Lonestar Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 Should this not bother me either? My family and all my friends know that we are back together and they've been very supportive, even though he caused me considerable pain that they watched me go through. He still keeps me a secret from his family and friends. A couple of them know that he has slept with me, but no one knows the extent of our relationship. We never go out anywhere together and that is not by my choice. It's difficult to plan because when I don't have our daughter, he has her, but he finds reason after reason for us not to go out together. Yes we have done things on a weekend afternoon with our kid as a family, but no night things just the two of us. Instead we go to each other's homes and hang out. Not too much excitement there. I told him a couple weeks ago that we needed start planning more nights out, and to let me know when he wanted to do that. He never did and since then he has shot me down twice. I asked him to get a sitter this past Friday, he didn't try very hard and backed out because he had something to do in the morning. I have a sitter for next Friday night because a family member's band is playing a gig nearby. I asked him to go with me. He just told me a few minutes ago that he can't go because the bar he hangs out at is having a suprise birthday party for some girl he's friends with. He did not ask me to go there and won't because he's still hiding me. So we will both be out on the same night, but not together, and he will prolly call me sometime after 1:00 am for sex. BS Now I'm pissed, Weird! I'm good enough to hang out with at home and f***, but not good enough to hang out in public? After he informed me that he wasn't going with me because this party is more important, I said yeah maybe some day we'll do something together. He said we will someday. SOMEDAY? Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 That sounds like some BS on his part. First, he should not be hiding you from his family and friends. Second, he shouldn't be afraid to go out in public with you. As for the party thing, that is just ridiculous. I mean, he is going so why can't you go with him. Well, I know why (trying to hide you) but still...it is wrong on his part. I can sorta see maybe him not wanting to go out and do stuff often (hey, I prefer to stay at home myself but I also have a lot of crap to keep me occupied in my place) but if I was with a girl and was going somewhere anyway I would invite her along. I think you should bring this up to himand tell him you are sick of being hidden from people in his life and you also want to go out on occasion like you two (I am guessing) used to. My best buddy got together with a girl about this time in 2002 and she wanted to keep their relationship a secret from everyone and always cautious going out in public wiht him. They both agreed on this for the start (theyw orked together at the time) but after 2 months it got ot the point where it really bugged him and she kept wanting to do it for a little bit longer. He confronted her on it and she realized what she was doing was wrong and then realized it was retarded to hide their relationship. They did break up earlier this year but it was for diff type of reasons...mainly her putting more importance on her job (doing the "I can't do the job and relationship right now" excuse) and taking out stress on him. He got fed up with it so he got rid of her. 2 weeks later she was regretting it and I think she still does now. bah, I am rambling... Anyway, I think what he is doing is wrong, you are justified in being pissed and you need to confront him about this. Do you think maybe he has another chick on the side? I just dont get why a guy who was married to a woman would hide the fact he reconciled with her. Logically the guy woudl be happy to tell his family and friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 I have to agree with Weird here. Something's not right. Back off and see what happens. When you make yourself unavailable, he'll likely come around. If he doesn't, then you have your answer anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonestar Posted October 18, 2004 Author Share Posted October 18, 2004 No there's definitely no chick on the side. This is a bar he hangs out in regularly. I used to hang there too since we are from the same town and know the same people. As I've said before, our divorce was real nasty. He MFed me to all his friends down there, and then they MFed too, so there was a lot of Lonestar bashing going on. He's too cowardly to admit that he's back with me b/c some of his friends will prolly get pissed. I'd have no problem going there because I could care less what they think, and I do miss some people that I haven't seen in years. I've been excluded from many things lately. He's rides and there have been a few charity runs lately. I couldn't go once again because it's all these same people he's hiding me from. Every guy who rides a bike brings his girl along on runs. I was just talking to a male friend of mine who knows the situation well. He thinks that I need to back way off. Go do my own thing and not be around when he wants to come over my house, maybe even date other people again until X is ready to treat this like we are a real couple. I've already tried talking to him about this and it fell on deaf ears. He ignored me the same way he did the other issue. Tie it all together and maybe you can see why I'm not so happy, considering that I'm treating him much better than he is me and taking this all more seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 well, my question about there being another lady wasnt so much about the party thing at the bar but jsut him not ever wanting to be in public. Thought maybe he was fearful you and the other woman woudl run into each other and a huge fight would happen. But, if you say for sure no other woman then that is good to hear. What does MF mean? I agree with your friend. Back off, do your own thing and don't be there whenever the guy wants to hump. If you continually are there to hump whenever he wants and you put up with him not treating you better then he won't realize it or care since he is getting what he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonestar Posted October 18, 2004 Author Share Posted October 18, 2004 MF = mother f*** - MFed, MFer, MFing I have decided to back way off for now. He just called me about something trivial, totally oblivious to the fact that I might be upset. I've talked to him enough about all this, and if I keep talking and sticking around then I'm just crying wolf. Why would anyone change if there are no consequences if they don't? It's not really a question of being in public at all, it's being in public around his friends or family, but he's still not making an effort to even take me anywhere that they wouldn't be. I know without a doubt there's no other girl. Wouldn't even cross my mind. I see him at either one of our houses 5 nights out of 7. Before I got involved with him, I always had somewhere to go out. If my friends weren't available (and there's a shortage of friends who go out at my age), then I always had a date. Now that the X and I have been exclusive, I don't have the option of dating, and yet, my X doesn't take me out on dates. What's wrong with this picture???? Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 hehe k. I mean to me MF means that but just the way you posted it I thought maybe it was something else you were abbreviating. Exactly...human nature says change only happens if there are consequences. Hopefully he will get the picture and will see that he needs ot change some things and will do so. Also, hopefully once he does this you will be receptive to him, unless of course it takes him 24 decades to figure it out. I find that many people seek out change with someone and then when they do finally change for the better the person doesn't seem to be receptive. It's like "Oh I need you to change before I can be wiht you agian but when you do change I won't care" Hope it all works out babe Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonestar Posted October 18, 2004 Author Share Posted October 18, 2004 Nah, buddy, I'd be totally receptive to him. I really do love the guy, but I love myself more. If he wants to start treating me and our relationship like it really matters (making sacrifices if need be) then I'll be right here waiting for him. If he takes decades, yeah, I'll be long gone. I'm not going to totally cut him out, I'm just backing off and doing my own thing for awhile. I've given him way too much that I haven't received in return. I'll keep you posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 nice. I like the cut of that jig. Link to post Share on other sites
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