Pickle22 Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 Hello all, I am new to the site and need a little help! Ok I think there must be something wrong with me. I am a 22 year old female that loves to be around other people. I have no problem being friends with guys (all of my friends except for 2 are guys) but when it comes to dating....I have so many problems! I can't get close to a guy. I know i am insecure about my body because I am over weight. So I think that if I was skinny I would be able to be in a relationship. I get a fair amount of offers to go out and get to know guys better on dates, but when they like me back I always shut them out. By either not answering their calls or just never talking to them again. It seems like I can only deal with the guys who do not want to be in a relationship other than friendship with me. There are at least 3 guys currently who want to get to know me better and I shut them out. I like all of them but I am too insecure about my body to even give them a chance. I also think that I am not experienced enough and I am afraid if it does come down to something romanic enough to take to the next level than I will be caught not knowing how to please him. But most of my insecurities revolve around my few extra pounds. I know I could lose weight but as I am working on that....what do I do in the mean time to get over my insecurities and give some guys a chance to get to know me? What do I do? Thanks for your time! Pickle Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 Hi Pickle, well first off you've got to be proud of who you are! Apparently they are seeing you and liking what they see, chances are they're attracted to your body, and personality. You could be "shutting them out" to avoid the painful rejection that "could" happen. This is totally normal but while shutting out the "possible bad" you're also shutting out the possible good as well. You should just try and focus on the conversation, just be yourself and give it a chance. I doubt they're worrying about the few extra pounds while they're talking to you, they're probably focusing on what a great person you are and what you're talking about. Let your guard down and you'll probably get some amazing results! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
bluetuesday Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 pickle, you sound pretty normal to me. lots and lots of women are insecure about some part of their bodies but from the attention you're getting, a good number of men seem to want to get closer to yours. men love tits and ass. if you've got 'em, flaunt 'em!! men don't necessarily see us the way we see ourselves. they don't tend to compartmentalize in the way we do. the good thighs/bad thighs conflict just pares into insignificance against 'here is a hot woman naked'. so what if you're carrying a few pounds you don't want? chances are the men would be so worried about you noticing their pot bellies or lack of muscle definition or bow legs or hairy feet or comparing their penises negatively against every other one they imagine you'll have seen, they won't think anything other than 'wow, here's this gorgeous woman who wants to be with me, what a lucky bastard i am!. hope she doesn't notice my scrawny chest.' but stopping yourself from having fun by shutting the door on every possible relationship chance is a real shame. you sound like a great girl, these men obviously think so because they call hoping to see you again. men are a nice breed, they're not scary (most of the time) and they're looking, just like you, for someone who'll accept all the good and bad things about them. so you're not perfect. neither are they honey. and most young men would be thrilled to get a virgin into bed to show you a few ropes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pickle22 Posted October 18, 2004 Author Share Posted October 18, 2004 Thanks for all of your replies. I guess I should just get a little more confidence and realize that they do want to get to know me for me. You guys are good at this! Let me know if there is anything I can help you with! Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
addie Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 i was exactly like you in my twenties. don't be like me and wait until your early thirties to let someone in. i finally found someone who accepts me for me and i have a feeling i could have done the same ten years ago if i would have just let go of my insecurities. live your life. be happy. love is a wonderful thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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