Diva4U Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 Hello all, I'm needing others opinons please. I have a friend who is married and she left her H about 2 days ago. Her and daughter are staying at her mothers house for right now. For awhile now it seems they have been getting into arguments over the least little thing. She feels that no matter what she says or does, shes damned if she does and damned if she don't. Her H has some anger issues. He went to anger management classes along time ago. Things seemed to be going ok up until recently. They got into a heated dicussion the other night, he didn't like what she had to say, so he decided to push her head into the keyboard of the computer. Thats where she was sitting at the time. Not only that but her 5 year old daughter was sitting on her lap. Later on he starts choking her some. He tells her that he hates her f*cking guts. She decided to leave the next day with their daughter and went to her mothers house. Heres the thing, they talked on the phone, he told her he loved her and their daughter and wanted to work things out. However he felt SHE needed the counseling. Which she is in counseling anyway. She tells him she would like to work things out, however she feels he needs more help. He then tells her, he doesn't need help, its her that pushes his buttons with the things she says. However, I feel that no matter what she may say, that doesn't give him the right to push, slap, choke, hit, or do any of that. Only he has control over how he reacts to situations. The thing is he doesn't have control. He does need help. She explained to him that she left because she was tired of being treated that way and that she didn't want to keep subjecting their daughter to that kind of thing. She wants to take restraining order out on him so he can't go get their daughter from school. Part of her wants to do that and part doesn't. She said she thought it might really make him mad. I told her, maybe she should lay the law down and tell him she will work things out if he will go back and get the help he needs. By him telling her he doesn't need help makes me think maybe he doesn't want the relationship back. Looks like to me if he did he would go. He told her that he would not beg her to come back. To take all the time she needs to think things over. Just wanted others opinons. She is emotionally drained right now and is very confused. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 Was he in anger management because he hit her before? If he is a constant abuser and even now after what he's done, he's still "blaming her" for what HE'S done, he isn't going to quit, he will abuse her and her daughter and could kill them both eventually. Tell her to.... IMMEDIATELY!! She needs to go straight and get the restraining order. She needs to photo any bruises and marks he left...I'm serious!! She SHOULD NOT go near him alone for any reason. Having said that, by no means should she go back to him. Okay he loves her but she shouldn't make him hit her? SICK and Dangerous! Link to post Share on other sites
Diva4U Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 Hi thanks for your reply. I talked with her a little while ago and she said she spoke with her H and he told her she misinterpeted what he said to her. He said he did want to work things out and he was willing to go to counseling. He also said he didn't see any reason why they could not work on this together in their own home, meaning he didn't really want her to be at her moms house. In my opinon I think even if they both do want to work things out, right now it should be done with her at her mothers. They can still have counseling sessions together as well as individual counseling. This just happened about 2 days ago, I don't think she should go back right now. She did take a pic of the knot she has on her forhead from the keyboard too. Thanks again for the reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 Everything you have written is CLASSIC domestic abuse. Your friend needs help right now. Have her call the domestic abuse hotline in your area for further info. If she won't do it for herself, ask her to do it for her child. Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 Definitely classic abuse. I don't think she should go back now either. Tell her if she doesn't want to have a better life for herself, she needs to make a better life for her daughter. Her daughter cannot grow up watching that kind of behavior without being damaged by it. If she won't call the hotline, then you should do it, and get the information for her. Keep trying to make her see clearly. When you have lived with an abusive person for a period of time, you begin to have an altered reality, and really believe what they say, even though it is easy for others to see it is irrational. Good for you for being a good friend and helping her. Link to post Share on other sites
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