miserablemom Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 I am married to a man that was married previously and has 2 kids that are now 16 and 18 from his first marriage. Although, I have attempted to be respectful of their mother for years, after years of problems, I basically washed my hands of her. She has been a thorn in our side from the beginning. She wants the money she gets each month but doesn't want her kids to have a relationship with me or my husband. She is remarried and they call her new husband Daddy. I have 2 small kids now and my step kids have had all sorts of opportunity to have a "normal" brother/sister relationship with my kids; however, they haven't felt inclined to do so. My husband's family has money and that is the only motivation my step kids have for contacting any of us. Last summer, we were together on vacation and my step-son who had shown obvious signs of disrespect for me and my husband wound up getting in to a hugh argument with my husband and jumped on my husband and was hitting him repeatedly. I intervened. All of this took place in front of my kids. They were scared and upset. My step kids then called social services and made false allegations that we were beating our small kids and leaving marks on them and that my husband busted my step son's lip. Social Services placed my kids in my Mother's custody until the case had been investigated. Now, my step kids want to reconcile with my husband but have shown no remorse for the trouble they have caused and have not so much as attempted to apologize to me or my family for putting us through all of this. I have no desire for my children to be influenced by these hellions nor do I want them in my home putting me on edge about what they are going to do next. I do not trust them and never will. Link to post Share on other sites
crazycatwoman Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 you shouldnt trust them, they have shown what they are your next step is getting your husband to see this( if he already dont) his former family is almost raised, you said they only contact you for money, well i say leave it at that until they are 18 .....i wouldnt even start to go out of my way to make up or get along with them what you need is for your HUSBAND to tell them they betrayed you .....not you ......he has to do it........ he has to put HIS kids into place........ if you husband is not willing to do this......... well .....he is putting your family together at risk .......i cant not start to explain how discusted i am that they would abuse the system and report false things.......... your children and you do not need this.........they need told how it is ........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author miserablemom Posted October 17, 2004 Author Share Posted October 17, 2004 Hi crazycatwoman, I appreciate your input! It helps to know that I am not being unreasonable in the way that I feel! I know that my husband loves his kids....even though they treat him like dirt. It is nice to be able to say these things to a totally non-related individual and actually get feedback!!! Thanks so much!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 Originally posted by miserablemom I am married to a man that was married previously and has 2 kids that are now 16 and 18 from his first marriage. Although, I have attempted to be respectful of their mother for years, after years of problems, I basically washed my hands of her. She has been a thorn in our side from the beginning. She wants the money she gets each month but doesn't want her kids to have a relationship with me or my husband. She is remarried and they call her new husband Daddy. I have 2 small kids now and my step kids have had all sorts of opportunity to have a "normal" brother/sister relationship with my kids; however, they haven't felt inclined to do so. My husband's family has money and that is the only motivation my step kids have for contacting any of us. Last summer, we were together on vacation and my step-son who had shown obvious signs of disrespect for me and my husband wound up getting in to a hugh argument with my husband and jumped on my husband and was hitting him repeatedly. I intervened. All of this took place in front of my kids. They were scared and upset. My step kids then called social services and made false allegations that we were beating our small kids and leaving marks on them and that my husband busted my step son's lip. Social Services placed my kids in my Mother's custody until the case had been investigated. Now, my step kids want to reconcile with my husband but have shown no remorse for the trouble they have caused and have not so much as attempted to apologize to me or my family for putting us through all of this. I have no desire for my children to be influenced by these hellions nor do I want them in my home putting me on edge about what they are going to do next. I do not trust them and never will. That's nice they feel guilty. Do not allow these punks into your home until they have matured enough to stop being such sh*ts. Yes, they're his kids, and important to him, but when they f*ck with YOUR family life, it crosses boundaries that negate any privleges they had. If they want family time with Dad, make him arrange it outside the house. You really must WASH your hands of this-support your husband, but don't bother with his ex family any more. Don't answer the phone if you know it's them, let the answering machine screen. Let your husband deal with his children. Away from you and yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miserablemom Posted October 18, 2004 Author Share Posted October 18, 2004 Thanks Dr. Spock. My husband is driving me crazy which is really tearing our marriage down. He said last night that people make mistakes. I said, "people don't make mistakes with my kids as sacrifices!" I know he is pissed but he won't say that. I am tired of hashing it out again and again. Those kids have no concern or respect for me or my kids and I don't want anything to do with them PERIOD. Why is that so hard for him to understand? Social services had him and the older kids to meet with a family therapist and she would not include me. I told him that was Bull**** and that if he continued to go to her and exclude me and my feelings, that he would lose his current family. Am I crazy? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 You're not crazy, but don't give ultimatums like that. That's not good either. Just refuse to have them in your house, they've proved untrustworthy, and dangerous to your own family life and children. Allow your husband to go off to counselling with them-but make an appointment with another counsellor for just you AND him, if you want on the therapist bandwagon. Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 Sounds like your stepsons resent their father's new family. Was your husband divorced very long before he met and married you? Definitely some joint counselling in order for your husband and his older kids if he wants to continue to assimilate them into his new family. I don't agree that you should attend also, this is really between the kids and their father. Especially since they probably sense you no longer want anything to do with them. What does their mother do to discourage their relationship with their father? Sounds like it isn't really working - if all they wanted was money they wouldn't be trying to reconcile. I'd definitely not want them around my small children though until they grew up a bit, apologized, made the effort to regain your trust. Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 stories such as yours make my blended family problems seem unimportant and petty. thanks for helping me put things in prespective and good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
butterflygrl Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 hey miserablemom i can so relate with you my ss has no respect for me or his father but in my h ss is perfect in everyway.. all i can say you live and learn in situations like this and one thing i know i would never do again is marry someone with baggage to much heart ache and exhausting !! i will teach our daughter that is 5 not marry noone with kids an ex it never is easy lol!!maybe we can talk sometime if you would like give me your email and iwill email you some time we have so much in common my h is so in stupid when it comes to ss he thinks he does no wrong and don't need no responsibilties and ss loves to see us argue he gets a kick out of it .. its amazing how when ss isn't here how well we get along!! good luck if you need someone to talk with let me know you can send me and email or we can talk in ims leave your sn or email and let me know Link to post Share on other sites
ollydolly Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 Wow! I am so sorry that you are in such a difficult situation. When a manipulative ex wife is involved, and such disrespectful teenagers, sometimes the strongest action is necessary - that is, your husband turning his back on them totally. They can take it up with a shrink later! I have a friend who had to just cut ties with his daughters because they wreaked havoc on their father's new life. The daughters unfortunately absorbed their mother's (lack of) value system and would not integrate with his new wife and kids. She could only take so much and eventually put her foot down. Link to post Share on other sites
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