Need Help!!!!

[Brentsgrl99]

Hi I have been with my fiance for over a year now. I am extremly jelous! When he even talks to a girl i go crazy I need to know how to handle this! Today he talked to a x who he knows that I just cant stand. Why did he do this? how canI learn to trust him. ? please help

[sandy]

jelousy can kill and detroy you and your relationship if you do not find out what the underlining problem is, why are you so jelous ? has he givin you reason not to trust him in the past ?

[Nic]

i posted this a couple of weeks back in relation to a guy who was feeling jealous of people around his girlfriend. i will amend it to suit your situation. here goes:-

 

"jealousy is a 99% useless emotion, and usually results in the very thing it fears - loss of the special relationship. jealousy turns all the colours in your love into dreary black, white and grey. it's a relationship wrecker.

 

jealousy is about fear - fear of the unknown and of change, fear of losing power or control in a relationship, fear of loss, and fear of abandonment. it is a reflection of our own insecurity about our worthiness, anxiety about being adequate as a lover, and doubts about our desirability.

 

when you feel jealous, ask yourself, "what is it that i am really afraid of? what do I need to make this situation safe for me?" "what is the worst thing that could happen and how likely is that to happen?"

 

for one, don't make your feelings of insecurity your boyfriend's problem. practise 'positive thinking'. allow yourself to believe it when your partner tells you they love you, and see yourself as a person deserving love and commitment. if your partner wanted someone else or to be with someone else, he wouldn't be engaged to you would he? i honestly can't imagine being engaged to someone who i didn't trust. what are you thinking!!!?

 

don't create wild pictures in your head when you feel uncomfortable about him talking to other girls. use your imagination to come up with creative ways to spend time together and show him that you care.

 

finally, make sure that you have interests of your own to pursue when he is not around. to keep the energy between you good, both of you need to take responsibility for pursuing your own personal goals. a relationship is made up of two people - the more active and vibrant you each are, the more interesting you are to each other.

 

you are showing your fiance a lack of trust, and you may even end up pushing him away from you - which is exactly what you don't want. trust is something that has to be earned. it isn't handed over on a platter. if you know he would never cheat on you, or let you down, then you have to take a serious look at your insecurities and sort them out, before you push him away.

 

you probably can't stand any of his exes because you are so jealous. if he gets along fine with her now, there's no reason for him not to talk to her. if he's ever given you reason to believe there is more going on, then you need to address that with him. if not, chill, because it will only make you appear VERY unattractive. jealousy is so off-putting.

 

and remember - jealousy can be damaging to relationship, so try and be positive about yourself to start with, and build your self esteem before the jealousy becomes out of control. try not to feel so threatened. it will only drive him away eventually."

 

Hi I have been with my fiance for over a year now. I am extremly jelous! When he even talks to a girl i go crazy I need to know how to handle this! Today he talked to a x who he knows that I just cant stand. Why did he do this? how canI learn to trust him. ? please help

[Tony T]

There is no magic formula for getting over your jealousy. But if you really love your fiance, you'll postpone the wedding until you get your act together...or call it off altogether.

 

You don't need to expose someone you love to such destructive behavior.

[Deejette]

He is really only talking to these girls and not doing anything else. You can't keep him in a cage and not allow him to talk to anyone unless you approve.

 

Obviously you have a low opinion of yourself and think that someone can come along and take him away from you and replace you easily. No matter how much he reassures you that nothing is happening, your own lack of self-worth won't let you believe it.

 

Unless you honestly work on getting rid of jealousy, it will plague you with the next boyfriend, after you succeed in driving away this one with your possessiveness.

There is no magic formula for getting over your jealousy. But if you really love your fiance, you'll postpone the wedding until you get your act together...or call it off altogether. You don't need to expose someone you love to such destructive behavior.