Living at home/Moving out

[Teknoe]

I feel like, on my journey to become more of a grown up man, I need to leave the nest. I feel ashamed, because I'm almost 30, and I'm still living at home. I cringe whenever people ask me if I'm living with roomies or whoever, and I say "No, I'm living at home right now."

 

It seems everyone I know either moved out at 18, 22, or at the latest, 25... you know, after 2-3 years graduating college and figuring out the whole job part, or upon finishing grad school.

 

This is one part of my growing up journey that I've neglected, and while yes I've saved up some money, I also feel I've stunted my growth. I know it's different living on your own away from your parents, as you have to cook and basically take care of yourself. Sure you can do that at home too, but it's too easy to fall into the trap of letting your overly loving parents take care of everything.

 

I feel like I need to move out and gain that independent experience, even before I can seriously date. If I can't take care of myself, how will I take care of another person the way a man should?

 

Anyone here living at home that's over the age of 25? Are you thinking of moving out as well?

 

I feel really inadequate, and stuck in adolescence because of still living at home and far too often letting my parents take care of me. This is something I need to aim to fix. It's basically a failure to launch (like the movie). It's probably why I'm still single. I just have no confidence in myself as a man.

 

Looking to change that within the next year!

[Els]

Now that you have a full-time job, what are your reasons for living at home, Tek? Surely you can afford the rent?

 

Is there some psychological/emotional reason holding you back rather than money?

 

I moved out at 19, from a very smothering and possessive home. It was extremely difficult for me, because I'd not really been allowed to develop the skills needed for living alone, in the younger days. I was terrified at the time, but looking back, it's definitely one of the best decisions I've ever made.

 

Something that helped bridge the journey, is that I still lived quite close to my parents, so I visited quite often (MUCH more often than I should've, really ) during those few years. Perhaps you could do that, if your reasons are emotional?

[Teknoe]

Now that you have a full-time job, what are your reasons for living at home, Tek? Surely you can afford the rent?

 

COMFORT. It basically comes down to that, lol. Been in my safe bubble for far too long. I know it's abnormal in today's society for a 29 year old guy to still be living at home. At 25, it's understandable. 26 is pushing it. 27 is like what? And down the line we go. Beyond 30 just doesn't scream "HOT" in the least, haha.

 

Although, my brother stayed home and didn't move out until he was 32. However, he bought a home after saving up 8 years of working as an electrical engineer. Needless to say, he compiled enough money to buy a 700K house where he now lives with his GF.

 

Because I'm a teacher, I ain't quite rolling like that.

 

I surely can afford rent, however, my salary is under 40K. So while I *COULD* afford to move out, the money would be going to waste in terms of it's going to the landlord when it could stay in my bank, or at least, go to my parents. Payign them $300 a month makes more sense to me than paying what, 900-1,200 a month to a landlord who is just basically taking my money? It's like throwing money down a well.

 

However, what can't be calculated is the independence gained. I guessed that's worth the rent?

 

I'm gonna poke around and text my childhood best friend tomorrow if he wants to look into getting a place together. He turned 30 a couple months ago and has lived in the same 1 house with his parents all his life. Scary, but then I realized the same could be said for me, except my family moved twice. Still, I've been under the roof with them all my life, just like my old best friend.

 

At this point I'm trying to weigh how wise it is to move out and "waste rent money" but factoring in the independence and growth I would receive from it. Not to mention confidence. I think as a guy when a girl finds out I'm living at home it's like an instant turn-off. They automatically assume there is something funky or off with me. I understand, as it's not normal for someone approaching 30 to still be living at home.

 

I think my 'game' would increase at least five-fold if I moved out. This would allow me to take girls home or at the very least, not feel inadequate when being around peers knowing everyone else is pretty much a young professional living the "adult life" while I am still stuck in "Peter Pan mode."

 

It's probably one big reason why I haven't had a girlfriend since 2004, 9 years ago.

 

My mom nags a lot, too. I learned to tune it out, but everyday she's nagging me with the same stuff. She's always comparing me to other guys in the 20-30 age range. I think there probably has been some inadequate psychological damage done deep deep down. I personally don't think it affects me to the point where I can't operate socially, but I think there's a part of me that expects things not to go well especially around the opposite sex because of my failure to launch, my mom constantly putting me down (although in her view she calls it loving... it's her perspective... remember she is an Asian mom and traditional Asian moms don't know how to express love. They think nagging = love when they fail to realize it hurts... you just learn to block out the hurt) and combined with the last handful of female rejections...

 

I talk a fairly decent game, I can be witty and charming, and that's probably why girls like me as their safe guy friend. Try to get too close though and they go "Whoa Tek, you're just my friend."

[Els]

 

I surely can afford rent, however, my salary is under 40K. So while I *COULD* afford to move out, the money would be going to waste in terms of it's going to the landlord when it could stay in my bank, or at least, go to my parents. Payign them $300 a month makes more sense to me than paying what, 900-1,200 a month to a landlord who is just basically taking my money? It's like throwing money down a well.

 

However, what can't be calculated is the independence gained. I guessed that's worth the rent?

 

To me, it's well worth the money and then some, no questions asked.

 

I think it's iffy if you were a student with zero income, and really needed to scrimp and save and live on bread and scraps if you were to rent a place. But with a full-time income, if you were to get a cheap place with housemates it seems viable. It may even be worth it if you could invest in a place of your own (ie monthly payments instead of rent) so you get an asset at the end of the day, but that's entirely your call based on the property market where you live and your income.

 

 

 

I'm gonna poke around and text my childhood best friend tomorrow if he wants to look into getting a place together. He turned 30 a couple months ago and has lived in the same 1 house with his parents all his life. Scary, but then I realized the same could be said for me, except my family moved twice. Still, I've been under the roof with them all my life, just like my old best friend.

 

At this point I'm trying to weigh how wise it is to move out and "waste rent money" but factoring in the independence and growth I would receive from it. Not to mention confidence. I think as a guy when a girl finds out I'm living at home it's like an instant turn-off. They automatically assume there is something funky or off with me. I understand, as it's not normal for someone approaching 30 to still be living at home.

 

I think my 'game' would increase at least five-fold if I moved out. This would allow me to take girls home or at the very least, not feel inadequate when being around peers knowing everyone else is pretty much a young professional living the "adult life" while I am still stuck in "Peter Pan mode."

 

It's probably one big reason why I haven't had a girlfriend since 2004, 9 years ago.

 

I think growth and the maturity that comes from independence is very important, yes. Can't guarantee you'll definitely get the girls you'll want, but IMO you'll be a much more capable person after moving out.

 

I hate to say this, but the majority of people I know above 30 who are living with their parents, are rather... well... stuck in peter pan mode, as you say. There's a distinct difference. I would sincerely question the ability of any of them to function reasonably well in a cohabitation or marriage, as mom is still doing much of the housework/paperwork for them.

 

My mom nags a lot, too. I learned to tune it out, but everyday she's nagging me with the same stuff. She's always comparing me to other guys in the 20-30 age range. I think there probably has been some inadequate psychological damage done deep deep down. I personally don't think it affects me to the point where I can't operate socially, but I think there's a part of me that expects things not to go well especially around the opposite sex because of my failure to launch, my mom constantly putting me down (although in her view she calls it loving... it's her perspective... remember she is an Asian mom and traditional Asian moms don't know how to express love. They think nagging = love when they fail to realize it hurts... you just learn to block out the hurt) and combined with the last handful of female rejections...

 

I talk a fairly decent game, I can be witty and charming, and that's probably why girls like me as their safe guy friend. Try to get too close though and they go "Whoa Tek, you're just my friend."

 

Ah, you have the traditional Asian parents too. Definitely need to get out then, even more so. I'm not surprised about your mom, mine is constantly getting on my ass about the fact that I'm not married yet, and I'm 26... Fortunately living apart, it's much easier to ignore her and just do as I please with my life. That is absolutely priceless.

[pink_sugar]

To me, it's well worth the money and then some, no questions asked.

 

 

 

Definitely agree. Although we've been through some severe financial difficulties and despite having questioned staying on my own if it means 1/3 of our income goes to rent, we don't really have many other options. My dad was renting out a studio and sure it would have saved us money, but not much. Living on the same property as your parents is almost the same as living with them, except you are paying them a ton of rent. Plus, I don't think it's a good idea to cram two people into one room in your parents house to save some money. I'd rather get a second job than have to put up with that.

 

Yeah, you are giving away a lot of money to rent, but if you find a place with roommates, or heck, rent a room within a house, you'll gain much more independence.

[ASG]

You remind me of my brother!

He's 29, in a full time job, still at home! He's always been adamant that he wouldn't move out before he was 30 (for whatever reason).

30 is coming up later this year, and he has mentioned moving out, but so far, nothing has happened.

And his reason for still being home is the same. Comfort. He doesn't have to cook, clean, do laundry... My mom's housekeeper makes him sandwiches and freshly squeezed orange juice!

 

And to be fair, it's a pretty nice life at my mom's!

 

I, on the other hand, have wanted to move out since I was like 12. For no particular reason than to have my own space!

I did move out when I was 22 and never regretted it! Saving money would be great, but I really love living by myself. I live with flatmates now, as prices in London are ridiculous, though.

 

 

In the end, you have to make the decision. I have a friend who is approaching 40 and still lives at his parents. It's the parents who have moved out, after retiring, to their country side house, and only come "home" about once a month!

[baRx]

I feel like, on my journey to become more of a grown up man, I need to leave the nest. I feel ashamed, because I'm almost 30, and I'm still living at home. I cringe whenever people ask me if I'm living with roomies or whoever, and I say "No, I'm living at home right now."

 

It seems everyone I know either moved out at 18, 22, or at the latest, 25... you know, after 2-3 years graduating college and figuring out the whole job part, or upon finishing grad school.

 

This is one part of my growing up journey that I've neglected, and while yes I've saved up some money, I also feel I've stunted my growth. I know it's different living on your own away from your parents, as you have to cook and basically take care of yourself. Sure you can do that at home too, but it's too easy to fall into the trap of letting your overly loving parents take care of everything.

 

I feel like I need to move out and gain that independent experience, even before I can seriously date. If I can't take care of myself, how will I take care of another person the way a man should?

 

Anyone here living at home that's over the age of 25? Are you thinking of moving out as well?

 

I feel really inadequate, and stuck in adolescence because of still living at home and far too often letting my parents take care of me. This is something I need to aim to fix. It's basically a failure to launch (like the movie). It's probably why I'm still single. I just have no confidence in myself as a man.

 

Looking to change that within the next year!

 

whats up, bud? i'm 26 and live at home. i moved out when i was 21, lasted until 2 months before i turned 25. some unforeseen, unfortunate circumstances caused me to move back home. i've been back there for over a year, and honestly it's helped me. i've grown more mature in a way. sure, they do most of the stuff like cooking and cleaning and whatnot, but that's usually a given.

 

i could have moved back out by now, but i neglected saving money and went out to party all the time. i've started to save money again, so i'm looking to be out (or close to being out, anyway) by the end of the year.

the only ones that know i live home are the people who need to, i don't meet enough people often enough where i have to disclose my living situation. even if i did, i wouldn't mind. there are a lot of people my age who struggle and live at home. no big deal to me.

 

had i stayed out on my own and never moved back home, i'd probably be in a bad place... so moving home essentially saved my ass, lol.

[pink_sugar]

You remind me of my brother!

He's 29, in a full time job, still at home! He's always been adamant that he wouldn't move out before he was 30 (for whatever reason).

30 is coming up later this year, and he has mentioned moving out, but so far, nothing has happened.

And his reason for still being home is the same. Comfort. He doesn't have to cook, clean, do laundry... My mom's housekeeper makes him sandwiches and freshly squeezed orange juice!

 

And to be fair, it's a pretty nice life at my mom's!

 

I, on the other hand, have wanted to move out since I was like 12. For no particular reason than to have my own space!

I did move out when I was 22 and never regretted it! Saving money would be great, but I really love living by myself. I live with flatmates now, as prices in London are ridiculous, though.

 

 

In the end, you have to make the decision. I have a friend who is approaching 40 and still lives at his parents. It's the parents who have moved out, after retiring, to their country side house, and only come "home" about once a month!

 

This reminds me, my brother is 28 and moved back with my mom after he and his fiance broke up. However, he works a full time job, so there is no reason he couldn't rent a room at least. He even gave my mom crap with helping her with rent.

[Teknoe]

see below for more please

[Teknoe]

Update: Having serious 2nd thoughts about moving out. I think I began with gusto, but reality has slapped me in the face in the last 6 hours or so.

 

I've told my family members that I intend to move out, and this caused several reactions.

 

Uncle out of state visiting: "Good! About time!" I know he loves me, but I've always felt he looked down on me a bit for being "lazy" or having "not grown up yet" (i.e. one of the marks of manhood is moving out by a certain age)

 

Dad: "Seriously? Son, please stay"

 

Bro: "You snapped. But think of the costs"

 

Mom: "Please don't go! I don't want you to get hurt"

 

Interestingly enough, since my mom heard of my interest/intent to move out, she hasn't nagged much. Now that the thought of me actually moving out has been on the table, she has done an 180.

 

For those wondering why I'm having 2nd thoughts it's simple.

 

Originally, I wanted to move out because I feel embarrassed turning 30 soon and still living at home. I feel like if I move out I will be a better person/man.

 

But then $ hit me in the face. I make, after taxes, $2,200 a month. Rent around here is roughly $1,300 on average for a ONE room apartment. For two bedrooms, around $1,800. Even if I split it with a friend, it would be $900 per month. That's not factoring in gas, electricity, water, food, phone and laundry. Not to mention money for entertainment, clothes, etc.

 

Let's just say I'd spend $1,300 a month on total expenses, ballpark. And that's rooming with someone.

 

That means I'd make a measly $900 profit from my $2,200 a month paycheck. That's not very wise, considering I do have the option of staying at home.

 

So in the last few hours I've gone from I gotta move out to WHY? Is it an image thing? I'm starting to think "screw image." Who am I trying to prove to that I am a man because I am living away from my parents, anyway? The world? Potential girlfriends? Why can't I be a man and practice the same skills I would living away, right here at home? I don't need to move out to learn how to cook, or wash my own clothes, or do my own dishes. These are skills I can adopt NOW right at home.

 

I think in our culture we have this idea that the only way we can achieve X-Y-Z is if we leave home. While part of it is true for sure, I think one can also learn at home... especially if it makes sense.

 

For me, I am not making a lot month to month. Moving out to throw up to $800 on monthly rent (not factoring in the other costs) for a $2,200 monthly check doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.

 

Bottom line: will keep my eyes open for housing options away from my parents, but realistically see myself living at home saving up for at least one more year, while practicing the "adult skills" I need to start practicing to prepare myself for the day eventually where I will be away from my parents.

 

Screw what people think or may say if they find out I'm still living at home. At the end of the day, their one or two chuckles isn't worth 4 figures spent unnecessarily a month. And for what? To feel like I'm a man? To feel like I've grown up?

 

If I were making 5K a month, I could see the sense of moving out. But on 2K? I'd be crazy not to take advantage of being able to stay at home. I understand eventually I'll have to move out, but it doesn't hurt to save up for one more year.

[Bito]

Don't let other people's judgment influence your desision. As long as your saving money and your parents want you to stay, just stay. Some might look down on you but who gives a crap. I'm 23 and moved out recently. That does not make me better in anyway.

[Els]

 

So in the last few hours I've gone from I gotta move out to WHY? Is it an image thing? I'm starting to think "screw image." Who am I trying to prove to that I am a man because I am living away from my parents, anyway? The world? Potential girlfriends? Why can't I be a man and practice the same skills I would living away, right here at home? I don't need to move out to learn how to cook, or wash my own clothes, or do my own dishes. These are skills I can adopt NOW right at home.

 

Not knocking on you, Tek, but you haven't learnt these yet!??! Why not? Yes, definitely start now!

 

I don't think living outside the home is about the 'image', at all. It isn't even about the ability to do housework for yourself. It's about getting yourself out of the mindset of being a dependent child, that, I hate to say, your parents are enabling and even encouraging. I mean, they're doing your laundry, dishes, and cooking when you're 30 and begging you not to leave the house? I know they have your best interests at heart, but the longer you stay in that environment, the more difficult it will be for you to achieve an independent mindset.

 

I'm not even looking at this from the American 'everyone must move out by 18' point of view. I'm from an Asian home myself. If I had allowed my parents to sway my decision to leave home, I'd still be living at home now and thinking, acting, and making life decisions like a child.

 

A one-room apartment all to yourself is a luxury not everyone can afford. Two rooms with a housemate is slightly better but still a luxury. If you want to cut costs, bigger houses in the suburbs are usually your best bet, with 3-6 housemates. As a general rule, the more people in the house, the less each person pays.

 

It doesn't hurt to save up for one more year, sure. But how certain are you that you're not going to procrastinate for another year, and another, and another?

[clia]

Your recent post shows how unprepared you are for life as an adult. I'm not trying to knock on you because I like you, but you are 30! If you are making over $25,000 a year, you should be able to live on your own. It sounds like a bunch of excuses to me. I mean, it will always be cheaper to live rent free with mom and dad. At what age do you draw the line?

 

But then $ hit me in the face. I make, after taxes, $2,200 a month. Rent around here is roughly $1,300 on average for a ONE room apartment. For two bedrooms, around $1,800. Even if I split it with a friend, it would be $900 per month. That's not factoring in gas, electricity, water, food, phone and laundry. Not to mention money for entertainment, clothes, etc.

 

If you aren't in NYC or San Francisco, I find it hard to believe that you can't find a studio for less than $1,300 a month. Or a cheaper place to share with roommates. You may not be able to live in your first choice neighborhood or location. You may not get granite and stainless steel. You may have to cut back on entertainment, clothes, and other amenities. These are the types of things that most people learn at ages 18-25 when they move out on their own. You learn to manage a household budget. You learn what is really important to you. You learn how to manage your time. You learn how to make sacrifices. Learning all of this will make you a better person.

 

Let's just say I'd spend $1,300 a month on total expenses, ballpark. And that's rooming with someone. That means I'd make a measly $900 profit from my $2,200 a month paycheck. That's not very wise, considering I do have the option of staying at home.

 

What are you currently spending and saving each month?

 

I mean, yeah, it will always be cheaper to live at home rent free and to not have to pay utilities. But how much longer are you going to do it? Will it really be a year? How much do you think you need to make to be able to live up to your lifestyle? Your parent(s) have probably been working for over 35 years or more to get the lifestyle they have now. And $900 a month is more than enough to live on.

 

So in the last few hours I've gone from I gotta move out to WHY? Is it an image thing? I'm starting to think "screw image." Who am I trying to prove to that I am a man because I am living away from my parents, anyway? The world? Potential girlfriends? Why can't I be a man and practice the same skills I would living away, right here at home? I don't need to move out to learn how to cook, or wash my own clothes, or do my own dishes. These are skills I can adopt NOW right at home.

 

I agree that these are all skills you should have adopted by now. Your mother isn't doing you any favors by taking care of you like a child. Have you really never washed your own clothes or made yourself a meal? Have you ever gone grocery shopping? Do you know what food costs? Have you ever looked at an electric or gas bill? Do you know how much the cable TV, wireless Internet, and other luxuries are costing your parents?

 

It's more than an image thing. It's about taking responsibility and being an adult. Doing these things sporadically at your parents' home is not the same as having to run your own household. (For example, if you leave a dish in the sink, more than likely your mom or someone else will come along and wash it for you. If you live alone, there is no one to do it but you. There is no one to wash your clothes but you, so if you don't do it, it doesn't get done. If you don't go grocery shopping, you won't have food to eat. Etc....)

 

I think in our culture we have this idea that the only way we can achieve X-Y-Z is if we leave home. While part of it is true for sure, I think one can also learn at home... especially if it makes sense.

 

I really think you are making excuses now. Yes, from a money standpoint it saves you a lot. Heck, I should sell my condo and move back in with my mom! That would be way cheaper for me.

 

For me, I am not making a lot month to month. Moving out to throw up to $800 on monthly rent (not factoring in the other costs) for a $2,200 monthly check doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.

 

Get roommates. What do your coworkers do? I know plenty of people here (in Chicago, so not a cheap city) who make far less than you and manage to live on their own with roommates.

 

Bottom line: will keep my eyes open for housing options away from my parents, but realistically see myself living at home saving up for at least one more year, while practicing the "adult skills" I need to start practicing to prepare myself for the day eventually where I will be away from my parents.

 

Do you realize how strange this sounds coming from a 30 year old man? Practicing adult skills? The best way to learn it is by doing it.

 

If you need a year to mentally prepare for it, then take a year, but give yourself a hard deadline. If you are making $2,200 a month after taxes and living for free with your parents, you should easily be able to save $1,200 a month. Put yourself on a budget. Then at the end of the year you will have over $14,000 saved up in a nice little "in case of emergency" nest egg for when you move out.

[pink_sugar]

Let's just say I'd spend $1,300 a month on total expenses, ballpark. And that's rooming with someone.

 

That means I'd make a measly $900 profit from my $2,200 a month paycheck. That's not very wise, considering I do have the option of staying at home.

 

 

My husband and I are making it work on 2600 a month with $1500 rent. Very tough with all the debt we have, but we're scraping by with no savings. I'm sorry, but $900 savings each month is plenty. I would be thrilled to put $900 away in the bank each month. Having less disposable income is a part of life when you move out on your own. You're 30 years old and you should be earning your keep.

[Teknoe]

I do the dishes occasionally. I need to do them all the time.

I buy my own food occasionally. I need to do this all the time.

I haven't washed my clothes yet, admittedly. I need to do this.

 

I understand what people are saying here. These are things I need to put into practice consistently. Everytime. I can do this at home over the year.

 

As to how much I am spending a month, my credit card bill on average is probably $300 a month. That means I'm storing away about $1,900 a month. Making 1K more than I would if I were living on my own.

 

And I am living in the SF area, so YES, 1 room studios really are THAT expensive around here.

 

As for a hard deadline, like I said, I'd probably give myself until next summer. If I stay at home one more year I will add 19K roughly to my bank account. After I have done more of the daily routines, I will be better equipped to live on my own.

 

I know it may sound like excuses and I understand there's a sense of perhaps "internet frustration" that I have it so easy compared to what others have went through... it's like everyone's ran 15 miles while I only had to run 1 mile. There is automatically some sense of "You should have ran what I ran!"

 

I get that.

 

However, moving out RIGHT NOW is probably a rash decision. I think I'm taking this step by step. This past week, for the FIRST time ever, I wanted to move out. I think that's a great first step... to have that mentality.

 

Now, it's the mentality of "I have 1 year to save up/practice these skills" which I think is the best of both worlds. I will move out eventually, and when I do, I will be a better cook (so I won't have to eat out 90% of the time), etc.

[clia]

As to how much I am spending a month, my credit card bill on average is probably $300 a month. That means I'm storing away about $1,900 a month. Making 1K more than I would if I were living on my own.

 

So you have no expenses other than your credit card bill? You aren't helping with any of the utilities, paying for your own cell phone, Internet, car insurance (if you have a car), food, entertainment expenses, clothing, etc.? (Or is that the $300 a month?)

 

I take back what I said -- you probably do need a year to adjust! Holy cow.

 

I know it may sound like excuses and I understand there's a sense of perhaps "internet frustration" that I have it so easy compared to what others have went through... it's like everyone's ran 15 miles while I only had to run 1 mile. There is automatically some sense of "You should have ran what I ran!"

 

Speaking for myself, I'm definitely not frustrated of how "easy" you have it. If anything, I'm starting to kind of feel sorry for you. I can't imagine living with my parents at age 30 and not having any adult skills.

 

This past week, for the FIRST time ever, I wanted to move out. I think that's a great first step... to have that mentality.

 

Do you find it strange that you were 30 years old before it occurred to you that you should move out of your parents' house and get your own place?

 

I will move out eventually, and when I do, I will be a better cook (so I won't have to eat out 90% of the time), etc.

 

Come on...you can easily make a sandwich, heat up a can of soup, heat up a frozen dinner, boil a pot of pasta, or eat a bowl of cereal. You don't have to be a gourmet cook to not eat out every night.

[Maleficent]

I first moved out at 23 (with my then boyfriend) - he wanted a two bedroom so when we broke up I couldn't afford to live there alone. I decided to go back to school and moved out at 29 after getting a regular full time job.

 

There is nothing wrong with living home when getting your life back on track on track after a breakup, divorce, or any other life event that has a significant effect on your financial situation.

 

However, 'not making enough money' to afford rent is not an excuse. Sorry. 2200 a month is plenty. Families live on less than that.

 

But I know how you feel. Living at home, you are used to being able to buy whatever you want, whenever you want without really having to wait for it because, well, you never have to worry about going a week with 20$ and no food.

And that thought is scary.

 

You just have to move out and budget. It's possible. The most important part is : don't have a visa that has a limit you can't clear within one month until you have broken the habit of 'I want it noooooow.'

 

You will have less money but that's the way it is. Everyone pays rent.

 

Personally, I'm 32 and looking at dating older men. I recently met as 38 year old man living in a bachelor in the back of his friend's house and that turned me off…

 

Just go ahead and make the plunge. You're going no where if you stay at home - trust me - I know!

[pink_sugar]

 

 

But I know how you feel. Living at home, you are used to being able to buy whatever you want, whenever you want without really having to wait for it because, well, you never have to worry about going a week with 20$ and no food.

And that thought is scary.

 

 

Know this feeling. Even so, I still like the idea of buying and cooking whatever I want rather than living under my parent's roof and eating what's served. My husband and I had parents who harassed us about the mess, smoke, burn pan each time we cooked....don't have to hear any of that crap on your own.

[camillalev]

Honestly, I think it's weird that your mom doesn't want you to move out because she's worried about you 'hurting yourself' at 30. You're a grown man. Also, a year goes by really quickly, I would begin strengthening your skills NOW. Set up phone payment online, learn to cook(it's a lot of fun and once you get the hang of it, you'll be wanting to cook for other people), do laundry, etc. Do it now, don't just think about it, physically be in the process of doing it.

 

I have to say, something happens when one is at home with their parents. No matter your age, work history, job position, life experience, etc, being at home with your parents somehow turns even the most grown adults into children. I have no idea what it is, but I would not be able to stand it.

Edited July 4, 2013 by camillalev

[Els]

I do the dishes occasionally. I need to do them all the time.

I buy my own food occasionally. I need to do this all the time.

I haven't washed my clothes yet, admittedly. I need to do this.

 

I understand what people are saying here. These are things I need to put into practice consistently. Everytime. I can do this at home over the year.

 

Honestly, that wasn't my main concern. Mine was that your parents have been doing this for you for 30 years without even suggesting that you should do them yourself. That, along with the fact that they were pleading with you not to leave home at 30, suggests to me that the dynamic in your home is one that you really need to get out of ASAP if you are to grow as a person at all. Doing everything for yourself consistently is a good start, but it won't change the dynamic.

 

As for a hard deadline, like I said, I'd probably give myself until next summer. If I stay at home one more year I will add 19K roughly to my bank account. After I have done more of the daily routines, I will be better equipped to live on my own.

 

I really, really hope you stick to this. Because I have a feeling that when next summer comes, your parents will be trying to talk you out of leaving all over again...

[pie2]

Yes, I think your growth will continue to be stunted as long as you live at home. You don't really need to practice anymore skills. If you can hold a steady job, you can make on your own.

 

It seems like saving money is either just another excuse to remain stuck in your routine, or a great way to justify avoiding your fears. Fears of failure (i.e. not living up to your brother, or all of the 20-somethings your mom compares you to), fear of becoming a commitment-worthy mate, fear that some part of you actually prefers to live in the safe, easy confines of your parents' nest.

 

The SF Bay Area is a relatively small place. You could easily find a cheaper place to live outside of the immediate vicinity where you live/work right now. Plus, you're a teacher. Can you pick up some tutoring, summer school, or another alternate form of income while you're young and single?

 

What if you meet the girl of your dreams soon? Would you want to get married and move out all at once? Or would you prefer to be ready now? The bible says a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Would you be ready to do that if you met her tomorrow?

[pink_sugar]

The SF Bay Area is a relatively small place. You could easily find a cheaper place to live outside of the immediate vicinity where you live/work right now. Plus, you're a teacher. Can you pick up some tutoring, summer school, or another alternate form of income while you're young and single?

 

The OP lives near my area, so I can relate to the high cost of living. However, single people his age are able to make it by living with housemates. It's not really worth it financially to pay for his own apartment until he either makes more money or is in a serious relationship. OP, money can easily be saved this way.

 

Honestly, I think it's weird that your mom doesn't want you to move out because she's worried about you 'hurting yourself' at 30. You're a grown man. Also, a year goes by really quickly, I would begin strengthening your skills NOW. Set up phone payment online, learn to cook(it's a lot of fun and once you get the hang of it, you'll be wanting to cook for other people), do laundry, etc. Do it now, don't just think about it, physically be in the process of doing it.

 

Yep, I love cooking...even just for myself. I grew up on quick meals and it's great only having to worry about cooking for myself and eating whatever I choose to. I also cannot believe the OP doesn't do his own laundry....I was doing that when I was at least 10 years old.

[Els]

Yep, I love cooking...even just for myself. I grew up on quick meals and it's great only having to worry about cooking for myself and eating whatever I choose to. I also cannot believe the OP doesn't do his own laundry....I was doing that when I was at least 10 years old.

 

Hahahah, I admit that cooking has always been my weak point in this. As much as I try, I can't seem to enjoy it, especially the thought of needing to clean up after. Habit from my days in the college dorms, where there was no facilities to cook, eating out was dirt cheap, and everyone else ate out anyway so we all went out to grab dinner together. I only really learnt to cook after migrating to a country where eating out was rather more expensive, and I still don't enjoy it.

 

I still wouldn't have traded moving out for anything, though. Even if I had learnt to cook at home, it wouldn't have been comparable to everything else that I learnt living outside. It changed my mindset as a whole.

[Teknoe]

I appreciate the different feedback I am receiving in this thread, minus a few comments from some posters that sound a bit too condescending for my liking. I've revealed some very private aspects of my life here and would appreciate if you respectfully replied rather than put me down. I know I have not gone the way of a "normal" adult but that doesn't make me some freak, either.

 

It's not something I cannot overcome. It is not a incurable "disease."

 

 

You just have to move out and budget. It's possible. The most important part is : don't have a visa that has a limit you can't clear within one month until you have broken the habit of 'I want it noooooow.'

 

You will have less money but that's the way it is. Everyone pays rent.

 

Personally, I'm 32 and looking at dating older men. I recently met as 38 year old man living in a bachelor in the back of his friend's house and that turned me off…

 

Just go ahead and make the plunge. You're going no where if you stay at home - trust me - I know!

 

Thanks for this perspective. It's making me re-weigh my options, honestly. I do think whatever I do, I definitely need to move out by this time next year. I don't want to be living at home at age 31. Still 29 as of right now.

 

 

Honestly, I think it's weird that your mom doesn't want you to move out because she's worried about you 'hurting yourself' at 30. You're a grown man. Also, a year goes by really quickly, I would begin strengthening your skills NOW. Set up phone payment online, learn to cook(it's a lot of fun and once you get the hang of it, you'll be wanting to cook for other people), do laundry, etc. Do it now, don't just think about it, physically be in the process of doing it.

 

 

My mom is very "Asian mom paranoid." She is an extremist in terms of her negative thought life. She doesn't want me going to theatres because she fears a Dark Knight Rises shooting. Or she fears there's a needle placed on the seat I'll sit in.

 

When my car got stolen and we got it back, she was scared the wheel was covered with anthrax. She was also scared the car would blow up if I put the key in the ignition.

 

Of course, despite these fears, I still make my own decisions, and don't let her discouraging me stop me from doing these things.

 

My mom is the typical hardcore worry Asian mom.

 

Only when I told her I was seriously thinking about moving out has she backed off on the negativity.

 

Honestly, that wasn't my main concern. Mine was that your parents have been doing this for you for 30 years without even suggesting that you should do them yourself. That, along with the fact that they were pleading with you not to leave home at 30, suggests to me that the dynamic in your home is one that you really need to get out of ASAP if you are to grow as a person at all. Doing everything for yourself consistently is a good start, but it won't change the dynamic.

 

Els, it is definitely a funky family dynamic. My uncle's family is even weirder than my family. I have wrote about my cousin before on LS. He's 25 and very inept. Still floundering around in college not really making a dent. Got his driver's license at age 22. Never kissed, never had a girlfriend never had a job! He's living at home and his parents have trained him to stay at home until he'll be 33 probably.

 

He's basically a homeless man's version of me. At least I went through the custom American milestones. The only thing left is living on my own/away from my parents, which like I said, will be changed within a year's time. Could be earlier, won't be later.

 

What if you meet the girl of your dreams soon? Would you want to get married and move out all at once? Or would you prefer to be ready now? The bible says a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Would you be ready to do that if you met her tomorrow?

 

I'm so glad you brought this up.

 

I actually told God a few nights ago that I want to use this time (whether it's one full year, 10 months, 8 months, etc.) to become more equipped. Meaning, just doing more of the standard things consistently. Preparing myself for hopefully marriage one day.

 

I am not ready to marry someone one year from now.

 

However, two years from now, I am hopeful that I will be in a much better position.

 

I don't think I'm that far off, but I am admittedly a ways away. But it's not impossible, for sure. That's what this time is for, right now.

 

Whenever I meet that special girl, I want to be ready for marriage within 12 months. Right now, I feel like that's why I'm single. It's God's grace that I'm receiving a little extra time to get myself righted a bit more. No guarantees I'll meet Mrs. Right whenever I do shape up my act more, but who cares in the sense that it'll be good to take that leap into adulthood. There's value in that alone.

[pie2]

I actually told God a few nights ago that I want to use this time (whether it's one full year, 10 months, 8 months, etc.) to become more equipped. Meaning, just doing more of the standard things consistently. Preparing myself for hopefully marriage one day.

 

I am not ready to marry someone one year from now.

 

However, two years from now, I am hopeful that I will be in a much better position.

 

I don't think I'm that far off, but I am admittedly a ways away. But it's not impossible, for sure. That's what this time is for, right now.

 

Whenever I meet that special girl, I want to be ready for marriage within 12 months. Right now, I feel like that's why I'm single. It's God's grace that I'm receiving a little extra time to get myself righted a bit more. No guarantees I'll meet Mrs. Right whenever I do shape up my act more, but who cares in the sense that it'll be good to take that leap into adulthood. There's value in that alone.

 

Teknoe, I'm so glad to hear that you are letting God guide your decisions!! It's really the best thing we can do for ourselves in this life. I hope you can take a day-by-day perspective, as you never know what God's plans will be for you tomorrow.