SoulStorm Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I think that this is a troll. JMO 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Babolat Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Sounds like a swap/swing thing going on. Not my thing, but some love it. If all agree, then why not? Communication..... Link to post Share on other sites
Babolat Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 No disrespect OP, when I read a story like this my life looks pretty simple and my problems are small ones! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I just wish to make sure that I understand this correctly. 1. Would it not bother you if your husband was cheating behind your back like you have done to him? I am just asking. 2. What do you think the consequences will be if somehow your husband found out about the cheating? Do you think that he would forgive you or divorce you? Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Just read " Found Out My Wife Cheated 7 Years Ago" in this same "Infidelity" thread. He just discovered his wife cheated years ago but the pain is just the same with the same potential results, this will be you at some point in your future. Deja vu. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I have a whole bunch of advice for you on this one as this is very similar to my situation. The four of us very good friends and xMM and I were extremely close, best friends and crossed the line. It ended very badly. This is not a good situation. If you want more advice, post again and I will tell you what I think you should do. This is a big explosion about ready to happen. It will be ugly. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 like the old saying goes- "with friends like these, who needs enemies." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Just get a divorce already. Its obvious you are not mentally.mature enough for marriage yet. Divorce and finish sowing your oats with single guys. Oh, and when your best friend finally catches you with her husband, be prepared to lose a LOT more than "friendship". Ditto if your husband catches you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 This is about your husband being able to trust you. When you traded partners you both agreed, no trust was breeched, when you started banging him behind your husbands back, that's a serious breech of trust. If your marriage was a business, breech's of trust suits have some of the biggest damage awards because they cause some of the biggest damage to a business. When you married your husband the most important part of the ceremony was you speaking your vows to each other in front of witness's, the marriage certificate only records that event and is the public record that everyone can access. So what is your word worth if you do not honor what you promised publicly? This will be the main issue that you will have, how will your husband believe anything you say to him, how can he trust you again. Your best shot from that becoming a real scenario is for you to disclose it to him because if he discovers it on his own or through a third party, your chances of surviving it go way down and some do not survive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marriedNlost Posted July 3, 2013 Author Share Posted July 3, 2013 I just wish to make sure that I understand this correctly. 1. Would it not bother you if your husband was cheating behind your back like you have done to him? I am just asking. 2. What do you think the consequences will be if somehow your husband found out about the cheating? Do you think that he would forgive you or divorce you? It would bother me if he was cheating behind my back, I would be upset. And the consequences would be bad, he would probably leave. My husband means a lot to me, but I guess not since, I peruse other men. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 "Men"? I'm not sure it matters at this point, but are there or have there been others while you've been married? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustAReformedGirl Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I am also married, 27 all 4 of us have even bestfriends for 4 years. Even an inncident were we got all drank and traded partners. Ony happened once. Wait, what? You're 27, or you've been with your husband that long? Okay, so you guys did a mutual swap thing once. I got that... ANYWAYS, You could always tell that my bestfriends husband (34) and I "clicked." she gets along WELL with mine as well. So one night will my bestfriend was at work. Her husband and I met up. We did our normal things, just talking a whole bunch, laughing, having a good time. We ended up having sex and I spent the night till morning. we had two more times were we met up alone. We got busted the first time, but my bestfriend his wife believed us that we didn't have sex. She just knew that I was over at her house all night. My bestfriend and I are still very close. I can't decide if you're sleaze, or if she's stupid for trusting you. I'm kind of leaning toward both. How can you call yourself her friend when you screwed her husband? Then lied to her? Just sayin'. Even if you like her, you're not really a friend to her. Friends don't do that. We all four hang out everyday, even him and I see each ther everyday and we get along so well. (we never talk about the times we had sex, and we havent had sex in a whole) I know he loves his wife VERY MUCH. My question is does he think about me as much as I think about him? When we talk or just bull****tin that look in his yes when he looks at me is deep, ya know? Am I wasting my time replying to a troll? I feel like I'm wasting my time, here....So, you only had sex that one time, or it's been awhile since the last time (after so many times of doing it)? And honestly, no one here could possibly know whether he thinks about you as much as you think of him. It's possible. the last tIme we met up alone, we told each other that if or when the time comes when we r both single then we could be together. We respect each others life's. To a point, lol Oh wow...you guys drew a line somewhere. Too bad it wasn't before you decided to sneak around behind your spouses' backs, and so-called "friends'" backs. If there ever is a time you guys are single, it will probably be because of this stuff. Regardless, whatever you guys talk about now won't necessarily come to fruition later. It's safe and cozy, talking about it when neither of you has been discovered. What happens when reality sets in is a whole other story. Look, I'm the WS, I get the temptation thing...but you're not even remotely coming off remorseful. You're getting high from this, in fact. Do you really think your friend, or your spouse, deserves this? They really don't. You should either end the affair, or divorce before you do anymore damage. AND IM PREPARED TO GET MY BUTT CHEWED BY YOU ALL HELP What exactly are you wanting help with? What advice are you seeking? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustAReformedGirl Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Your falling hard for the guy, so what, we should be happy as we watch the train wreck that's about to happen picking up speed? You've been caught once, his wife strongly suspects your doing her husband yet you persist, where is this going? If you book the place you intend to celebrate your divorce I will fly in and even offer to bring a few of the LS regulars, should be worth it for the entertainment value. Clackety clackety clackety clackety Woooooooo Woooooooo. I couldn't stop laughing while reading this. Right on the money, Aliveagain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marriedNlost Posted July 3, 2013 Author Share Posted July 3, 2013 What I am looking for on this site, is someone to guide me, idk talk to me during this situation, cause as we know, when u are cheating on your husband I can't tell no one. And really, I do feel awlful, I feel guilty all the time. The temptation got the best of me. I believe I just need to remember why I married my husband, and work on our marriage. If i sit Down and think about all this, it's disturbing, and I can't believe I'm that person. And of course thi other guy means a lot to me, but he is taken, and I cannot change that. I met my husband when I was 14 and he was 16. Became the best of friends, and ended up dating 5 years later. We have a long history, that I couldn't even imagine giving up. So in all reality if it came down to leaving my husband it would probably be impossible, because he does make me very happy, he's my butterfly, the sun the sky. I just need to understand why I did this if he makes me so happy. And that will be step one, to unraveling all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marriedNlost Posted July 3, 2013 Author Share Posted July 3, 2013 I have a whole bunch of advice for you on this one as this is very similar to my situation. The four of us very good friends and xMM and I were extremely close, best friends and crossed the line. It ended very badly. This is not a good situation. If you want more advice, post again and I will tell you what I think you should do. This is a big explosion about ready to happen. It will be ugly. Want to tell me more? Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I have been where you are because I have cheated more than once. So with the caveat in your earlier post I feel fully qualified to "judge." This is what you are doing: Cheating on your husband Betraying your best friend Lying to both of them Justifying it Hoping to eventually break up both your families Call me an old fuddie duddie but everything on that list seems pretty wrong to me. And I am also a mother, so I know that children learn a whole lot more from what they see than from what they hear. So ya might wanna rethink the whole excellent mother thing considering what you seem perfectly fine with showing them. I am horrified that my kids have had to endure a mother who deceived and betrayed their father, and I am working hard to make amends to him and them. I cannot fathom thinking any of it is okay. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 all i can say is, you need to tell your husband about this and go NC with this couple immediately, if you truly want to salvage your marriage. there are no shortcuts. either you're "all in," or not at all. that means being honest. everything you do thereafter hinges on how honest you can be. i guess that's the hardest part, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustAReformedGirl Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 What I am looking for on this site, is someone to guide me, idk talk to me during this situation, cause as we know, when u are cheating on your husband I can't tell no one. You feel like you can't tell anyone; there is one person you can and should tell-your husband. But, that is up to you to decide. What type of guidance are you hoping for? And really, I do feel awlful, I feel guilty all the time. The temptation got the best of me. I believe I just need to remember why I married my husband, and work on our marriage. If i sit Down and think about all this, it's disturbing, and I can't believe I'm that person. The guilt and denial are typical of a lot of WSs. But your actions speak much louder than your words, here. As hard as it is for you to face, you need to face who and what you've become. You can't work on your marriage is you're still too busy lying to yourself. And of course this other guy means a lot to me, but he is taken, and I cannot change that. Then it's high time you start learning to cope with that, and to take the necessary actions to aid recovery and healing. I met my husband when I was 14 and he was 16. Became the best of friends, and ended up dating 5 years later. We have a long history, that I couldn't even imagine giving up. I'm not unsympathetic to this; my husband (27) and I (26) have been together since I was 17; I had very little dating experience before him, and he made up the better majority of my "firsts". However, you need to ask yourself this: what's more important? Your history, or your overall happiness? You need to make an honest decision, one that benefits your husband as well. He's in the dark, and your friend suspects that you've slept with her husband. Why not come clean? If not that, then end the affair entirely, and put every last ounce of effort into your marriage. So in all reality if it came down to leaving my husband it would probably be impossible, because he does make me very happy, he's my butterfly, the sun the sky. I just need to understand why I did this if he makes me so happy. And that will be step one, to unraveling all of this. In order for you to understand, therapy is likely needed. If not that, do some serious soul-searching. What do you want for yourself? Do you feel your husband deserves this on-going betrayal and deception? I'm guessing you don't think he does-so why continue with it? Only you can sort this out; posters on here can help-but you have to be the one to make the choices, and take the initiative to follow through. We can't think or do it for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 What I am looking for on this site, is someone to guide me, idk talk to me during this situation, cause as we know, when u are cheating on your husband I can't tell no one. And really, I do feel awlful, I feel guilty all the time. The temptation got the best of me. I believe I just need to remember why I married my husband, and work on our marriage. If i sit Down and think about all this, it's disturbing, and I can't believe I'm that person. And of course thi other guy means a lot to me, but he is taken, and I cannot change that. I met my husband when I was 14 and he was 16. Became the best of friends, and ended up dating 5 years later. We have a long history, that I couldn't even imagine giving up. So in all reality if it came down to leaving my husband it would probably be impossible, because he does make me very happy, he's my butterfly, the sun the sky. I just need to understand why I did this if he makes me so happy. And that will be step one, to unraveling all of this. Don't you think you already have given it up. The moment you set your affections on OM..you virtually gave up your marriage. You gave it up in secret. If your husband finds out..you may have just given it up permanently.' Do you not realize how destructive this is. You cannot love two, three, four men and expect your husband to stay with you.' You made vows to your husband..which you have broken. 'There is no magic saying or instruction to stop you from doing this. Only YOU can stop you. No matter what we say..in the end it comes down to what you decide to do. You are caught up in the euphoria of someone new. Maybe you have a love addiction, whatever it is (if you are not a troll) You must start acting like a mature adult and not some lovestruck 15 year old. Put on your big girl pants and do the right thing. Stop acting like some loose woman who doesn't know how to be mature enough to handle a marriage. Be better than that..be a real woman..not a floosie after another woman's husband. This man isn't going to leave his wife for you. He will throw you under the bus first and make you to blame for all of it. Don't believe me? Tell his wife what you two have been up to and he will drop you faster than heated poop. There's some advice for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
compulsivedancer Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 What I am looking for on this site, is someone to guide me, idk talk to me during this situation, cause as we know, when u are cheating on your husband I can't tell no one. And really, I do feel awlful, I feel guilty all the time. The temptation got the best of me. I believe I just need to remember why I married my husband, and work on our marriage. If i sit Down and think about all this, it's disturbing, and I can't believe I'm that person. And of course thi other guy means a lot to me, but he is taken, and I cannot change that. I met my husband when I was 14 and he was 16. Became the best of friends, and ended up dating 5 years later. We have a long history, that I couldn't even imagine giving up. So in all reality if it came down to leaving my husband it would probably be impossible, because he does make me very happy, he's my butterfly, the sun the sky. I just need to understand why I did this if he makes me so happy. And that will be step one, to unraveling all of this. I think you're on the wrong forum. Try the WS forum. You'll get the kind of "support" you're looking for there. Unless you want us to talk you out of it. But I don't think that's the case. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustAReformedGirl Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 I think you're on the wrong forum. Try the WS forum. You'll get the kind of "support" you're looking for there. Unless you want us to talk you out of it. But I don't think that's the case. There is no WS forum. There's Infidelity, and the OW/OM forum. Infidelity fits her case... I do agree that it was misguided to hope for nothing but flowery answers, though. No matter which forum, she'd get mixed responses, since no one sticks to just one area, anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
compulsivedancer Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 There is no WS forum. There's Infidelity, and the OW/OM forum. Infidelity fits her case... I do agree that it was misguided to hope for nothing but flowery answers, though. No matter which forum, she'd get mixed responses, since no one sticks to just one area, anyway. Oh, hmm...that's what I meant. For some reason I was just thinking in general it was for people still in affairs, vs people dealing with aftermath. Either way, I have a feeling they'd be more sympathetic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AbeNormal Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 What I am looking for on this site, is someone to guide me, idk talk to me during this situation, cause as we know, when u are cheating on your husband I can't tell no one. And really, I do feel awlful, I feel guilty all the time. The temptation got the best of me. I believe I just need to remember why I married my husband, and work on our marriage. If i sit Down and think about all this, it's disturbing, and I can't believe I'm that person. And of course thi other guy means a lot to me, but he is taken, and I cannot change that. I met my husband when I was 14 and he was 16. Became the best of friends, and ended up dating 5 years later. 1. We have a long history, that I couldn't even imagine giving up. 2. So in all reality if it came down to leaving my husband it would probably be impossible, because he does make me very happy, he's my butterfly, the sun the sky. 3. I just need to understand why I did this if he makes me so happy. 4. And that will be step one, to unraveling all of this. 1. You likely will not have a choice about whether or not you will give it up - it will be your husband's choice. 2. Back to 1. Likely not going to be your choice. He might just up and leave you. 3. That's a good question. Damaged? Not deserving of a good thing? 4. Don't worry about unraveling all of this. It will likely unravel on its own... Link to post Share on other sites
AbeNormal Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 (edited) Oh, hmm...that's what I meant. For some reason I was just thinking in general it was for people still in affairs, vs people dealing with aftermath. Either way, I have a feeling they'd be more sympathetic. Perhaps someone else can jump in and give better information - but I think on another forum (survivinginfidelity) there is such a section. It might not be for people who are "still in affairs" per se - but those who are still emotionally attached to those affairs (i.e. their affair partner). Not sure. While it's painful for me to think about (being on the betrayed end of the stick), I recognize that everyone has to work through their own problems - and I have no doubt that a forum like that might be useful for a WS. Perhaps someone can clarify (or you can go to that site and see whether that is the case). Sorry that I am not certain about that. Edited July 4, 2013 by AbeNormal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marriedNlost Posted July 4, 2013 Author Share Posted July 4, 2013 This is why I posted on here, because I needed someone besides myself to tell me this is wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
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