Why are there no good guys left?

[hppr]

Honestly I think a lot of women want to be MS No1 for Mr BBD and they view anything less as settling.

 

You also have to understand that even if they were to win over Mr. BBD they would instantly become bored with him. There are some people who are relationship material and then there are those who aren't and that is one of the key factors. Some people are just never happy no matter what.

[Dread Pirate Roberts]

There's no such thing as a good guy..they are all bums and I'm sick of trying to navigate finding a decent bf in a sea of losers!

 

Could say the same about women, but then I could say all black people are bums and Mexicans are useless. Why don't I? Because I'm not a bigot, nor a sexist.

 

You ever think for a moment that your desperation is exactly what attracts the losers?

[Dread Pirate Roberts]

There are a lot of good guys left. I know many of them. Being a mother of three sons in their twenties, I get to know a lot of guys that are friends with my sons. These guys are intelligent, athletic, handsome (many of them), and with good character. You just have to weed through the losers until you find that good guy. They are out there. Just don't waste your time with losers. Of course, those good guys also expect a comparable woman who values herself and has a lot going for her and with good character. So you need to be the type of person whom you are trying to attract. And have high expectations for men and hold them to a high standard of behavior. When women put up with crap from men, those men don't learn how to behave any better.

 

With 6+ billion people in the world, at least half of them being male, it's a gross understatement to say "there are a few good men left". I'm quite sure the number is quite high. It's not like I've tried every woman and the good Earth knows I'd probably not come back sane if I did; I'm sure the same goes for women to men.

[KathyM]

With 6+ billion people in the world, at least half of them being male, it's a gross understatement to say "there are a few good men left". I'm quite sure the number is quite high. It's not like I've tried every woman and the good Earth knows I'd probably not come back sane if I did; I'm sure the same goes for women to men.

I said there were a lot of good men left, not just a few. As far as how many exactly, I wouldn't really know. That's not a measurable quantity.

[IHateHypocrites]

....and mostly disingenuous. Believe me, it is not their FIRST priority.

 

Indeed. Sense of humor is such an overrated quality. I mean it is not useless, some certainly value it, but it is not some sort of silver bullet that will solve all your dating woes at once.

[Disillusioned]

The OP has obviously never watched that famous "29/31" video.

[joystickd]

 

You ever think for a moment that your desperation is exactly what attracts the losers?

I have always heard who you date is a reflection of you at that time.

[ScreamingTrees]

Hey, ES, with this remark, I've just got a simple question.

 

"Only came across one guy that showed himself to be sincere and genuine (the one I dated recently) but unfortunately I had zero physical chemistry with him :("

 

Is it the fact that they're sincere and honest that renders them eunuchs, or do they all happen to be unattractive? Is it bad luck, or faulty wiring due to negative formative experiences in your life that lead you to sabotage any chances at healthy, stable relationships?

 

I mean, if these scumbags were to totally change their ways and become more like mr. genuine, would you feel the same about them or even feel more strongly about them?

 

The whole "vibe" thing is pretty intangible, and I'm not saying it's bull****, just wondering what may be messing up the vibe with the guys who are both honest and attractive enough to catch your initial interest. What is it that turns you off or fails to get you going? Their mannerisms? The conversation? Do they suddenly start to look less appealing than they did?

 

Perhaps I might avoid a similar fate in the future.

[Emilia]

Well I've reconnected with someone recently who is definitely a good guy and who is also completely out of my reach unfortunately. He reminds me of what I'm missing so careful what you wish for ES. Those boys are out there but meeting them feels good only if you get the chance to be in a relationship with them

[joystickd]

There seems to be among women a scarcity mentality when it comes to quality men. There are quality men out there the thing is they are looking at what you are bringing to the table. It's the same with men that want a certain type of woman these women are checking and seeing what they are bringing.

[Emilia]

There seems to be among women a scarcity mentality when it comes to quality men. There are quality men out there the thing is they are looking at what you are bringing to the table. It's the same with men that want a certain type of woman these women are checking and seeing what they are bringing.

My point precisely.

[GoodOnPaper]

There seems to be among women a scarcity mentality when it comes to quality men. There are quality men out there the thing is they are looking at what you are bringing to the table. It's the same with men that want a certain type of woman these women are checking and seeing what they are bringing.

 

So if most of us have a scarcity mentality, how are all these LTR's and marriages happening? Is there rampant settling going on?

 

And what does "quality" mean? That's usually code for being a near-perfect physical specimen. But it seems like in this discussion, "quality" means having many dating options at any given time. If a guy can't achieve that, then are attempts fruitless?

[Emilia]

Is there rampant settling going on?

In my opinion yes

[Weezy1973]

In my opinion yes

 

Wow. How condescending to all the people in long term relationships out there. And this coming from one of the "always single" people on this site...

 

The OP specifically pointed to two traits when she referenced "good guys" - sincere and genuine. All of the married people I know (except one) are with people that are sincere and genuine - there are PLENTY of people out there that are sincere and genuine. If you or anybody else is having problems finding them (most people don't have much trouble finding them) then YOU have serious problems when it comes to relationships. There is no shortage of good men (or women) in the world.

[Eve]

I agree with the rampant settling comment.

 

Half the time I wonder why people even bother, may as well be on their own than in a sham of a marriage.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Weezy1973]

I agree with the rampant settling comment.

 

Half the time I wonder why people even bother, may as well be on their own than in a sham of a marriage.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

So who settled in your marriage, you or your husband?

[Eve]

So who settled in your marriage, you or your husband?

 

Lol, neither. It is different when people admit they have settled, no? Or generally make each other miserable. I am seriously idealistic but won't deny the obvious.

 

Generally I would say people can be badly matched, temperamentally foremostly. Get that right first methinks.

 

That's when the good guy thing works optimally.

 

Personally, I think there is too much emphasis on basing choices on looks and not enough on character, which goes full circle to the question at hand.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Weezy1973]

Lol, neither. It is different when people admit they have settled, no? Or generally make each other miserable. I am seriously idealistic but won't deny the obvious.

 

Generally I would say people can be badly matched, temperamentally foremostly. Get that right first methinks.

 

That's when the good guy thing works optimally.

 

Personally, I think there is too much emphasis on basing choices on looks and not enough on character, which goes full circle to the question at hand.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

I tend not to judge other people's relationships because one can never know the inner dynamics from the outside. But I totally agree that, especially when it comes to long term relationships, people should place way less emphasis on superficial qualities (looks, money etc.) and way more emphasis on quality. Unfortunately for the OP, and many of the other always singles, their attraction is based primarily on superficial traits, which is why they struggle.

[Eve]

I tend not to judge other people's relationships because one can never know the inner dynamics from the outside. But I totally agree that, especially when it comes to long term relationships, people should place way less emphasis on superficial qualities (looks, money etc.) and way more emphasis on quality. Unfortunately for the OP, and many of the other always singles, their attraction is based primarily on superficial traits, which is why they struggle.

 

I blame it on the end of eighties lyrics.

 

Nah, I have no shame in judging character and think that if a person is a good catch, they should hold true to it.

 

I think there is an idealism floating around that if you don't do any harm generally you are a good person anyway - but it is ok to let rip within a relationship and make a persons life a living hell... just for something to do! To tweet about or whatever...

 

Persoanlly I don't know where people find the time!

 

Take care,

Eve x

[LBlanc]

Q. Why are there no good guys left?

 

A. They are everywhere actually. Unfortunately...

 

...

 

... I had zero physical chemistry with [them]

 

...

 

So maybe a better question maybe... 'Is there a magic pill I can take so I can have some chemistry with these good guys right under my nose?'

[LBlanc]

I think world's top scientist are trying to find solution on the wrong problems.

 

I think they should work on finding a cure to this disease called "chemistry."

 

If they could eliminate that, all the worlds problem will be solved...war, famine, global warming, cancer, mass animal extinction, deforestation, etc. ...would disappear!

 

why? because everybody will love and could love anyone!

 

ha ha...i'm a genius!

 

suck on that Einstein!

[Disillusioned]

Why are there no good guys left? Because women who ask this question are looking for wealthy guys who'll buy them stuff.

 

In this lousy economy, your chances of nabbing a wealthy bachelor are about the same as finding a snowball in the Sahara.

[ltjg45]

I have read so many threads here that I have came down to a simple conclusion concerning dating:

 

Men is too simple. Women is too complex.

 

When a man wants something, he makes it pretty obvious almost all of the time. When he gives a reason as to why he doesn't want to be in a relationship with a woman, it is typically figured out that he just isn't that interested in her and that is almost always correct. I noticed that from both males and females reading responses concerning what a male has said to a female in this case.

 

When a woman wants something, she can say it in so many different ways and almost every male would have a different idea of what she actually means. She could send a wink to a male and the male could question her intentions as to whether or not she is serious in actually meeting him or she is just having some casual fun and the worst part is it can go either way.

 

This thread is a good example of what I mean. ES wanted to find a good guy. She found one and yet she let him go because of lack of physical connection and then continue to ask where the other good guys is at. Men is confused as to what the heck "physical connection" is and the women basically defines it as an inner feeling and nothing more, which means there is nothing men can do about it other than hope you have it and your competition doesn't.

 

It's weird and yet interesting at the same time. Now, at this point in my life, I'm only curious.

[zebracolors]

Heya ES, I kind of feel your pain. I would only add my hope for your luck to turn around. You've got your life on track, good job and living well right? You already know you'd be a strong addition to the right man's life right? I agree with those who say it depends on where you're meeting these guys. Immerse yourself among the kind of men you want to meet. Have you tried just looking for different social circles?

So maybe a better question maybe... 'Is there a magic pill I can take so I can have some chemistry with these good guys right under my nose?'

 

This has actually happened to me recently. I mean about having a potential quality guy be right under my nose but not seeing it, until it was too late And if he ever felt that way for me I was probably stupidly blind to it because of the “dazzle” of other guys who ended up just being “fun” but wanted nothing serious.

 

And he was the only one among them who didn't obviously just want one thing from me. We had lots of fun, shared experiences, talking, walking, dining. And when I realized how I felt about him I didn't care that he was unemployed, and I never knew if there was any chemistry between us, but it was his mind that I fell for. But by then he felt, and rightfully so, that he needed to get his life back on track and try his luck in a state far from mine. And before he moved away I pretty much made it clear how I felt but after that he distanced himself from me. Granted I realize it could have been that he was never interested in me that way. But to this day, I still wonder if things had been different..

[Luckydad]

Wow. I read every post in this thread and couldn't find someone mention MGTOW as a possible root cause to the OP's original question.

 

I've been MGTOW for a few years, and have discovered that several of my acquaintances have taken the same stance as me and opted out indefinitely.

 

We're not bitter divorcees, misogynists, or d-bag losers who can't hold down a job or maintain a long term relationship. We've simply assessed the risks and made a decision, which invariably has had an effect on the current depth of the dating pool.

 

Good luck ES.