Typical dating timelines?

[miss_jaclynrae]

So why shouldn't he mention you, and what makes it really significant? I think my kids' romantic interests were regularly mentioned in casual conversation and almost never received more than passing mention.

 

I guess this is another cultural shift where my superannuated condition seems to show: "Meet the Parents". From conversations I overhear between 20-somethings, the initial contacts between them and their B/F or G/F parents is a matter of huge anxiety, almost requiring extensive rounds of therapy to prepare for, and recover from.

 

OK, my first G/F happened in the last couple months of High School so maybe it's not quite the same thing. We had known each other as distant acquaintances at school. I don't recall if I formally met her parents when I showed up for our first date, or a few days before when I walked home from school with her. I introduced her to my folks a few days later, at a community event. My mother invited her to dinner that day, and that was all there was to it. No anxiety; no trauma.

 

My second G/F started the summer after I graduated from college. I think she met my folks briefly the same day I first saw her - stopping by the house on our way out to our first date. I met her parents two days later, spent the evening with her family and spent the night as their houseguest before taking her to catch a flight at an airport about 100 miles away. In fact, for the first few months almost all of our dating included being guests of each other's families.

 

I actually think that contributed to our going from first meeting to man-and-wife (coming up on 39 years married) in one year plus two weeks. Seeing each other with our families gave us valuable insight into each other. The evaluations were bidirectional: other family members observed us individually and as a couple and offered their insight as well. So if you think this has long-term potential, I'd suggest working to get exposure to both sets of parents.

 

 

 

This is really interesting insight. I can say that meeting my mans parents was a big deal for me, though for him, he has almost always introduced women he has dated to family. Mostly because I just wanted to make a good impression. I have always met the family of men I was dating.

As for them meeting my family, that's a different story. They have never been interested to meet any of the men I date, so when the day came for them to meet him (after a few months of dating) it was a huge deal for me. Ultimately I agree with you. We spend lots of time at events with family on both sides now, and it has truly helped our relationship deepen and blossom. A big part of that being that both of our families love us together and we both get along with each others families so well. Maturity I think plays a big role, as I have matured, I have come to value my families opinion more and my parents and close relatives are more like friends. I love all our times together now, and it has been a huge reason as for why I see myself spendingy life with this man.

[firstworldproblems]

It seems strange to me that all the responses so far mention sex happening before "I love you" or "relationship".

 

Agreed. But I may be "old fashioned" because the boy and I are waiting until marriage. But our timeline:

 

--Met one night

--first date next morning

--BF/GF two weeks later when we had to leave for school, after 4 or 5 dates

--LDR for 4 or so months till graduation

--"I love you" 6 or so months after BF/GF

--talking about marriage a month or 2 after that

 

So for us, there was no discussion about being exclusive vs. BF/GF, I had just decided I wanted to be his GF if we had to go away to school.

[atlg8r]

In my experience, guys don't introduce you to or even begin discussing you with family unless they are somewhat serious about you as a potential partner. That's just my experience though. So to me, him talking about me with his mother and brother was an indication of his genuine interest in me. No mention of meeting them yet, but that's fine given we've actually only known each other for three weeks.

[ThomasD]

Agreed. But I may be "old fashioned" because the boy and I are waiting until marriage . . .

Wife & I (married almost 39 yrs) experienced the emotional and physical intensity of a double-virgin wedding night. In the long run I don't regret the decision to wait, and believe that working together to reach that goal improved our relationship.

 

Since you and your guy seem to have chosen each other as life partners I hope your wedding day is (or will soon be) a definite date within a year or so.

 

You may find the thread "Postponing Sex and Effects on Relationships" at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/395596-postponing-sex-effects-relationships-6.html#post4916522 rather interesting.

[Phantom888]

In my experience, guys don't introduce you to or even begin discussing you with family unless they are somewhat serious about you as a potential partner. That's just my experience though. So to me, him talking about me with his mother and brother was an indication of his genuine interest in me. No mention of meeting them yet, but that's fine given we've actually only known each other for three weeks.

 

I'm the type to believe in Love at First Sight. I don't think it matters how long you have known each other. If you both genuinely feel it, then it's definitely there. Once you find that special someone, the search is over. My lady and I have known each other a little over a month, but we know in our hearts that we have finally found THE ONE. We are planning our future together. So this whole timeline thing really doesn't apply to everyone. You and your partner decide how and when to take each step, and no one can tell you it's wrong.

[atlg8r]

I'm the type to believe in Love at First Sight. I don't think it matters how long you have known each other. If you both genuinely feel it, then it's definitely there. Once you find that special someone, the search is over. My lady and I have known each other a little over a month, but we know in our hearts that we have finally found THE ONE. We are planning our future together. So this whole timeline thing really doesn't apply to everyone. You and your partner decide how and when to take each step, and no one can tell you it's wrong.

 

I have NEVER believed in love at first sight. However, the first night I met this guy, I felt like he may be "the one." I never really believed in "the one" either, come to think of it!

 

There are a few areas where we differ, but in every area that is important to me thus far, he and I match up incredibly well. I find myself smiling so much when we talk because he will address something that was a major issue in my previous relationship, and he is right on point with how I feel. It's so refreshing!

 

We've now been "out" or hung out five different times, including in private, over the past four weeks, and while I can tell he's definitely attracted to me, he's been nothing but respectful. Fingers crossed!

[MissBee]

I know this can vary from person to person, but I haven't dated in really seven years. What is sort of the typical experience for dating someone new? I feel like the guy I'm interested in and I have had an atypical experience already, but I want some "average" experiences to compare to.

 

So, how much physical intimacy do you allow in the first few dates or first few months? At what point would you start thinking about exclusivity? Is there a difference between being "exclusive" and labeling yourselves "boyfriend/girlfriend"?

 

Thanks for the insight!

 

For me: I am either dating with a purpose or seeing someone casually.

 

If I make someone my exclusive boyfriend it's because I feel it's a good investment and has potential for more later. That may or may not pan out as life goes, but the point is, I need to be able to see the potential before I decide I'm in an exclusive relationship and I'm your girlfriend. If I don't see that potential then I may be "seeing" a guy, but I'm not committed to him.

 

If I really like you and want a relationship I hold off on sex until we've established a certain comfort level and have gotten to know each other more and know where we both kinda see this going. I don't like to rush into sex when I like a man and want more. But kissing/petting lol is fine if it feels right for me. Generally on a first date, if it goes well I will kiss the guy if it feels right for us, maybe second date onward, is when it becomes more heavy making out. I go with the flow but I know my boundary in my head...no sex on our first date or first few dates. The guy I'm seeing now, I was super attracted to but we didn't actually kiss until our 3rd date, it was kind of cute though, as we both wanted to, but didn't go for it until then and we didn't actually have sex until 3 months into things...and it was worth the wait.

[MissBee]

What is the difference between being exclusive and calling yourselves boyfriend/girlfriend?

 

I don't consider someone my boyfriend unless we are exclusive....

 

I can be seeing you...but you're not my boyfriend unless we talk about being exclusive and that's when you become my boyfriend. Before then, we're seeing each other and I refer to you you as "my friend".