I finally have closure

[MMY]

]For those who think I was contacting ExAP to rub it in herface about me and my W or that I was trying to be SOOO selfish and not careabout what she is going through. You are wrong.

 

If you look at what I had said, she was my best friend. But Afterreading post on LS I also realized that a lot of what we felt and said was theexcitement of the Affair. We both shared with each other our issues at home, weboth knew that we would not end up together because we talked about it. We bothwere filling that void we had in our relationships at home. We shared “I loveYou”, finished each other’s sentence and did feel that we were meant to betogether in some form or fashion. But we didn’t share the everyday life thatcouples have to face.

 

I felt many range of emotions when she quit txting/talking.I am the one that was left with my w finding her purse and at that point Ispilled the beans and felt I was finished. Her H doesn’t know anything aboutme. She is getting a D because of him not me. I am thankful that I my w iswilling to work on our relationship.

 

I said what I needed to say and ExAP responded. It was not validationthat things suck for her and I am doing fine. It was a validation of a friendshipthat was shared and a friendship I didn’t take lightly. It is also a friendthat I will not see again. And It is a friend that I hope finds what she needsfor her and her boys sake.

 

If I need to move to another forum I will but I am new hereand just learning my way around.

Thanks again for your comments

[Sooverhim]

MMY, don't go to another forum. I am new here too and there is a wealth of support and advice here from lots of people who have walked in our shoes. You may feel some posts are harsh or not particularly helpful in your situation, but don't take things to heart. Read everyone's posts and take what you need from them in order to move forward. Getting over an A is so, so difficult, the pain is at times completely unbearable and we all wonder how we can go on. You are finding your way, just like we all were/are, there will probably be hiccups and stumbling blocks, but in time we will get over our affairs and be better people.

 

So keep reading MMY, and if you have something you want to share put it out there.

 

Best wishes:)

[JustAReformedGirl]

MMY, don't go to another forum. I am new here too and there is a wealth of support and advice here from lots of people who have walked in our shoes. You may feel some posts are harsh or not particularly helpful in your situation, but don't take things to heart. Read everyone's posts and take what you need from them in order to move forward. Getting over an A is so, so difficult, the pain is at times completely unbearable and we all wonder how we can go on. You are finding your way, just like we all were/are, there will probably be hiccups and stumbling blocks, but in time we will get over our affairs and be better people.

 

So keep reading MMY, and if you have something you want to share put it out there.

 

Best wishes:)

 

Agreed. If he moved to another forum (particularly Infidelity) he'd still receive helpful advice-some harsh, yet fair-but he'd also receive pointless attacks against him. Of course, this is true of any forum, but at least here the topic has already taken root.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

MMY-you are missing the point entirely. What most of us are telling you is that you need to tell your wife about the contact. You are making excuses as to why you shouldn't or won't tell her and we are telling you that you are making a mistake in not telling her.

 

You are saying you want to move to another forum? I can't imagine a forum that has more points of view than this one, but I can tell you if you move to another forum (and there are more that are much more militant than this one) they will tell you the same thing.

 

You need to tell your wife. It doesn't matter what you do from here on out, if you can't be honest with her about this "innocent" contact, you have a problem.

[spice4life]

]For those who think I was contacting ExAP to rub it in herface about me and my W or that I was trying to be SOOO selfish and not careabout what she is going through. You are wrong.

 

If you look at what I had said, she was my best friend. But Afterreading post on LS I also realized that a lot of what we felt and said was theexcitement of the Affair. We both shared with each other our issues at home, weboth knew that we would not end up together because we talked about it. We bothwere filling that void we had in our relationships at home. We shared “I loveYou”, finished each other’s sentence and did feel that we were meant to betogether in some form or fashion. But we didn’t share the everyday life thatcouples have to face.

 

I felt many range of emotions when she quit txting/talking.I am the one that was left with my w finding her purse and at that point Ispilled the beans and felt I was finished. Her H doesn’t know anything aboutme. She is getting a D because of him not me. I am thankful that I my w iswilling to work on our relationship.

 

I said what I needed to say and ExAP responded. It was not validationthat things suck for her and I am doing fine. It was a validation of a friendshipthat was shared and a friendship I didn’t take lightly. It is also a friendthat I will not see again. And It is a friend that I hope finds what she needsfor her and her boys sake.

 

If I need to move to another forum I will but I am new hereand just learning my way around.

Thanks again for your comments

 

What people might be trying to say is that it's about what you're talking about in a forum. This one is for those who are either involved or trying to get over an affair and many are truly hurting. If a MP is posting about how great things are going with their spouse it can trigger pain by the AP's posting here. Posting about the feelings you are experiencing in relation to your former MW is probably more appropriate. If you need to discuss reconciliation and your wife then the Infidelity forum is more apropriate.

 

I hope this clarifies why you received some push back. In my case, I'm happy my xMM is focusing on his marriage, but I don't want to hear about it because I'm going through my own painful journey regarding the affair. Hearing about it feels like a slap in the face.

 

Hope this puts things in perspective for you. It helps to remember the main audience you're posting to in a forum.

 

In any case, best wishes.

[spice4life]

Agreed. If he moved to another forum (particularly Infidelity) he'd still receive helpful advice-some harsh, yet fair-but he'd also receive pointless attacks against him. Of course, this is true of any forum, but at least here the topic has already taken root.

 

I think he received push back because he was posting about how great things are with his wife and it can trigger AP's who are in pain.

[MMY]

I will consider what everyone has said. Like I said earlier I am new and I think I originally posted in the correct spot.

 

I am not trying to rub anything in anyone's face. My goal is to learn from this and I am. I also hope that I can help someone in the future.

 

That being said I am going to step away from LS for a while and let the dust settle.

 

Thanks again to everyone even if I agreed with you or not.

 

Best wishes to all

[HopingAgain]

Agreed. If he moved to another forum (particularly Infidelity) he'd still receive helpful advice-some harsh, yet fair-but he'd also receive pointless attacks against him. Of course, this is true of any forum, but at least here the topic has already taken root.

 

He posted on infidelity originally, and noone "pointlessly attacked" him. Pretty much everyone was supportive of him and encouraging him in his efforts to reconcile with his wife.

[thecharade]

Yes, Spice4Life! Exactly! Triggery!

 

It is not that I wish pain or suffering on anyone, and I am speaking from my own painful place, but posts about reconciling after an A are not what OW/OM want to read, especially if they are single and not working on an M of your own. The Infidelity forums address both BS and WS issues on a daily basis and they are experts. The pain, loss, confusion, betrayal, rejection, and humiliation felt as an OW/OM? Oh, now those are issues we relate to all too well here. It is a uniquely painful and debilitatingly lonely emotional place, and many of us need this one place where we can seek solace. Hearing the trials and tribulations of reconciliation after "thank god, realizing how fabulous my spouse is" just crushes my soul, yet again. Is there nowhere safe for someone like me, trying to do the right thing but suffering every step of the way?

 

Good luck, MMY. I don't think there's anyone who doesn't wish you well, but we are suffering so and don't need the salt in our wounds. That's all it is.

[whichwayisup]

I will consider what everyone has said. Like I said earlier I am new and I think I originally posted in the correct spot.

 

I am not trying to rub anything in anyone's face. My goal is to learn from this and I am. I also hope that I can help someone in the future.

 

That being said I am going to step away from LS for a while and let the dust settle.

 

Thanks again to everyone even if I agreed with you or not.

 

Best wishes to all

 

Do take care of yourself and focus on your wife. I hope you come back someday and do an update, or just to reach out to others to help them.

[Sooverhim]

What people might be trying to say is that it's about what you're talking about in a forum. This one is for those who are either involved or trying to get over an affair and many are truly hurting. If a MP is posting about how great things are going with their spouse it can trigger pain by the AP's posting here. Posting about the feelings you are experiencing in relation to your former MW is probably more appropriate. If you need to discuss reconciliation and your wife then the Infidelity forum is more apropriate.

 

I hope this clarifies why you received some push back. In my case, I'm happy my xMM is focusing on his marriage, but I don't want to hear about it because I'm going through my own painful journey regarding the affair. Hearing about it feels like a slap in the face.

 

Hope this puts things in perspective for you. It helps to remember the main audience you're posting to in a forum.

 

In any case, best wishes.

 

Thanks Spice4Life for clarifying this, I hadn't realised the difference between this forum and the Infidelity forum. I think maybe I would be better on the Infidelity forum too, as I am focusing on my M. I hope I haven't upset anyone with my posts, I apologise if I have!

[JustAReformedGirl]

He posted on infidelity originally, and noone "pointlessly attacked" him. Pretty much everyone was supportive of him and encouraging him in his efforts to reconcile with his wife.

 

I probably should have said he might receive pointless attacks. Depending on who's online at the time, I've seen people in similar situations to MMY get raked over the coals quite brutally. I thought it was his other thread that was in Infidelity?

 

In any case, I now see what people are talking about. I hadn't seen MMY's posts as being a form of gloating, but I suppose there might be triggering for those who are still in the thick of their own affair situations-whether MOW, OW, or otherwise. For those of you I offended, my apologies. I should have taken that into consideration.

[William]

As I'm reading a lot of talk about forums and posting styles, and it appears the thread starter has said his piece and resolved things, we'll close this on a positive note. Thanks for your participation.