Friends and White Lies?

[Stargazer]

OK, the context of this situation is quite unusual so hence me seeking some opinions here.

 

My friends mother recently won over 6 million in Lotto. It's pretty obvious the family has recently come into a lot of wealth, I heard about the real source of this new found wealth from other close friends (at work and outside - all three of us worked for the same company). Upon hearing this news my mind starting putting all the pieces together, the things she'd said to me - she'd been fishing me in conversation to see if I'd heard, if I knew, she told me of her and her sister's plans to buy 300+K houses, travel, quit work, etc..... upon asking her what was going on (as in how on earth could she afford all this - before I knew) she said that her grandmother had just died and they'd inherited some money. There's holes in that story but I won't go into it, let's just say that couldn't really be the source.

 

When I found out the truth my first reaction was one of being really pissed - not because of the money but because I recalled how easily the lies had slipped out of her mouth. This has now got me thinking about past stuff where I thought she'd lied. I have accused her once before of blatantly lying to me, she admitted it, I let it go because it was no big deal. She's got a good heart, she means well. We all tell white lies now and then. I guess now that I've really seen how easily she can lie I'm thinking twice about our friendship. I was also pissed because I believed I was a close friend of hers, if she could tell anyone I would think it would be her trusted friends.

 

Anyway I did ask her point blank if what I'd heard was true she denied, saying to back off, she'd had a gutful of people asking her about this - even though it's obvious people know the truth here. I said I understood that I wouldn't want the world to know about this either but friendship and trust is another matter. It's obvious the family has made a pact about what the story is, I fully understand their reasons, you either tell all or none, it's their perogative what they say, that sort of money could bring a lot of trouble. I fully understand that, that's why I did back off.

 

My problem now is that these white lies are eating away at our frienship (for me, anyway), everytime she lies I know it and feel it. It's not the money - I told her 'half your luck girl, you are set for life' she knows I don't give a s**t about the money, I'd never ask her for anything. It's the lies.

 

I know these are unusual circumstances and I guess this is something she feels she has to do right now, maybe in a few years time she'll be able to admit the truth but right now I just don't want to be around her because when she says something that I know is a blantant lie, when she says something trying to fool me I feel like screaming 'cut the crap alright, I know and I don't give a damn, just stop lying to me'.

 

What to do?

[Tony T]

Lottery winners' names are a matter of public record. Call or write your state lottery commission to confirm her name. You may have to know the date she won but just keep giving dates until you get her name. If the winnings were picked up in a relative's name, you may just have to access the information on a website or go to their offices to inspect the names.

 

Once you've confirmed that she or her family have won, just let her know you saw the lottery winners published names and you notice she was on the list...then just LET IT GO!!!

 

I don't blame her for trying to keep this quiet and even though you say you fully understand, this seems to be bothering the hell out of you. Although you alluded to other lies she has told you, you did not give any details. You seem to have been OK with the other lies...until the one about the lottery.

 

She is not obligated to tell you of her winnings nor is she obligated to confirm them. She is well in her right to deny this, lie or not. She just doesn't want people knowing about it. I wouldn't either. It has nothing to do with her fondness of you or your friendship. I have a number of multi-millionaires who are personal friends and they NEVER speak of their money with me. If I didn't know firsthand otherwise, I would think several of them were paupers.

 

The lottery people, attorneys, or other advisors may have suggested she keep her mouth shut about this and I agree with that advice.

 

You say the money doesn't make any difference. But you seem already willing to foresake the friendship because she won't tell you she won the lottery. What good would it do your life if you knew? How would your life be made better or change in anyway? Have some respect for your friends privacy and wishes.

 

It sounds like these people will soon be broke anyway so it's really better that you don't know. It almost always happens to people who aren't used to having big bucks. Once all the money is blown, if they took a lump sum payment instead of installments (which you can also find out as a matter of public record), then the only sources of funds will be to mortgage the hard assets purchased...which probably won't be much. Then when they can't make the mortgage payments, things will get foreclosed on and they will file bankruptcy. The whole process usually takes about two to three years when people who have never had money become suddenly wealthy.

 

So they will be broke soon enough without spreading the word around that they have money. The lives of most people who win the lottery become quite miserable. They lose friends, overspend, give money away, cave in to charities that beg for contributions, loan it to "friends" who don't pay it back, borrow to keep the lavish lifestyle going, go into debt for back taxes not withheld by the state, and eventually go down the tubes.

 

It didn't take them long to lose the friendship of one guy who was found it impossible to respect their privacy. Case closed.