having trouble with my decision

[someguyconfused]

I recently found out that my wife of under 1 year was cheating on me for a month. It was with a guy she works with and a guy she considers one of her friends. After I confronted her about it, she said she did it because there was not enough passion in our life. I will admit that during the week we are not as sexually active as either of us would like, however since we had talked about our issues (which were present during our engagement) and came to the conclusion that the week was going to be difficult for us due to work and volunteer scheduling, but that we would "make up for it" on the weekend and at the time we were both ok with that arrangement. this may be TMI but I feel like twice during the weekday and a few times each weekend day was plenty of passion.

 

So after all this happens, I asked her if she still wanted to work on our marriage. She said yes. I asked her then to limit her contact with said guy to only work/professional settings, as I had no control over who comes by her desk at work, and they do need to communicate for both of them to do their jobs. She agreed, after fighting me on it for a little while. I know her passwords, and she knows mine, and after this, I had gone on her facebook, which I am not real proud of, to find messages back and forth between him and her. The gist of the messages was her telling him she really enjoyed what happened, does not regret it, and him saying "ehh, it happened, what are you going to do". This was 2 days after agreeing to not have contact with the guy unless it was in a work/professional setting. When I confronted her on this, she said that she had trust issues with me, and we are now going to a couples therapist.

 

Then yesterday night, she goes out to have a girls night with a friend of hers who recently had a bad breakup herself. I said have a good time. I got a text later on that night that one of my friends saw her and a guy out bar hopping, and described the guy she cheated on me with. I asked her about her night when she got home, and she said they stayed at the girls house the entire night, and that it obviously was not her my friend saw. I checked our mutual bank statement and there are charges from the bar my friends said on there from last night.

 

(now for a mini rant) Am I this retarded that I just allow myself to be used. Is she this self absorbed that she figures that I will never be able to unwind her trail of lies? (end mini rant)

 

I know I should cut ties now and just chalk this up to a learning experience. But despite all this that has happened, I truly do love the girl and so am having trouble pulling the trigger and ending it. I am tempted to take a day off work and change the locks and just not let her back in my house (in California if a house was purchased before the wedding, unless the lease is changed it stays the property of the single party who purchased it, I asked).

 

thanks for reading my novel, and if anyone has anything to say, I would appreciate any and all input (even is said input just reminds me I am stupid for giving her this many chances).

[salparadise]

Am I this retarded that I just allow myself to be used. Is she this self absorbed that she figures that I will never be able to unwind her trail of lies?

 

I know I should cut ties now and just chalk this up to a learning experience. But despite all this that has happened, I truly do love the girl and so am having trouble pulling the trigger and ending it.

 

Of course you love her or you wouldn't have married her, or at least you love who you thought you were marrying. It's never easy, but it's astounding that she cuckolded you before you'd been married even a year. It's also hard to believe that you didn't see this coming. But it is what it is, so open your eyes and deal with it.

 

She got caught, promised to end it and then continued lying and cheating with absolutely no remorse. This is who she is. You will never trust her out of your sight, and you'll never be able to believe a word she says because she's a lying slut with no conscience and no remorse. That will never change. It's not redeemable.

 

Your only choice now is to give up what little pride you have left and become a willing cuckold, or stand up for yourself and change those locks. Talk to a lawyer first, then unload this bitch in the most expedient way possible. Anything else is retarded.

[JustAReformedGirl]

At this point, you have a choice; you either file for divorce, since she isn't committed to working on the marriage, lacks remorse, and continues to lie to you, OR you allow yourself to be cuckolded, over and over.

 

I'm sure you don't want the latter case.

 

For one, the lack of passion (which you both talked about) is not to blame for her having an affair. She's trying to justify it, but it just doesn't hold water, here. When you both agreed to working on the marriage, it sounds like she fed you a load of b.s. in hopes that it would satisfy you enough not to check up on her, and so that she could continue cake-eating. If there is any remorse on her part, I'm not seeing it.

 

I think it would be better for you if you cut her loose; love her though you do, if she cannot commit to her relationship with you, and isn't even making the effort to repair the damage, then you're better off letting her go.