Being Ok with being an OW

[jlola]

Age has nothing to do with sexual ability. I've had great sex with guys in their 20's, 30's, 40's and 50's. I have also had a couple of duds too and both of those guys were middle aged men. I personally don't do the whole cougar thing and I would never be interested in anyone still in their 20's. I have sons that age so no thanks, but I know from experience many guys in their 20's are Fantastic in the sack.

 

 

I generally meant if she was looking for a FWB's deal. Being that most women would not look for a ma in his 20's as a serious prospect, it would be just that. Looking for a MM makes no sense. All that baggage,time schedule etc. But I think they are looking for more and they know a MM spoil OW.

 

I would be more turned off by a MM who is a coward,liar,manipulator,confused than a man in his 20's. Because to me that sort of person is not a man. Just because he is older has a great career, does not mean he has learned anything about life,respect,integrity or relationships. Sad people equate age with being a man.

[MissBee]

Seriously, you consider men in their early 20s to be at their sexual prime? unable to last more than a few minutes, focused almost exclusively on their own pleasure, with little knowledge of how really to satisfy a woman... And no pillow talk beyond sport or how wasted they got the night before? You're welcome to it. Give me a real man any day over a boy!

 

I dunno coco...on one hand you talk so much about caricatures and so on and so forth, yet have no problem bandying them around.

 

"Real man" over boy has nothing to do with age in my experience. There are PLENTY men who are masquerading as 50 year olds but are in fact 17. "Real" men, as opposed to the fake ones IME, are about qualities they possess and not accumulation of birthdays. As there is no rule in life that a 40 year old man naturally acquired so much kama sutra skills and is some self-less lover...women wish .

 

Don't know what age real men start at, but the oldest man I've been with was 32 and the rest were in their twenties...and none of them talked about being wasted, sports, or lasted minutes. Okay I lied, 2 lasted minutes the first time, but the first time only; however, the idea that some, what 40 or 50 (?) year old man is the perfect, all-night stallion just because he's old is comical. A man is a good lover or not and I and others having sex with 20 some year olds aren't having a horrible time as we lay there with some random frat boy who is mindless, lasts 5 seconds and then starts talking about sports, while we're just waiting to grab a 40 year old stallion LMAO! Caricatures as you yourself have commented are ridiculous.

Edited July 3, 2013 by MissBee

[jlola]

I dunno coco...on one hand you talk so much about caricatures and so on and so forth, yet have no problem bandying them around.

 

"Real man" over boy has nothing to do with age in my experience. There are PLENTY men who are masquerading as 50 year olds but are in fact 17. "Real" men, as opposed to the fake ones IME, are about qualities they possess and not accumulation of birthdays. As there is no rule in life that a 40 year old man naturally acquired so much kama sutra skills and is some self-less lover...women wish .

 

Don't know what age real men start at, but the oldest man I've been with was 32 and the rest were in their twenties...and none of them talked about being wasted, sports, or lasted minutes. Okay I lied, 2 lasted minutes the first time, but the first time only; however, the idea that some, what 40 or 50 (?) year old man is the perfect, all-night stallion just because he's old is comical. A man is a good lover or not and I and others having sex with 20 some year olds aren't having a horrible time as we lay there with some random frat boy who is mindless, lasts 5 seconds and then starts talking about sports, while we're just waiting to grab a 40 year old stallion LMAO! Caricatures as you yourself have commented are ridiculous.

 

 

MissBee,

 

Darling,sweetheart,smart lady.....I LOVE YOU!!!!!

" A man should be judged by the content of character"

 

A man who is afraid to leave "mommy" wife unless he has another one to latch onto no matter how "horrible" she is,is not considered manly. As I said before, I know a woman who left a husband she was still in love with at 25. 4 young children in tow and no job prospect, because she respected herself and her kids enough to know she had to take innitiative and leave a bad situation. That shows maturity. Even at 25.

Edited July 3, 2013 by jlola

[MissBee]

Love this times a million!! When I was in my twenties and having sex with guys in their twenties it was great! I don't where people get this idea that all young guys only care about their own sexual pleasure and they're all dumb and can only drink beer and talk about sports. I've never been attracted to that at any age and the twenty year olds I was with were nothing like that.

 

Age has nothing to do with being a real man. Both of my sons are far more manly than a lot of the childish selfish immature older men I've met. I can see nothing manly about a man who lies and deceives his family and sneaks around so he can cheat with another woman. Ugh...is that attractive at any age? I guess my problem is that I tend to get attracted to really assertive strong men. The type of men who have no qualms about their choices and living a life that is open for all to see and they don't care what anyone else thinks because it's their life and they do what they want. This isn't always a good quality in a man but it does make them more honest, open and forthright and that turns me on. Sneaking around with some middle aged married guy would be a big turn off for me.

 

Right!!!

 

Also...married men especially, in sexless marriages, allegedly, for years and years....ummm I assume they are completely out of practice re sex and won't be some amazing stud . If their wife is so lame in bed or boring or they never have sex, I can't imagine that it's logical that they would get some sex and be attentive, amazing lovers. Maybe...but it's just as likely that they will be so sex-starved and out of practice that they care more about getting off than the woman's pleasure and may be out of touch with a new woman's body if they've only had one woman for however many years. One could argue that younger, unmarried guys have sex with more women, thus have to make themselves more adept at quickly learning what a new woman likes and are in the dating game so are on their toes and are more consciously working on their sexual skills, versus a man who has been married for years and not having sex or only having sex with one woman. How exactly would such a man keep up his skills? It stands to reason he hasn't been and has gotten into a comfortable/non-existent sexual routine, versus the younger, unmarried guy. LilGirl's experience with her MM being like a to year old virgin speaks to this idea lol.

 

Anywaaayyyy....caricatures are hilarious because they're absurd. Some older men are good lovers and I bet many started being good lovers since their 20s and some aren't, some have no stamina, don't care about anything but their own pleasure and don't know the first thing about pleasing a woman and some only drink beer and talk about sports. I always said though, if I'm unmarried in my 40s and above, I have no qualms about being a cougar.None. Especially for casual reasons. If I just want attention and sex,gimme a sexy 27 year old with no kids and no wife.

Edited July 3, 2013 by MissBee

[jlola]

I don't where people get this idea that all young guys only care about their own sexual pleasure and they're all dumb and can only drink beer and talk about sports.

 

Myth was started by middle aged men who like younger women. they forget to mention they are past sexual prime, older age may bring erectile dysfunction and viagra was invented for the older guy.

 

Interesting they never say that young women are a waste in bed because of their age.

 

I wonder then why greedy goldiggers marry the older man , but fool around with young ones.

 

Most of the women who answered said they could never be in a relationship with a man in his 20's and listed reasons. But a MM is ok??? Again, I thought they were looking for FWB's not a "relationship".

[skylarblue]

I am wondering if there is anyone else in this type of situation and if they have been casual with a MM for a long time?

Here is my story:

I have been sleeping with a MM for almost a year now. I don't think of it as an affair more like a casual situation. I know I should stop but I don't want to.

I am not in love we just have a good time once a week. I date other people, have an active social life but just sleep with him. We text funny emails and suggestive stuff often. He is my secret and I am his secret.

I am recently divorced from a serial cheater and so I have the prospective of a BS so I do feel bad for the wife but not enough to quit.

 

I had a non-emotional, FWB A with xMM for 5yrs. It's not hard to do if that's really all you're looking for or expect. I have no problem with casual sex and can have it with anyone (if that's whom I chose) without thoughts or awkward moments/changed R afterwards (whether ONS, short or longterm, a friend, a boss, MM, SG, whatever). I've never fell for someone over time. I've already decided as to if I want to date seriously or just sex with the person before I get involved, and have had no problems separating the two. Even in the case of xMM, after a pregnancy is when I DECIDED that the R would have to change or it would end. I wasn't in love with him at the time. I decided to see if i could love him, if I/we were able to be more than f*ck buddies, and we discussed it. It wasn't something that was happening or had happened. It was something that I wanted to see if it could happen. A conscious decision and effort. Had it not been for the pregnancy, I never would have even given it a thought, try, or consideration. So yes, even though you take the risk feelings developing unexpectedly, it is possible to just have a casual, long-term, FWB R. What I would caution on is making sure that R doesn't affect your ability to find a fulfilling, committed R when you decide.

[canuckprincess]

To those that know my story, I was quite happy being the ow for close to 6 years. Then I met a single man and told mm I wanted to try my luck at a normal relationship. Well that didn't go over to we'll so he changed our lives by telling his wife so we could have more time together. So yes some could be perfectly happy being the ow as long as their needs are being met.

[JustAReformedGirl]

To those that know my story, I was quite happy being the ow for close to 6 years. Then I met a single man and told mm I wanted to try my luck at a normal relationship. Well that didn't go over to we'll so he changed our lives by telling his wife so we could have more time together. So yes some could be perfectly happy being the ow as long as their needs are being met.

 

 

Wait...what? If he told his wife, how did that benefit your affair with him?

[canuckprincess]

Wait...what? If he told his wife, how did that benefit your affair with him?

 

I didn't say it benefited our relationship, what it did was prove that he truly does love me. Now that being said, I know he still loves his wife as well. It isn't easy loving 2 woman, it's twisted and crazy.

[JustAReformedGirl]

I didn't say it benefited our relationship, what it did was prove that he truly does love me. Now that being said, I know he still loves his wife as well. It isn't easy loving 2 woman, it's twisted and crazy.

 

Sorry, should have worded that differently. How did him telling his wife about the affair allow him more time with you? I would think the opposite effect would occur.

[canuckprincess]

Sorry, should have worded that differently. How did him telling his wife about the affair allow him more time with you? I would think the opposite effect would occur.

 

Are a bs or ow?

[JustAReformedGirl]

Are a bs or ow?

 

I am neither. Well, one incident that may put me in the BS category, but I don't think about that, since it was inconclusive. I'm WS. I was honestly just asking out of curiosity how he managed to have more time with you after his wife found out. I figured she would have tightened her grip (or divorced him).

[canuckprincess]

I am neither. Well, one incident that may put me in the BS category, but I don't think about that, since it was inconclusive. I'm WS. I was honestly just asking out of curiosity how he managed to have more time with you after his wife found out. I figured she would have tightened her grip (or divorced him).

 

I can't go into detail on an open forum and I can't seem to private message you.

His has always kept a tight grip on him and that didn't stop us before dday.

[JustAReformedGirl]

I can't go into detail on an open forum and I can't seem to private message you.

His has always kept a tight grip on him and that didn't stop us before dday.

 

Alas, new member, with no premium account. It's okay, no worries.

[SweetiePie12]

I can't go into detail on an open forum

 

Sure you can. Just speak in generalities.

 

His has always kept a tight grip on him and that didn't stop us before dday.

 

So if she lightened up on his schedule/being a watchdog, does that mean she found a place of accepting you as a sisterwife?

[Robert]

Lets try and keep this thread back on topic, post to the thread starters concerns, thanks

[Got it]

Based on the OP, if it works for the poster, then whatever floats her boat.

 

I have never had a FWB relationship but the world is made of many colors so Viva la variety!

[Eggplant]

This sums it up. He is safe well probably not but right now I do believe I am safe. Safe from putting myself out there. With a single FWB situation the feelings would happen quicker so would dating someone who is single but with a MM you know from the beginning you will never be 1st or the girlfriend or anything other than someone to play with and for me it works. for now. Thank you for an excellent summary of my current situation.

 

You are afraid of rejection. You are afraid of a truly single person who might consider you for his true other half. This MM doesn't have to commit to you, you are giving everything and taking very little, so he won't reject you. It's safer than putting yourself out there for real.

[Pierre]

You are afraid of rejection. You are afraid of a truly single person who might consider you for his true other half. This MM doesn't have to commit to you, you are giving everything and taking very little, so he won't reject you. It's safer than putting yourself out there for real.

 

Yep!

 

OP is also sexually exclusive to the MM despite saying she dates around.

[FitChick]

I had a friend who was married but didn't like being a wife. After her divorce, she only dated married men because they treated her better, bought her gifts, didn't make demands, gave her great sex and she could boot them out at the end of the evening.

[Pierre]

I had a friend who was married but didn't like being a wife. After her divorce, she only dated married men because they treated her better, bought her gifts, didn't make demands, gave her great sex and she could boot them out at the end of the evening.

 

You could also say older divorced women prefer to date married men because they have run out of options with single men.

 

And I agree. You could also say that married men court the OW candidates better than single men because married men also have fewer options.

 

You could also say that the forum is full of women that started as FWB with MM and ended deeply in love.

 

And you could also say your friend was rationalizing the fact that at the end of the day she was alone.

 

Just sayin":p

Edited July 4, 2013 by Pierre

[cocorico]

You could also say older divorced women prefer to date married men because they have run out of options with single men.

 

And I agree. You could also say that married men court the OW candidates better than single men because married men also have fewer options.

 

You could also say that the forum is full of women that started as FWB with MM and ended deeply in love.

 

And you could also say your friend was rationalizing the fact that at the end of the day she was alone.

 

 

You could, indeed. And in some cases you'd be right, and in others, very wrong.

 

"Just sayin'"

[underwater2010]

I had a friend who was married but didn't like being a wife. After her divorce, she only dated married men because they treated her better, bought her gifts, didn't make demands, gave her great sex and she could boot them out at the end of the evening.

Wow....who cares who she hurts in the process. That is just sick and sad all at the same time to me.

[WakingUp]

You could also say older divorced women prefer to date married men because they have run out of options with single men.

 

And I agree. You could also say that married men court the OW candidates better than single men because married men also have fewer options.

 

You could also say that the forum is full of women that started as FWB with MM and ended deeply in love.

 

And you could also say your friend was rationalizing the fact that at the end of the day she was alone.

 

Just sayin":p

 

LOL Pierre you can say absolutely anything, really.

 

And you often do.

 

I must say you do make me laugh sometimes.

[whycan'tI]

Thank you for all the responses. There are so many I'm not sure how to respond. It's probably helpful, to me anyway, if someone could define feelings for me. As for MM I am sure there are some type of feelings but they are not of a romantic sort.

Yes I could find a single fwb but again feelings would develop. The fact that I know at the end of the day I am not a top priority and I am honestly ok with that. I think everyone needs different things out of life and right now being in this situation is fine with me. Being a BS has changed my opinion on monotony, cultural expectations, and love. Sadly I do not think of the MM wife, if she looked closely enough she would see the signs.