GremlinGirl Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 I don't know whether this is possible... I think a lot of people try to stay friends with their exes as some kind of an emotional insurance policy. They just don't want to lose all that intimacy in one go. I have to work with my ex, and while it was a very bad break up (he cheated and lied lied LIED), 6 months down the track we are trying to be mates again for the sake of work. Its okay sometimes, but I do tend to lash out at him as I am still very bitter. It is also hard to hear about him dating other people. I pretend like I am cool with everything but I just want to start crying when he starts talking about his new social life. Basically, I don't think you can be friends with your ex unless the break up was completely mutual. It's a real shame because we used to be the best of friends, before we started dating. I thought I could be grown up with this but it just makes me ache more. Link to post Share on other sites
netrie Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 Friends ONLY? Without sex? NO WAY... Link to post Share on other sites
netrie Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 my ex still tries to get in touch with me but it's about having SEX with me. he is still HOT after me in this area but... and because i am still attracted to him---i do not want to be around him... It makes it hard to date other men. Link to post Share on other sites
greenlove Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 I think a lot of people try to stay friends with their exes as some kind of a "sex" insurance policy. What do they call it friends with benefits kinda deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 It is hard and I think it is a convoluted subject. Here's how I see it: -if exes dont have any romantic feelings at all then they can be friends but i think this usually happens if the people dated for a short period of time although long termers can become good friends too but it is a lot more difficult. -if the exes dont have romantic feelings then they may think "wtf do I want to hang out with this person" and not care if they remain friends. -if the exes (one or both) still have feelings they may try and be friends simply because they think it is silly to just toally get rid of a person who meant so much to them. -if the exes (one or both) have feelings they may feel it is easier to let the person go from their life and try and heal. This is a common one. -if the exes still have feelings they may try and be friends in the expectation they will get back together when they see things have changed enough that a second go at a relationship will work. -if either party holds any grudges a friendship will not work. People have to let what is in the past (ie the anger of what happened) stay in the past and see the other person for how they are now. This is a common one -exes can fear what may happen if they hang out (ie they will see they should be together) so one or both will avoid trying to be friends. This may sound silly but it happens. After all, it is easier to think things will be bad or think negatively than it is to think things would work out or think positively. This is a very common one Those are my thoughts on the subject. So it is possible to be friends but it usually doesn't happen. Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 My boyfriend and I managed to be friends during our breakup (and we've never had sex, and we weren't intimate when we were broken up), but as we still had feelings for each other and wanted to get back together (and subsequently did), it was hard. However, I HAVE managed to remain friends with ex boyfriends after being apart from them for a couple of years and letting the feelings go away completely. Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 I think it is very hard, as I am trying to do it now. I dont believe you can until the dumpee can totally detach their feelings from the dumper. Maybe a few years down the road you can be friends but not when you still want them back. It is especially hard(believe me, I know) when you are still friends and she starts to date other guys. I say you can stay friends with them if they arent in another relationship with you on the back burner so to say. My ex just started seeing another guy and now I have to start NC and move on. One....she says she has no time to see me and hang out and two....she has time to hang out with him but not me. ***** that! Im out of here! Friends? No way....friends dont do that to other friends....especially really close friends like we USED to be. Peace. Link to post Share on other sites
Spira Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 I worked with and remained friends with one of my ex's at one time. However, it was a superficial friendship which I only tried to attain because I did not want there to be stress in my workplace. I think I really hated him the entire time. I had to ignore his snide, jealous, and generally rude comments, and was very uncomfortable with the fact that he still had feelings for me. You broke up for a reason. It's possible to stay friends (on one level or another), but wouldn't that REASON come between your friendship, too? You also have too much dirt with each other... it's best to just let things go. From what you all said about friendship between ex's... do you still think it's OK for your current partner to be friends with an ex? Link to post Share on other sites
beautiful Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 Absolutely NOT! What is the use? I am sorry but staying friends with an ex is completely useless. An ex is an ex for a reason and that includes friendship! Link to post Share on other sites
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