snowflakes88 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 I agree I don't see how that matters. He is showing progress by coming to see me during the week, hung out w my friends and I ( with his friends) and even posted pics on fb . Doesn't that show that we are progressing? Those are things most people do within months of dating someone. Your standards are subzero. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 I think we are all talking to a brick wall here guys..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 (edited) I am 27 years old and am dating a guy who is 31, for three years now. We live about an hour away from each other. I go to his house every weekend (for the most part) and stay all weekend. He never comes to see me during the week, even though his job allows him to have the time, he just doesnt. During the week he spends the majority of his time with his business partner/best friend and other friends. I am involved with his family and go to all his holidays and family functions. He doesnt want to go to mine, but I dont care bc I like his family so much that I give up Christmas, Easter to be with his family. His family is awesome and treats me like family and we take family pics and i am included and they are all over facebook. I have also taken vacations with him and his family. HIs family tags me and him in these pics on facebook but he never puts me in his profile pics, but he isnt a big facebook person either...he barely goes on and neither do i really. He has also taken me on vacation alone; however he takes a lot of business trips/vacations with his business partner/best friend. Twice this year they went to vegas. They have to go there for work but they also post things about them partying there and staying out late. He barely, if ever goes to bars or clubs when he is not away. On weekends we typically do house work stuff or hang out with his friends and family. He owns a home (an hour away from where I live) and never has mentioned me moving in there or getting a job closer to where he lives so that maybe we could see each other more during the week. When I met him he was 28 and he had just been out of a relationship with someone he dated on and off for 7 years. He never told me this but I did some research. I think I am better off because I got him when he is older, but I am starting to think this man hasnt grown up and I dont know if I should wait around for him to grow up. We do talk about what things would be like when married and stuff and kids one day. Thoughts? - edit - (reason: doesn't apply) Edited November 3, 2013 by Fufu Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 I think we are all talking to a brick wall here guys.....Yes, sadly we are. She is probably going to wait for him to be the man she dreams about until she's close to her mid 30's. If she wants to form a family, by then it's going to be late for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lush lady Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 Mid 30's is too late to have a family??? Anyway, do you think he wasnt ready for committment/marriage and now he is starting to think about it? Maybe he grew up a little ? Whats the difference if he started this at the begining of the relationship compared to now? Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Mid 30's is too late to have a family??? Well if you want kids by then and for some reason can't get pregnant (I heard this happens a lot; women that were strung along for years by bfs like your man and once they found their man, it was too late and they were nearly at the end of their childbearing years) then it's going to be a concern for you and you're going to be upset at the years you wasted thinking he would change. Anyway, do you think he wasnt ready for committment/marriage and now he is starting to think about it? Maybe he grew up a little ? Whats the difference if he started this at the begining of the relationship compared to now?Adult men don't need to go through this growing up stage. Either they are very much into you and propose and they don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lush lady Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 ok but my boyfriend is obv immature, so he is not a "grown man" . dont some men become ready (for marriage) and then propose to their gf? Im assuming those are the couples who date 4, 5, 6,7 years and then get married. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 If your bf is immature and not a grown man in his mind why do you want to marry him? He wouldn't make a good husband. Why don't you let him go and find a man who has marriage on his mind? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 ok but my boyfriend is obv immature, so he is not a "grown man" . dont some men become ready (for marriage) and then propose to their gf? Im assuming those are the couples who date 4, 5, 6,7 years and then get married.Why continue waiting for him to come around (he might or he might not) when you can start over now and find a marriage-minded man? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Late 30s is not too late to have a family but it is just a waste of time waiting for a man who has clearly shown he is not marriage minded. He is not magically going to become the man she wants him to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 ok but my boyfriend is obv immature, so he is not a "grown man" . dont some men become ready (for marriage) and then propose to their gf? Im assuming those are the couples who date 4, 5, 6,7 years and then get married. You can take 4 and 5 years out of the realm of possibility. No way this man is marrying you within the next year or two. Maybe you can strong-arm him into it in another 4 or 5 years, provided he doesn't meet someone he is really into. I guess there are those men who date a woman for 10 years before deciding to marry her. I don't personally know any, but I'm sure they may be out there. For every one of those, though -- there are probably 10x as many women who do what you're doing. Sit around with absolutely NO standards and accept (and even celebrate!) scraps. The man will date them for years, largely because they correctly acknowledge that no woman with any measure of self-respect would tolerate such poor treatment -- so hey, they've hit the lottery with you. Inevitably, the man ultimately meets a woman who he is really into, usually a woman who demands respect and has standards. Within 6 months, he's married. The woman he dated for 4, 6, 10 years is left with her head spinning, wondering WTF happened. That is the far more common outcome. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Anyway, do you think he wasnt ready for committment/marriage and now he is starting to think about it? No. (+ necessary characters.) Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 The reason men marry a woman after six months after ending a long relationship is because men tend to hate being forced or pressured into things. At our core most men tend to hate authority and want to rebel against it and a woman in his ear nagging him to grow up just becomes another form authority. He sees a lifetime of that and wants no part of it. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Interesting how we all see what the outcome is most likely going to be and the OP can't see it. I think we're all seeing the foggy forest with it's dried out thorns and lifeless trees but she can't see this. I guess it must be harder to see it for yourself when you're inside the forest but it's easy to call out the BS when you're a bystander seeing it all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 The reason men marry a woman after six months after ending a long relationship is because men tend to hate being forced or pressured into things. At our core most men tend to hate authority and want to rebel against it and a woman in his ear nagging him to grow up just becomes another form authority. He sees a lifetime of that and wants no part of it. I can only speak on the situations I've witnessed firsthand. Two of my brothers and one of my best guy friends did this (dated women for years and years, then married their next GF after a very brief courtship). None of the first women in those instances pressured them for marriage. If anything, they went out of their way to be the cool, no-pressure women. One of my brothers was adamant that he didn't want to be married and didn't want kids. His ex (who originally did want those things) wanted so desperately to be with them that she told him she was totally fine if they never got married and had children. As soon as he met his now-wife, everything changed. Suddenly he was open to marriage, and he could see himself having a family with her. They've been married 10 years and have 2 kids. I don't know... I'm sure it probably shakes out both ways (either less pressure, or the 2nd person really being the one). This is one of the reasons I always say I'm not sure if I want kids or not. I don't feel like I do, but I also suspect I might feel differently if I met a man who really knocked me off my feet. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 I always find it interesting that the OPs never comes back when they don't hear what they want to hear. It's apparent OP is going to wait for this guy no matter how long it takes. I just hope when he does decide to marry it will be her he choses. I've seen women wait years and years for their boyfriends to propose and they don't. Then they break up and the next woman they have only known for a year gets the proposal and ring because that is who he wants to marry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 I've seen women wait years and years for their boyfriends to propose and they don't. Then they break up and the next woman they have only known for a year gets the proposal and ring because that is who he wants to marry.Exactly..... While they're waiting endless years for the proposal and fantasizing their imaginary wedding day (after all dreaming is free; any woman can dream of her prince charming), the man is already checking out and calculating the best moment to break up because he already has someone else lined up. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 OP it took your BF 3 YEARS to post a pic of you on his FB page. That's typically first few weeks stuff. Coming to see you at your place is first weeks stuff too. At this rate I would expect him to propose somewhere around 2207. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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