those who have a history of commitment. So if you are talking about a choice between a 35 year old man who has been in lots of relationships, or married for several years vs. a guy who is 35 with 1-2 girlfriends and long periods of being single...most women will pick the guy who has had lots of experience.

 

However, all things are never equal. There are more factors than just past relationship experience.

 

Attraction, the physical and personal, is vastly underestimated by a lot of people. If you can cultivate that then whatever 'faults' or disadvantages you think you have will pretty much disappear.

[hppr]

I think many men will stop right after hearing 35 unless they are in their 50's or 60's.

 

No they won't.

 

An honest, regular guy looking for a decent relationship is going to want someone near his age who has similar interests.

 

What you are talking about is when women are going for men out of their league. They still want the hot guy, problem is the hot guy they dated when they were 25 is now 35 and still going for 25 year olds. I see that all time time.

[MidwestUSA]

No they won't.

 

An honest, regular guy looking for a decent relationship is going to want someone near his age who has similar interests.

Not true. When I was doing OLD, the guys my age wanted 35 to 45, always a good 10 to 15 years younger than themselves. Doesn't mean that's what they got. Oddly, the very dudes advertising for the young hotties always looked like 55 going on 70.

[Phantom888]

35 divorced and with children. I want to be able to connect with this woman via life experience. Someone my age who has never married or had children would not understand the struggles and sacrifices necessary to be a spouse/parent. I dated a 46 year old woman who has never married. That was a mistake.

[MidwestUSA]

I dated a 46 year old woman who has never married. That was a mistake.

I have a couple of guys I can set her up with.

[dasein]

With a host of reasonable criteria to judge compatibility, whether someone has been divorced or not married previously seems far down the list.

 

A divorced person has failed at marriage in the past, who knows why, whether avoidable, or what fault they carry due to that? but they have failed.

 

A never married person has never failed at marriage.

 

To me those are the only facts without more detail, and no useful conclusions can be drawn from those facts alone.

[Star Gazer]

35 divorced and with children. I want to be able to connect with this woman via life experience. Someone my age who has never married or had children would not understand the struggles and sacrifices necessary to be a spouse/parent. I dated a 46 year old woman who has never married. That was a mistake.

 

Are you a parent?

[Eternal Sunshine]

OK I have a question for you all:

 

Would a 10 years older man, divorced and with 3 kids be interested in me who has never been married and never had kids?

 

or is going to write me off because of my lack of experience/maturity?

[iris219]

OK I have a question for you all:

 

Would a 10 years older man, divorced and with 3 kids be interested in me who has never been married and never had kids?

 

or is going to write me off because of my lack of experience/maturity?

 

I would think he'd be thrilled that you'd be willing to date him.

[Star Gazer]

OK I have a question for you all:

 

Would a 10 years older man, divorced and with 3 kids be interested in me who has never been married and never had kids?

 

or is going to write me off because of my lack of experience/maturity?

 

Based on my own personal experience, no. That demographic seems to be the ones I attract most.

 

IME, my never-married status has been an asset, not a hindrance. As for children, some men with children aren't interested in me either because they're done having children and I want them, or they think I can't relate to their experience (and I can't, presently, but if we were to have children, obviously I would).

[Sarabi]

Nah, you're not. That is only what you think, what you are keen to believe and people being kind and being diplomatic from a self-preservation prospect, tell you.

 

And it's okay, really. As long as you don't

1. Dress mutton as lamb.
   
2. Throw in the towel and try to dress, make-up and behave like your mum.
   

A middle ground, as it always seems to be the case, is the way to go. And there will be men, that you will like, who will fall over you, if that is really what you want.

 

 

They might be kind and diplomatic but, lol..."black don't crack" so I have been told on many occasions

I consider myself a "Lamb-ette"...dressing as, well, as Lambette as I can. Not quite mutton yet. Sometimes like a lamb ready for shearing when I am dressed in my work uniform...but there's not much I can do about that.

I wear makeup occasionally (gave up on the every day thing because it was doing. nothing for me...plus I just can't STAND the stuff!!!)

[Sarabi]

Are you a parent?

 

Nope...he's a phantom

Lol

[somedude81]

But, as someone who could have easily made it to 35 without having even a GF, aren't you sympathetic towards that?

Not at all.

 

Surely you've been aware of my stance on how much easier women have it than men?

 

If a woman makes it to 35 without getting married, that tells me that something is very wrong with her.

 

Either she thinks that no men are good enough for her, or she's batsh*t crazy.

 

BTW, who's to say I won't be married by the time I'm 35

[somedude81]

So..., what exactly is wrong with these never married women?

 

 

 

What if there is no particular reason, other than it never happened for her?

 

 

 

I'm 34 and never married, and I've found that I've become less stubborn, more compromising and accommodating to other's needs, and more patient over the years.

 

One of the most annoying things about me now is how easy to get along with I am!

But you do have a reason.

 

You valued your career over finding a man and live in an area with very few eligible men.

Funny how you said the same isn't true for a man well into his 40's.

You sure that was me?

 

Frankly I think that I'm pretty much a failure at life for hitting 31 without being married by now.

 

It's taken me way too long to get that part of my life started.

[Babolat]

OK I have a question for you all:

 

Would a 10 years older man, divorced and with 3 kids be interested in me who has never been married and never had kids?

 

or is going to write me off because of my lack of experience/maturity?

 

I am male, mid 40s, divorced, no kids and currently getting to know a 29 year old, single, no kids, female. By "getting to know" we have hung out 3-4 times, no romance yet as I want to go slooooow this time and build a friendship first.

[sillyanswer]

I look forward to your thoughts!

 

It's a trick question. Without more information about these two women it's impossible to say which is worse or even if either is worse than the other.

 

At that age I might be concerned if the woman had not had some sort of LTR, but that wasn't the question.

[TouchedByViolet]

Neither is worse, it depends on the reasoning and history. There are so many life factors to consider. People like to group other types of people together to reach a conclusion where in fact life is much more complicated than that. Without knowing the lady I would never make such a generalization.

[sillyanswer]

I've figured it out! The one who won't go on a date with me is the worse one. Clearly she has issues.

[Woggle]

The assumptions about both single men and women are ridiculous. I would rather be with a never married woman than one who cheated on an ex or cleaned him out in court. The only thing that would make me run is if she always talked about not settling. I am not saying people should actually settle but people obsessed with not settling usually have standards no mere mortal can live up to.

[ltjg45]

I don't know which is worse.

 

To me, the worse thing for me is dating a woman who is single and have kids, regardless if she was previously married and was divorced or not because I know, by then, she has to make her kids her first priority over me, which I can understand but it will be another obstacle in the way.

 

As for women who is 30+, never got married, and has no children, that is what I prefer the most however I would be open to 30+ women who did get divorced and doesn't have children as well.

 

It really depends on the type of woman she is and, if she is divorced, what happened with her previous marriage(s).

[Leegh]

Marriage teaches you a lot. Divorced is way better. I wouldnt date anyone 35+ that wasnt married. I learned a lot from my divorce and made those changes for my next relationship.

 

I saw a lot of single women from 35+ (there are obviously younger and older as well) who were single and many of them gorgeous, and not married?

GTFO. something is wrong there. I stay far away.

 

and that bull**** "invested in career" crap doesnt hold water. its an excuse.

Perhaps a reason why the 35+ women who were still single and gorgeous, and not married, is because gorgeous women are approached far, far, less than average-looking women. Most men figure a "plain-Jane" woman is a safe bet, (less rejection). Women who are beautiful and women who are homely, are approached the least.