Guys, would you be mad if you had 10+ dates and didn't have sex yet?

[paigej91]

Say you really enjoyed her company and thought she was both attractive and interesting. Would you be annoyed with not having sex by dates 10-14? Would you even think to be in a relationship with her BEFORE having sex?

 

Just taking a quick poll If you have any other comments feel free to share!

[shexy]

I'm female and yes, I'd be kinda pissed if a guy didn't want sex after 14 dates.

[fortyninethousand322]

Sex should be no earlier than 6 months, IMO.

 

And yes, you can be in a relationship without sex...

[carhill]

With that much interaction, presuming we're both on the same page relationship-wise, we'd already be boyfriend/girlfriend and making love regularly. I personally would never date someone that long without a relationship/intimacy developing. It's just not my style. I wouldn't be mad; I'd be gone. Moved on.

[MrCastle]

I don't know. It's relative.

 

In the old days, communication was minimal. But now we live in the 24 hour social media cycle.

 

Throughout the time you're not on actual dates, you're texting them, learning about them on their social media pages, etc.

 

Typically a date is once a week. So if we're going by that, we're talking 10 weeks of time either on a date or getting to know each other through various forms.

 

I wouldn't be mad or bitter, but I would probably be openly dating other women (unless this girl was "the one") and I would also be skeptical as to why we were not intimate yet.

 

I realize everyone has their pacing. What I would never do is try to push her into it or kind of, pressure her into sleeping with me sooner. I would never put that kind of pressure on a woman. It's her body.

 

So, if I felt that sexually speaking, we were not compatible, I would move on.

[kaylan]

Lol, I wouldnt get to 10 dates with a girl and there be no sex. Id have pulled the plug on things if she didnt already. Also in my dating experiences, if I made it to more than a handful of hangouts with a girl, we would already be pouncing one another.

[Jane2011]

I'm female and yes, I'd be kinda pissed if a guy didn't want sex after 14 dates.

 

I'm female and feel the same as the above poster. The longest I've ever waited to have sex with a guy is around the 6th date (or rather, 6th time we we had a social outing together; not all outings were "dates," per se.)

[soccerrprp]

I love sex and intimacy- LOVE IT! But...

 

If I was really into a lady, having a great time and can see that the relationship was moving forward, then I could wait. Part of that progression should be signs that we are also becoming more comfortable physically.

 

Mad or annoyed, no.

[Archgirl]

I think age and experience plays a big part in this equation.

 

Personally I get mildly offended if a guy isn't getting hot for me by the end of the first night

 

and mostly for me the pissed off/turned off mark for a guy i'm actually into would be 3-4 dates, assuming we were still having lots of contact in between. But it's been anywhere between first date and 4 months for me. It all depends on the circumstance and the guy. Each one is different for me.

 

But as a teenager or someone with less relationship and sexual experience or more used to pre-texting days? I bet it varies even more. Nevermind cultural differences.

 

I think honestly this is one of those things that is just plain silly to try and quantify, any attempt to do so just makes the results kinda meaningless. We're all different, every relationship is different. The best rule of thumb is to stick to what you are comfortable with.

Edited July 2, 2013 by Archgirl

[SoulJazzBlues]

I'm not a guy. But what level of physical intimacy is happening?

 

I mean, if its just 'friendly', id probably cut my losses and move on. I cant put an arbitrary number that equals sex but you'd definitely want things to be progressing towards it.

[Mumbles]

I wouldn't be mad or bitter, but I would probably be openly dating other women (unless this girl was "the one") and I would also be skeptical as to why we were not intimate yet.

 

Yep to this. Theres no way in my world that a newly minted 'couple' can have the monogamy speech with each other if they've not even had sex yet.

 

I'd be out there getting my share whilst being perfectly happy at the same time seeing where things progress to with the new girl.

 

 

I realize everyone has their pacing. What I would never do is try to push her into it or kind of, pressure her into sleeping with me sooner. I would never put that kind of pressure on a woman. It's her body.

 

Yep, absolutely.

 

Just because I need a lot of physical intimacy shouldn't be a lever for a new lady to feel pressured. We'll get there when we get there, if we're meant to get there at all. In the meantime you get to spend some lovely dates with a girl you clearly enjoy the company of.

 

By the same token, any lady who gets upset with me multiple dating when they are not committing themselves is just wasting my time - I'm done with physically and/or mentally uptight and prudish/puritan types - my world just isn't like this (any more) and we'd likely not have a long bright future together if this is the case.

[L1ght]

Women like you need to realise something. Now I don't say that to be insulting at all but I just wanna get this point out of the way. The first thing a guys wants is sex and that's the bottom line. The longer you make a guy wait for it the more chance there is of him looking for it somewhere else. This is especially true the older a guy gets because for us we know that we can never really commit to someone until we know what it feels like to be intimate with them.....once the sex is out of the way that's when people get a better indication of whether or not they want to invest themselves into building a relationship with someone. Certain factors of course need to be taken into consideration like, how long have two people known each other? were they friends?, are they work colleagues? see each other at the gym? what form of dialogue do they already have or how long it will take them be able to communicate with each other openly? did they meet in a club where the first interaction they had was grinding up against each other(generally guaranteed to up in bed with each other at the end of the night), or were they complete strangers who made eye contact walking down the street and decided to have coffee with each other(surely this would take the longest time because you don't even know what its like to communicate with each other yet).

So basically once a guy is green lit to show his advances towards a girl which go beyond the realm of friendly conversation(which shouldn't take too long once an open form of dialogue has been established) then we pretty much expect to sleep with you within the next 2 dates......any more than that and we start to feel like our efforts are not being recognised or appreciated, that maybe she is indecisive, maybe she isn't really into it, that she wants us to commit to her without having sex with her(generally experienced men know that this is the time to walk away because they will realise that she doesn't understand that committing to someone without being intimate with them is not a realistic at all).

So yeah.....Sex is something we expect and if we don't see a green light to go for it with you then we will look for it somewhere else.

[Lansing]

I would have a problem waiting assuming that I didn't feel like the girl was playing games with me... If she expressed her concerns and reasons, etc.

 

When I was younger I ended up getting myself into a few dating situations where I didn't "move things along" quick enough and I think the girls got the sense that I just wasn't interested enough... I learned my lesson eventually from those experiences and now as a guy I feel like it is safer usually to "try to soon" then to try too late...

 

OP, if this is a specific situation maybe explain a bit more... If I met a really cool girl that just wasn't ready yet I wouldn't have a problem waiting at ll..

[Southern Cal Dude]

I'd be gone after date 3. Women who are highly into you don't make you wait for sex. Actions speak louder than words.

[samsungxoxo]

I'd be gone after date 3. Women who are highly into you don't make you wait for sex. Actions speak louder than words.

Seems like an overgeneralization. So basically I have to be ready right on the 2nd-3rd date of meeting a total stranger I just like and don't even know if I'm going to seriously commit to him (he wouldn't even be my bf by then)?

 

I don't like the idea acting like a liberal Hollywood that is ready for sex in the next week. Too early. Even one month is relatively early too.

 

In the old times, people would take months before it even got into relationship status, not days nor weeks. I like many male celebrities and think highly of some of them but does that mean I want to have sex with them? Nope....

[Southern Cal Dude]

Seems like an overgeneralization. So basically I have to be ready right on the 2nd-3rd date of meeting a total stranger I just like and don't even know if I'm going to seriously commit to him (he wouldn't even be my bf by then)?

 

I don't like the idea acting like a liberal Hollywood that is ready for sex in the next week. Too early. Even one month is relatively early too.

 

In the old times, people would take months before it even got into relationship status, not days nor weeks. I like many male celebrities and think highly of some of them but does that mean I want to have sex with them? Nope....

 

 

Women have casual sex all the time and also have sex early on...if they're highly attracted to the guy. Life's too short to take things slow. This isn't the old times. We have to live in 2013, not 1953. This is how things work these days. Part of being successful is adapting to changes and the dating world is no different.

[samsungxoxo]

OP, it's ok not many guys will wait anymore nowadays. I might as well be single if most of them are expecting us to already jump into bed in way less than a month.

 

Sometimes I'm very close to giving up on relationships, let alone dating. It's like the species I'm looking for is almost dying. Maybe I'm too late I guess.

[samsungxoxo]

Women have casual sex all the time and also have sex early on...if they're highly attracted to the guy. Life's too short to take things slow. This isn't the old times. We have to live in 2013, not 1953. This is how things work these days. Part of being successful is adapting to changes and the dating world is no different.

I don't care about the year. It can be 2020 for all I care and I don't want casual sex with random strangers.

I guess I should give up is that it and be single if everyone is going to have casual sex??? The man I'm looking for is almost extinct anyway. What I'm looking for is like finding a needle in a haystack.

 

I'm a 26 year-old woman with a low number of 1 (my then bf).

Edited July 2, 2013 by samsungxoxo

[Estate]

Say you really enjoyed her company and thought she was both attractive and interesting. Would you be annoyed with not having sex by dates 10-14? Would you even think to be in a relationship with her BEFORE having sex?

 

Just taking a quick poll If you have any other comments feel free to share!

 

I mean, if there was some sort of clearly explained and expressed reason for it then maybe I could be understanding if I liked her and her reasons were legit.

 

But if it's just like an elephant in the room then she'd just come off as a woman with an agenda and I really couldn't go along with it personally.

[Southern Cal Dude]

I don't care about the year. It can be 2020 for all I care and I don't want casual sex with random strangers.

I guess I should give up is that it and be single if everyone is going to have casual sex??? The man I'm looking for is almost extinct anyways. What I'm looking for is like finding a needle in a haystack.

 

 

And yet women have casual sex with random strangers all the time. If you're going on 1 date a week, the 3rd date is 3 weeks in. That's enough time to gauge interest. No one is forcing you to have sex with anyone. But any guy with options is not going to stick around for countless weeks with no sex.

[starrynightz45]

No earlier than a few months into an actual, established, monogamous relationship. Period. No exceptions. I guess the length of time really depends on comfort level. Sex is not something casual to me.

 

After 3 dates? Yea right. I don't sleep with strangers. Three dates is NOTHING.

[samsungxoxo]

And yet women have casual sex with random strangers all the time. If you're going on 1 date a week, the 3rd date is 3 weeks in. That's enough time to gauge interest. No one is forcing you to have sex with anyone. But any guy with options is not going to stick around for countless weeks with no sex.

I know and that leaves me to date the awkward guy many woman would probably not give him the time of he day, the one that might not even be good looking and slightly overweight.

I'm coming to the point I don't care anymore if he lacks some social skills. Maybe I was meant to be with him. Seems that's the only choice nowadays and there is no middle ground. It's between either the extremely extroverted typical stud or the awkward one that stutters in some sentences. I'll take the awkward one.

[RogerWallace111]

I don't know if mad is the word. For me it would be about the principle of the thing. I mean, if I were completely sprung on a chick but some outside factor (magic spell, etc) prevented me from ****ing her for six months I could deal with it. But if she simply wasn't allowing it for whatever personal reason or as some kind of game-playing I'd be out.

 

But the main thing, as others have said- I just can't imagine a situation where I'd be actively spending that much time with a girl without the chemistry having gotten too overwhelming to fight. After probably the third time of hanging out, I would know if I saw some real overall potential, physical potential, or just wasn't into her. The latter, things wouldn't proceed, the second we'd be f*cking that night, and the first- we'd do it between then and the next few dates, with any prolonging being a mutually fun tease of delaying the inevitable.

[samsungxoxo]

No earlier than a few months into an actual, established, monogamous relationship. Period. No exceptions. I guess the length of time really depends on comfort level. Sex is not something casual to me.

You think like me too. Sad to hear how many young people in this generation treat sex as if it were a pair of socks you can replaced the next day. It's also something too personal and intimate to me. I'm not going to give him my body because I like him and he's cute. He wants it so badly then he can find himself the female equivalent of him.

After 3 dates? Yea right. I don't sleep with strangers. Three dates is NOTHING.

Same here and if you should see how the men changed their views towards us if we were to do that. They don't want to be in a serious relationship with women that put out quickly but yet still complained if we're taking our time.

[Southern Cal Dude]

You think like me too. Sad to hear how many young people in this generation treat sex as if it were a pair of socks you can replaced the next day. It's also something too personal and intimate to me. I'm not going to give him my body because I like him and he's cute. He wants it so badly then he can find himself the female equivalent of him.

Same here and if you should see how the men changed their views towards us if we were to do that. They don't want to be in a serious relationship with women that put out quickly but yet still complained if we're taking our time.

 

 

3 dates isn't early. 1st date, yes I'd agree with you. And considering the casual sex women have, there's no reason for there to be no sex by date 3. I'm sorry, but a guy with options is not sticking around waiting for sex while she secretly has a FB or FWB.