Had an affair with my bestfriends husband

[aliveagain]

They are having a hard time believing someone would intentionally do something this stupid to their life, they think someone is making up a story to get the betrayed spouse's on this site worked up. The term for that type of person is a troll. If we are having a hard time believing you would intentionally sabotage your own marriage to this degree, so why are you doing this, to your husband, to your family and to your friends? They will all be affected. How will your parents, brothers/sisters, uncles, aunts feel about your affair? Will they accept your affair partner after your husband divorces you? If you don't come clean to your husband and initiate No Contact with OM quickly the chance's are very good that you will become one of those old ladies living alone with 50 cats. Wake UP, NO MORE CONTACT.

Edited July 4, 2013 by aliveagain
spelling

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

Wow I'm so glad to be critizied by all of you. I just wanted some advice. Not one of you answered. I'm not supid I do know my consequences to my actions. And if u haven't been there don't judge. I'm not a bad person for doing what I did. I would be an excellent mother.

 

What would it take for you to think of someone as a bad person?

 

If your best friend found out that you were cheating behind her back with her husband, do you think she would think you were a bad person?

 

If your husband found out, do you think he would think you were a bad person?

 

If your husband's parents or siblings or other family and friends found out? If your parents, family, and friends found out? Would they think you were a bad person?

 

What makes a person a bad person?

 

My opinion is that people who lie and cheat the ones they love for their own benefit generally are looked upon as bad people.

 

Have you ever met a "bad person" who thought of themselves as a "bad person"?

Edited July 4, 2013 by Mickey_Fitzpatrick

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

What I am looking for on this site, is someone to guide me, idk talk to me during this situation, cause as we know, when u are cheating on your husband I can't tell no one.

 

And really, I do feel awlful, I feel guilty all the time. The temptation got the best of me. I believe I just need to remember why I married my husband, and work on our marriage. If i sit Down and think about all this, it's disturbing, and I can't believe I'm that person. And of course thi other guy means a lot to me, but he is taken, and I cannot change that.

 

I met my husband when I was 14 and he was 16. Became the best of friends, and ended up dating 5 years later. We have a long history, that I couldn't even imagine giving up. So in all reality if it came down to leaving my husband it would probably be impossible, because he does make me very happy, he's my butterfly, the sun the sky. I just need to understand why I did this if he makes me so happy. And that will be step one, to unraveling all of this.

 

Why you did it should not be that hard to figure out.

 

1. You like how other man makes you feel wanted; you long ago won your husband's desire, now your husband takes it for granted that you are his; other man is "courting" you (and you are "courting" other man); your husband is not "courting" you, he doesn't feel the need to since he already has courted you and won you over. MEN GENERALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND A WOMAN'S STRONG DESIRE FOR FREQUENT, IF NOT CONSTANT, ATTENTION. Other man is chasing after you, it makes you feel great that he is willing to risk so much for you. It makes you feel cherished. Your husband feels he has already proven these things to you by his devotion to you over such a long period of time. Other man realizes he is competing for you. It is not a fair fight for your husband; your husband doesn't know there is another competitor for your love.

 

2. Winning other man over is a challenge. Getting away with cheating with him is a challenge. Having sex, sneaking a few moments in, it's a challenge. And you are winning at that challenge every time you play it. It's fun to win at a challenging game. It's not too fun to win at tic-tac-toe, that's too easy. Your husband is tic-tac-toe - too easy. It's exciting to take chances and not get caught. It's also exciting to have a secret and keep it. Did you ever do that growing up, do something wrong with other people and then keep a secret and get away with something? Wasn't it fun to share that secret that you got away with, to talk about it? That's what you have with other man.

 

3. You have tamed your husband. He always puts you first, always tries to make you happy, and when push comes to shove, always gives in to you. That sounds really loving of him, but you look at that as being somewhat of a pushover. It's one of those things you think you want, a man who will do everything for you, but when you get it, you lose attraction. You are too sure of his love. You are sure that he would never stray. If you thought he would stray, you would try much harder to keep him and you might even forget all about other man. If your husband started working out, bought new clothes, started going out alone without you at night, coming home late, having time unaccounted for, it might be a little disrespectful to you, but I think your attraction for him would pick up. It's part of human nature to want what we can't have, and to take for granted what we do have (until we lose it).

 

You are well on your way to losing your husband. You don't know this yet, but you have already lost him. Your affair will be found out. It is only a matter of time, and not too much more time. If you keep this affair up, your husband and/or other man's wife will find out by the first day of next year at the latest.

 

Meanwhile, other man has not been "tamed" by you yet. Other man has not left his wife for you, and you are pretty sure he still loves his wife. That motivates you to keep trying harder with him.

 

4. You like feeling superior to other man's wife. You like feeling sexier than her, and meaning more to her husband than she does. It makes you feel good about yourself that both your husband and her husband WANT YOU, neither want her, or at least they don't want her as much as they want you.

 

5. Other man is physically attractive. He is funny. He is confident. He makes a good living. Your husband may also be all of these things, maybe your husband is even more physically attractive than other man, maybe he makes more money, but I would bet that he is not as funny or confident (at least in your eyes).

 

These are the reasons you did this. In short, your husband used to make you happy, then he started doing everything you wanted him to and he became too easy for you.

Edited July 4, 2013 by Mickey_Fitzpatrick

[SoulStorm]

I don't feel bad for my affiar, it just consumes me

Everyday. I'm not even havin an Affair with him

Anymore, we'll I guess an emotional affair.

 

I guess when I post it's frank because I'm at work

Or on my cell and its lengthy.

 

The story is so long and confusing sometimes I don't

Even know where to start.

 

Ever thought the reason it consumes you is because you don't feel bad about it?

[marriedNlost]

I think I've came to a conclusion in my head about all of this. I feel that continuing to pursue the OM would probably be worthless and be even more heartbreaking then now. I want to be honest with my H and BF but I don't want to lose them. I don't want to hurt there feelings (even though I already have by cheating and sleeping with her husband) all these people mean so much to me. And that is truly sincere.

 

But maybe being honest will release some new thoughts and ideas. It might open a whole new life and my questions will be answered.

 

I'm new to this whole forum thing, so I get so mixed up with the questions and how to quote.

[HeavenOrHell]

Yeah do whatever makes YOU feel great, don't worry about how anyone else feels, that's not important.

As long as you'd be ok if your best pal was also having sex with your husband behind your back I can't see a problem with it.

 

 

 

 

i wouldnt worry too much about it. do whatever makes you feel great. a few months ago i would have never said anything like that but now after all kinds of bad things happening to me in my marriage i would go for it too. enjoy

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

I think I've came to a conclusion in my head about all of this. I feel that continuing to pursue the OM would probably be worthless and be even more heartbreaking then now. I want to be honest with my H and BF but I don't want to lose them. I don't want to hurt there feelings (even though I already have by cheating and sleeping with her husband) all these people mean so much to me. And that is truly sincere.

 

But maybe being honest will release some new thoughts and ideas. It might open a whole new life and my questions will be answered.

 

I'm new to this whole forum thing, so I get so mixed up with the questions and how to quote.

 

It's never too late to do the right thing. No one is born a bad person. We all make bad decisions. You made a horrendous one when you started up this affair with your best friend's husband. A bad person keeps making bad decisions, over and over again, until it becomes part of their nature. A good person recognizes their bad decision, and then does the right thing.

 

First, tell other man that you are ending the affair, that you want no more contact with him

 

Second, his wife already knows, at least that you two have the hots for each other, and possibly that you have already acted on it. It's only a matter of time before this thing comes out. Do you want it to come out by your husband finding out from other man's wife, or from his seeing one of your emails or texts, or from some other coincidence that is bound to happen? Or do you want him to find out because you realized how much you love him, you realized how wrong the affair was, and that you ended it on your own? Your marriage may end either way, but I think it has a better chance of survival with option number two.

 

Third, there is no way to continue this friendship and NOT have it seriously affect your marriage with your husband. Humans are not built that way. You can't keep seeing this other guy and keep feeling toward your husband the way a married woman should feel toward her husband. If you want to give your marriage a chance, you have to come clean and make a clean break from this other couple.

 

Finally, if you end the affair now and stay friends with the other couple, and don't come clean, when your husband does find out weeks or months or years from now, he is going to feel like an even bigger fool that you and other man shared this secret for all that time.

 

This probably will be the hardest thing you've ever had to do, but it is the right thing to do.

[JustAReformedGirl]

Well, I will confess that I don't know either whether this is a genuine poster. Could be. Anyway, perhaps it is not reasonable of me to try and make a characterization of this poster via a (simple) particular word that is five letters long - I don't know. I was hoping it was just something as insignificant as "troll". But perhaps it is a five letter word starting with the letter i and ending with the letter t. Again, I don't know. Perhaps others can help - I realize that I am in no position to do so.

 

Took me a minute (and a sip of coffee) to catch that other "reference".

 

You're as qualified as anyone else Abe, never fear.

 

 

OP, I'd really take what Mickey Fitzpatrick has to say; he seems to be right on the money with this one. You feel bad for the people you're hurting, right? You don't feel bad for the affair, because what you and OM have done feels good, having a shared secret feels great...but, you need to really think about what it means to you. If they mean so much to you, you need to sacrifice that chemical high, and put an end to it.

 

Come clean, or don't come clean; the choice is yours. But, I do think that if you don't come clean, this will come back to bite you in the a$$ months or even years, from now.

[bubbaganoosh]

I can assure you that when you get caught, and you will because your actions around that OM will give it away to either the guys wife or your husband or both, then your going to be singing a different song telling you husband that the sex wasn't that good and you some how had you head up your a$$ and wasn't thinking. Think the hubby is going to buy into that? How many times have you now slept with the OM? If it's once after the night of swapping, maybe he will be foolish enough to take you back, but more than once? It's not a mistake any longer. A mistake is when you order a pizza and forget to pick it up, but sleeping with your best friends husband as many time as you did isn't a mistake. It's deliberate and that butterfly will take off to greener pastures and the sun will set, not to mention your best friend will no longer be your best friend.

 

You better understand that sex is one thing but it's not what makes a relationship. Sooner or later you have to take that relationship from the bedroom to the rest of the house and there is where the relationship really works. Time for you to start separating fantasy from reality, grow the hell up be prepared for a life changing experience when you and stud muffin get caught. When that happens, I wouldn't walk a mile in your shoes for all the tea in China.

[beach]

I think I've came to a conclusion in my head about all of this. I feel that continuing to pursue the OM would probably be worthless and be even more heartbreaking then now. I want to be honest with my H and BF but I don't want to lose them. I don't want to hurt there feelings (even though I already have by cheating and sleeping with her husband) all these people mean so much to me. And that is truly sincere.

 

But maybe being honest will release some new thoughts and ideas. It might open a whole new life and my questions will be answered.

 

I'm new to this whole forum thing, so I get so mixed up with the questions and how to quote.

 

And what does that mean?

 

What do you plan to do?

[rae_lana]

We need to talk! Our stories are very very much the same. I'm the same age as you.. Married, and in an affair with my best friends husband. We hang out as couples every single day. I know exactly how you feel

[Darren Steez]

interesting stories...yawn

[Artie Lang]

I want to be honest with my H and BF but I don't want to lose them. I don't want to hurt there feelings (even though I already have by cheating and sleeping with her husband) all these people mean so much to me. And that is truly sincere.

 

actions speak louder than words, and by your actions, you are neither a good friend nor are you a good wife.