Most men overestimate female interest, attractive men underestimate

[MrCastle]

So true. An average guy would falsely assess that friendliness is interest. Because in his mind he gets such small amounts of attention from women to begin with....he doesnt know the difference.

 

Yes, but you miss every shot you don't take.

 

I would rather ask out every girl I find attractive and who I feel has shown some level of interest because it will either end 2 ways

 

1.) She will try to friend zone me, in which case I'll drop her like a bad habit

 

2.) She accepts my advances and we go out

 

That's all that can happen. I like that a lot better than not taking chances and missing out on "what could have been."

 

Fortune favors the bold.

[JuneJulySeptember]

So true. An average guy would falsely assess that friendliness as interest. Because in his mind he gets such small amounts of attention from women to begin with....he doesnt know the difference.

 

Yes. Trying to interpret 'signals' from women for unsuccessful men is the death knell and the road to bitterness. I've said it so many times here. If there's one important thing I've learned in life, it's that.

 

As far as hot guys, they get lots of clear, unmistakeable interest.

 

Girls waltz right up to them in bars and proposition them. And the more modest women blab to their social networks nonstop how "Jimmy is so hot. Jimmy is so cute. I'd go out with Jimmy!"

 

Eventually word gets around to Jimmy.

 

I've seen it happen so many times.

[ThaWholigan]

This sounds eerily familiar

[Revolver]

Because many men won't be nice or friendly to a woman without an alterior motive of wanting to have sex with her, guys believe women think the same way.

 

I think that's why men so often interpret females being nice as wanting them.

[PJKino]

Sheer traditional "masculinity" for it's own sake is not always attractive, though, is it? You can be highly confident without having to put on a dog and pony show or make a childish ass of one's self, y'know?

 

How does an attractive guy actually display his "high level of confidence"? Or do most women and men assume he's confident based on his looks, and so long as he can display basic social competence when and should the occasion call for it, he's in?

 

You take the word confidence too literally in the dating world its not a magic potion nor can you tell right away how confident someone is

 

All confidence means in the dating world to women is the hot guy to have balls to approach a women or show some interest.

 

An unattractive man doing the same is just annoying to them

Edited June 29, 2013 by PJKino

[Cracker Jack]

I don't think it really matters, PJ. If one is brimming with confidence, that individual wouldn't take the time to worry about "annoying" someone he hardly knows. That's the problem with people nowadays; too afraid to take action because you don't want to be branded the creeper or think it'll be ineffective because you don't have the attributes as the next guy. One dude I know is like 5''4", somewhat overweight, yet he never has trouble with women. What's his excuse? None.

 

As long as you're not doing anything creepy, like grabbing a woman's breasts when meeting her or saying something provocative like you'd like to taste her, it doesn't matter. In this world, some people will (unfairly) label you a creep and there's nothing you can do about it. Should you allow something like this to keep you so wrapped up in your cocoon to the point where you're going to continue looking at yourself as a "failure" with women while complaining about it at the same time?

 

I'll assume if you're always talking about it, you're obviously in a place where you would like to improve your chances with women but don't feel it's necessary to do anything other than complain about it instead.

 

If you already think you don't have what it takes, how does taking chances further reduce your current situation? It doesn't--therefore you need to start taking steps to change your situation. I don't want to hear "But my face isn't great, so it doesn't matter" or "I'm not the idle height to attract women", because it's a BS, self-defeating excuse.

 

I'm really not trying to be mean...but after awhile, you have to ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life complaining about why you suck with women. It has to stop at some point.

Edited June 29, 2013 by Cracker Jack

[Suave]

I've gotten a lot better at handling rejection and moving on to the next one. It all becomes a simple routine.

[ltjg45]

You've completely missed my point.

 

Traditional femininity includes modesty and humility. Traditional masculinity includes a high level of confidence and risk tolerance.

 

Looks like that is changing.

 

Good riddance too. While biology can't be changed, how relationship is typically handled can and will be changed.

 

It will be a wonderful thing when it does happen.

[SuperGeek]

My default view is that women just aren't interested.

 

So I don't "overestimate female interest" at any level.

 

I do sit there and wonder how much bull**** I'd have to go through to even get a date and usually that convinces me not to even try.

[ScreamingTrees]

You take the word confidence too literally in the dating world its not a magic potion nor can you tell right away how confident someone is

 

All confidence means in the dating world to women is the hot guy to have balls to approach a women or show some interest.

 

An unattractive man doing the same is just annoying to them

 

I guess so. But what exactly will you do about it? Spend the rest of your life complaining online about it? Surely there's a healthier alternative?

[MrTurk]

Most American women are not friendly to begin with

 

 

I have heard this from other sources as well. Guys here in the U.S. that have encountered foreign women, have stated that the women judge them more on how they treat a lady, than overall looks, status, height, and everything else that American women dismiss men for. And even if the encounter isnt based on dating, the women still treat the men nice, and respectful. Whereas many American women(not all) wont even talk or acknowledge most men, unless he is hot enough for her standards.

Edited June 29, 2013 by MrTurk

[EasyHeart]

Chicks dig me. It's not my fault -- I was born this way.

 

Except lesbians, of course. I assume any woman who doesn't want me must be a lesbian.

[SuperGeek]

This is 100% true. This is also true in Argentina and Ecuador I've found.

 

I went to the states for vacation one year and it just seemed a lot of the women had a cold demeanour and a 'don't even think about approaching' me look on their faces. I interpreted their body language literally and didn't approach. I don't know if that's just an American thing, I can't paint all women with the same brush.

 

Most American women are not friendly to begin with, so I rarely encounter an American woman who I think has the hots for me.

 

Now when I was in Brasil it was a totally different story. Women down there like to smile a lot and are a lot more friendly than American women. So many times I have overestimated Brazilian female interest in me.

 

But with American women I rarely overestimate. With American women I usually underestimate their interest in me because I get a cold unapproachable vibe from most of them.

[Southern Cal Dude]

I went to Rio once for vacation. Night and day. I knew what it was like to be a woman. Though to be honest, getting approached left and right isn't fun. But you can't control who approaches and who doesn't.

[carhill]

Most men overestimate female interest, attractive men underestimate

 

Interesting. Women almost universally underestimate male interest, interestingly enough. Why do you think this is?

 

Widely attractive men, and women, have one aspect in common, in that, generally, both are exposed to general societal attention consistently over time, so are saturated. This often starts at a very young age, sometimes before peer integration begins, so they are socialized into an attention medium and really know nothing else. It's SOP so unremarkable.

 

If one presumes 'most' men to be not widely attractive, their socialization/peer integration is markedly different and attention/validation is more sparse or non-existent, so they 'notice' it more and, as a function of the psychology of supply and demand, 'value' it to a degree different from their more attractive and accepted counterparts due to dearth, hence they tend to feel a person who gives them attention to be interested in them, projecting their dearth of attention upon the other person, where reality can be markedly different, especially if that other person follows the satiated model of attention, in that giving and receiving attention means little to them, relevant to person.

 

I experienced some of this while being married, as my 'stock' rose dramatically and I received both appropriate and inappropriate attention from women as a result. After awhile, the satiated model took over and I generally underestimated or ignored such attention, though at the beginning it did affect me, due to life-long dearth acting upon my psychology. Personally, after going through that period and understanding its effects, my default now is underestimating, not because I'm 'more attractive', but rather because I really don't care anymore. The whole attention/validation thing no longer has play.

 

Due to pop-up's and a bunch of extraneous clutter on the article page, I just skimmed it so some comments may be off-topic to its focus. Apologies for that.

[ltjg45]

Most American women are not friendly to begin with, so I rarely encounter an American woman who I think has the hots for me.

 

Now when I was in Brasil it was a totally different story. Women down there like to smile a lot and are a lot more friendly than American women. So many times I have overestimated Brazilian female interest in me.

 

But with American women I rarely overestimate. With American women I usually underestimate their interest in me because I get a cold unapproachable vibe from most of them.

 

I seen this very thing at the bus station today while heading to a card shop. The vibes I get from the women there literally scares the crap out of me. Even if I was attracted to one of them, I'm more liable to get ignored than to see her saying anything neutral to me.

 

This is pretty standard down here. People, at least down here, just don't want to be bothered so I gave them all the space they can handle.

[SuperGeek]

I've had women tell me on three occasions that they don't want to be approached at all physically by men. They'd rather pick out a guy from a dating website.

 

It's a new world that I'm still trying to figure out.

 

I seen this very thing at the bus station today while heading to a card shop. The vibes I get from the women there literally scares the crap out of me. Even if I was attracted to one of them, I'm more liable to get ignored than to see her saying anything neutral to me.

 

This is pretty standard down here. People, at least down here, just don't want to be bothered so I gave them all the space they can handle.

[Southern Cal Dude]

I've had women tell me on three occasions that they don't want to be approached at all physically by men. They'd rather pick out a guy from a dating website.

 

It's a new world that I'm still trying to figure out.

 

 

Definitely not true. They don't mind being approached by the right guy.

[tbf]

I've had women tell me on three occasions that they don't want to be approached at all physically by men. They'd rather pick out a guy from a dating website.

 

It's a new world that I'm still trying to figure out.

Yes, three women = 3.5 billion women.

[ltjg45]

Definitely not true. They don't mind being approached by the right guy.

 

If that's the case, they certainly isn't releasing the necessary vibe for that to happen.

 

Apparently women don't think that even males like me has something to lose from doing a bunch of blind cold approaches. Kick me enough times and I will stay down.

[Pompeii]

Definitely not true. They don't mind being approached by the right guy.

 

I.E. tall, aesthetic, etc.

[Southern Cal Dude]

I.E. tall, aesthetic, etc.

 

 

<---------------- 6'4", male model