A very familiar situation

[Gravity]

Hey guys

Now this may sound like a familiar situation to many but here it is anyway. I am currently at University, i have never had a girlfriend and i am quite shy. I started to notice this girl in a a few of my classes. She seems smart, brunette and looks great. Heres the thing i lack experience, and i know what most peoples advice will be - "Go talk to her" or " You have nothing to lose". Well i have never actually spoken to her (yes i am a wimp) but what i need is some tips on what else to do, how to gradually talk to her without sounding like a complete weirdo or at least to find out of she has a boyfriend. I am at a time in my life where i want to have a relationship, before i never really felt like a needed one to be happy and never met anyone that i really connected with. Although this gave me a 'freedom' it also has in a way made me more reclusive when trying to start a relationship with a girl. I am not a socially repressed guy who cant make a conversation with a girl to save my life but i still need a kick in the right direction. I just want to go about this the right way without making a prat out of myself

 

The first year at uni i saw a lot of my friends dating girls (after meeting them at clubs etc) but they always seemed a bit.....well not my type so i didnt think that going out to these bars and pubs would be worth it in finding a girl to date. I am looking for an equal, a girl who is smart, sensible and has a great smile, these are the qualities that i have seen (or may be wanting to see) in this girl.

 

Any good tips would be great guys

Thanks

[Oddone]

Hey;

 

Your post rang a bell with me as I was very similar going into college. I had had very little experience dating save for a few friend arranged movie dates that didn't go very well. Namely, I lacked the social skills to make conversation, sound interesting while worrying about the nervousness and difficulty of the dating game.

 

Here's some advise. Firstly, it seems the best and lasting relationships, including the few that have I have been blessed with have come about from the most unintentional and unexpected scenarios. It seems the least likely of encounters are the ones that flourish into compatible and satisfying relationships. There is still a lot of work to develop and make any relationship work but these type of surprise relationships seem the easiest and most natural and relaxed unions which you can just be yourself and so can she. You always here the example of " geez, when I met you it was like we had known each other forever.... You liked me for who I was ... I didn't have to pretend to be anyone I wasn't..etc... etc..." I believe this is because you have essentially and hopefully found the one you were destined to be with or someone atleast so compatible to you that you seem to hit it off instantaneously without any real effort.

 

I guess the real question becomes, how do you put yourself in those situations which could make this happen. I really believe you can't find the person you are meant to be with in a bar or similar setting. Anyone who does is very lucky, but realistically people are posing when they go to bars and not being themselves. Even if you hit it off this way, alcohol wears off and reality hits shortly after and seeing someone sober and alone by themselves versus with a group of peers can be a bitter sweet experience.

 

I think you need to continue to expand your social environment and definitely make more friends both same and opposite sex as many great relationships are made through the network of friends. I am certain you too will be surprised by how easy and natural meeting that right person or persons will be. Again what you do after that meeting once a relationship is initially established is equally as important. Take it from me, I am getting divorced, but have luckily found someone that I will work hard to stay close to and make them feel loved at all times.

 

As for the person you find attractive and are interested in now, your instinct is correct. You have to take a leap of fate and talk to her. I don't know if I could do it personally because you know nothing about her through your own experience or through a friend or otherwise. But, hey, why not just say hi and see what happens. I would think simple general questions like an simple introduction, where you from, what classes do you take etc... might be appropriate. Better yet, if you could somehow find a common interest or scenario to begin a dialogue about such as a class together, maybe knowing common people etc.. would help smooth things out.

 

I don't pretend to be an expert but, you sound very similar to me at that point in my life. I felt it was impossible for me to meet someone and it did happen. Even when it doesn't work out the first time, it is possible to meet another person in due time.

 

Good luck and relax, it will happen for you.

[johan]

Erase the idea of dating her from your mind completely. Forget it's even an option. Just figure it'll be someone else. Then go meet her if you want. Make friends.

 

If you go into it with the intentionof making a big deal out of it, you'll just put a lot of pressure on it. Just figure if you know each other it will happen if you're compatible. Otherwise you can meet some of her friends who might be even cuter.

[SoleMate]

God forbid you should ever exchange a friendly word with an attractive young woman who MIGHT have a boyfriend.

 

That would be a disaster.

[ILSO]

SoleMate, indeed..Could be very dramastic.