Depressed and not happy with my life (mainly dating)

[Franko Bleenyo]

Im almost 30 and have had two girlfriends. Well maybe you can just say one girlfriend, the other was a FWB. This happened in my early 20's when i was better looking and more slim

 

I living in a small town most of my life. moved to the city to study in university. I have been living in the city for almost 4 years. 3 of those years were studying university and working poart time to support myself. For three years i w as poor and miserable and didnt have a social life due to always studying and no money

 

In the past 4 years i have put on weight. I have joined the gym and for the last 3 weeks i have been trying hard to get in shape. I hope to be slim and muscular by end of the year.

 

Anyway i dont have a social cirlce, My old friends are older and have girlfriends. All they do is play video games all day. They hardly go out. Its hard for me to sociazlise and meet new people. And even if they did go out most of their friends are males as well.

 

I want to go out and meet women but am finding it difficult. I have tried going to bars and clubs by myself but found it awkward and got no where.

 

I am really doubting myself in attracting and finding women. I feel like i have missed the boat. I am worried that i will never get a girlfriend and eventually get married.

 

Even my family are suggesting i go to thailand or philipines and get married if i dont find a woman by say age 35.

 

What is some advice you an give me in regards to meeting women?

[WildBillJP]

Hey bud. I understand what you're going through. DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR FAMILY!!! Read The Game by Neil Strauss, or for a more direct method read The Mystery Method by Mystery. I got NO GIRLS AT ALL till I was 20. Then I read The Game and THE NIGHT I FINISHED IT, I went out with a friend and ended up making out with a super hot girl at the bar!!! I hate bars too, so now I do mostly online dating which is AWESOME. Anyway, at first this stuff kind of "instructs you" on what to say to women in order to get their attraction, and how to act, but ultimately you will eventually steer towards learning what makes someone act like that naturally. Its great stuff. I really hope you look into it.

[clia]

First step is you need some friends so you have a wingman and guys to go out and do stuff with. Try Meetup.com to make friends. You can also use Meetup.com to meet women. (It's how I met my current boyfriend.) Have you tried online dating?

[Mr.Mango]

First step is you need some friends so you have a wingman and guys to go out and do stuff with. Try Meetup.com to make friends. You can also use Meetup.com to meet women. (It's how I met my current boyfriend.) Have you tried online dating?

 

Good recommendation. I would focus on just being social first, dating next. I've moved a lot around the world, needing to build up a foundation over and over and over again. If you just get involved with some people and make friends then that's an easy segway into dating.

 

I always laugh when I meet guys who think that all you need is balls and good looks to get women. Better off building a pool of people you know, that'll open more doors than a one night stand.

[BradJacobs]

Lose the weight first.

 

You all ready said that the two women you had were when you were skinny.

[dasein]

Great advice so far, keep up the exercise and work to build a new social circle of non couchers. You will feel better in time, good luck.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Work from the inside out...without any confidence and a battered self-esteem that's only going to make things a lot more challenging.

 

Focus on your weight, style, (do research, put in the work) and do things that make you feel better about yourself and start challenging yourself slowly out of your comfort zone to interact with people or try something new...don't hermit in the house but don't go out to a bar or club where you need either have social skills, acquainted with people, "game" or good looks to make a good impression. You just need to simply talk to people in casual/laid back no pressure environments and get your feet wet interacting with women so you learn the social queues and body language and all that.

 

Don't make women the priority, just try making friends and socializing or being more personable and social, then as you become more comfortable and relaxed, confident with your ability to interact with women and converse, then try to pursue women...it's a competitive dating world and if you're going to slug it out with the other men you have to have some sense and dating etiquette.

 

You don't necessarily need to become this social butterfly but you should try to improve these qualities in yourself for your own sake...otherwise, fire up online-dating and take a look at women you feel are in your league and that have a lot of things in common...a lot of people out there are lonely too and don't like all the BS with the dating world, so you might need someone more plain or down to earth.

 

You can worry all you want, but until you actually do something about it, something out of the norm and of the box than the rut you've been in for years...you're likely not going to find yourself a very eligible bachelor in the dating world, you'll just be that awkward single guy.

 

So I'd recommend not giving up and really challenging yourself, if you don't believe in yourself nobody else is, especially women. Increase your desirability, you could make a world of difference if you do the work and at least try.

[ferpuerto17]

I understand what you are saying. The gym is a good place for your health and to meet people, but an even better thing to do would be to join a club of people who like the same things that you do. Try meetup.com and join activity groups like hiking, outdoors, sports and other things like that. They will help you get in shape, expand your social circle and maybe allow you to meet someone special.

 

Don't put too much pressure on yourself to meet someone. That is a sure way to make sure you do not meet her.