birdlace Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 This is my first post here. I am in a "new" relationship with the father of my child. We were married briefly prior to my sons birth and separated within a month of finding out we were pregnant. It was a quick marriage, a quick meeting and a quick end. We have been dealing with one another twice a month during his times to pick up and visit with our son. Over the passing years I began to want to somehow reestablish a connection with him and perhaps start dating again.. 7 years have passed and I finaly found a window to make that happen. We started relatively slow and have been dating now for 4 and 1/2 months. We told each other we loved each other about three weeks ago for the first time. We have spent almost every weekend together and some times I will drive up to see him during the week for a few hours. Lately, I have noticed he is less excited about talking or getting together. He never asks me to do things really...its mainly always me that initiates everything. We had established a sort of routine of speaking to one another several times a day. He would call as soon as he got home from work and say hello before getting in the shower etc. And he would call everynight to say goodnight. He has recently stopped calling as soon as he gets off of work and the conversations are stale and stagnant. He doesn't seem present. I have gone to extremes such as researching his hobbies and try to learn more about his interests so that I can have something to talk to him about...But the distance is still there. I am scared that I am losing him and am treading water trying to figure out how to keep things going... I don't want to lose him, but If this keeps up Im not sure what I should do... Any help would be nice...Thanks, I will be patiently waiting for suggestions. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Don't be scared to lose him. You can't lose what isn't there to begin with. You can't pressure a man. Date him as you would any other man who wasn't your kids' dad. I would hesitate to date him, actually. You have a stable, working relationship with the father of your children. Now if you add romance, you risk creating drama and messing up the peace. Just be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Eggplant is basically right. Anyway, have you tried to find out what's going on with his job? A lot of people are laid off lately and some guys can start getting depressed at the idea of losing their job. Especially in companies where lay offs are done hundreds at a time... So try to explore in that area first of all. If that's negative, see if his parents are OK or if there's anything wrong going on in his extended family. Link to post Share on other sites
inaya42 Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 whenever a partner gets distant or cold, the best response is to stay where you are or lean back. mirror his actions. people tend to pull away from relationships when they're scrutinizing them and when they are stressed by external events. both of these require space. this man doesn't need to see who well you can take of him - he knows that already. he needs to see how well you can take care of yourself. my suggestion to you is to get your anxiety under control. let things unfold naturally and in due time and remain emotionally independent. Link to post Share on other sites
Chris516 Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Please forgive me? I read your post numerous times. Is the father of your son, the guy you are referring to? Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Does he have work stress going on, or some other stress? It could be that, or he has some problem with the r/ship and maybe wants out. Bear in mind most LDR's do tone down the amount they talk after the honeymoon phase and getting to know each other phase is over, but it still needs to be at a level you are both happy with. Also, if you're seeing each other frequently, unlike most other LDR's, then you won't need to be on the phone all the time anyway, and there's less to talk about if you're seeing each other every week, or more than once a week. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 It is, yes. Please forgive me? I read your post numerous times. Is the father of your son, the guy you are referring to? Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 I think talking several times a day is excessive, especially if you see a lot of each other. Link to post Share on other sites
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