husband taking the kids to meet girlfriend

[lovemaynotbeenough]

Starting a new thread to hopefully get some feedback.

 

My husband and I are not divorced. I have started looking into getting this done but have to have the money to get started with paperwork.

 

Less than 2 weeks ago we slept together.

 

He has changed his facebook status to in a relationship with his ow. And is starting to post pictures of them together.

 

Last weekend was his weekend with the kids. He had our kids every day with his girlfriend and her kids.

 

I asked him to please ease our kids into it. I asked him to not spend ALL of thier time together with her. I told him he has plenty of free time that he can spend with her and asked really nicely. He told me that he knows what is best for his kids and he can do as he pleases.

 

This started a fight where I ended up telling him he was selfish. That he is only thinking of his wants and not really thinking about his kids. Then he told me that if I had been the wife I should have been that none of this would be happening. That he wants his kids to see what a loving relationship looks like. I said nothing after that. I do not want to fight and he listens and agrees to nothing I say. Why bother.

 

But OMG! A loving relationship? You are in love with this woman yet you were sleeping with me a week ago?

 

And I have to play nice. There is nothing I can do about it. I want the boys to spend time with him and they want to spend time with him too. I will never keep them from him unless they would be in danger. I don't know what to do here.

 

Any advice or comments would be appreciated!

 

(Th full story is in my original post: Why does my husband want to sleep with me when he has another woman)

[elfman]

Hello,

 

Sorry to hear your going through this... Ehm, you have not divorced? Does'nt that mean his new relationship is actually considered adultery by the law? If so, depending on where you live, you may be able to really screw his finances for it... He's behaving like a selfish infant in that he is totally disregarding your emotions and playing you for a moron.

 

Even if you do not have the money for it, there could be some support-non-profit orgs out there that could give you a hand, or a law firm that does pro-bono work, if you tell them your story they might feel inclined to help.

 

If nothing else, I am sure it would take a very bad judge to be convinced that your WS is right when he takes his kids to see a GF if he is still married... come on.

 

How's your self-esteem, probably very low... I have found that most of the time we take a lot of crap from our WS's because we feel like we cannot get anyone else... Your life begins at the end of your comfort zone, but you have to cross it yourself.

 

Hope it gets better for you soon.

 

E.

P.S: The real question here is WHY ARE YOU WILLING TO SLEEP WITH YOUR HUSBAND IF HE IS SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE ELSE?

Edited July 1, 2013 by elfman

[Yasuandio]

Honey,

 

FIRST, understand the following.

 

The moment you slept with your husband, according to the law, you forgave him for the adultry. That is the fact of the facts. So now, forget about an adultry claim.

 

The clock can begin now once again, but your claim has been weakened.

 

As well, your heart and soul has been weakened and hurt. You must stop this sex with the man that is now sharing your children with another woman, and states emphatically to you that he believes you are "not the wife you should have been," and he seeks to demonstrate "what a loving relationship looks like" to his children.

 

His conduct demonstrates that these statements are utter nonsense and that he is absolutely full of it. That said, you walked right into it. And your pleadings will do nothing but pursuade him to do the exact opposite of what you desire.

 

Now, lack of money in no excuse. Go to the help center at the court house and file an action against him. Better still - go to an attorney and put it on a credit card. Stop making excuses. Sleeping with a walk-away spouse is the last way to get them back - it makes you appear so pathetically desparate. Get that in you little knoggen, please honey.

 

You must apply the 180's immediately. As well, Plan B in the Marriage Builder's website. No sex, with anyone for now (you are too vulnerable) - go see a doctor and make sure you did not get an STD.

 

If you want to get mean -- let the young lady know he has bedded you recently - that may provide you a moment of thrill, and revenge - albeit, short lived. AND, she does have a right to know he is sleeping around - and probably,he is doing this more than either one of you two girls know about. Even though it is mean-spirited - it may be helpful (and a good health measure) for to her to know the truth.

 

So, your boys need to stay out adult game - and just look at this girl as nice Auntie so and so. The less drama you stir up the better. Just go along -- say nothing, as we have told you before. The more you say, the more it won't go your way.

 

And contact with husband is for business purposes only. Due to the dysfunctional nature of this situation, I further suggest you arrange contact through a third party intervention. As when you see and talk to him - you are too affected, and easily manipulated. I hope you take these thoughts seriously, and I hope also this helps you. Yas

[elfman]

Honey,

 

FIRST, understand the following.

 

The moment you slept with your husband, according to the law, you forgave him for the adultry. That is the fact of the facts. So now, forget about an adultry claim.

 

The clock can begin now once again, but your claim has been weakened.

 

True, but the fact of the matter is she can say she found out about the adultery after she had consentual sex with him the last time... It will be hard to prove on his part, after all who keeps track of proof of being caught.

[lovemaynotbeenough]

Honey,

 

FIRST, understand the following.

 

The moment you slept with your husband, according to the law, you forgave him for the adultry. That is the fact of the facts. So now, forget about an adultry claim.

 

The clock can begin now once again, but your claim has been weakened.

 

As well, your heart and soul has been weakened and hurt. You must stop this sex with the man that is now sharing your children with another woman, and states emphatically to you that he believes you are "not the wife you should have been," and he seeks to demonstrate "what a loving relationship looks like" to his children.

 

His conduct demonstrates that these statements are utter nonsense and that he is absolutely full of it. That said, you walked right into it. And your pleadings will do nothing but pursuade him to do the exact opposite of what you desire.

 

Now, lack of money in no excuse. Go to the help center at the court house and file an action against him. Better still - go to an attorney and put it on a credit card. Stop making excuses. Sleeping with a walk-away spouse is the last way to get them back - it makes you appear so pathetically desparate. Get that in you little knoggen, please honey.

 

 

You must apply the 180's immediately. As well, Plan B in the Marriage Builder's website. No sex, with anyone for now (you are too vulnerable) - go see a doctor and make sure you did not get an STD.

 

If you want to get mean -- let the young lady know he has bedded you recently - that may provide you a moment of thrill, and revenge - albeit, short lived. AND, she does have a right to know he is sleeping around - and probably,he is doing this more than either one of you two girls know about. Even though it is mean-spirited - it may be helpful (and a good health measure) for to her to know the truth.

 

So, your boys need to stay out adult game - and just look at this girl as nice Auntie so and so. The less drama you stir up the better. Just go along -- say nothing, as we have told you before. The more you say, the more it won't go your way.

 

And contact with husband is for business purposes only. Due to the dysfunctional nature of this situation, I further suggest you arrange contact through a third party intervention. As when you see and talk to him - you are too affected, and easily manipulated. I hope you take these thoughts seriously, and I hope also this helps you.

 

Agreed. Last night I made my sister stay with me until he picked up the boys. I had to be alone when he dropped them off but he must have gotten the hint because he dropped them off and left.

 

Yas

 

True, but the fact of the matter is she can say she found out about the adultery after she had consentual sex with him the last time... It will be hard to prove on his part, after all who keeps track of proof of being caught.

 

I have never had proof of adultry until he changed his facebook status to "in a relationship" with her. I know I am a sad sack of crap and I should have stopped sleeping with him. I have only had hear say and chose to believe what my husband told me. Stupid I know but thats what I have been doing for the past 10 years.(Excuses excuses)

 

I do now understand that sleeping with him was completly moronic. Thinking he would come back to me or even wanting him to was so stupid of me. My dad is going to help me financially with this. The advice we have so far is to file contested with no lawyer and if he contests my demands to then get a lawyer. I am so scared. I keep hearing that judges usually rule in favor of the mother but I do not want all this fighting. I know he just wants to get out of child support.

 

I called counseling places today to get advice on what to tell my boys so they know what their dad is doing is wrong without saying anything bad about him. I have to schedule an appointment and pay money. The free place said they couldn't tell me anything other than get a lawyer.

 

I do not contact him unless it has to do with the boys since 2 weeks ago (the last time we slept together). I still have to see him when it comes to the boys and I hate it. Every time I know I have to face him I get nervous and sick.

 

I have thought about telling his ow but I just thought it would be better to stay away from it. I really am pretty low right now and who knows what she would say to me to make it even worse. I know enough and do not want to know anymore.

 

Agreed. I can not tell him my plans or thoughts or feelings anymore. Or his family for that matter. Although I have a really good relationship with them I am affraid I will have to let that go too.

 

I really don't want to have to get a lawyer but I think it is in my best interest to do so as soon as possible. LIKE NOW!

Edited July 2, 2013 by lovemaynotbeenough
correction

[Yasuandio]

True, but the fact of the matter is she can say she found out about the adultery after she had consentual sex with him the last time... It will be hard to prove on his part, after all who keeps track of proof of being caught.

 

Elfman, Are you suggesting, if asked, she should say, "she found out about the adultry AFTER the consentual sex"?

 

Well, that wouldn't be true, would it, Elfman?

 

It is never a good idea to lie about when you are preparing legal documents for the court. Eventually, there will be more lies you will have to tell on interrogatories, then, if in front of the Judge -- to continue to lie? That is the most stupid nonsense anyone can do.

 

You forgave him one time for adultry, and the both of you consumated your marriage once again - that is the law. [whatever he said, she said, pillow talk, promises, etc., doesn't matter]. Now, your husband is having sex outside the marriage again. That is the truth. Marriage contract once again broken as of day he slept with woman after you. The Court is there to protect you. Do not be dumb and lie to the court. If you do -- it will hurt your case. Yas

 

PS As for proof. In my case, my attorney advised I tape record my husband's admission of "make-up" sex which I did. The recording was admissable in Court, and critical to the outcome in my divorce case (State of Georgia). My former husband tried to deny the "make-up" sex - even in the face of the tape recording - which made him look like a complete blooming idiot, and ruined his credability. Then he finially tried to convince the Court I pushed myself on him. [Well - it didn't exactly sound that way on the tape recording - as he apologized for upsetting me by initating the sexual encounter during the conversation]. This is a good reason not to lie to the Court.

 

Laws regarding tape recording people vary from state to state. That is why you need an attorney to guide you. But if you do get the thumb's up - just have a discussion about your confusion of the sex, and the girlfriend that he continues to have an affair with. Discuss impact on children. Don't say anything stupid. Just let him talk. Let him say his stupid remarks, then save for later.

Edited July 2, 2013 by Yasuandio
PS Details.

[todreaminblue]

I feel for you, when my ex left me for the other woman, my three girls were devastated, they felt abandoned as well, and it hits children hard...it is sad that your husband is not taking them into consideration, or you for that matter, he manipulated you into feeling guilt, into not pressing the points you have, by saying he wants them to see a loving relationship, where in, he is not being at all loving towards you, the other woman or the children.......

 

i need to say,i am not a good example of strength, i really fell apart after my ex left had to be hospitalized and that is my biggest regret that i wasnt there for my girls or my sons.......and they were struggling.......if i could change anything...i would change how i wasnt strong enough for them.......

 

you are being stoic and strong, i admire your strength , stick to your beliefs about the children and the other woman, stop sleeping with your husband, be that calming influence for your boys........i am sorry that this is happening, there is no way to make a selfish person se the light, all you can do is shine that light for your kids........they will depend on you to show them what is right from wrong, i told my girls to be courteous and respectful of the other woman, i had no choice whether they seen her or not......so to rise above i maintained silence and put my effort into the children rather than my failed relationship that was meant to end, once i was well, that i dont regret.......my girls have maintained respectful silence adn even though they loathe spending time with the othr woman, they are enver rude or rebellious, where as i know in a lot of cases, its difficult fro children to hold silence...., they know what is right from wrong.....

 

 

i hope you find the dignity and self respect within you, that your husband has tried to make you berefit of, by manipulating you with false statements on how loving your relationship was or wasnt....if he were truly happy with the other woman completely, he wouldnt be sleeping with you, cut off that happiness he gets from your bed and give that happiness to yourself and your kids............wishing you happiness...stay strong...you are not the one who has done wrong....hugs.....deb

Edited July 2, 2013 by todreaminblue

[lovemaynotbeenough]

I am just so up and down. Last weekend even though he had my kids with his girlfriend every day I was doing so well. I felt like I was finally over it all and coming to terms with my situation. Knowing that divorce is my only option and to not believe a damn thing he says. But now today I am all sad and mopey and just want to cry about it. I keep having these flashbacks of things we did together and family time...Then I have visions of him with his girlfriend and her family and my kids all being this happy family.

 

It just totally blows! I want my kids to be happy and as unaffected by this as possible and they seem to be doing great. I am happy that they are too young to understand or care about what is happening between me and their dad. But when they tell me that they like his girlfriend and ask me to take them to hang out with her kids. It takes a lot to not get upset and explain that their dad is still married to me and should not be having a girlfriend. That a good man does not leave his wife to jump into another relationship! Ughhh!

 

I want my boys to know what he is doing is wrong but I don't know how to tell them without saying something bad about their dad. So I say nothing. The most I said was telling them I am not friends with dads girlfriend and I will never take them to hang out with her kids. That they can do that with daddy but not me.

 

It is all so hard. I do not want to share my kids. You never think that you will have to. They are my life. I did not want a different life and it pisses me off that now all of a sudden my husband/ex/whatever wants to spend time with them that he never did before. That he all of a sudden wants to ask them what they want to do and is not going to make them do what they don't want to do. It is crazy bull and I will never understand all of this! Who is this new person? Where the hell was he when I needed him? Why does he want to be a family with this woman but never wanted it with me? It is miserable being alone knowing he has someone!

 

I understand what Yas says about me not being ready to be with anyone. I agree (kinda). But it sure would be nice to have someone want me. I mean there have been a few guys that have come out of the shadows trying to "hit me up" but they are people that are friends with my husband and I don't want them like that at all. I do NOT want a relationship. PERIOD! I don't want someone to bring around the kids. PERIOD! I think I would just like some one night stand. Someone I don't even know. I think maybe that would just get me out of this funk of thinking I still love my husband and being so sad about all he has done. I dunno... maybe I am wrong maybe that would just make me worse.

[elfman]

Agreed. I can not tell him my plans or thoughts or feelings anymore. Or his family for that matter. Although I have a really good relationship with them I am affraid I will have to let that go too.

 

I really don't want to have to get a lawyer but I think it is in my best interest to do so as soon as possible. LIKE NOW!

 

Elfman, Are you suggesting, if asked, she should say, "she found out about the adultry AFTER the consentual sex"?

 

Well, that wouldn't be true, would it, Elfman?

 

Yas: I guess you're right, recommending perjury is a bad idea...

 

Lovemay: Understand that his family will probably and most likely take his side, so forget about trying to please them, they're his, not yours, dont have any expectations from them.

 

Also, get a lawyer, or at least sit down with your dad if he's a lawyer or with a free consultation and understand the options. This is paramount... its like saying you're not going to go see a doctor when you need surgery cause you'd rather use your new japanese kitchen knife set. Lawyers have the knowledge that you yourself do not possess.

 

E.

[elfman]

I want my boys to know what he is doing is wrong but I don't know how to tell them without saying something bad about their dad. So I say nothing. The most I said was telling them I am not friends with dads girlfriend and I will never take them to hang out with her kids. That they can do that with daddy but not me.

 

It is all so hard. I do not want to share my kids. You never think that you will have to. They are my life. I did not want a different life and it pisses me off that now all of a sudden my husband/ex/whatever wants to spend time with them that he never did before. That he all of a sudden wants to ask them what they want to do and is not going to make them do what they don't want to do. It is crazy bull and I will never understand all of this! Who is this new person? Where the hell was he when I needed him? Why does he want to be a family with this woman but never wanted it with me? It is miserable being alone knowing he has someone!

 

I understand what Yas says about me not being ready to be with anyone. I agree (kinda). But it sure would be nice to have someone want me. I mean there have been a few guys that have come out of the shadows trying to "hit me up" but they are people that are friends with my husband and I don't want them like that at all. I do NOT want a relationship. PERIOD! I don't want someone to bring around the kids. PERIOD! I think I would just like some one night stand. Someone I don't even know. I think maybe that would just get me out of this funk of thinking I still love my husband and being so sad about all he has done. I dunno... maybe I am wrong maybe that would just make me worse.

 

I am so sorry your going through this really... it definitely sucks...

 

First off, I've been there, you cannot protect your kids from knowing things that are out of your control to disclose - i.e, Daddy has a girlfriend. You can tell them OUTRIGHT that you do not support that because daddy is still mommy's boyfriend, and you cannot have 2 girlfriends... They will slowly gravitate toward you, trust me on this, my 8 and 5 year old have become so much tighter with me after the divorce because I give them joy and they know in their little minds their dad never compromised the family unit by bringing in a third party, while their mom did.

 

Secondly, right now you shouldnt even consider a relationship, it will be bad, and it will be bad fast. Also, while considering a one night stand is natural, be careful and make sure you're prepared for the emotional backlash, because there WILL be one, been there, done that.

 

Hang in there.

 

E.

[lovemaynotbeenough]

What do you mean by emotional backlash? I really have no idea what the hell I am doing here. You never think you will get divorced when you get married.

[lovemaynotbeenough]

I do not know how to teach them not to be men like him. My dad and brother in law are great men that me and the boys are around often (especially lately). I am hoping my boys see the things they do for their family as good examples. But the reality is that they are not "dad" and no one else ever will be.

 

Do you have any suggestions?

[lovemaynotbeenough]

First off, I've been there, you cannot protect your kids from knowing things that are out of your control to disclose - i.e, Daddy has a girlfriend. You can tell them OUTRIGHT that you do not support that because daddy is still mommy's boyfriend, and you cannot have 2 girlfriends... They will slowly gravitate toward you, trust me on this, my 8 and 5 year old have become so much tighter with me after the divorce because I give them joy and they know in their little minds their dad never compromised the family unit by bringing in a third party, while their mom did.

 

 

 

So do you think I should tell them that I do not approve of daddy having a girlfriend? That daddy is still married to me?

 

I have thought about it. But I just thought better of it because they like hanging with her and her kids. I know that is the excitement in it for my boys. Being able to play with the kids. They always got along before.

 

I just do not know what is right. They seem to be doing well for the most part and I don't want to throw more crap at them. My dad and my sister just tell me to leave it alone. That they will realize when they get older that what he did to me and our boys was wrong.

[coaches24]

So do you think I should tell them that I do not approve of daddy having a girlfriend? That daddy is still married to me?

 

I have thought about it. But I just thought better of it because they like hanging with her and her kids. I know that is the excitement in it for my boys. Being able to play with the kids. They always got along before.

 

I just do not know what is right. They seem to be doing well for the most part and I don't want to throw more crap at them. My dad and my sister just tell me to leave it alone. That they will realize when they get older that what he did to me and our boys was wrong.

 

I agree with your dad. My dad cheated on my mom and when they first started going through the divorce I would spend time with my Dad, his new GF and her kids and I really didn't know all that had happened but as I got older and heard more of the stories from family on my moms side I figured things out. I don't have a relationship with my dad at all and am not close with my mom either because of how she treated me and my brother after the divorce.

[lovemaynotbeenough]

Thanks coach! I think I will stick to my original decision of just letting it go. They do not understand the situation and do not realize that it hurts mom when they talk about dad taking them out with his gf. And since I have always told them they can tell me anything I will not ask them to stop telling me about their time with dad.

 

How did your mom treat you guys after the divorce? Just curious so that I can avoid that. I want a relationship with my boys!

[LosingHope0806]

I was an "OW" I must say you sleeping with him while knowing he has a girlfriend made you guilty as well. I don't know this OW but unless she has purposefully disrespected you in any way she did not deserve this.

 

Now for your husband, Yes he is an *******, he should have listened to your wishes and slowly eased the children into meeting his new GF. Those are not "his" kids but "you and his" kids. My ex did something similar by having me around his son and asking me to baby sit his son with out his ex-wife knowing. I immediately stopped that and demanded that she KNOW as well as meet me. Idk about other women but if I m going to be around YOUR children I want you to know me, or at least know of me.

 

Lastly,

 

My ex has decided to attempt to work things out with his ex-wife which was devastating to me. Since you and him are having sex and you seem to be livid by his statements or even care that he says he loves her yet is sleeping with you...do you possibly still have feelings for him and see a reconciliation in your future?

[elfman]

So do you think I should tell them that I do not approve of daddy having a girlfriend? That daddy is still married to me?

 

I have thought about it. But I just thought better of it because they like hanging with her and her kids. I know that is the excitement in it for my boys. Being able to play with the kids. They always got along before.

 

I just do not know what is right. They seem to be doing well for the most part and I don't want to throw more crap at them. My dad and my sister just tell me to leave it alone. That they will realize when they get older that what he did to me and our boys was wrong.

 

First, what I mean by emotional backlash is that having sex with a stranger can be a great release, but you might feel like crap the day after... I dont know, in my honest opinion sex with strangers, although a lot of fun, never seemed to fix all the feelings of inadequacy I felt when my wife got her WAS syndrome.

 

As to telling your kids... What I see here is a classic scenario of a husband/wife taking advantage of the fact that the kids are small and using that to get away with anything. To be honest, even though your kids are enjoying spending time with the GF's kids, they do not know better, in my particular case there had to come a time when I absolutely had to tell them that, however much I loved them and wanted to avoid hurting them, I could no longer agree to the sort of behavior their mom was having. It is a difficult situation. However it surely angers you that you cannot scream your lungs out saying WTF, because what he is doing is certainly bizarre.

 

Even if you think it is good that your kids have a good time with her kids, I would put my foot down, perhaps not with the kids, but I would certainly tell him that until he closes one chapter of his life-book (his marriage to you) and is ready to start the other (his relationship with his wonderfully perfect new GF) he cannot involve your kids and, thereby, the weekend playdates will have to wait. You have to move him towards a decision, because it would really really surprise me if your kids get anything positive out of this mess as it stands now... maybe their short term happiness is a little better if this continues, but in the long run it will just distort their education... they have to realize this is not normal behaviour.

 

Remember one thing though, everyone here, including myself, writes while byassed because of their experiences... you will see a lot of posts recommending things, the bad news is they're all wrong, and they're all right, the good news is they're all heartfelt and from people who have used LS to get through their own problems.

 

Take care.

 

E.

[elfman]

I was an "OW" I must say you sleeping with him while knowing he has a girlfriend made you guilty as well. I don't know this OW but unless she has purposefully disrespected you in any way she did not deserve this.

 

Really? So the OW or OM have rights as to how they feel nowadays? Wow, I must've missed something...

 

What that girl doesnt deserve is a guy that is screwing her while screwing his wife and not even separated legally, but as soon as she is negligent in requesting legal proof of a divorce (i.e asking for the papers), she is just playing stupid and can therefore not expect any respect from the BS.

[lovemaynotbeenough]

Whoa! My husband had always told me he had not slept with her and that they were nothing more than friends. Granted I always thought that was a lie and knew I shouldnt believe him and even told him that and that we should not sleep together. I am stupid for giving in to his advances and even wanting it. But he knew that I wanted him to come home or work on our marraige. And he knew that sleeping with me was messing with my emotions and making me believe that I had a chance. When obviously I didnt. His ow deserves no respect or anything good from me and will never get it. She is homewrecking whore and always will be as far as I am concerned.

[lovemaynotbeenough]

Yes. I still love him. No reconciliation. He has been spending the night with her (not when he has the boys thank god) and I am pretty sure they have plans of moving in together asap. I would hope that if he did want to come back (which I really don't think is gonna happen) that I would be strong enough to say hell no.

 

All that he has done and all that he has said cant be overlooked this time. It has gone far beyond what I ever thought I would take from anyone let alone someone I thought would love me and stand by me for the rest of my life.

[coaches24]

Thanks coach! I think I will stick to my original decision of just letting it go. They do not understand the situation and do not realize that it hurts mom when they talk about dad taking them out with his gf. And since I have always told them they can tell me anything I will not ask them to stop telling me about their time with dad.

 

How did your mom treat you guys after the divorce? Just curious so that I can avoid that. I want a relationship with my boys!

 

My mom really went down hill after the divorce. Both my parents were always into weed when I was a kid but my mom really got bad after the divorce and was smoking it every day, even in front of my brother and I. She talked about what a complete douche my dad was which I had no interest in hearing at the time and I resented her about that for a long time even after I found out all the things he did during the divorce. She started bringing different guys around and all of them were heavy into drugs and alcohol. I was in high school at the time and I confronted her about the drug use in front of my brother and I and she told me its her apartment and she can do what she wants. So I revolted like a teenager often will and she had me pulled out of class to my counselor a office and had him threaten to call the police for parent abuse or something like that. She just went off the deepend is how I saw it.

 

The worst thing was how she always openly talked bad about my dad. I was at the age where I really wanted and needed my dad to be there and teach me how to be a man and he wasn't there and I blamed her a lot for that because of how she talked about him. I wanted to believe my dad was a good guy. The rest of that stuff just drove the stake in deeper.

[Techie Artist]

So do you think I should tell them that I do not approve of daddy having a girlfriend? That daddy is still married to me?

 

I have thought about it. But I just thought better of it because they like hanging with her and her kids. I know that is the excitement in it for my boys. Being able to play with the kids. They always got along before.

 

I just do not know what is right. They seem to be doing well for the most part and I don't want to throw more crap at them. My dad and my sister just tell me to leave it alone. That they will realize when they get older that what he did to me and our boys was wrong.

 

IMHO, you are responsible for the teaching of morals for your children. Are you already doing that? Do they know about faithfulness? Do they understand what a marriage/family is? If you haven't already laid the groundwork for these topics, you're behind the 8 ball. You should leave the topic alone. However, if you have been doing this, you are within your rights to express your dissatisfaction with what your xH is doing. Think about how many YEARS it might take for this grand revelation to occur. All the while, you're the silent martyr and punching bag. You should "meet each child where they are," meaning you tell them age-appropriate information. If you have very young children, you can tell them "I'm not invited" when they ask you to join in the awesome fun If they're older, you may be able to say that "I'm daddy's girlfriend, and he should have only one at a time." If they're of essay age (12ish), I can't imagine they can't figure out right from wrong.

[lovemaynotbeenough]

They are 5 and 7. I thought my 7 year old would understand more and want to talk about it. He doesn't get it. I know I am not supposed to say anything bad about their dad. I dont want them to hate their dad.

 

I also dont want to fight with their dad about it. They will tell him what I said and ge will be pissed and probably make another moronic move to try and piss me off.

 

I have made a decision to let it go for now. Maybe once the divorce is final I will sit down with them and explain as age appropriately as possible. We will both be required to take a class about helping kuds cope with divorce. Maybe that will give me some better insight.

[Praying4Peace]

Hey there,

 

Find a lawyer asap! File for divorce! They will charge you a retainer that you can put on a credit card. Borrow the money, sell something, anything, for that retainer fee. The balance of attorney's fees will come from your marital estate, meaning if he makes all the money HE IS PAYING FOR IT.

 

Forget the adultery angle. It will not make a difference for alimony or the amount of child support. They just do not care. It is only relevant if your husband refuses to give you a divorce and your state has a long waiting period for a no-fault divorce. Otherwise, irretreivable breakdown of the marriage is the no-fault ground and both people just sign off. So to reiterate, adultery only matters if you want out of the marriage asap and he won't consent to it.

 

The way he's behaving taking the kids around the OW right now WILL affect child custody because it goes to the best interests of the child analysis. Though, honestly, unless she's a drug addict or totally unsavory the judge won't see this as bad behavior.

 

That said, in your divorce decree you can put that there should be no overnight guests for a year. You can't stop him from bringing her along when with the boys during the day.

 

Your boys aren't dumb. Have patience. The truth always always comes out. They are young right now and seem like they don't know whats going on? They will. When they grow up everything will sink it. You just be the best parent you can and that includes not keeping them from their father despite the company he brings along. Now, if she's harming them in anyway don't settle for that.

 

But please get a lawyer asap. Here's something to cheer you up- any money he's spending on her right now (marital assets) can be gotten back by you in the divorce.

 

Stay strong...

 

P4P

[Gunny376]

Starting a new thread to hopefully get some feedback.

 

My husband and I are not divorced. I have started looking into getting this done but have to have the money to get started with paperwork.

 

Less than 2 weeks ago we slept together.

 

He has changed his facebook status to in a relationship with his ow. And is starting to post pictures of them together.

 

Last weekend was his weekend with the kids. He had our kids every day with his girlfriend and her kids.

 

I asked him to please ease our kids into it. I asked him to not spend ALL of thier time together with her. I told him he has plenty of free time that he can spend with her and asked really nicely. He told me that he knows what is best for his kids and he can do as he pleases.

 

This started a fight where I ended up telling him he was selfish. That he is only thinking of his wants and not really thinking about his kids. Then he told me that if I had been the wife I should have been that none of this would be happening. That he wants his kids to see what a loving relationship looks like. I said nothing after that. I do not want to fight and he listens and agrees to nothing I say. Why bother.

 

But OMG! A loving relationship? You are in love with this woman yet you were sleeping with me a week ago?

 

And I have to play nice. There is nothing I can do about it. I want the boys to spend time with him and they want to spend time with him too. I will never keep them from him unless they would be in danger. I don't know what to do here.

 

Any advice or comments would be appreciated!

 

(Th full story is in my original post: Why does my husband want to sleep with me when he has another woman)

 

Because he's a simple minded, non-caring, insensitive, don't care (You can feel free to substitute any word that has four letters that begins with the letter "F") selfish, self-centered, sex addictied, "P" crazied jerk!

 

He's also probally has some kind of personality disorder ~ narcissim be the least of them.

 

Now get off your rear end and do yourself and your children a favor and go and find a "real man" that puts others before themselves! That's sensitive to the wants and needs of others. That knows when you love a woman, you love her children to, that isn't all about a booty-call with any and every person on the planet that has a vagina. That's going to love you for who and what you are, as you are, accept you for who and as you are!

 

Lose this clown already!