Both Cheated

[Jimmy85]

I have currently been with my girlfriend for just over 6 years. This past September she started filling in at a new work location and on October 3rd she told me she wanted a break. For about a year to a year and a half we fought constantly and I drifted from her sexually but never stopped loving her. She thought I was cheating on her and thought that was why I did not want to touch her and kiss her as much. Truth was she was just being mean and I didnt want to. We ended up gettnig back together the end of October, but I always felt like she did something.

 

Fast forward to February I went out and made a terrible mistake and cheated on her with a stripper. I admitted to her a month later and she was hurt. I had to tell her as I tested positive for Chlamydia. (I notice symptoms in December, which really shows it most likely came from my girlfreind.)

 

Now my girlfriend finally admitted to me on June 2nd that she did in fact have a one night stand with a co-worker she met at her new job location in October. She swears she did not break up with me because of him. She told me she cried occasionally at work over me and talked to him about me. He texted her one night while she was out and she agreed to hang out with him. They went to his house and ended up having sex within 30 minutes. I started calling her phone non-stop because I felt something was wrong. During this "break" we did text and keep in contact. She said she just needed time apart. She told me that once I called her the first time that night while she was there she freaked and made hmi drive her home. She said she was scared and devastated over what she had done.

 

I am trying to forgive this as I also made a mistake. I know cheating is cheating, but hers seems a bit worse as she knew what would happen if she went to his house.

 

I dont know what to do. She swears this was the only time she was ever with another guy in our 6 years and 3 months together. I love her, but I cant get this out of my head.

[JustAReformedGirl]

Wait a second, let me clear this up; were you still dating when she slept with him, or were you on a break at the time? If it's the latter, she didn't cheat on you. Even if she did cheat, how is hers worse than yours? You think she'd know, but that doesn't mean she did know that it would happen. Even if she had suspicions.

 

Can you please clarify the questions I've bolded? Only then can I give sure feedback.

Edited July 1, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Jimmy85]

Sorry I had a longer more in depth post but for some reason it didnt post so I shortened it.

 

We would tell each other more than we should that we wanted to break up and it would usually last a few days of no talking and we would just resume.

 

10/3/12 she said she wanted a break, but we talked and texted occasionally. She didnt want to make it known or say anything. Just take a little time away from each other. It seems convenient that the "break" happened shortly after filling in at the new branch and meeting this other guy. I guess it just seemed like a "normal" our thing, what she says when she gets mad. Then on 10/12/12 she is at this guys house already. Maybe its just being over sensitive I dont know. She didnt make it clear that we were to see other people. Im assuming because she wanted to do what ever she wanted to do, but kinda seems like she wanted me to stay put. If that makes sense

 

Believe me I know I sound unreasonable and by no means am I trying to dismiss what I did. Just a lot of emotions and hurt feelings both ways right now.

[JustAReformedGirl]

I'm just trying to establish if the break was in effect at the time of her sleeping with this other guy.

 

Also, was it in effect when you slept with the other girl? If it was on both accounts, than neither of you actually cheated, unless you both had decided no sex with anyone else while sorting things out.

 

It doesn't sound like you guys made a clear choice on whether or not you could see other people, or not.

 

In the event she was upset with you, but expected you not to be upset in the same situation, that is a bit hypocritical of her; the same can be said if the tables are reversed.

 

Anyway, if you guys were on break, and hadn't decided anything official in regards to relations with other people, I don't count it as cheating.

 

Best bet? Both of you should start over from this moment on, not bringing up the mistakes of the other, and move forward. If one or neither of you can do this, it may be time to call it quits.

[Jimmy85]

Mine was definitely cheating..

 

And when we were on this "break" we did discuss no sex with anyone else. She swore this was nothnig to do with anyone else just needed a little space/time.

 

I told her over and over again please dont have sex with anyone else if you need it call me and she said ok and you do the same.

 

So yes I guess we did discuss no sex during the time away from each other in October. Even though we did talk and text just about everyday. She was a different person that month. No patience with me, went out all the time. She said she wanted to forget me and not be sad.

 

She said once she realized what she did that night she knew she messed up and loved me and wanted us to work out.

[JustAReformedGirl]

Okay, so you guys had implemented the "no sex with anyone else during the break" thing. In that event, she did cheat, too.

 

So, if you both cheated, you have a choice to make; you either forgive both her and yourself for what occurred, and make the effort to work on your relationship...

 

Or

 

If one or neither of you can forgive the events, move on.

 

By the sound of it, though, you want things to work out with each other. In that case, make sure to have open, honest communication with each other, talking about any and all issues that come up, and how they need to be dealt with.